Please help ... translation

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#1 May 22 - 4AM

Alibi_10

Please help ... translation

That very last phone call going round and round in my head. I had not responded to a letter, and had not cintactwd him in ages. When I heard his voice I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. ...it left me being blamed for how things ended and I can't stop thinking he was right. Am just posting this because if I don't I will do something silly. This is what I remember: Him: Hi its Narc
Me: Oh hello
Him: Is that it?
Me: Yes
Him: Are you ok?
Me: Yes
Him: I don't believe you.
Me: How are you?
Him: Typical deflection behaviour. If you must know I feel terribke about the way you made me behave. Why could you not be normal? You made me react in ways I didn't like. I have been dark side and I am never going dark side again. You made me gobdark side. All I did was be decent with you, treat you well, help you in the house, I never promised you anything.
Me: I was a bit upset by your letter actually
Him: Oh boo hoo. ... so what? I said I want to find someone to have. a family with. Its ok for you, you had a nice childhood. Don't begrudge me making one myself
Me: I don't
Him: Yes you do, and I will modify my behaviour for the mother of my kids in the future. I suggest you modify yours. You will find someone. I know I am special but you will get over it.
Me: I am
Him: Do you miss me?
Me: I miss the good bits
Him: Well there woukd have been more if you hadn't been so stupid and badly behaved. We would have been going away together now if you hadn't been stupid. You brought all this on yourself. Look back on that for the rest of your life. You ruined everything. Not me. In fact I don't want you to ever contact me again.
Me: I didn't. You contacted me
Him: Well I don't want to hear from you. I wish I was a million miles away from you. You suck the life out of me. I will change my number if I have to stop you badgering me
Me: I haven't badgered you
Him: Well I don't believe you. ... stay away from me. And don't start snivelling because it doesn't wash with me. ...you could have had me in your life forever but you pushed me in a corner. Goodbye

Phone hung up. He sent me a text later to say take care. I have not replied, but I can't bear the pain of having spoken to him that last time
Its like he threwba whole heap of shit on my head then walked away wiping his hands.

Sorry to post this but I wonder if there is a translation that will help

#2 Jun 1 - 2AM

michele115 (not verified)

Everything that came out of HIS mouth...

Is YOU! He mirrored you...he's mirroring the REAL victim... He ruined it, HE was stupid, HE did not behave...etc...he's projecting...and he is quite insane...because had that been the truth...there'd be no call... "I will modify my behaviour"...HA! ROTFL...he knows damn well he'll be the same if not worse but he's trying to pump himself up through you...they get their life energy by sucking others dry...he needed a hit and you were "it" don't buy into it...READ THROUGH it...it is shallow... Hugs!

#3 May 28 - 5PM

Alibi_10

Beamoflight

Yes, this would be a fab reply (but obviously I won't be sending one !!) - I can't believe how patronising he is. It is difficult at the moment, because as the time gets nearer to when we would have been going, there is still a teeny voice saying - maybe it would be okay, but I am ignoring that voice because my voice was very small indeed in his company! I am going to look at the list I made of all the horrible things he did and said, and that should help remind me of why even seeing him or talking to him would a VERY BAD IDEA !!

#4 Jun 1 - 3PM (Reply to #34)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Add this recent conversation to the list.

He just called to D&D you some more and Michele is right. Pure projection and mirroring of you. Everything he said are things that we would say about THEM. If this isn't more proof of how scrambled their thoughts are, I don't know what is. Mind salad, word salad. This is also why we need to stay NC. No more contact with these Psychopaths means no more NEW pain.

#5 May 28 - 2PM

beamoflight

I do wonder how he'd like to taste his own medicine.....

Dear N, I do wish you'd let this between us go. I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time with it all. I think it's very good that you're finally taking some initiave and making some changes in your life. I do hope they are positive ones. I'm sorry about the holiday plans. I know how badly you want to go away with me but considering all thats going on in your life I think it's better if we just keep things as is. I do wish you well in all of your endevers. Take care, Alibi_10 ..lol.. then block him. I must say honestly I am all talk and not very much action ..lol.. I talk a good game but I could not do it. Felt good to type though!

#6 May 28 - 2AM

Alibi_10

The one e-mail

.. I can't block him from is my work one (I am making enquiries about it, but no answers yet) ... and have been away for a few days, could not even log in here on my phone. However, back late last night and my work e-mail contains something which could be construed as amazing. Guess what? After all of the above - he now thinks that he COULD 'cope' (yes exact word) with going away on holiday together after all !!!! My God, how patronising. I should get in touch with him (ha ha ha ha). The rest of it said he wanted to make some major changes in his life, explore some other avenues (WTF?), and he knew I wouldn't be happy with them as a FRIEND, and he knew my reaction would be bad, and that is why he shouted. Mmmm ... I wonder what I should do? Oh yes, change my mind and say how grateful I am that he thinks he could cope with honouring the holiday plans. NOT. What exactly in his brain makes him think I would do that ?!!

#7 Jun 1 - 3PM (Reply to #31)

mystwoman

I couldn't block xnh from my

I couldn't block xnh from my work mail either. However, I was able to set his messages up to to be marked as "junk" and sent directly to my trash can (unread) using a message filter. Maybe you could do something like that to get rid of his emails? I have to admit that it is really satisfying to know that I can put xnh into the trash (right were he belongs), and then flush the "junk" away every time I empty my trash can. It's kind of like symbolically flushing xnh down the toilet whenever I feel like it. rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#8 May 24 - 3AM

ewa

Translation is simple. Must

Translation is simple. Must admit this guy is a psycho. So i can translate it like this: N: I am a great person and I am ready to change, but i will not because of you. You are the bitch who made me behave this way. Please feel guilty. You lost a perfect guy.

#9 May 23 - 9PM

beamoflight

it's killing him you're not

it's killing him you're not responding to his text. Killing him. Trust me. did I say it's killing him?

#10 May 23 - 9AM

Deidre40

I'm sorry...{{hugs}} Hunter's

I'm sorry...{{hugs}} Hunter's right. They are not well. If it makes you feel better...my ex kept baiting me. Even called me one day, and then said the same thing...''cease all communication.'' ''I don't care if you died.'' haha They are insane, and I say that in earnest. You're dealing with a mentally ill person. Really. Start viewing it like that. I feel sorry for my ex. I found his profile on POF (dating website) over the weekend...and wow. Just wow. Sad. I don't know what prompted me to look...but, just was curious. And it was so very sad...how angry the profile was. A literal laundry list of the qualities I possess. lol ;) Truly! Even language I used in a text, during our breakup. Anywho...I share that, because they use words to hurt. Or to help them in some way. Yours sounds like such an idiot. DO YOU MISS ME? LOL Please stay NC. If he reaches out again...ignore. Ignoring them is the only way to heal. Trying to have a normal healthy conversation is nearly impossible.

#11 May 23 - 8AM

fooled no longer

I nearly wet myself ready

I nearly wet myself ready this its hilarious and so typical. OMG they are all the same they suck. DONT TAKE A SINGLE WORD OF THEIR PROJECTION. send a last email and sms with this FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO LISTEN TO YOUR CRAP. YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED!!! THEN BLOCK HIM from EVERYWHERE>>>>>>

#12 May 23 - 6AM

Kitty02 (not verified)

OMG....what an arse. I think

OMG....what an arse. I think if we wrote conversations down we've had with PD's in the past and then read them back to ourselves we would see them for what they are sooner. Would have done me good to see what he was saying to me in black and white. My journal writing was a great source of help for me in the early days and even now I am feeling much, much better. The two PDmen I was with in the past used to do all that to me. But reading your conversation with your Narc, as I am not emotionally involved, I can see it for what it is. Major projection, blaming, little bit of hoovering going on there too. Made me laugh and raise my eyebrows when he said he was going to change his number so you couldn't 'badger' him when YOU have been NC and left HIM alone...my God they all have ego's the size of Asia....lol. Tu sais him and change YOUR number. He is hoping the projection will consume you with guilt and you will be obsessed with getting him back as he is trying to upset you and get you now thinking it is your fault things went wrong...Brain washing. If you don't stay NC after that you will feel even more devalued. Don't give him the satisfaction, love yourself Alibi. You will be the winner if you walk away, but you must, must not take a call from him again. NC NC NC Good luck xoxox

#13 May 22 - 9PM

whoknew

sounds familiar

my ex n also told me "i did this"! no capacity to accept any responsibility for anything, just keep blaming someone else. there will never be any closure, you must find your own closure in knowing that he is a narc and that has to be your reason/explanation/or whatever you wanna call it. we beat ourselves up when we know all this about them but still love and miss them somehow. but dont let it drive you crazy or set you back. we loved a sick individual that cannot be helped...bottom line. we are normal and are able to love and care for another human being, they are not and thats just how it is. STAY STRONG.

#14 May 22 - 9PM

findingmeagain

You listened to all that I

You listened to all that I would've hung up after he started in about how you MADE him a grown man supposely do something. Do me a favor don't answer the calls anymore me reading that gave me a headache.

#15 May 22 - 6PM

Steph

Holy Shit. If that isn't a

Holy Shit. If that isn't a prime example of a bunch of word salad, I don't know what it. He makes NO sense. He is projecting all if his shit onto you. Projection, doubletalk, contradicting himself.... Classic N. Don't give what he said to you ANY value. EVERYthing he said to you......who does it really describe? HIM. And then texts you hours later and says "take care"??? He will be contacting you again. Change your number and block him from your emails. Be proactive with NC. This man is toxic and you are sooooooooooo much better off with him gone. Now you have a chance for real happiness. Stay strong! xoxo

#16 May 22 - 6PM

Hunter

Honestly, I know Im better,

Honestly, I know Im better, but seriously where do these assholes get off. It really is insanity, Ill say it again because it really is the only way to describe the nonsense. How we take this from these idiots and still miss them is beyond me. Someone screwed up in the making of humans emotions. Don't you sometimes wish you lacked Empathy to move past this? UGH! SCRAMBLED EGGS!!! Hunter

#17 May 22 - 4PM

Disillusionedx2

supply, abuse & projection

When you feel you are strong enough to handle a conversation with an N....and he feels as though you might be getting past him....BOOM! here he comes, with one or two motives, continue the abuse by projecting his hollow soul onto yours, making you just as hollow as he is, and two, to extract supply...sure they like negative/positive supply, but you didn't immediately take the blame for the downfall of the relationship and worship his twisted words as being the truth. It's hard to believe this is a human being behaving in this manner, but always keep in the back of your mind, he is an DISORDER, not wired/subject to the same feelings, interactions as non N's, unless you want to be continually poisoned by this snake, remain NC, he will never change, don't get too caught up in trying to "figure" it out, find a way to crawl out the hole he's dumped you in, best wishes!

stay~strong

#18 May 22 - 3PM

onwithmylife

Albi10

WHY do you keep doubting he is a narc, because it is too hard to believe, or you do not want the real picture?It is your life to live and be happy.......

#19 May 22 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

Alibi_10

OWML

Yes, you are right - I can't believe it at times - I think I made excuses for him because he was neglected as a kid. But I know I can't fix him ... and I am determined to get over him, whatever it takes. I have to think of the scrumpled up psychodwarf face with the black hollow eyes, not the little boy lost with the blue eyes and the gleamimg smile (like on the cover of Lisa's book). I will not contact him, I know that - and I guess his official diagnosis is matterless, he treated me badly whatever he says. Thanks

#20 May 22 - 6PM (Reply to #19)

onwithmylife

Alibi10

you sound strong and good for you to know not to contact him, I did via letters and postcards for months and years after he left, it was so difficult to let go with no closure, but after 2 years out, I must get on with my life and try to find happiness again and hopefully meet a normal man for a kind,caring real committed relationship, wish me luck!!You are so right NPD or not, no one should treat US the way these men have,no one who loves us that is.Whatever their childhood trauma and many of us did not have great childhoods, you still can have empathy and self reflection, not with these people.these people developed a personality disorder plain and simple.

#21 May 22 - 1PM

apple

It's not you!!! It's him

I feel for you!! If that wasn't the most crazy making conversation ever!!! I mean, that's the kind of mind game stuff they play with us to keep us confused. I've been through it too. I mean these conversations are so wacked we couldn't even make this stuff up if we tried. They are completly nuts. Don't try to make sense of it. It's impossible. If I was you I would just laugh at how pathetic he sounded. Keep your chin up, K!!

#22 May 22 - 12PM

mystwoman

He's projecting, and fishing

He's projecting, and fishing for NS. If you'll notice, in this conversation the only blame mentioned is HIM pointing it at YOU. It's all about what YOU supposedly did to poor little him. Narcs are masters at never accepting either blame, or responsibility for their own behavior. In their minds, they're ALWAYS the "little victim". This turd is messing with you emotionally. He's trying to make you feel guilty. That way you'll still be vulnerable to him the next time he tries to mess with you. He wants to keep you dangling emotionally like his puppet. Don't give him that power. Go NC, and shut him out of your life completely. Block him from your phone, your emails, any access to you in every way you possibly can. Any interaction with the narc, is only going to give him NS. No contact puts YOU into the driver's seat. You are exactly correct what he tried to do was throw a huge heap of shit on your head, and then he wants to walk away wiping his hands. That way, HE can get out of accepting any blame for anything (in his own little twisted mind - not reality). Poor little pitiful him, the victim (again). lol. I'm sorry, but it's like my friend told xnh during one of his self-induced pity parties, "It is just not possible to always be a victim in your own life." She's right. No, it's not. One of things to remember about narcs is that it doesn't matter whether your attention is positive or negative. Supply is supply to them. Any attention you give the narc encourages them. This is why complete NC is so important. They get NO SUPPLY from you whatsoever, and YOU are in command of NC, not the narc. Meanwhile you are completely out of their realm, and you can focus on YOUR healing and recovery. THAT is what is important, and you are so worth the effort. Big hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#23 May 22 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

Done sourcing

So true

Never ever ever accept responsibility, unless that will get them what they want, then of course they will say they are responsible. Then they forget what they said, or say you said it, or say... ... ..., it is how they are wired. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. We were truly in relationship with ghost vampire emotion sucking cowards. The sooner nc makes the only sense, the better. All feelings recovering from these people are normal, and let them all come, and we notice they all eventually go away, sometimes feeling a lot empty, but that means there is room being made for some good stuff to come in. nc nc nc Chris

#24 May 22 - 11AM

dudette

Ali

The only translation here is: I am a fucking assclown twit who is desperate for your attention and to get the last word.... NC is the way forward.... Love Dx

#25 Jun 1 - 1AM (Reply to #13)

Littleone

That is gold! I literally

That is gold! I literally lost it reading this! Hilarious!

#26 May 22 - 10AM

Alibi_10

Thanks

...all for the support here. Does anyone know how long it takes for the sick, panicky feeling to pass? It keeps washing over me so I feel paralysed. I am trying to function properly at work etc, but am aware of conversations going in one ear and out the other ! Is this what cognitive dissonance is? My heart is racing and I feel very dizzy - everywhere I look in my house, it's like there is some bit of him ... I could scream.

#27 May 22 - 9AM

Hunter

Alibi

Delete,Delete,Delete

#28 May 22 - 8AM

Alibi_10

And the encore is. ....

.... I have been away with work, logging in on mobile hence typing mistakes. Have not had opportunity to block email or anything, but now I got home and he sent email saying Hi I thought you could use this link. Take good care of yourself. The link was for a life improvement course. !!!! WTF?! Of course I won't reply and will now block him. ... did not feel the need before as he told me to stay away and leave him alone. But I don't know if this was done from malice or what? And I have the maybe. he is not a narc doubts back. This is one of the worst days I have had and am sorry to keep posting on here but I am at wits end but can't tell my friends or family they don't understand

#29 May 22 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

Done sourcing

I do that!

What if she isn't really a N? I was still used, dissed, insulted, devalued, neglected, twisted, turned on, and I know her issues were always projected onto me. My therapist told me alot that a diagnosis of her disease wasn't necessary for me to get away and move on. I was with her for 14 years, and it never got better, just sometimes the level of the insanity wasn't too high. I was hooked on a feeling, a look, a smile, then we had a child together, me the white knight thinking "she needs me", I settled in, knowing I would never be happy, but trying to do the right thing for my daughter, and for "The Family". We have 50/50 custody, so NC won't work in my situation, but I have learned how to talk to her without opening myself to her...she stll does the twisted psychological crap, tries to draw me into her world, but she is an assclown, and I don't like the way I feel when she is in my personal life. I miss the dream that never became a reality, that happens to alot of us with these types of people. Life with her wasn't boring, but it sure was tedious, and it was wearing me out. She got all the way into my head, and I became captive, like a hostage, to her moods, to her rejection, to her emptiness. I can see she will take take take from anyone who will let her, and I finally knew she had taken all that I had to give her! Am I happy all the time now, is life a bowl of cherries? Nope, life doesn't work that way. I now know I am responsible for my life, the good and the bad. She is a bad seed, so I don't water her anymore. Every day doesn't feel better, but every month or so I look back and see how far I have come, and it is good. Alibi, this site is for unloading, learning, growing, and getting a new life....you never have to apologize or regret what you do here with us, you are free here, even if you don't always know that yet!You are finding that NC is a big part of your "life improvement course". He sounds like a tool, an assclown. The best is yet to come, and it is better to be one mile from hell driving away from it than ten thousand miles away heading towards it. Chris

#30 May 22 - 9AM (Reply to #8)

Used

alibi10

this sad bastard sent you that linkTO YET AGAIN HURT YOU, that is suppose to imply you have no life and here is a way to improve it, HE IS THE ONE WITH NO LIFE,SO PROJECTION AGAIN. I am glad you have blocked him the convo with him was totally pointless, you shouldnt listen or try to analysis a thing he says. please just listen to this sentance from me HE ONLY WANT TO HURT YOU AND THAT IS ALL IT WILL EVER BE xxxxxxxx

#31 May 22 - 8AM

mynewlife2011

no accountability

N's take NO accountability for their behavior nor actions, and do not care who they hurt in the process. They are very selfish, and ALWAYS play the victim. Yet, they continue to victimize. My ExNH used to say "you make me want to take a gun to my head" when I would call him on his lies, betrayal and neglect of me and our family. No, he will never change. You did nothing wrong. You deserve better. Translation: Typical Narc placing blame and victimizing NC NC NC!!!

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