The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



My boss

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Sep 13 - 2PM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

My boss

Uhm... so I'm pretty certain my female boss is a narc. I am actually surprised it didn't occur to me sooner after my coworker told me how she had received the silent treatment on various occasions just because she had informed her boss of things she was doing that weren't right or against the contract
(I can't be more specific because I am too freaked out someone could read something I have posted on the matter)
Yesterday and today I experienced some crazy behavior from my boss' part. She
- yelled at me for no reason
- spoke to me in a very rude way
- basically told me everything I had done wrong (I haven't done anything wrong)
- lied (!) - she came up with a bullshit reason for something she had done. Basically she made a mistake and came up with a fake reason for her decision. It turned out later that is was a lie
- contradicted herself
- used a very threatening tone
Later she spoke to me as if nothing had happened.

This entire episode today freaked me out. I've had some crazy bosses before but this one's bizarre.
I have also spoken to a couple of coworkers who have experienced similar things

And now, what?

So glad I had gotten rid of my other narc and now I have to deal with one on a daily basis?

Oct 9 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to my world!!! Do

Welcome to my world!!! Do your job, keep a safe distance, and document!! Cumminaction must be put in writing.. They lie to cover their ass! I have a whole file in my desk just in case.. There are harassment laws that you may need to utilize! Do your job.. If you are producing there is nothing she can complain about!! Hunter
Oct 9 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

I am definitely going to

I am definitely going to start to document.
Oct 4 - 9PM
Hope
Hope's picture

Be careful who else you talk to in the office...

The same situation just happened to me, got rid of my XN and then I realized my boss, a woman was also an N but both have psychopath tendencies as well. Everyone in my branch disliked her, (the boss) she had a couple of workers loyal to her, but one was new and the other definitely a subjugator, but I would suggest you not speak to anyone in the office about the situation, just go along as best you can and keep your mouth shut, be very professional. Also no one should point out to their boss what the boss is doing wrong, that will get you into trouble every time, you need to go about it in a different way, learn techniques to deal with her or try to transfer or find a new job. My situation you could not work under this woman she was that bad, very emotionally abusive, so I left but was lucky to be able to transfer and now enjoy my office. Try using the word "and" instead of "but" when you need to make a point, when someone uses but it automatically discounts whatever point the other person was making, so if the boss says something even if it is out there in left field just say, that's interesting...and what about using this too...good luck.
Oct 9 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Thanks you so much for your

Thanks you so much for your reply and useful tips. I will definitely try the "and"-technique you suggested. Hadn't heard that before - sounds very feasible. A lot has happened since I last posted. I did talk to coworkers about the situation but was very careful about who I talked to (there are definitely some coworkers who are on her side although some of those have been mistreated by her on occasion as well). Meanwhile she seems to have gone completely crazy - by now the majority of my coworkers have been yelled at for one thing or another and the subject has been brought up during common lunches etc. So it does feel good to know that it was definitely not about me! It's interesting to see how many of my coworkers are OK with her behavior or will say things like "well, you have to learn to live with it when she yells at you". Most agree that our boss doesn't think we are bad at the job we are doing but that she will just yell at people especially when SHE has done something wrong. While I know that it is most likely not personal, I do have a problem with someone talking to me like that - especially when I cannot defend myself properly because of my position compared to hers. I am thinking about looking for another job. I had a crazy boss in the past (not sure if that one was a narc too, I didn't know about narcs then), I don't think I can take another one. This feeling of being powerless is really bothering me. Right now things are OK for me but I am hearing more and more what happened to coworkers. It also seems like a couple of coworkers are telling the boss stuff about other coworkers. NOT COOL. How likely is it that a narc-boss might get burnout-syndrome?
Dec 28 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

How are you doing in your situation at work!! exN free i hope..!

It is a horrible thing to have that complication at work..truly awful...you are doing your best, contributing, and here comes all sorts of crap and nonsense,,from the person who is suppose to be supporting you... The pathological lying is the first tip..they lie all day every day about everything and anything... I got so sick of being lied to about the smallest and most stupid things... Got lied to and cheated out of what was rightfully mine.. They try to steal your thunder, take your power,,,, I hope you resolved it all,,keep us posted!
Oct 17 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Burnout

I think Narcs burn thru some many people, burn so many bridges, that they DO burn themselves out. They suffer burnout sooner than normal people because of what they inflict on others. My former Narc boss, who had been the dietary supervisor for 8 years by the time he hired me, was fired 8 months after I left. He ALWAYS complained about burnout, the managers not listening to him, etc. My former Narc boss liked triangulation. I remember my mother telling me things like "sometimes you deserve to be yelled at" and "sometimes I have to yell at you to make you do what I want"-no wonder I stayed. I felt like I DESERVED that mistreatment. And it explains my wonderment at where I work now-its professionalism, it's far more courteous and civil. Less tension.