The subject of the NARC refusing to answer the phone after he calls or texts you

Mine did this sort of thing. He'd call and then not be available for my returned call soon after. Or we'd be texting or he'd be sending me pictures from his trip and then I'd call but he wouldn't answer. Well, in my case I found out that when this happened, it was because he was with another woman. He could text me right in front of her, (lying to her about whom he was texting and lying to me about whom he was with on that vacation) but couldn't talk. Weird phone behavior is very often a sign of infidelity.

This is the kind of post that seems trivial enough but is sooo helpful. This one small thing like phone control issues. I could not figure out wtf his deal was. He will call me, then doesn't leave a voicemail, then I call back and he won't answer or will answer only to cut the conversations short. Or if I call, he will not answer then text me and say what do you want. He decides that we don't need to talk on the phone and that we should only text. Honestly, I lost my patience with this crap. We have child and I am not texting you about "life", real life stuff. We are not in middle school! I actually now ignore his dictatorial rules and pick up the phone and when he answers ( or doesn't I leave a message)I say "I am not playing games with you. Can you just be normal. ". I refuse to play your game and then he and I will talk about what needs to be discussed and it is done. God he hates that. Oh well. And why all the phone drama. Between the phone control, the covert texting of other women, etc... these guys should be denied cell phones on the basis of lack of maturity to handle them.

The ex-Psych professor had rules about calling him- 1)I was FORBIDDEN to end conversations with "have a nice day" or "have a nice evening",it HAD to be an emotionless "bye" or "goodbye" 2)I called him, but he NEVER called me I'd leave him voice messages, and it was infuriating that he'd NEVER call me back, even when the concerns were purely academic. I remember bringing that up with him, with the "I guess I'm not important enough for you to call me back?" I had been his "phone friend." What was weird was his answering machine. He had this bland, emotionless, monotonous tone intoning his phone number... not even GIVING HIS NAME. Most normal people give their names when you get into voice mail. In my senior year, I made the "mistake" of calling him after 9 pm (it was 9:30, not some ungodly hour)... and he got angry. I think it's because the OW had moved in with him. Then, during the D&D, he FORBADE me from calling him at home (I assumed he wanted me to call him at work) Then he talked about calling someone at midnight... in retrospect, he must've meant the OW. The ex-P had an LDR with the OW thru email and over the phone. Definitely the means to control someone.

After the initial D&D there were no phone calls, ever. Only texts. I would call and say, "Hi, wanted to talk a bit. Please call me" and he would text me right back and say, "Hi, baby. What's up?" Now I know a bunch of these times he was with someone else and of course couldn't answer, but it came to be every single time, even when he was standing outside the house by himself. I would call him and he wouldn't answer. I would watch as he looked at his phone, waited a minute, listened to my message and then TEXTED ME BACK. Very, very strange. Also, his phone calls and texts came in CONSTANTLY. I mean, every minute his phone rang. On his last birthday, I had broken up with him and he begged me back. I was really pissed about the phone calls and texts and his female friends not knowing about me, etc. so we were in this interesting situation where we went to the lake to feed the ducks on his birthday. Whenever the phone rang, I said, "Answer it," and I think he felt pressure to answer and "show me" that he wasn't messing around with anyone. So here are the calls he got in a half hour: 1. His brother 2. His first girlfriend, who he always calls Braless Girl because she has never worn a bra in her life. 3. His other brother 4. His brother's girlfriend 5. His former fiancee. He talks to her every day and told me three years ago that she knew about me. I had my ear next to his head while he was on the phone, and when she asked, "Are you at the lake by yourself?" he said, "I"m with my girlfriend," and you could hear a pin drop on the other end before she exclaimed, "Your GIRLFIEND?!? Since when do you have a girlfriend?" He said, "I'll call you later." I think that was the longest hour of his life--when he felt compelled to answer the phone in front of me.

one time, he chatted me on FB....and after talking about himself, he asked about me. And as I was typing my response, he literally went offline!!! WTF is that all about??!!!! Hysterical. Total minda game and lack of any respect for another person!! HE WILL NEVER GET IT!!! Doesn't think he is doing anything wrong! Totally twisted!

Mine could not stand to be alone for one minute. He had to always be talking to someone or texting them. So, if he was out to dinner with someone and they went to the bathroom or something, he had to text a bunch of people so that he didn't feel alone. So I know when he texted me I was one of three or four in a minute or two, and if I texted him back after his friend came back to the table, that was it until he got home or until the next day. He would also go out to smoke when he was out places with people, and if there was no one else out smoking that he could talk to he would call someone or text them. Once the cigarette was done, he'd go back inside and no longer need the fix. They ALWAYS have, I think,a half dozen calls and texts into people so that there is always someone right there, calling or texting back. They don't call or text because they are thinking of us and wanting to talk to us, but just to keep it going at all times, with every person. Of course, it's all about control. Everything is.

Yep! Same thing. I was having a LDR with a narc who called me every day, sometimes several times a day early on in the relationship. Then I started to notice that the calls became less frequent and he only called me when he was commuting home. My phone would ring around 5:30-6 and it was Andy. Like clockwork. Then - sometimes for 45 minutes or more - I'd have to listen to what he thought were the hugely fascinating details of his day. Sensing that he was talking only about himself, he'd ask "so how was YOUR day?" and when I'd begin to tell him, he'd cut me off with "I've got to take this call" or "here's my exit" or "I've got to call you back" (no reason given). And of course, he never would. When I questioned him about it, he'd always have some excuse like "I thought it would be too late to call you back" or "it was a longer call than I expected" or "I had to meet my son for dinner." Funny thing... early on during the courting stage, he never worried about calling me too late! Also, if I called HIM back later, it always went into his voicemail. So I got tired of being his "phone friend" and having him cancel visits at the last minute and finally told him two weeks ago not to contact me anymore. And that was that! Phew. It's all about the control.

Used to happen to me all the time. Sometimes we were talking and quite appruptly he would say "I have to go, I'll call you back" and he never would. We would also make arrangements to meet and he wouldn't show, no texts, no calls. It's extremely passive/aggressive, but that was his method of choice. If he didn't want to talk to you, he would simply not respond.

I would call mine on the way home from work but that was his alone time so he would purposely not answer the phone... would say he didn't hear it. one day I decided to pick up dinner rather than make it so I called him to see what he wanted... he didn't pick up his phone so I just didn't get him anything. He threw SUCH a hissy fit that night. Now this just makes me laugh.

being held hostage emotionally. had never encountered this until him. Did it all the time sometimes would go as long as 2 days before turning phone back on. Always some insult or accusation. Mine always acted like nothing had ever happened. he was such a sweeper.