When I reconnected with mine and we were in the idealization phase we would talk all day long for a few months. Now I look back the beginning of the D&D was when he stopped taking my phone calls. I mean he will not talk to me on the phone. Only texts. See my thread called texting. Yet would still profess his love for me thru a text message. I think they like texting because that way they can control the conversation. They can answer the questions they want to answer and not answer the ones they dont. When they feel like punishing you they just dont return your text. I read that ignoring someone is always a control tactic.
Really it all makes sense: Haven't you ever wondered why these people dont just say Its over or I dont want to talk to you or Im sorry it didnt work for us but its over or you ask a tough question that has a yes or no answer. Have you ever noticed they will side step it? Its becuase if they give you an answer that gives you a resolution and closure which = Loss of control. They can no longer dominate and control you. They always want to keep you wondering and trying. They give you just enough indulgence to keep you jumping thru the hoops and trying harder. It make them feel special. Sick!
Same happened with me... when we reconnected he wanted to be in constant contact all day long.
I can respect that someone may not be a phone person, or perhaps there is a particular reason... but the key here is absolutely no communication. They just don't pick up the phone.
Narcs are not capable of adult conversations.
especially conversations where they are gonna asked hard questions that will produce a resolution. Much better for them to hide behind text messages with a bunch of double speak and ambuguity. They really are just all alike! Some small variations from situation to situation but pretty much the same.
Im starting to realize that when we stop calling and texting it really does kill them though they will never let you know it. Its like the silence says to them. You are no longer in control Narc. I am. I know No contact is supposed to be for us and not about getting back at them but I cant help but relish in the fact that he may be going "why isnt she calling? Am losing control? Oh no I cant be losing control. That would mean she knows Im a fraud"
Yeah... we had so many issues that could have been easily resolved in an adult relationship but he was unable to have these conversations. It was unbelievably frustrating. After we broke up, he brought a few issues to the surface that I didn't even know existed. It's hard enough being in a relationship but I think about how much more difficult it would have been if you threw in home ownership, children, illness, job loss, etc. to the mix.
No contact is for you, but have some fun knowing it is probably driving him a little crazy :)
Same here.
Used to tell me to call him or txt me then wouldn't answer the phone. Since found out that he used to stand in the pub with his beer drinking buddies and when I called, bare in mind he'd asked me to, he used to raise eyebrows to them and say 'oh she's calling me AGAIN!!'
I thought I was the only one!! It made me absolutely insane and so mad when he would not respond back when HE initiated the contact!! What a jerk!! I called him on it several times and he knew how rude I thought it was, but he never changed that behavior. Wow, everyday I get new aha moments on this site!! 14 days NC today!!!! Woop woop!!
yep n used to text and say text back and i will phone you, i would text back, then wait and wait, so phone him back, he had turned his phone off, when i would ask him why he done it, he would say i must have sat or leanened on phone,and turned it off, i would say, but you got the text i sent you ,my phone tells me when the person gets my texts, he said no i didnt get your text, so thought you didnt want to talk, i said you have just contradicted yourself again. i hate that i put up with all this, irealy do. i stopped phoning or texting him, and got him to delete my number, so that way this was one mind game he couldnt keep playing.
Did this all the time. Most maddeningly when he asked me to ring him to see how a job interview went but when I did he had switched phone off. Eventually found out it was because he was annoyed that I had sent him a good luck text that he thought was inane. I also had to call him back at the start of relationship because he did not have much credit on phone and he would not pick it up straight away.
Have to control every damn thing!
the NI went with use the phone to control me, it was insane, like he would limit me to one call a day because he said he did not have many minutes and was too cheap to get a plan with more minutes, he had the money to do so or if he was mad at me about anything and everything he would not answer the phone when i tried to call him and if i left a message ,as any normal person would do, he would get real angry and said i cost him some minutes since he had to retrieve the message. He had serious problems with how his mother brought him up, I swear on a Bible!
thankyou, that was just one of the things i ended up doing, after all i had 2 brilliant teachers, nmum, and over 30year married to ex n huband. but i was very disappointed in him, n, that i had to be like this, and myself because i even stayed in the game. out now, thank god.
yep
Ha, yes!
especially conversations
Ugh
Narc and refusing to answer the phone
OMG!!!
lisa
lisalisa. ...yep
Narcs phone activity is just a weir as they are
using the phone as a control technique
used, loved what you did with the two phones
on withmylife