A Mask of Goodness?

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May 25 - 5AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

here's a smack.........

mine tried to murder me...then was friendly and chatty to the cops...... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 24 - 4PM
secondchance
secondchance's picture

they are all like that to acquaintances

mine acted just like that. didn't have ANY real friends but was sooooo nice to casual acquaintances. the person they all know is great. the person my kids and i lived with wasn't. trust me...i spent 22+ years trying to get mine to be normal. doesn't work!!
May 24 - 4PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

One of the last things my ex-N said

When my ex-N and I were having our final arguments, I asked him why he had spent so much time with me- going out to lunch, talking on the phone, going to concerts/lectures. He said, "Because I'm a nice guy." A nice guy does NOT lie about having a girlfriend. A nice guy does NOT go into Narc rages. A nice guy does NOT reduce a woman to tears in front of his colleagues and her friends--and get pleasure from it. The strange irony is that my ex-N did NOT have the "good guy" reputation. His colleagues shunned him;my classmates hated him.
May 25 - 3PM (Reply to #14)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

A nice guy

When I would break up with the narc he would be really nice to me, while saying, "I'm giving you a nice night because I'm a nice guy and I want you to remember that."
May 25 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

My ex-N thought he was the Bad Boy

My ex-N aspired to the Bad Boy image. I think he knew that his students detested him (okay, teaching isn't a popularity contest, shouldn't be, but WANTING your students' hatred is going a bit far),and that his colleagues for the most part put him on pariah status (especially the male ones) Over a period of 4 years,I saw my ex-N get progressively WORSE. I didn't see him have an "a-ha,I need to change my act" moment, a conversion experience... just more lies, more mind games. He went from bad to terrible... then commanded me to feel hatred for him (after the D&D) At the beginning,he said,"People think I'm mean"--now I realize he fed off of that.
May 24 - 3PM
NoNarcingZone
NoNarcingZone's picture

And the award for...

Best Portrayal of a HUMAN in a real world setting, goes to...the N! HitandRun he didn't JUST fall out of love with you. The FRAUDS never loved us to begin with. We fulfill a temporary void. A void that I find satisfaction in knowing an N will never be able to fill. Never! They will continue to 'put on airs' as if YOU are missing out because you didn't oblige them. YOU were difficult. Yea, difficult in response to being gaslighted & shat upon. The lunacy of it all! Tssshh! Famiy Matters - BULLSHIT! They too know what a vile heap of shit the N is. If they aren't Ns themselves, they're just plain in denial - of the damages that he does. Even to them.

-------------------------------------------
"Soldier, don't confuse your rank with MY authority!"

May 24 - 1PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

My psycopath sets himself up

My psycopath sets himself up as the pillor of the comunity , he is always doing projects that make him look like he cares , its a compleat joke , fraud . He does it so everyone will think of him as mr nice guy but really he is a twisted , perverted psycopath .The irony is astounding . God i hate him, he is compleatly full of shit .
May 25 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Scoop

My foster father N takes his "baby" to volunteer with him at a disabled adults home--once a year. You would think the GD Heavens were supposed to open and take them both up to the right hand of God because they spend six hours a year washing dishes for a brunch. The last time he went, he came home and I asked him how his day was. He said, "Baby, no talking. I'm tired. Get down there."
May 26 - 4AM (Reply to #10)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Helldweller

"baby, no talking. Im tired. Get down there " OMG . no really OMG ! The bit Barbara posted form WWLP is so spot on . I was thinking about all the sex in the first 6 months and it was relentless . I think i spent a whole summer in bed with him , he would call me beautiful , amazing , cleaver and funny . I was bonded to him like glue .... but heres the thing right , he always mantained this gaslight of events that i chased him , he was an inocent by stander and i was the preditor .hahahahahahah.. projection or WHAT !He didnt have his hands off me or a good 6 months and even right up to the last he would always have some part of him touching some part of me even if it was just a hand on the knee when me where sitting with friends . We would snuggle up in bed like the painthing "the kiss" arms and bodys "as one" and he would calmly anounce something shocking like " he was going to india for a year " or that he "might sleep with that girl down the pub " many many things he would say to pull the rug out from under me ... did he know what he was doing ? YES ! it gave him a buzz , it made him feel in controle , it was his drug he needed to feel good ...I remeber the feeling of lying in his arms feeling as happy and fulfilled as i ever had in my life and then the next minute i was in floods of tears feeling the werst i had ever felt in my life ...this is how i know i am dealing with a psycopath because normal people do not take you from one extreem to the other in a blink of an eye . I was an emotional yo yo for him , just a toy . It chills me to think there is a man walking around caperble of such evil , he could kill someone and not feel anything .. i have seen it in him ... just chilling .And yet he had me believeng right up to reasently he was a "good guy " just misundersttod , he had a bad upbringing ,he was imature , i would troll out all excuses apart form the truth .The truth is he is a psycopath . Scoop x
May 26 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Scoop

Yes, I called it the "bomb dropping." He would set things up so that he could drop bombs on the most seemingly perfect situations: I'm leaving you home on Christmas, I'm moving, I'm taking in a foster child, I'm going to California for a week, I'm not going to be here for your daughters' birthday party. It's wierd, but after he got the foster child, the child would inadvertently drop bombs on me, too, poor thing, and tell me the stuff they had done or were going to do, like going to Disneyland with another woman or spending the night at an old girlfriend's house. It is so strange, now, to observe him just gone. It meant absolutely nothing, except that it was so darn convenient to come and screw me because I'm right next door. I'm sure, though, that he has already found another woman around the corner. I did find out from a neighbor that all of his girlfriends of the past ten years before me have been from within a two block radius--women who just wandered into his radar that he didn't have to drive to see, to take out anywhere, or make plans with: just women that were right there, literally when he wanted them. So messed up.
May 24 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Thanks Barbara and Scoop

Thank God my ex N-spath-disorderd-whatever-he-is f*ckhead lives 3 hours away. Unfortunately,I still bump into people asking when I'm getting married. The one thing I am curious about is what lie he told about us ending? Probably that I was a crazy jealous psycho bitch from hell...ha!ha! The last time I saw him I did say some whacked stuff. It was like my intuition was prompting me to tell him how I would react if he cheated or hit me. Of course I did this in a form of a story, telling him what my Mother did to my Father...tee-hee. But with these folks, your intuition just goes by the wayside...at least mine did...until the last month of the ordeal...it kicked back in a bit. You are right Barbara, normal relationships end and you are sad, but you don't feel like this...not at all. That should be the thing I remind myself. The best revenge I can achieve(since he is Mr. Successful now) is to kick butt and make my life into what I dreamed before he showed up. That would be the best revenge ever. Yes, they suck. And I AM his Karma. Not taking this lying down. Waiting for my court date.
May 24 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

My narc told people that

My narc told people that "scoop is a great girl but we where just not right for each other , i still care about her though and i think she will try and get back with me " ... someone pass me the sick bucket.... this is an account of a friend of mine when he was in the pub with our friends .....Did he mention that he told me to f**ck of when i though i was pregnant ? did he mention that he told me to f**k off when i found out my mum was dieing . Did he tell them that he beat me up because i wanted a hug ? did he tell them that he f**ked me then dumped when i was still naked ? nooooo of cause not , strangly not a word about all this and thats because he would rather die than let people see what a c*nt he is ...sorry .. for the c word but sometime its the only word that will do .! Scoop x
May 25 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

scoop is a great girl but . . .

Geezus. It's the same GD guy. I swear every single thing you said happened to me, too, Scoop. F offf cause I was pregnant; F off cuz my mom was dying; beating me up cuz I needed a hug; dumping me when i was still naked.
May 24 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Scoop

I hope you told people this... "oh yes I really want to get back with a guy who told me to f**k off when...." and "you mean he didn't tell you about the time he beat me up when I wanted a hug? Yeah, that's a keeper for sure." LOL whale sh*t... that's what he is. maybe he needs one of these: http://www.thepayback.com/envelopes.htm ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 24 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mask of goodness

http://www.ultimate-self.com/the-liar/ http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#appear http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm .did he just fall out of love with me(since he's such a "nice guy") or is he twisted do NORMAL guys make people feel completely messed up when they leave? would you have gone out with him if he wasn't wearing his good guy mask? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 28 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
janetc
janetc's picture

great websites

Thanks so much for your excellent websites. I have struggled with this specific aspect for so long (the "good guy" act) and the cognitive dissonance from it. I was very brainwashed for 30 years, BUT I sensed and knew it was BS...but then everyone around me told me how wonderful he was and he made sure to act super loving to me and like I was the best thing ever when he was around others. BIG TIME cognitive dissonance from this...but I sensed, knew in my bones it was BS. When I had spoken of getting counseling from a pastor before, you took it that I was proselytizing, and I didn't address it at that point as I am still very much in the depths of PTSD, etc, but actually what I wanted to convey, but guess I didn't very well, was a WARNING that you can get thrown under the bus by this! (certainly not encouraging others to go this route, rather it was an explanation of why I put up with the N for so long). I have horrible guilt about what the N has done to his daughters and that I should have left him years ago. My therapist just recommended a workbook and book on PTSD that I am ordering, if it is any good I will let you know. I also have an appointment for my first EMDR therapy next week. I am hoping this will help. After a year of being separated, and reading voraciously, I realize I am still far from recovery and still have a lot of work to do! Thanks again for your excellent references Barbara!

Janet

May 28 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Janet

unfortunately Pastors and Christian counselors (even Jewish counselors) are well known for being CLUELESS about abuse. Not all but from what I've heard and read - most. And pathologicals? that's above their pay grade unfortunately. I hope you do or have found a good therapist now though Janet ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller