Scared

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#1 Dec 2 - 6AM
Anonymus
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Scared

I’m new to this blog, and my research on Narcs is recent also, about two weeks. A couple of weeks ago I ended the relationship with the XN for good after a year and two months of abuse. The first month was spectacular. Then everything went downhill.

To make the story short, he sent mixed messages about marriage and a beautiful life together with making me feel emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually inferior.
I broke up with him the first time because he sabotaged a meeting I had with my professor which I supposed would take place for the discussion of the possibility of following postgraduate studies with him. My best friend is a therapist and warned me he had NPD (it only took a meeting for him to figure it out). He was happy when I broke up with him. Three months passed and XN said he wanted to meet me. I thought it would be good for closure and agreed. And I got back together with him. I know I was stupid, I didn’t do the research I was supposed to and really thought he could get better, that MY love would make him better. Boy I couldn’t have been more wrong. I knew what I could expect from him to a low degree and tried so hard for him to open up to me and I opened myself completely for that purpose, so he would feel safe. Little did I know that narcs use this to their advantage. So after realizing things would never change I just left.

The reason for my post is that now that I have done more research on the topic, and learnt what they do and how they operate, I am scared. He once told me he was scared to death of me trying to kill him, thing that I would never do. If this is a projection, should I be worried? He was never physically abusive towards me, but he knows however that I have information that could destroy his career. He sent me an email about a week ago in which he posted a soppy love song that basically said “my heart is broken but I know we can’t be together; so with my best I let you go” and apologized for not being the person I needed him to be. I couldn’t help and reply something like “you have to have a heart for it to break and you let me go long ago (not with your best precisely), but don’t cry so much; soon you’ll find some other girl to sell your bullshit to”. I did this after learning about the NC rule, but I did it for him to know I see him for what he is (since I learnt it can help), but can it be enough to keep him away? Could I expect some form of violence as he projected? Should I be scared?
My best to all of you out there!

Dec 2 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

anonymus

I think b/c they hurt and piss so many people off they do think this...exn said this as well.. cos their whole life is about FEAR, they usually think they are going to be ATTACKED AS WELL... Which begs the question, why don't they learn by their mistakes, but they don't, so they deserve to live in fear...as so many of there VICTIMS have..... just keep NC, ignoring him will tell him, you dont give a flying fig what happens to him...thats his problem now...
Dec 2 - 7AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I wouldn't worry much about

I wouldn't worry much about him becoming violent, but I also wouldn't "provoke" him. So many times, we test the waters, I have myself included, and if we push the envelope too much, it could become very dangerous. My advice to you, as many on here would agree, stay away, stay NC and eventually he will leave you alone. Do not respond to his attempts, no matter how badly you want to. You can't help him, no one really can. Stay strong with NC. Good luck! Again, don't be frightened, unless or until he gives you firm reason to be. :)
Dec 2 - 7AM
Hunter
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Welcome.. I don't think you

Welcome.. I don't think you need to be scared.. You Must ignore him completely. Narc tend to be very lazy.. It's difficult for them to follow through on any thing.. Also they like to keep a squeaky clean image..if you ignore they eventually get bored and move on to new supply.. If supply is low that's when the show up again... Keep learning and keep ignoring..block him.. Hunter
Dec 2 - 7AM
StudentOfLife
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Should we be scared of Narcissists?

My own feeling on this is YES they are frightful, since they really see themselves as center of the universe, they would then believe everything they do, every choice they make is true and correct. I don't believe they see past this. So, what's to stop them from making their own judgement call on what's right and what's wrong? -- i believe they are quite capable of atrocities. Especially when they've been unmasked, because i think this really scares them. And -- I have seen the dark cold lack of emotion or conscience behind their eyes. There's nothing there, except for maybe just maybe silent rage. That in and of itself is frightening. However -- this doesn't mean they will all resort to murder. I think your best bet now is to *DISENGAGE* --> "no more contact ever again". You said what you had to say. He will make it difficult i am sure to go no contact, as he will surely try to extract more supply from you --- but I really have the distinct feeling from what you've described that any more contact between the two of you will only ESCALATE matters.
Dec 2 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
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I would like to add .. It

I would like to add .. It appears they get dangerous when you continue to play the game.. When you continue contact and continue to try to gain control of them.. At that point they can get physical to continue to be the Alpha.. Dog.. Walking away ..no contact .. Doesn't leave them any options .. Hunter
Dec 2 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Anonymus
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Thank you Hunter

Thank your your help! I couldn't be NC right know and knowing the things I know if it weren't for you all. I love you guys!! Anonymus
Dec 2 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
Anonymus
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Thanks!

Thanks studentoflife!! I'll keep NC, leave and never look back. It's weird what you said about eyes... I used to check how he felt by looking in them. Last time however, din't see a thing there, just emptiness, a void. Don't need to be begging love scrumbs to some asshole that doesn't love me. XXX