Thinking of leaving the forum

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#1 Sep 13 - 2PM
needing2know
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Thinking of leaving the forum

You all have been so wonderful, and I have had many questions answered , I have realized that even though my Ex has and does have traits of a Narc/bpd,(more bpd) I think I am safe to say I won't be bothered by him anymore, he got rid of me and I really feel that I will not have any trouble, (never did in the past with him coming after me)

I have read many posts about what exes have said to you and I have to say that allot of it I never heard come out of my ex's mouth. So it just makes me wonder if I should really be here, I know what he did and said to me and I admit something is very off with him, maybe he is just a royal JackASS. I feel like I am just wasting everyone's time, maybe it's just something else making me feel this way I don't know. 7 weeks NC and once again I feel like I'm losing my mind!

Sep 14 - 3AM
Journey
Journey's picture

Glad you have decided to

Glad you have decided to stay. Sorry to just be catching up now with this thread, but want to say that my exN also hasn't done or said many of the more narc-like things I read here from others. But, I've definitely needed to be here, to learn and understand all the confusing behavior that he DID do. 7 weeks NC is great! Congratulate yourself and stay strong! ((hugs))

Journey on...

Sep 13 - 8PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

I don't want you to leave...

But if you do, please visit a site called "Baggage Reclaim". It's www.baggagereclaim.uk.co If you want support doing NC, this is a great site. They send you an email almost every day that is great. It's not geared towards narcissism. It's basically geared towards relationships that must end with NC for one reason or another. I have gotten a lot out of it despite the fact that I KNOW I have been dealing with a huge N jackass. Just a suggestion if you feel like you're not getting what you need here. We will miss you!
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #49)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

julianmarie

thank you for the website, Im staying right here, I need to be here, i don't have trouble keeping NC, just major meltdowns seem to hit me from nowhere! Thank you!
Sep 13 - 7PM
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Oh hell no...

Don't you dare. You know why. Shit, DLB, at least stick around to see if I make it to day 6 this time... I am here for you, regardless of your choice - as you have been there for me. You have made a difference in my life - I want you to know that. xoxo
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #30)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

MY DLB /unfreakin real

Where the hell were you with everyone else when I had a melt down today lol But I did have a light go off , if you read through lol I will be here for your day 6 and many more! I love all you guys here.
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #31)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I am so sorry..

:( Was at work, really busy day and was in the zone all day long. Read through the rest of it and I am so happy. Damn, girl. xoxo
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #47)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

had AWESOME support today!

had AWESOME support today!
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

I kinda figured you were at

I kinda figured you were at work lol no worries! melt down over for now , till the next one strikes me out of no where like this one did! how is your NC going? No texting I hope, or visiting?
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #33)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Hell no.

Am standing my ground. NC since Saturday lunch time. Feeling good but so damn angry at him. Who does that kind of shit to other people? I know the anger serves no purpose but I am really upset with it all today. Suck the life out of you day after day and then discard you as if you were nothing. I gave this fucker everything I had to give as a person because he said he needed help. Now he is asking again for help. "I have nobody to talk to, I am so confused, I need you, I have never met anyone like you, please can we talk, we are such great friends, I miss talking to you, I just want a hug, do you need me to bring you anything?" It is taking everything I have to not respond, even have my phone turned off. Sure honey, come on over so you take what's left of my self esteem. Find somebody else already!!!! Why don't they stop when you have made it clear that they are not the one for you? My fault I guess for letting him come back so many times.
Sep 14 - 7AM (Reply to #46)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

freakin

Not your fault honey. "Why don't they stop when you have made it clear that they are not the one for you?" Ok, again, I find myself repeating myself: This is a BIG RED FLAG! They have NO BOUNDARIES AT ALL! Rest assured you are dealing with a disordered one when they attempt to hoover and don't take NC or No for an answer. It is without a doubt. Stay NC!!!! No matter what he says. He's walking all over your boundaries, waiting for you to open the door so he can TRAMPLE you! Hold on!!!
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #35)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

The only thing I cannot say

The only thing I cannot say is that I have to deal with him still being around, he isn't bothering me like allot of people here are being bothered. So i don't know what thats like.
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #36)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I feel really stupid

I feel really stupid today. And hurt and angry and empty and useless. A complete waste of time that I now have to dig myself out from under. I am a good a decent person and would do anything for anyone. This is what I get?
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #37)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

un freakin real

This is what we all got, we didn't deserve this or ask for this, non of us did, I am just so thankful for everyone here and this place! It has helped me so much! The only thing any of us did wrong is we were All DLB's that's it, but how long do guys think we should take their shit! Even the men here shouldn't put up with the shit the Narc females dish out, everyone has a breaking point, now we just have to have our meltdowns and GET IT!
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Maybe that's it...

Maybe I am just in the process of GETTING IT. The ugliness of the truth is shocking.
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #40)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

I's ganna take us a while,

I's ganna take us a while, but Ihave faith in all of us! WE WILL GET IT! But like I said I don't have the issue of him contacting or anything,so i can only help you to stay away , talk to me or any of us instead of him!
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #41)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

And stay away I will...

I made huge changes in my life because I believed that we would spend the rest of our lives together. It frightens me that when I am finally at the point I want to be, it will be at that moment that he shows up and tells me that it is exactly what he wants. I know in my heart he is going to do this and if I go back to him one more time, if even for a moment, I may never recover. I have to be NC, there is no other choice.
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #42)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

I will be here for you just

I will be here for you just like everyone else! Put your cell phone in the trunk of your car and leave it there. Maybe that will help with the urge to text.
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #43)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I don't want to contact him.

And that is the honest truth. Look at the new thread I posted - it will explain. I am so grateful for you and everyone here.
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #44)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Today just seems to be shitty

Today just seems to be shitty all the way around
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #45)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

For damn sure :)

For damn sure :)
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #38)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Also I strongly believe what

Also I strongly believe what comes around goes around!
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #34)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

i think this STUPID ASS FULL

i think this STUPID ASS FULL MOON had to do with how we are feeling, yesturday was the day the narc. did the contacts to so many here and today allot of us are depressed and having meltdowns, what the hell! Oh I can't wait to see how it is on HALLOWEEN when ALL THE CRAZIES ARE OUT IN COSTUME!
Sep 13 - 7PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Needing 2 know

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you call their affliction, what does matter is how it's affected you. Our feelings fluctuate during this process, we go up and down but the road to healing is a long one...un managed mood disorders can also leave victims in a state of flux. Early in my recovery, I had to step away at times for a little while just to get away from the over saturation; however, I will say, this forum helped me tremendously and is one of the few safe places for support. I wish you all the best; however, PAIN is pain, no one's greater or less than another's and if you are struggling I'd say the worst thing you could do is turn away from others who 'get it' and will support you through the rough times...this process is not easy to say the least and I have found that many on the outside don't get it. I wish you well. All the best... Michele115
Sep 13 - 8PM (Reply to #28)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Michele115

thank you so much!
Sep 13 - 3PM
Used
Used's picture

needing2know

why would you leave the forum? you are in pain from this man, i wont put a label on him b/c he doesnt need to have a label put on him for you to be here.. he hurt you enough, for you to come here,and now you are here ,please stay....everybodys pain ,story, length of time , brief time, with them is important to each and eveyone of us...pain is pain...grief is grief...to us all,you have as much right to be here as anyone does....used
Sep 13 - 3PM (Reply to #26)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Thank you! I will stay, I

Thank you! I will stay, I need to be here, it just seems like the more I read here the more depressed I get.Maybe because i am realizing IT WASN"T ME! My ex husband even on his WORST drinking cocained up days didn't hurt me like this. But maybe because I knew why that realtionship had to end I had closer and I don't wth this one and I know I will NEVER get it. But I do know I didn't do this he did.
Sep 13 - 2PM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

You Don't Have to Qualify!

He doesn't have to have a label in order for you to be here. It's about our recovery from crazy people who create craziness in our lives. Their crazy makes us feel like we are losing our minds! Do you feel like the patterns and the behaviors you read about here are similar to your situation? I am constantly amazed. It's a safe place here. I crave it - I need to read and vent and process. It's comforting to me. Validating. Stay if it's been helpful. Don't leave if you think we can help. Why do you feel like you are losing your mind? If you feel like it, tell us what you are feeling.
Sep 13 - 3PM (Reply to #24)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Pride and Shame

This place has been a good place for me. I cannot explain why I feel like I'm losing my mind! I am Angry , sad, and in TOTAL DISBELIEF! and I know this is NORMAL but it feels so wrong!
Sep 13 - 2PM
Layla
Layla's picture

Being here is ABOUT YOU- NOT HIM!

Why hello! I had to get an order of protection against my abuser N husband to finally get rid of him.....No Contact has been the EASIEST thing in the whole world for me!!! My abuser wants me back!!! NO FREAKING WAY!!! I come here because I am FINALLY done with the roller coaster....to read, to learn, to be reminded, to help others....all these things the forum offers are reasons I am here....I am NOT WEAK, nor do I WANT my abuser back.... Why shouldn't you be here? You aren't wasting MY time! My abuser is a N/ASPD person, who is a violent alcoholic. I was with him for 8 years. He has been gone 3 months. I have A LOT of healing to do....we all do!!! Please stay with us! Let's get through this and be whole again!! love~ Layla
Sep 13 - 2PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Everyone’s experience varies

Everyone’s experience varies here. Going NC and staying NC for the long haul, can be very hard. Let us help you when you need us. I am sorry for any pain you’ve gone through.