Playing with Fire

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#1 Apr 24 - 2PM
shyloh
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Playing with Fire

Havent been on in awhile. Last time I posted I was telling you all how ex was resurfacing a bit. And you all very wisely advised me NC. I dabbled a bit and entertained some conversations with him and realized that what I keep doing is going back into what feels warm and fuzzy (my delusional fantasy of who he was and wanting it back so ). Ahhh how it is safe in the fantasy world of living in the past or thinking that he could change, etc.

I did entertain (at least out loud) that if he did X,Y and Z, I would consider reuniting, but, again, my heart says that and my head says NO WAY. So, he wants me to move to him. Even though I had these conversations with him, something has taken over me and I believe it is self preservation and intuition-and I am buying a home in my state.(settling this month).

I know you are all right about contact and it hasnt yet been extrememely painful until the past few days. More crazy, whirlwind, unbalalanced than painful. He has told me he has been talking to his (now ex) girlfriend a few times a week because they are friends, 'close', etc. Then why in the hell did they break up. He tells me he has told her all about me and she is dating someone. He continues to say he wants me back, etc etc and he would do anything for me to come down there. Just hearing him say he talks to his ex triggered a bunch of garbage for me-it took me back to a very crazy, vulnerable place that didnt feel good at all. It also made me think of all of the damage that has been done and how in the world would this be repaired. (is he talking to GF for supply and me for supply??). I realize logically that there is nothing healthy about a relationship with this man and I also realize that I would be taking a HUGE gamble at going back. Gambling is not for me 40 something and it is NOT to put my kids through.

Has anyone experienced this unbalanced, crazy whirlwind feeling when they have had Contact. Of course you have, I just want to hear some validation or examples or get a reality check from you all.

May 4 - 1PM
Snowflake
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Shyloh

May 4 - 11AM
shyloh
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Spinning I know, you are so

May 2 - 7PM
shyloh
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He is coming to see d this

May 3 - 9AM (Reply to #19)
spinning
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Shy, this is where you really have to

spinning

May 2 - 12PM
shyloh
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After remaining NC for a few

May 1 - 7AM
shyloh
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Yes.yes that is exactly how

Apr 30 - 2PM
shyloh
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So after a few days of NC.

Apr 30 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
Deidre99
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Doesn't this feel after a

Apr 26 - 7AM
abreva
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maybe you haven't experienced enough pain yet

Apr 26 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
shyloh
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Again-thank you all for the

May 4 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
Used
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I text asked him how often he

Apr 25 - 9AM
Deidre99
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Shyloh...you really should

Apr 25 - 6PM
onwithmylife
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shyloh

Apr 25 - 7AM
shyloh
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I am so sick of feeling this

May 1 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
chris53
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Shyloh, one thing I had

Apr 25 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Layla
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Ok, I am at work now and it's

May 1 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
chris53
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Thank you Laya for

Apr 24 - 2PM
spinning
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Shyloh, good deal on your

spinning

Apr 24 - 2PM
Layla
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You open the door a crack..........

Apr 24 - 2PM
Lucky Escape
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don't do it!!

Apr 24 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
shyloh
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You are all right and I know