I've read up on the common tactics of emotional abusers. They "prepare for the worst" so they can say "I told you so!" and some absolve themselves beforehand. My ex-P KNEW I didn't like the idea of him dumping me... in fact, I brought it up junior year (I got D&D'd senior year).
That's the way emotional abusers act... they know what your greatest fear and concern is, and then they AGGRAVATE it. A normal person would try to relieve your concerns and fears.
All junior year, I asked my ex-P if he was with someone... he'd always say no. He knew I'd be devastated if he had a girlfriend and didn't know. So when the girlfriend was revealed, he KNEW it beforehand (he had mentioned going to Los Angeles, but didn't mention the curator girlfriend) Very calculated. Very cold. He acted like a shark when it sees blood.
It's terrible he's treating you this way. It's inhuman, and he's doing this "I told you so" to hurt you. He's being a total piece of cr@p towards you! You deserve SO MUCH BETTER.
well if all he is doing is playing on my fears, we all know what cruel bastards N's can be. he does live with the girl, yet, comes here , texts calls i love you i miss you regret this so much wish you didnt throw me out, i dont love this girl, you know that, im miserable there, but at the same time he plays with my emotions and loves to eat at my fears to see my reactions, knowing him the way i have for twenty four years, i would have to say, i think he was trying to get a rise out of me to see how he could hurt me, since he was in a rancid mood. he likes to see others hurt when hes in a mood. but i dont know, maybe he is preparing me, oh please pray he doesnt marry this whore when our divorce is final, i couldnt handle that.
hi sweetie~ please take a breath...I was married to a narc
BEFORE the narc i am on this site for..we were married for 22 years..we have 2 beautiful children who are in college now..he totally controlled us, but with kindness...strange but true..once he had us secured, I found out later , he had many affairs, eventually got hooked into oxycotin and was so ashamed, he left and is now in the national missing persons data...soon after this divorce, i met narc #2 but got out in a year...so I got it sooner..and after this time...never again!! Please don't stress over this other woman..does she really have the prize? i know that you are the winner for getting away from him...stay strong..don't show emotion...work on You...fresh air, good friends, cuddly animals..whatever..anything but obsessing on him and the OW..they deserve each other..you have more class and dignity, don't let them make you think otherwise..if you ever see her tell her, "you can have him!" she will cringed deep down..she knows ..journal your thoughts..it helps to see the progress..peace and light~
tica
Tica thank you for your reply, but please answer my question do they say things to be cruel, or is he preparing me for his future plans....please I need someones opinion on the motives of a narc...........
shaynasmommy, do you mean he only said that to hurt me, and kill my soul, to make himself feel better. if that is the case, then hes been doing that my whole life. he hurts, kills my soul and feels good about himself as he is a mean bastard, an N to the core. he lies, cheats, hurts, that is why i wish i could just stop feeling the pain.
You're not listening, jaycee. The answers are all there, not only what others have said but in what you have said. , THEY DON'T PREPARE, they inflict pain ,they hurt, they taunt, they use everything they know about you to hurt you in the worst way possible, they play one woman against another and enjoy the 'cat fight'. He is NOT preparing you for shit because he couldn't care less about you being prepared. In fact he will not prepare you so that he can twist the knife even more should he actually go thru with it.
Sounds like he has come up with the perfect plan for himself. Is he trying to convince you to take him back? Or is he just letting you feel the consequences of daring to kick him out because now he's going to show you. You drove him to the 'whore'. Right.
We really don't need to re-read your statement, dear, we GOT it first pass. YOU need to re-read your statement and pretend it's a friend of yours writing this. What would you tell her? Your biggest mistake is thinking that the 'whore' has won anything by getting the loser. This is what you should be thinking. Was your life with him the lottery? this is what she's getting, your leftovers, your old life. Gee, lucky her. She didn't win, you did. One day you will understand this and even laugh about it because you'll know it's so true.
You are not seeing the forest for the trees. That is how they do it. Please calm yourself, and start thinking about how completely unacceptable this has all been for YOU. Love does not keep the 'whore' girlfriend on the side for starters. Please read, read, read. When I found this site I spent 4 days, nonstop, reading. It changed my life. You need to change your life. Sorry for the 'tough love'. When I read all your posts I got this image of all those old movies where somebody just had to slap the woman to get some calmness in the situation. Sorry, it's late, but it seemed appropriate.
almostlydia
The narcissist has drawn you in and until you stand up to him and leave him, he will continue this game of events, and when you decide you have had enough---he will melt so quickly like the wicked witch of the East. You will definitely see a complete change around, however, CAUTION: They WILL NEVER change, but only for a moment when they are threatened.
Playing on your fears
playing on your fears
Jaycee
jaycee
please desperately in need of advice/opinions
Jaycee
the motive is singular and simple, jaycee
the motive is
Jaycee
You're not listening,
almostlydia
He has your number!