This is so vain

Went to BJ shopping for Easter. My N was Latino. There were so many Latino men shopping there. And I guess I looked good as they were checking me out. It felt good. But then I thought why would my N not want me? And then I had urge to text him and say whenever u want me I am here. I don't care that ur with OW. What is this about? How can these urges even enter my mind? It's a nice day here. I with my family. And I start thinking of him n desiring him? The urge has passed, I guess it's that weekend stuff, wondering what he us up to n old fantasy n fake man enter my mind. One of his fave things is going to Auto show in NYC. He was to bring me this year.