Sexual Dysfunction

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#1 Aug 17 - 11AM

Scoop

Sexual Dysfunction

I would be interested if anyone else narc suffered from a sexual dysfuntion .Mine did and although we would have sex constantly it was over very quickly .I wondered if there where any studies done in sexual dysfunction and personality disorders .
We never really talked about his problem and he thought he was the greatest lover in england so was his delusion .I was the model girlfriend saying it doesnt matter hoping it would get better but when i was "accused" of wanting sex all the time i did crack and said in a very polite way that he wasnt meeting my needs .He said he needs to work on his issue and nothing more was said about it . It was sweeped under the carpet .He even wrote me a email after the second D&D explaining why i like having sex with him so much WTF? He said "the reason you like having sex with me so much is because of my inner lesbian,and lesbian and cock is a good combination" .this was writen in responce to me crying down the phone to take me back .
One day i will put up the whole email for you all to enjoy , its a beautie !but i cant seem to do it yet as im still dealing with the shame of putting up with the freak for so long .
Peru x

#2 Nov 6 - 8AM

cynthia (not verified)

Porn and ED

sex addicts and porn addicts damage themselves by the constant masturbating, like my counselor said a man can masturbate maybe once a week or every two weeks for relief but mine assured me mine masturbated more than once a day and that is unhealthy and not normal it serves to fill his sick fantasies not so much for the relief. Mine told me he masturbated everynight before bed, why would you have a need to do that when you have a beautiful sexual partner? And so frequently? No wonder they have ED and other sexual issues. Popping in porn tapes and mast to them when he could have sex anytime with many beautiful women, NOT NORMAL and its a sick addiction.

#3 Nov 6 - 1PM (Reply to #61)

Barbara (not verified)

masturbation

is as close as they get to "having sex with themselves" - their ultimate dream! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#4 Nov 6 - 1PM (Reply to #62)

cynthia (not verified)

another twist

so if we told them to go fuck themselves they would like that right? ha ha

#5 Nov 6 - 1PM (Reply to #63)

Barbara (not verified)

LOL

yup! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#6 Nov 7 - 9AM (Reply to #64)

GhostBuster

Revealing song

There's a guy I know who is a big masturbator (and I suspect he could be an N/P) and one of his ex's is a lead singer and songwriter in a band. I listened to one of her songs one time and it was sooooo revealing. It's called "Go F Yourself"...but the chorus goes..."Go F Yourself. You're the only one who can please you."

#7 Nov 5 - 5PM

time_to_move_on

you know...

I read everyone's comments and I realise that yes, we all put up with freaks for so long, so I can understand what you mean about the shame Peru. With my ex, he'd be all over me in the pub, I can remember that one night doing a pub quiz someone was making jokes about us needing a hotel room. But I wanted to say to them, "yeah, he was head-butting my kitchen table yesterday, it may look all lovey-dovey now but it's just an act" or yelling at me in a hotel room/shouting at me because I stared at another man too long/or whatever he wanted to have a go at me for that day. He'd usually be awful then nice, or vice versa. Yuck. And yes, mine had sexual dsyfunction as well. I cannot believe that inner lesbian comment, where do they get their rubbish from? Argh.

#8 Nov 5 - 1PM

Scoop

As i said before my narc

As i said before my narc suffered from premature ejaculation , some times he couldnt even wate to realive him self and he would do so on my leg lol and i do lol because he never could or has been able to have sex properly . One week i sujested having a "kink " night as sex was getting really rubbish and although i didnt realise at the time it didnt really matter if i was there or not but i thought i would give an evening a go . I brought some underwear and i even said we could watch porn on the internet .We settled down with the computer and he was trying to find "zombie porn " what ever that is ? He ended up finding the most horrific pictures . (and im sorry for writing this as it is so horrific but i need to tell someone )he ended up finding a woman with a man using a chain saw on her down below . He thought it was funny and emailed this image to his friend . I was sick to my stomach and i got scared . I drank too much and we went to bed i said "i dont want to have sex sorry " and i went to sleep . The next morning he was loving as ever , we cuddled , talked and he made me breakfast in bed . By the evening he was telling me he didnt love me and that he never wanted sex with me the night before in fact he never wanted sex with me and "what are you still doing here with me? cant you get the message im not intrested in you ! " Oh yes this was all said five minutes after he gave me a long lingering kiss in the pub and a table full of people who had been in the pub all day started clapping and saying things like " they have the love " Its this sort of mixed messages that have driven me crazy . It was me who didnt want sex with him the night before, is this projection to say he didnt want it ? Is that what projection is ? A big D&D followed this evening when i accused him of being emotionaly abusive after he had had a drink . It IS emotional abuse to kiss someone one minute and the next tell them they dont love you .And he did it ALL the time . He kisses with one hand and hits with the other . Scoop x

#9 Nov 6 - 2PM (Reply to #58)

cynthia (not verified)

premature ejaculation

ha what a topic for a subject huh? ha ha Mine experienced that too, I stopped to rest (I always had to do the work) and just as I did he said, oops - after he was out of me he ejaculated, he said sorry thats never happened before YA RIGHT, I mean on top of all that you have to remember this was a man I saw like 4 times a year you would think I would have been new exciting stuff but yet he still had ED and problems sexually, the porn and prostitutes and excessive masturbation and whatever else he did has hindered his ability to have normal sex. I can just imagine what the live in girlfriend has to endure, my counselor was soooo right when he said he does not have her for sex, she is just a live in partner, he is not sexually interested in her and they probably have sex maybe once a month or when they go on vacation. Counselor told me what you have experience with him, the girlfriend also has the same treatment even worse because she is around 24-7, a warm body to come home to or snuggle up with at night so he is not alone. He was always asking me to get him viagra, wonder why the guy just didnt have his own script if he knows he has to have help in that area. I know one thing, he doesnt suffer from ED like normal men, its not a physical thing, its a mental thing from being such a sexual deviant. There is nothing more ironic than a sex addict that has ED thats like saying you want to play the piano when you have no fingers, ha ha He wanted me to tape myself having sex with another man then bring it to him so we could watch it together while we were having sex, he said it would be like all of us having sex together, need I say more..

#10 Nov 5 - 10PM (Reply to #57)

cynthia (not verified)

trying to hurt you

By the evening he was telling me he didnt love me and that he never wanted sex with me the night before in fact he never wanted sex with me eww I think his litle ego was injured when you went to sleep and told him no sex, so he was punishing you for your behavior. Projection? No, I think he was just trying to hurt you like saying, oh ya well I never wanted sex with you anyway. It IS emotional abuse to kiss someone one minute and the next tell them they dont love you, abuse yes but also really wacky behavior too, this is extreme emotional abuse on his part, fixing you breakfast in bed then turning into a monster at the end of the day, I dont find the porn chain saw entertaining one bit, I find it quite disturbing that he thinks it was funny, whatever happened to your sexy new underwear to make the evening tastefully kinky and fun? Not my idea of watching someone with a chainsaw near their genitals very exciting. He is disturbed and an extreme emotional abuser, wonder if he would find it funny to watch a chainsaw near a mans penis? Then you could laugh and send it to all your friends

#11 Nov 5 - 4AM

nolongerafixer

Sex was always at the forefront

Very interesting.........b4 what I thought was `making love` with my Nboyfriend, I would put on my sexy underwear and most men im sure would have been delighted but he never seemed to get turned on by `me`. It made me feel more and more inadequate. Even with me standing there provocatively he would remain limp and to erect him I would always have to perform oral or he would pop a porn movie on prior. More often than not he would always choose a lesbian film which was a turn off for me (not that im against lesbians but it didnt do anything for me). He would watch it right up to completion. Once, when id made an effort to make everything alluring and sexy for him prior to love making I was really irritated as he proceeded to put on a new lesbian dvd hed acquired. I asked him if we really needed it and that it wasnt a turn on for me and if he had to have one on could it at least be something that I might enjoy too. He went into a rage and was very nasty. He had no idea there were two of us to please. When on the act it sometimes annoyed him that he had to wait for me which also made me lose interest in my own pleasure. However he would want sex morning, noon and night albeit robotically and nine out of ten times from behind. And until I mentioned it he would sleep rape at least three times a week. I was exausted. Porn shops were a big thing for him. The following incident happened just before I found out that he was addicted to porn sites. There was a day when wed had his 6 year old son over . Wed had a `normal` fun family morning to the swimming baths, id just made sandwiches, jellies, cakes for lunch just finished playing a board game then balloon game and his son then sat in front of the tv to play on the xbox. Nice kiddies day! As I flopped back on to the settee with my Nboyfriend who had his laptop on his lap, he nudged me to look at loads of pictures of women being really degraded by more than one man from a porn site. They could all be watched like a DVD. Im not a prude but some of the stuff was not a turn on and I was so cross with him to have this on whilst his son was in the room even though he had know knowledge of it. I asked him out to the kitchen where I told him how wrong that was. Wrong place, wrong time, inappropriate. It was his son`s day. He said I was boring and a spoil sport and needed to lighten up a bit!

#12 Nov 5 - 6AM (Reply to #55)

Barbara (not verified)

what porn really does

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#13 Aug 26 - 6AM

sassyredhead

Impotence Secondary to Porn Addiction

Hi, Peru. It's interesting that you bring up this topic, as it was sexual dysfunction in my NH that led me to discover his 15 year (the entire length of our marriage) porn addiction, led me to join a board for wives and girlfriends of porn addicts and ultimately led me here when one of the wives on the board mentioned that her husband was completely remorseless (as mine is) for his porn addiction and had been diagnosed with NPD. I started researching NPD and was shocked to find that the traits described my NH perfectly! Looking back over my marriage and the things that NH has said to me: "boring in the bedroom," telling me to dress sexy all the time (even while doing housework), wanting/needing kinky sex in order to maintain an erection, wanting threesomes, wanting to swing, wanting more sex (even though I have a thyroid problem and my libido has been really low off and on) when we were having it at least four times per week already... I think of how my self-esteem suffered because of his pathology, his sexual addiction, his sexual dysfunction... feeling like I wasn't enough, feeling ugly and old (because he likes to look at barely legal teen girls)... Questioning his complete lack of empathy as to how his addiction makes me feel and his not only refusing to stop using porn, but justifying it every way possible, making ME feel bad for asking him to stop! I too wonder how many N's have sexual dysfunction; I am sure a lot of them do because they have no morals, no empathy and no remorse for the feelings of others. They do what they want when they want to - or don't do EVERYTHING they want to do simply because of being afraid of someone finding out and shattering their perfect image.

#14 Nov 5 - 10PM (Reply to #53)

cynthia (not verified)

same here

I think of how my self-esteem suffered because of his pathology, his sexual addiction, his sexual dysfunction... feeling like I wasn't enough, But remember it was never you, it was their sexual deformity that made us feel that way. I always thought too why am I not enough to please you, well ok then I will take myself elsewhere then where someone would LOVE to be in my soul presence, and enjoy being with just me instead of some wacko freak who will never appreciate or have the brains to know what they have right in front of them because they are sexually damaged. I dont want to be with someone who is sexually messed up and perverted, I am too good for that and so are you, let them go to their hookers who they can pay to tolerate their sickness

#15 Aug 26 - 8AM (Reply to #50)

insectt (not verified)

yup

I think most N's have sexual dysfunction. The difference between a healthy individuls maybe fantasizing about something and an N is that an N feels ENTITLED to get "what they want, when they want to"..AND with no empathy to how it makes their partner(s) feel. I still live with my N. I am working on moving out. It makes it easier for me because he currently is with his new victim every single night and all weekend, for the last two months now. So I pretty much have the house to myself. Yay! Anyway, he CLAIMS this new girl "is different somehow", that "he won't treat her the way he treated others" and that if he is FORCED (haha he actully USED the word FORCED) into a 'one on one realtionship' that he needs to be careful who he picks for that. So, after supposedly realizing he acts like an ass and wants to 'change' he emails me yesterday and wants a threesome! Of course, I didn't even respond. So, here is this poor new victim, who is a mother of one, thinking she has just met the man of her dreams. Yeah..the 'man of her dreams' is emailing the woman he lives with saying he wants a threesome. So much for 'changing' Mr. N. I guess he feels as long as she doesn't 'find out' that he has changed. I hope you are reading this, cupcake...THEY DON'T CHANGE. And eventually, when 'real life' sets in (in months or years..it doesn't really matter), he will begin treating her the way he has treated everyone else. It's pathological, they can't help it.

#16 Aug 26 - 8AM (Reply to #51)

cynthia (not verified)

threesome

thats all mine ever wanted, bet they feel grand too two women at the same time wanting him to service them, and visa versa, that is the love they seek, real substantial huh? i AM SURE they orchestrate the whole thing too, ok now you suck this while she is doing that, now do her while I watch, I NEVER participated in anything like that with him and that is why he pretty much discarded me, gee to think what I missed (lol) That was the last few contact I had with him inviting me down to be with he and his girlfriend in his new million dollar playboy mansion, his house of ill -repute I call it. He told me my girlfriend would do you in a minute, gee I am so flattered, i can hardly wait to go down on her myself while you watch and jerk off NO THANK YOU, when you met me I wasnt a lesbian what makes you think I can do that now, in fact its not even about being a lesbian, there are many lesbian relationships that are fine and upstanding if that is what you are everyone has the right to be what they are, but this man wants to degrade women and turn it into perversion. So much for my dream man huh? Thats right you get the hell out, let him go after 50 new women for all you care hope they screw him to death, there is NOTHING to be jealous of, it actually makes me puke and I am no prude - their perversion is like a sick plague a dark cloud, we are so much better than that and remember dont call them "girlfriends" they are just more victims they arent their girlfriends, she thinks she is his girlfriend but she is NOTHING to him only what he wants her to bring him, or the front he uses her for.

#17 Aug 26 - 1PM (Reply to #52)

Barbara (not verified)

Narcs & Porn

http://allabouthim.com/why-narcissists-are-addicted-to-pornography/comment-page-1/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#18 Aug 24 - 6PM

Barbara (not verified)

post it

I think it's time for another round of "What He Said vs. What He Really Meant" Please post that!! It sounds like a real knee-slapper... INNER LESBIAN? what a sicko! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#19 Aug 25 - 5AM (Reply to #42)

Scoop

Inner lesbian email

Before you read this i want you to know this man brainwashed me , he used gaslighting and devaluation to the extream .This email was writen the morning after he D&D for the second time .I could tell you what i wrote in the email to him to get such a responce from him but it bare no relevence to this little gem of an email , my email was a standered one from a woman who had just been dumped by the man she loved . Enjoy ladies "Dear Peru . Quell your ranting, it dosent do any good.I know you want to hate me for the way you feel right now and i dont blame you It came out as not intended when i said men and women view sex in diffrent ways .I should have been more specific .You and i see sex in a diffrent light in this respect .It boils down to my contradiction.I see sex as a reproductive action ,although the lesbian in me makes it seem so good to you (lesbian and cock is a good combination), that doesnt mean i cant empathise the symbolic act we share when we act it out to one another . You know its nothing to do with that otherwise i would have taken advantage of you when you presented yourself to me .I know your vunerabilities and they have come from your past .You need to disect these and work out where your actual position is .Offering yourself in this way does not bring you the love previous men have made you believe you need . Five hours from going from one standpoint to another should tell you a lot about your situation .I know how much you feel for me and thats what makes it so difficult .I have been walking a fine line between what baggage previous men have imposed on you and who you really are . Unfortunatly i can not claim i have not unloaded any myself but i hope my last email gave you some insite to my own contradiction and problems that have me act the way i have with you . You are right when you say that deep down i love you and i do , but it is a love of unequivocal friendship .Yes i can pretend like its one i feel for everyone but its one like i feel for a best friend , a very close friend.Not everyone receives that but you know how to ask the right questions , a valiant skill indeed and its what seperates you from the rest , take heart in this . Still you are in a fragile state but what doesnt kills you makes you stronger . You are strong , keep it up.I hope to see you Sunday and we can maintain the friendship we have built already . In solidarity Narcissist . Any comments ? Peru x

#20 Nov 5 - 3PM (Reply to #48)

Scoop

I just want to share with

I just want to share with you the inportance of reading your old posts on this site . I have been on a long journey in the past 5 months and by reading what i have writen along the way i can see how far i have come . When i put the "inner lesbian" email on here i was ashamed and looking for answers . I can quite honestly say i have reread it and laughed my head off .He is such a wanker .lol. 5 months and im getting there. YEAH ME ! Big Love to all Scoop X

#21 Aug 25 - 7AM (Reply to #47)

grossot

Peru

Now that is D&D at its finest. Why didn't he just say: "You know I'm better than you in every way Peru. And I can't help being such a great person. You can worship me but only from afar for I am immortal" Peru. You are so much better than this. Thank God you have learned about the techniques they used. It was never you. This man is and always will be delusional! Thanks for posting! nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#22 Aug 25 - 6AM (Reply to #43)

dolce (not verified)

Dont ya love it?

Don't you love it when they break you down and then try to be the comforter? This letter gave me the creeps. It has manipulation written between every line. What he gives you is invaluable..that is what he is saying. Dont buy it. He is trying to be a master with his words. My gut is reacting to this..which tells me he is dangerous. My ex N always hurt me so he could be the one to help me. After laughing when i told him I didnt even have food in the house after he took everything out of our account and abandoned me here, he then tried to encourage me. "be strong".."you are a survivor", "stop being a victim". "am I supposed to not eat because you have no food?" And inner lesbian. haha! What a winner he is! What BS! This man is crazy just like the whole lot of them. Thank goodness we have this site for support.

#23 Nov 7 - 10AM (Reply to #45)

Hangman11

Inner Lesbian?

Is that anything like "I'm more female than male"...because of low testerone level? What BS!! My STBXNH would said this kind of crap to me to justify why he could not get it up. Maybe when he was in his first marriage for almost 20 years he masturbated so much that is why he has ED today. Wants to blame it on the diabetes, but I can't help but feel it's much more to it than that. These posts help so much to show me how they all are so much alike.

#24 Nov 7 - 10AM (Reply to #46)

cynthia (not verified)

Inner Lesbian? ya right more like inner HOMO

Maybe when he was in his first marriage for almost 20 years he masturbated so much that is why he has ED today. They arent fit to be partners to anyone, think about it not only are they not right in the head they cant even provide intimate sex to anyone. I want to clarify that sex is not what a marriage is about, although it is used to express your love and bonding with your partner, its an important part of your relationship but if my partner had ED problems from normal physical problems I would be more than understanding but if he were a sex addicted, addicted to porn and masturbated more than he provided me with intimacy I would be NOT understanding of this deformity, it is self inflicted and the outcome is not fair to their partners. Before this site I just thought ok the guy is horny so he masturbates all the time, I was soooooo uneducated, it wasnt until I went to counseling that I was told, WRONG, NO NO that is not normal and NOT healthy, funny how they can get it up when they masturbate isnt it but cant get aroused when an attractive, fit woman is beside them, I asked my counselor how in the world can he get it up with his long time GF of years he said by closing his eyes and fantasizing and sometimes that doesnt even work, she is the victim of his ED also much of the time because of his sexual perversion. Isnt it awful to know your partner you are making love to is not even thinking about you and has to think of perverted thoughts in his mind to get excited, or put in a porn tape and watch others have sex? That is not bonding with someone, that is just using another persons body, I would rather masturbate myself than to have a sexual partner like that, no connection, no feeling of desire yuck, no wonder my desire sexually is NOTHING, I could care less about it I dont even think about it and I dont even miss it

#25 Aug 25 - 1PM (Reply to #44)

Barbara (not verified)

perutoo

I'm making a new what he said vs. what he really meant post with this one - it's a doozy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#26 Aug 24 - 9PM (Reply to #41)

cynthia (not verified)

what is that?

what in the world is inner lesbian? They come up with some good ones dont they. More like inner dysfunctional and that is what they are.

#27 Aug 24 - 6PM

grossot

peru

Inner lesbian? Please post this whole email asap. I have got to read this! Please thank God you r done with him. That is soooo controlling! Telling you why you liked having sex with him! He couldn't meet your needs cuz your needs did not exist to him.... nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#28 Aug 24 - 8AM

dolce (not verified)

perutoo

Mine was actually very warm and loving, right up to the last day..which makes this all the harder.

#29 Aug 24 - 2PM (Reply to #35)

Barbara (not verified)

remember

it was all AN ACT - A LURE - he wasn't warm & loving - He was ACTING that way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#30 Aug 24 - 5PM (Reply to #37)

dolce (not verified)

maybe your right

You may be right. All I know is that he always needed attention somewhere else as well. And he blamed it on everything and everyone else, so his explanations made him look like the victim or good guy. He admits he needed attention from others, but its not due to his unfaithfulness. No matter how much therapy or how much talking..he just doesnt let it get in his brain. Or he cant process it or wont process it. He says he will go to therapy AGAIN. While he is saying this he is still blaming me, or his daughter..anything. Are they so sick that they cant see it? Or do they see it and do it anyway??? I'm confused about this? Very frustrating.

#31 Aug 24 - 6PM (Reply to #38)

Barbara (not verified)

I KNOW I'm right

I KNOW I am right. Not maybe. Read: http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/08/narcissistic-nirvana-sweet-sweet-sweet.html . Are they so sick that they cant see it? Correct! They are not human. New studies show their BRAINS are literally different. There is NO CURE. Therapy does NOTHING. Or do they see it and do it anyway??? In some cases they do because they believe they are perfect I'm confused about this? Very frustrating. Get away from this man... NO CONTACT! Click on MY BLOG on the left and start reading EVERYTHING. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

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