Playing with Fire
Playing with Fire
Havent been on in awhile. Last time I posted I was telling you all how ex was resurfacing a bit. And you all very wisely advised me NC. I dabbled a bit and entertained some conversations with him and realized that what I keep doing is going back into what feels warm and fuzzy (my delusional fantasy of who he was and wanting it back so ). Ahhh how it is safe in the fantasy world of living in the past or thinking that he could change, etc.
I did entertain (at least out loud) that if he did X,Y and Z, I would consider reuniting, but, again, my heart says that and my head says NO WAY. So, he wants me to move to him. Even though I had these conversations with him, something has taken over me and I believe it is self preservation and intuition-and I am buying a home in my state.(settling this month).
I know you are all right about contact and it hasnt yet been extrememely painful until the past few days. More crazy, whirlwind, unbalalanced than painful. He has told me he has been talking to his (now ex) girlfriend a few times a week because they are friends, 'close', etc. Then why in the hell did they break up. He tells me he has told her all about me and she is dating someone. He continues to say he wants me back, etc etc and he would do anything for me to come down there. Just hearing him say he talks to his ex triggered a bunch of garbage for me-it took me back to a very crazy, vulnerable place that didnt feel good at all. It also made me think of all of the damage that has been done and how in the world would this be repaired. (is he talking to GF for supply and me for supply??). I realize logically that there is nothing healthy about a relationship with this man and I also realize that I would be taking a HUGE gamble at going back. Gambling is not for me 40 something and it is NOT to put my kids through.
Has anyone experienced this unbalanced, crazy whirlwind feeling when they have had Contact. Of course you have, I just want to hear some validation or examples or get a reality check from you all.
Shyloh
Spinning I know, you are so
He is coming to see d this
Shy, this is where you really have to
spinning
After remaining NC for a few
Yes.yes that is exactly how
So after a few days of NC.
Doesn't this feel after a
maybe you haven't experienced enough pain yet
Again-thank you all for the
I text asked him how often he
Shyloh...you really should
shyloh
I am so sick of feeling this
Shyloh, one thing I had
Ok, I am at work now and it's
Thank you Laya for
Shyloh, good deal on your
spinning
You open the door a crack..........
don't do it!!
You are all right and I know