UNBELIEVABLE

at 24 hours NC, keep up the good work. Just a spin on what your Mom said, could she have meant that if you live with your N, you would basically be sharing or living with all the other women, not physically living with them but emotionally living with them? Don't know your Mom but thinking about it when we get involved with a N or anyone that has OW or is married, etc, we are involved with all (sort of like triangulation but with narcs they have more than 1 or 2 usually so its more like hexogonation (yes made up word) lol)

MY nmother said this to me, when i wanted to leave myexnh, she said, he puts up with alot from you, you should stay where you are and be thankfull someone wants you.... TRANSLATION....I DON'T WANT YOU TURNING UP ON MY DOORSTEP,AND MESSING WITH MY LIFE.....WOW, THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT MUM....

"I couldn't believe my mother's response to the situation, telling me that I needed to reconsider and see if I could live with all the other women!" Wow. I'm at a loss for words here.

Your mother sounds lovely!!! Our lovely parents cause us many issues!! My mother says similar things. I've come to realize she not going to be a mom, she can't! Now I just keep conversation limited and discuss the weather. He's in Chicago, hmmmmm should I hunt him down??? No Contact for you!!! Hunter

Good one! I know your words are so true! The emotional vulnerability is everything! Not easy to toughen up but no choice.

I too am a strong woman.....which both exnh and exn so admired and told me so....then procceded to try and break me....they didnt succed... they had FRIGGEN GOOD TRY...they find women with strenght and morals and do all they can to bring her down....it makes them feel, MANLY!!!!!!

Hunter is right, they pick strong women. They pick good, caring often very morally concious women. This isn't a "feel good" thing we tell ourselves here, it's TRUE. Never forget that. You'll find many, many women just like yourself here.....these azzclowns seem to think they deserve the best. love~ Layla

What you are going through is perfectly normal, under the circumstances. I went through the same thing. I own my own business, have an MBA, used to have 150 people working for me, and it goes on and on... What you will learn is that that is exactly why he chose you, so he could feed off your accomplishments to make himself look better. Still makes me want to vomit saying that, but it's true. Put the $900 in an envelope and drop it in the mail. You're going to be preoccupied with it and use it as a means for contact until you resolve it. No note, nothing. Don't text, email, call. Don't answer anything. Block him at each possible point of contact and be done with it. It is the ONLY way to get beyond this and start to work your way back toward the person he destroyed. You can do it and it will get better, but only without him.

YOU OWE HIM NOTHING!!!! He will dangle that $900.00 over your head like a carrott. If you want to talk PM me and Ill give you my phone number. Im sorry call a thearpist asap. Lets fast track this recovery before it gets worse. The pick strong women as a challange. Hunter

my heart is hurting for you. But here it is: IT WILL ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS IF YOU CONTINUE WITH THIS GUY. Of course it's "your fault" and "your problem" for not trusting him and he's oh so tired of it. HERE'S MORE: YOU WILL NOT TAKE THAT ON! It is not your fault nor your problem. It's HIS! Aimee, we have a little trick here that helps us see clearly and is a time-tested indicator of the truth: DO THE ACTIONS MATCH THE WORDS? In this case the answer is clearly NO. He is telling you you're the only one but SHOWING YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT. Don't play that game any more. I am so relating to your putting notes in his pocket and shoes, etc. I recall doing the same thing in desperation. YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT NORMAL OR REQUIRED FOR A NON-DISORDERED PERSON. If you think it made him feel guilty, think again. IT GAVE HIM SUPPLY. Please read all you can on this forum beginning with Lisa's blogs...scroll through the pages to get to the early ones and THINGS WILL CLICK WITH YOU BIG TIME! Knowledge is power and you will find that you have a lot of power to stop being manipulated by a liar, user and loser. Slowly, you will stop being twisted up in knots and frantic and panicked. Please believe me. The tools are right here and within you. He targeted you because you're a great, valuable person and you have been great supply for him. Now that you are asking questions and listening to your gut, he's engaging with you less and less. This will continue if you let it. The treatment gets worse once they know you saw the mask slip. DON'T ALLOW IT! We will help you. Amiee, I apologize for making this so long but my heart is so hurting for you because I know the confusion and pain you are in. I also know the relief, strength, peace and yes, joy, that comes when you stop engaging in the disordered one's dance, stop feeding the beast and start focusing on yourself. No Contact is the key. Come here instead of text him. I hope this helps some, dear Amiee. Sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE ME

He doesn't feel guilt - no need to when you feel entitled to everything, do whatever you want, and don't care about anything that potentially gets in your way. What will he do? Blame you, push you away, make you feel more like shit, text you that he's sorry, regain your trust, get you back in bed, kick you out of that same bed, tell you you don't care/trust/are too emotional/have no right to expect anything from him. You'll step away from him again, shaking your head, confused, "but I thought...", "but you said...". He'll hang with someone else for a while then start the cycle all over again, but only IF YOU LET HIM!!! You know what he is and the only thing to do about it is to walk away. If not, more of the same.

NEXT... Easy, Silence..... This will dive you completely nuts causing you to call text, want annswers, have a complet meltdown then he can call you the crazy one.. Dont give him the satifaction. If you want the last word (I cant believe im telling you to how to set off a psychopath) Call him a Psychopath, narcissisit, with now soul, Tell him hes not perfect, Ugly and not that great in the sack. Hang up and never speak to him again. However after those truths you most likely wont hear from him for a while. And What DS said. Hunter

ewww amiee..they never feel guilt because they have no amygdala in their brain. They do not have conscience, do not have remorse, do not have guilt, do not have regret.. they are for themselves ONLY. It is the truth. hard to digest..but that's the way it is. The further we fight or question we are digging our own pit deeper ( I did so). he did not call you simply because he wished to save his cents for calling new targets. i can see that you have gotten to the Devaluation phase. and this phase is completely independent of what you did or did not do. Even a devout wife/gf who never questions and is always available and amiable...gets exactly same way cheated by a narc .. unavoidable. hope you take my message in the correct spirit..and try to LEAVE even before the jerk returns and further mindf***s you.