Pets

mine loved his pets but he never took the dog for a walk he said the dog did n't like walks but i always thought the dog looked bored. and he always critisised other people's pets.

Turns out my N treated my dog just as he treated me..... covertly and adoring to our faces. Up front he told me he didn't like pets- to much work to care for. It always confused me because while dating and prior to living together he took INCREDIBLE care of my dog. I remember feeling confused about it...or maybe just gut telling me things here. Anyways....when we moved in together he went to great lengths to spoil the dog. Went to butcher each weekend to get special bones, fed him filet mignon from table....always did things to have him coming back for more. What is interesting to note is he never walked him and still always stood his ground telling others he wasnt a dog person. In the end, I thought my dog had won him over because of the way he treated him. One night he got drunk and told me no that was not the case, he didnt win him over....he hated him in the beginning and he hates him now. His actions didnt match his words The day I moved out, he said if you don't get your dog right now out of my house, I will drown and kill him out back in the lake. I had forgotten until now how his behaviors with my dog bothered me so....never acted like he hated him only said it. crazymaking!

I always wondered my ex-P professor didn't have pets, since his colleagues tended to have them. One professor who lived on-campus had his dogs, as did a female professor who often palled around with him. When I asked him, he hinted that he didn't get along with animals (or possibly vice versa) He put up the act of how he was too gentle and kind to kill a spider on his porch. He talked about how people who ate meat would gruesomely die from mad cow disease (this was the '90s). He claimed to be vegetarian... and copied the arguments of his mentor, Cora Diamond. But now I believe the story that he was seen at a fast food place wolfing down hamburgers. I didn't believe it then--but I sure believe it now!

After my N mother's dog was tragically killed 20 years ago, she went and got an identical red doberman and gave it the same name! After that dog died of natural causes, she did it once more, same breed-same name! She just added a "2" or "3" to their name so I will know which dog she's talking about. To me that really shows how an N views their pets, as interchangeable, replaceable objects.

Most animals give their owners unconditional love and attention. I think that is why N's want pets or "tolerate" pets. My brother and I always used to say to each other that my mother loved her dogs more than her kids. It's true (though I know she isn't capable of really loving). Her facebook has some of her favorite pictures, all of them are of her dogs, yet none of her grandkids. She always has to have 2 dogs, one of them she favors, the other one she labels the "dummy" or something similar. I was just talking to my husband about this the other night, I have only seen my mom cry TWICE in my life. Once was when she was physically injured by falling on ice, the other was when her dog was accidently shot by a hunter. There have been deaths of family members,(one in particular, my great-grandmother who she seemed to be close to, who died in a car accident) and other sad events in her/our lives growing up, but losing that dog effected her like nothing I've ever seen. She was inconsolable, and I actually cried FOR her because It was the first time I ever saw that type of emotion coming from my mom. I love animals, the difference is that unlike an N, I really love my pets, its a 2 way thing, they are not objects to control. I also tend to not trust people who seem to treat their animals better than their family and friends. It always gives me the creeps, due to what I know about my N mother.

When I first started seeing my exN, he had 3 dogs. His favorite was his pitbull. That dog was the only one that got any love/attention from him whatsoever. He would feed the other two, but they always stayed outside and he rarely showed them affection. The pit was fed steak and got to sleep in the bed. He was also very controlling of the pit (and the pit was really sweet... he claims the dog was only sweet because of him). Especially when he was drunk, he would treat that dog just awful. At least I thought so. Like hitting him, kicking him and sliding him across the tile floor into the wall, and the worst thing... picking him up by his jowls and dangling him above the floor. He said his dog felt no pain when he did that. Come on. It was so painful to watch. He called it "training." Another note... I also remember him barking orders at me like dog commands. One day I told him, "Don't talk to me like I'm your dog." I remember the cold, blank stare I got in return.

My ex N had a yellow lab and when we broke up.. he would tell me he how felt by saying the dog never wants to see you again, the dog misses his mom, etc.. He would constantly send me pictures of the dog.. Trying to make me feel guilty for not going back to him after the first D&D. He acted like he loved it, but now that I think about it, i was the one who walked the dog, got him new food and water.. he only uses it for like everyone is saying above, unconditional love.. but hardly does anything to take care of it..

Mine N always goes for exotic animals. I think more because he likes the attention he gets from having something that no one else has rather than from any actual love that he would get from them. He's even had a pet alligator. Its dead now. But he seems to get bored with them after a couple of months when the novelty wears off. I had to put my dog to sleep on Wednesday. She was a 13yo pit bull terrier that actually used to be his. I took it in after he no longer wanted and it was wandering around. Anyway, instead of taking the dog to the shelter or finding a new how for the dog before it ended up in my possession he actually tried to kill it himself because he didn't want it and it was dumb to be "mean". She really was the sweetest dog ever. I found this out and that he succeeded in killing at least two other pets but I found out well into our relationship. His fav line is "Who else do you know that has a _______?" It makes him feel so special I guess.

this is interesting because i was curious if it was typical for all pets to intuitively NOT like N's. My little dog always greets everyone at the door with tail wagging but not the ExN. Even my ex husband gets the tail wagging greeting even tho I never had my dog while we were married. But when the N came in he would look up and cower with his tail wagging and pee on the floor. It was sad. He would wag his tail because the exN would always give him treats but then he would go get in his bed and stay there when typically he rarely left my side. He also refused to let my dog sleep in the same room. The oddest thing happened during our last reconciliation when my dog actually went up to him and put his head on the exN's knee then laid at his feet. The exN got all paranoid and said 'what is it, you think i have cancer or something?' Shortly after he returned to normal cowering and wagging and retreating to his bed. I figured maybe it was HIV:) I also wondered if he was so convinced of his own 'change' that he had even fooled my dog for a minute. That is one red flag I will never dismiss again. My dog is 9 and has never reacted to anyone in his life like he did to the exN.

The N's mom had a few cats. Strays she'd taken in. The N was particularly fond of 1 cat out of 4. Always giving 'Kitty' the most attention. The N was overseas & his mom would occasionally call to check-in on me. One day she called & mentioned that Kitty had been sick & just passed away. She'd spoke w/the N a few hours earlier & broke the news. She said the N cried. I just thought 'aawwwww'. My other phone line clicks & it's the N. I hang up w/his mom & greet him. He's silent. I hear sniffles. Sniff, sniff. I said, "Babe, you ok?" In the voice of a 6 y/o he says, "Kitty died." I said, "yea, your mom told me. Sorry." Then, in that same voice, he says, "I...I cried." He began weeping. Silence. He blows his nose & returns to earth: "So what's up baby? You miss me?" Wha...what?!? Did he tell me that he cried THEN followed up w/an example of his crying...over the cat??? (Fire engine RED FLAG!!!)

Personally, I think this may be a way to tell the difference (not at all scientific - just my own opinion.) I think a sociopath would neglect and abuse an animal, but a narc wouldn't necessarily. All the narc's I've encountered have had a soft spot for cats or dogs. I think it goes back to the whole stuck at age five mentality. They may not have a realistic idea of how to take care of that animal (which is where the neglect may come to play,) but they wouldn't intentionally harm the animal. They may get bored of the animal, like Paris Hilton would get bored with her dogs or friends and then replace them like jewelry . . . A sociopath would however, torture and abuse an animal intentionally to see it hurt. They enjoy the high. Sick sick sick. A narc would enjoy the adulation from having a pet. If the dog is very lovable, it means the narc is lovable right? Part of the image. I could be completely wrong, but it's just a theory.

My best friend and I, we are both married to narcs, think they relate better to other species than to humans as the pets seem to be important to them, but then things happen that show how personality disorderd they really are. (First of all I took the initiative to get a puppy for our son when he was little as the N never would have even thought of it and I also rescued another that has become a second cherished pet for my son.) What happens is that I will find that the animals are completely neglected if I am gone. I had to take a three day trip to see my ailing mother and made sure there was enough dog food in the house. Guess what? The bag was exactly as I had left it and the poor dog was starving when I returned. He swore he had fed him. The worst was when my son and I were driving into the carport from school and our beautiful dog was lying on the curb next to the drive (it was a busy street). At first I couldn't believe it was our dog and then I quickly pulled up and we opened the door where he jumped happily into the seat. Realizing he was safe we panicked and ran to the house assuming something awful had happened to the narc to have found the dog unattended near the street. He was doing the dishes, the outside door was wide open, and he seemed oblivious to our concern, saying something like, "The dogs OK isn't he?" I realize now that he is so totally bat **!! crazy that he was just messing with our heads. At the time I noticed he had been throwing things (remnants of a head of lettuce were scattered near the garbage and the kitchen was kind of torn up and he was doing the dishes which he never does.) What had occurred was his recent 'firing' from work had broken through his disassociation barrier because his attorney had called and he is so deeply deviant he had risked our most precious friend in that sick way they have of making it look like just a chance cirucumstance. That was the end of ever trusting him with the pets, or my sons care for that matter, and marked a turning point in our realization of how truly sick he is. Although I have been trying and trying to get away and think we are almost free (I have to be very careful to plan everything perfectly this time as he has managed to always 'return' in the past) he did just pull one of his crazy scenes with our old cat. He neglected it for years and finally when it seemed about to give up I suggested he take it to the vet. That helps me because absolutely everything I do is questioned or second-guessed and I figured he could handle this. I know it turned into one of those scenes where he dominates the stage at the vets office and to make a long story short the cat received unnecessary care that she would have been much better w/out and after two or three more trips where I know he was told she needed to be put out of her misery he kept bringing her home. Finally I said it was time as it was unfair to watch her waste away and it never occurred to me that he would try and drag our child into the mess. (It was almost comical to watch him try so desperately try to push it all onto me because he was bored with the supply from the vet and when I finally had to give her an insulin shot because he missed his train and elected to spend the night 'in town' ((another story)) he kept saying, "Wasn't that easy?" and kept saying it until I had to respond with an affirmative.) It was agreed that he would take her in the following morning and I'll be damned if he didn't try and wheedle our son into going along even though it was not necessary or appropriate. I then had to finesse the whole 'good-bye' and fortunately our son is old enough to comprehend some of the craziness so elected to stay home. He also had a buddy visiting and in spite of his dad trying to dominate that situation it went well for our son and took the edge off losing the cat. (This was the same man who made it a point to destroy our sons Christmas one year by telling him there was no Santa when he was still wanting to believe.) I am just so tired of needing to constantly dodge his mistakes or wonder what horrible thing he will pull next. Wish me luck to get away soon, with our dogs, and restore some sanity to our lives.

My ex N loved pets ! he is 43 and still speaks about a wild cat he had hecalled him Thunder...He said he would say hey thunder,and that cat would rise on his 2 back paws,,,then he said ..i fed and gave love to that cat for 2 years and he was suddenly gone...Well me too i ..i gave YOU love and you were suddenly gone...Oh and he said that was a cat in his neighbourhood,without nails and when the other cats wanted to fight him he would moan under his window so he could save him...He said also that he thinks he has telepatic contact with animals....Well one knows one...

People have pets for the same reason they have children: an extension of themselves and for the attention it gets them! That applies to both the N in my life and my mother, also an N. When it comes down to it, I don't think they truly love the pets either, but that love is as close as they can get to real love. My N just had a health scare with her dog. All she could talk about was how much she cried, how scared she was... but nothing much about the poor dog! I encouraged her to stay home to keep an eye on the dog the next day but instead she came to work and told EVERYONE the story of how sick the dog was. All the while, this 7 pound dog was home alone after she gave him a Benadryl for the first time! At the end of the day, she says to me (very casually), "I hope when I get home he is not d..., that he is okay." SHE WAS GOING TO SAY "DEAD" but switched it before finishing the word! They love their pets, as much as they can love anything. I think it's the closest they can get to true love. I think it only looks like they truly love their pets because of how horribly they treat people!

Mine liked pets, she had 2 rabbits, hamster and we looked after a dog now and then. I thought the same way, if someone likes animals they must be kind person... and she was kind. BUT it's when it suited her. She had the pets for her kids more than herself which is fine. and she looked after them etc. But she despised cats. I think ur right about dogs etc. giving unconditional love and that's what they expect.

Mine did love his dog more than me. Or it appeared this way. He would love anything that didnt question his existance. Its pretty sad to know that a dog held more importance in the persons life than you!

Mind doesn't like cats, but loves my dogs. He always told me he could never respect me if I got rid of my dogs (one of them goes to the bathroom all the time inside the house). Interestingly, he said he can't have pets of his own bc he can't take care of them!

A few of the N's I dated had pets. Dogs mostly. One of them had two dogs and the one that was obedient, he loved, but the one that was wild, free spirited and wouldn't listen he couldn't stand. There was clearly favoritism. If you think about it, dogs are the perfect pets for N's to have. Dogs with personalities that are submissive, usually ADORE their owners. I have two dogs, one that is sweet and passive, the other is assertive and stubborn. My last N couldn't stand my boy, but loved the girl she would snuggle up to him.