LilyS's story

I met a Narc and had the fairy tale that all ended the moment I questioned him about something. He of course, had tried to separate me from friends, told me some were hitting on him, others were criminals or druggies. He seemed so sincere and cared so much about me that it was easy to fall for it and some of the people in my life that he was speaking ill of weren't the most trustworthy people either. So it created the perfect storm. I got to a point where I'd wake up in the morning with the room spinning because I was so stressed out and unable to eat. He then told me we needed a break because of his job, but continued to call me everyday. Meanwhile, the other people in my life were telling me bad things about him, some true, some false. Looking for the truth was like trying to hold onto sand...impossible.
So after a couple of months apart and me finally starting to get my life back together, he came back. He wasn't as sweet this time, but I guess I craved the attention. I was lonely. That was three months ago. Then, recently, unbeknownst to me, I was D&D'd and he now has a much younger NS.
Right now I am reeling from it, trying to hold onto the notion that nothing he ever said was true, that it was all a ruse for control, which I handed him on a silver platter. So, I'm reading the book now and I have one major problem and that is the NC rule. We are both in the same field in a town where it will be impossible to avoid him (think as if you were at the same private school with your Narc). I try to rise above it and ignore him, but it's hard and seeing him with his NS hurts like hell. Any suggestions?

thanameizfoxy's picture

Yeah, Samn vaknin is a Narc, himself. Pretty funny and crazy man. I hope all things get better...It's a shame how these people deflate us... Could you guys go and read my story... about the douche..
ruby01's picture

Hey LilyS, Having been d&d'd and then have to face them is a tough road to hoe, but it can be done. Realize that you are in a unique position, one of power in fact. This ass has more than likely done exactly what he did to you to numerous others; However, you are not a hit & run. He has to see you over and over again. He can not hide from the truth. It is smack dab in front of him. The beauty is you don't have to do a thing. Matter of fact it's very important that you don't. Suck it up as best you can. Chin up, shoulders back and walk with ALL the confidence in the world. He is a total piece of garbage, and deep down he knows it. Your presence will remind him of that everyday and your apparent lack of caring will drive the nail in harder. In time it will no longer be an act for you. It will be a natural progression to indifference. Trust me on this. Good luck! xxx, Ruby PS- Reading books to understand them is very important. Make sure you include some that are about self help & positive thinking. My personal favorite author is Eckhart Tolle “Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” ― Eckhart Tolle
LilyS's picture

Ruby, Thank you for your words. I am definitely trying to keep my chin up. I certainly haven't caused any scenes or shown any weakness to him or anyone. He is new in town too, so he doesn't have any other victims here yet, but he's playing with young girls now and it may get him into some trouble when he can't keep up his act anymore. Not my problem though. I will definitely swap over to some self-help and positive-thinking type books. I was just trying to beat it into my head that he is bad bad bad by reading all of the others because I've had some moments of weakness and idealizing him lately. I definitely don't need anti-depressants though as I am not clinically depressed, just hurt and sad as anyone would be in this situation. Lily
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville.. Many members work with their narcs or have kids with them so NC is not a 100% option!! You are going to have to suck it up set boundaries and stick to them.. They like to control not be controlled .. Answer only work questions and keep to the topic...stick to Email only and only answer work questions.. If they are not work related you must not respond.. I recommended reading, reading and reading.. Narc are all around us.. How you phrase things with them is very important.. Very important.. Never make the conversation about him ever.. Oh take me to work with you.. I'll show you.. Can I come ?.. Please!!! UGH.. I feel bad for you.. Hunter
LilyS's picture

Thank you for the reply. I think the worst part is that his NS is involved in the same field and same little environment. Also some of the people I deal with, who he said all sorts of terrible things about now look at me as if I was this crazy, clingy, desperate woman which is so far from the truth. I have never had anyone mess with my head to this extent and I suppose he was able to do it because I had just relocated and was missing my old friends. He "seemed" so much like them since he became anything and everything I could ever want during the beginning. So, tell me, what books should I be reading? I have read Narcissist Lovers, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of Psychopaths AMong Us, Difficult Personalities: It's Not You, It's Them, and Why Does He Do That all recently and I am reading Lisa's book right now. I'm thinking maybe I need to reread all of them! Thank you though! Most of all I'm happy to have found this site so that I can read about and get advice from other people who are going through the same thing. My friends are great, but they get tired or tell you to just get over it "he's a player," which isn't that helpful when your mind has been toyed with. Oh and I wish you could come with me and deal with him. I need a laugh! Thanks, Lily
Hunter's picture

Ugh!! You need a shrink and maybe anti depressants too.. Awesome isn't it?? You're on a reading frenzy :) that's good.. Reading is a great tool.. Check out Sam Vaknin on u tube.. Hunter