Pets

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Jul 2 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Pets

Narcissists love pets because they give them unconditional love and attention, they don't talk back and ask for very little in return. Some dogs literally worship their owner and this is exactly the kind of treatment a narcissist expects. Even better, a dog can't talk back. I have found some narcissists replace relationships with pets. My EXNH compared his love for me to our cats when pressed to describe how he felt for me. No joke. Here's another copy and paste from my book: Our last fall together, I told Andrew I did not think he was in love with me. He had just been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by the very therapist he asked me to start seeing with him. Based on what I had read about narcissism, I told him narcissists aren’t capable of love and I didn’t think he loved me. He tried to convince me that he did, and was more than capable of love. We argued back and forth about it for a while. Finally I said, “Okay, then describe love to me. Describe what your love for me feels like.” He gave me a blank stare and paused. I said, “You shouldn’t have to think about it that hard.” He quickly responded by saying “My love for you feels like . . . is like . . . well . . . it’s like . . . the same warm feeling I get when I look at Abe and Buddy.” Abe and Buddy were our six-year-old cats. I sat in astonishment, for I could hardly believe my husband was describing the love he felt for me by comparing it to the feelings he had for our cats. The sad thing is, Andrew was being completely honest with me, and I eventually understood why. By researching narcissism, I learned that narcissists have disconnected from themselves to such a degree that they do not allow themselves to love anyone. It is too risky. It made sense to me that if Andrew were to genuinely care for anyone, it would be someone who posed no threat to him, like our cats. A pet is a safe haven for a narcissist. A pet poses no threat of abandonment or rejection. A pet offers unconditional love. A pet often follows you around and worships the ground you walk on, right? Well, this is the perfect relationship for a narcissist. A pet will adore and fall all over you, but expects very little in return. That day when Andrew told me his love for me felt the same as when he looked at our cats, my suspicions that he was a narcissist were reconfirmed.
Jul 2 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Lisa

So, your N was actually diagnosed? Did that all of it easier on you? Oddly enough, the final straw in the relationship with the N that I lived with, was when I came home late from work one night and had asked him to feed my dogs and they had not been fed. He would walk around ,claim they were his and get all the attention from having them around, but refused to care for them at all. It's sad how I would allow him to mistreat me, but not my babies.
Jul 2 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Wow

Isn't that amazing. In both situations with your ex, Neveragain and yours, Byrde, they failed to care and feed for the dogs, but were right there waiting for the attention to be lapped on them. They are so selfish, it's unreal. Yes, my EXNH was diagnosed with full blown NPD. I suppose it did make it easier in the sense that whenever I would doubt whether he was a narc, I would picture his therapist confirming his NPD and it would help. Regardless of this, I constantly doubted it. I would go back and forth in my head all the time. Is he or isn't he? That's part of their programming. They cause us to doubt ourselves about everything.
Jul 2 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

I know! Going in, there were

I know! Going in, there were no expectations that he would fully embrace them because they had been with me for years, but when I saw that he didn't care enough to tend to their basic needs, even as a favor to me, I knew at that point I needed to get out. Amazing that no matter how much we are validated or the support that we receive, we are still left with the side effects of being with them.
Jul 2 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Steph
Steph's picture

Thanks:)

That clears that up for me! It's sickening. The things they like about pets are the same things they are looking for in us.
Jul 2 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Byrde
Byrde's picture

Dogs

Mine had two dogs that he adored. However, he tended to neglect them with his busy schedule. I actually spent more time with his dogs during our relationship than with him. I always felt bad that they were home alone in a crate for such long periods that I would go over there in my free time -- even if he was working -- to just hang out with them and let them have some freedom. I would actually have to remind him that we would need to go home early or have someone go over there because of the dogs.
Jul 2 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Too much responsibility

Mine did not have pets, but his family had dogs. He lived at home, but seemed to have no relationship with the animals. When he visited me, one of my cats refused to interact with him and would hide. She knew more than I did!
Jul 2 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

hitandrun

Yes, cats are very intuitive. My cat could not stand my EXN boyfriend I was with after my EXNH from day one. She hated him. I should have paid more attention to this. She knew more than I did too!
Jul 2 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
M
M's picture

Cats

My cats hid whenever he was in the house. I at first thought it ws because of hislarge dog--which he would take EVERYWHERE he could. When the dog died, he kept the ashes in an urn buried in the backyard. After the divorce & he moved out, my cats now roam the house. Friends of 7 years came over & never knew I had 2 cats because they never saw them when he was home. He demanded I dig up that urn--and sued me for the current dog. People have commented about his unhealthy relationships with dogs...
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

My N had no pets and claimed

My N had no pets and claimed to not like them.