The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



kamin's story

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#1 Dec 19 - 8PM
kamin
kamin's picture

kamin's story

I come from an culture were parents choose the bride/groom. However, after living for years in the States, I chose to find my own mate. I knew this man for the last 1.5 yrs thru common friends. Distance was definitely an issue as we were living on 2 different coasts. After a couple of meetings, I got to know of his past and also of his having paranoia (he thought someone was out there to get him). He was on medication for the same. I encouraged him to find a good psychiatrist. I thought everything was going good though at times I did feel that I was the one who was more involved than him. We were very much a couple who were drawn towards each other.

I made a couple of trips to his place and he spent a couple of days at my place. All was fine till one weekend, I called him a few times as I was not able to reach him. And he picked up the phone and said in a cool and composed manner that he was traveling and that he would have called me the next day..

But the next day arrived and all hell broke loose. He went on a rage over the phone saying that I was trying to be selfish, that I was full of negativity, that I was doing things to please him, that I was sounding hysterical in the VM that I had left him and that "be considerate! I need to spend time with my parents too", "You sounded hysterical like I am seeing someone else" etc.etc., Quite a few of our conversations involved things about my losing weight. He had asked me to lose weight and I said that I was trying but he thought that I was trying to please him by saying so..

Anyways, things did calm down after that and I paid another visit to his town. I spent 3 days there and things seemed fine. He would take me in a warm embrace which made me feel wanted and and loved and I did see a bright light at the end of the tunnel... I thought he would pop the question to me this time as I had gotten to meet the parents. Little did I know that the light at the end of the tunnel was the light from the oncoming train. I asked him during that trip if he missed me any bit when I went back and he kept quiet. So my eyes teared up. Now, he tried to pacify me but I just denied and said its ok. I also said to him that I needed to watch out for myself.

No sooner had I said that, he retreated into his shell and didnt speak a word to me for all of next day. The tension was very obvious. I tried to make peace by patting/rubbing him on the back but all I got was a cold response. My trip ended there; when I asked him what next, he said that he would come down to my place for a long weekend that was coming up shortly and I got back to my home and resumed work.

Again, after I got back, I called and he went on a rage once again, saying, "What the crap did I talk the previous night. ?" etc etc. No amount of explanation would make him see sense. We kept chatting/calling for the next few days. We also made plans of meeting up again at my place a few weeks from then.

Then, a few days from then, I saw that this person would make himself unavailable on the phone and on the internet chat. I left it at that not knowing what was happening. I was very upset. A few days later, I got to know that he was engaged to some other gal after meeting her a couple of times thru some internet dating site. I was shocked beyond words. I still am trying to heal. Even during the last meeting, we were very much a couple. I am so dumb-founded that someone told me lies all along like he were totally into me and then finally dumped and devalued me like a worthless piece of object.

I am working hard on letting go. Do you think this man is a sociopathic naricissist as he seem to be having all the traits. He is not going thru therapy to the best of my knowledge but is on some medication for his illness. I am not able to understand if it is illness that caused him to behave so or if he was using his illness as a excuse to do whatever seemed right to him or if he found someone so attractive that he moved on to a greener pasture.

Was he trying to project his insecurities on to me ? He was verbally abusive once (called me FATSO) for which he apologized. I think a lot of what happened was emotional abuse. I am questioning my own judgment call here. I trusted this person to the extent where when someone warned me about this guy, I said that I will only go by how I interact with him and his past is totally irrelevant to me.

In all of this, where did I go wrong ? Was loving and caring and being concerned for someone incorrect ? Betrayal of trust is a bitter pill to swallow.

Feb 23 - 12AM
kamin
kamin's picture

Warning the next victim

It has been 6 months now since my last contact with the N. He is married now. I am doing much better now with my healing but I still have my down moments. It is very hard to take betrayal and cheating when you trusted him and accepted him despite knowing about his psychiatric problems. I try to find fault with myself and feel so beaten down sometimes. I feel sometimes like wanting to warn the next victim via email but then do not want to get involved with anything at all. She will have to figure it out herself. They are still in their honeymoon phase. I guess it is a matter of time and hope she finds it out sooner rather than later.
Feb 23 - 12AM (Reply to #33)
nycsurvivor
nycsurvivor's picture

kamin

If you've been able to stay NC for 6 months, keep up the good work. Although it may seem like the right thing to do, that is, warn the next victim, it is not a good idea. 1) She won't believe you. 2) You would have taken a huge step BACKWARDS. Do not engage. It's not your problem anymore. Lucky for you. Not so lucky for her.
Jan 9 - 12PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what a loser

asking you to lose weight? ewww my abusive husband of 20 years told me that all the time, If he doesnt love you the way you are tell them not to let the door hit them on the ass on the way out, huge red flag
Jan 10 - 1PM (Reply to #31)
kamin
kamin's picture

Red flags

Now that I look back on it, I think there were RED FLAGS all along that I chose to ignore as I thought things were finally happening for me. 1) One of my friends knew a bit about his past which was not too nice (and when I questioned him the N on that, he said that if it was that important, he would have told me about it). 2) The N always being image conscious -- my image. He felt that I needed to lose weight and constantly said that I was not doing enough to lose weight. He said that I was not doing what he wanted me to do (like running). And when I called him once and mentioned that it was bothering me that he was constantly prodding me on the same, he said SORRY, he didnt mean it that way.. He said that this was a relationship and it was ok for him to have expectations of me. I almost broke down when I talked to him. And the next day when I spoke to him again, he was like, "Why did you have to do that ? What if I had a meeting the next day ". I believe he meant that my talking like that would have made him upset as a result of which he would not have been able to perform well at work in his meeting. --- ALL ABOUT HIM !! 3) The N said that I was trying to please him when I was just being myself. It was like I was trying to appease him so that he would marry me. BS ! 4) The last time I visited him, I asked him if he missed me when I was not around and he kept quiet. I teared up and he tried to pacify and I said that I am ok. All of next day, he never spoke a word.. That was this silent treatment being meted out to me and when I tried to patch up by patting his back, he did not even respond. COLD ! Before I flew back, he said that we can meet up again at my place. And even after I came back, we had a few normal conversations. We made plans of his coming over for a long weekend. He stopped calling/answering calls soon after that. And a couple of weeks after the long weekend, I got to know that he got engaged to some gal. I was just not able to get my head around this. Isnt that ridiculous ?
Jan 9 - 11PM (Reply to #27)
kamin
kamin's picture

Hindsight is 20-20

Hindsight is always 20-20.. During one of our meetings, he said that he was not attracted to me. However he continued being all huggy kissy. He said that he was not attracted but there were other things that were also important. I totally do not understand what was going on in his head. I am still dumb-founded and shocked that he chose another gal in no time. What an asshole ! When I visited him, we were looking at job opportunities for him on the internet by where I live. We spent quite a few hours browsing job related sites. I am so shocked how someone can put up such an act. I hope the girl he is marrying realises this real fast. I hope he pays for his bad karma. I hope he goes thru the same anguish that I have been thru in the past 4 months or so.
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #29)
moving on
moving on's picture

Live in the Present

Hi Kamin, It sounds like we have a similar background in that marriages in our culture can be arranged. In my case, my parents did not know about him except when I took him to the hospital when the N was sick. You can read my story. Basically the N is in another city with another girl and he owes me $300. I broke my NC on 1/5/10 after two months asking for my money back. I should have left it alone because I'm never going to see that money again. I saw him with his GF on New Years and that's what spurred the contact. I can come to grips with it now because it is what it is. The more you try to control what is, the more frustrated you will be. There are some things you have to suck up and be a big girl about. That is life. My best advice is to not wish ill-will upon anyone but to move on with your own life and do the best you can to improve yourself. Love yourself - this is the best revenge. Do not worry about what he is doing, who he is marrying, or how their life will be. This is none of your concern. You have been blessed by being set free. You don't know how he treats her but men don't change that fast...in fact, from what I've heard, they never really change much at all. Do not try to understand what's going on in his head - that's his problem, not yours. Karma is alive and well so let nature take its course. In the meantime, build up some good karma for yourself by helping others who need it and just being happy that you are alive, healthy, have a great family, and well. Easier said than done I know...but you have to pick up the pieces. No one is going to do this for you but yourself. Good luck girl!!!
Jan 11 - 11PM (Reply to #30)
kamin
kamin's picture

Living for ourselves

Thanks for your kind words. It is definitely very comforting when you say that. Yes, I am picking up the pieces. I have made new friends. My work gives me a lot of satisfaction and above all, I am working on improving my health which took a toll since all this starting unfolding. I want to love myself, for who and what I am. This is my first exposure (and hopefully the last) to a pathological mentally disordered narcissitic sociopath. And I am so shaken up. At the same time, I choose to learn from my experience and become a better person.
Jan 10 - 10PM (Reply to #28)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

kamin

you did not CHOOSE to ignore them... the N brainwashed you and used Cognitive Dissonance to MAKE you ignore them. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 9 - 12PM
kamin
kamin's picture

The N is getting married

The N is getting married in the next few weeks and it is kind of hard as I know the wedding date. I just want it to pass by soon.I know I am fine and I am doing much better. But I have my days where I am under a lot of stress reliving whatever happened. Meanwhile, I also started talking to another guy but it is hard to trust him as he resides in another town. Also, I am not able to fully engage in it due to the distance and my own emotional state of mind. I kind of have a problem trusting men at this point in time.
Jan 29 - 6PM (Reply to #15)
kamin
kamin's picture

Moving on..

The N is probably married by now. However, I am still left wondering if it is his mental illness that caused him to behave or treat me badly or if it is flaw in his core character. Mental illness is not insanity. So do they know fully when what they are doing.. He dumped me and decided to get married to this gal. They say men usually treat their girl/woman just how they treat their mother. This one was totally a mommy's boy. And so adored his mom. So how did he abuse me emotionally. Also, N's have a sense of grandiose whereas this one was so full on insecurities. So I am reading this all wrong.
Jan 29 - 9PM (Reply to #25)
rache
rache's picture

Mommy

Mommy always catered to him,did for him,and,mommy was not his wife/lover/girlfriend.DIFFERENT with a N.My ex N said his mother-if-she were alive would come out of the nursing home to take care of him! NOW,what kind of creature would want his poor old mother-who-crippled up in a wheelchair to care for him?A sick selfish bastard! TO HELL WITH THEM ALL! and i'm sure 99.9% will be there.
Jan 29 - 11PM (Reply to #16)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

kamin - you are DEAD WRONG

NPD is not MENTAL ILLNESS it is a PERSONALITY DISORDER. They know what they are doing - they simply DO NOT CARE http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/is-npd-mental-illness.html They say men usually treat their girl/woman just how they treat their mother We are NOT NOT NOT talking about a normal man here - or even a HUMAN!!! NOT!!! Read what YOU said in December: Thanks Barbara for the wonderful insight.. http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/mental-illness-is-no-get-out-of-...... That tells me that a mentally ill person knows exactly what he is doing as he is not technically not insane. So the very core of this individual was nasty.. A totally flawed character. And its not the medications that caused him to behave weird. Not all Ns are grandiose! Read todays MY BLOG post http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200911/ego-insecurity-and-the-destructive-narcissist Insecurity often is a lure to play on your empathy & compassion. You are judging him as if he is HUMAN & NORMAL. He doesn't even have the same kind of BRAIN as us. WHY are you still beating yourself up? How's therapy going? ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 6 - 12PM (Reply to #18)
kamin
kamin's picture

Superbowl weekend

Superbowl weekend is here. It brings back a lot of memories. I spent the last superbowl weekend with him. And this superbowl weekend, he is already married to someone. What a shame ! What a SHAM! I have been having anxiety attacks usually in the morning. My chest hurts. I sometimes get the feeling that I am not letting go.. but then I feel like it is beyond my control.. the hurt, the rejection, the cheating, the lying and treating me like dirt... these are all very hard emotions to deal with. I just want this superbowl weekend to pass by real fast.
Feb 6 - 2PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Superbowl Weekend

is statistically the HIGHEST DEGREE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE all year. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 6 - 5PM (Reply to #23)
kamin
kamin's picture

This weekend

I have always had a self-esteem problem. I am a little on the heavier side though I have shed quite a few lbs. in the last year. I am petite.. So I always get these thoughts that this man left me for someone who I know is tall and a lot younger. And that is why I feel he will be very normal and human with her. He just wanted a way out of our relationship. He used me like some sort of an object and then disposed me off. I feel so sick in my stomach and my head. I just visited a friend's place and met a young newly married couple who were so much in love. It felt good to see a normal in-love couple. At the same time, I feel like I have lost so much, so much time has passed and I am no longer very young. I feel I am missing out on being loved and wanted and though I want to be optimistic, at the moment everything looks so down. I felt so good when I was with my ex-N. In fact, I do not even know if I should call him a N. Who am I to judge who he is. I know he treated me badly but I cannot give him names. I am feeling so lost today. I hope the Lord can help me.
Feb 22 - 9AM (Reply to #24)
rache
rache's picture

looks

do not matter with these kind.You could look like a movie star and they'd still look elsewhere! Its pathological and it doesnt matter how good you look or don't look.They are screwed up!PERIOD.
Feb 6 - 5PM (Reply to #22)
kamin
kamin's picture

This Weekend is bad

I have always had a self-esteem problem. I am a little on the heavier side though I have shed quite a few lbs. in the last year. I am petite.. So I always get these thoughts that this man left me for someone who I know is tall and a lot younger. And that is why I feel he will be very normal and human with her. He just wanted a way out of our relationship. He used me like some sort of an object and then disposed me off. I feel so sick in my stomach and my head. I just visited a friend's place and met a young newly married couple who were so much in love. It felt good to see a normal in-love couple. At the same time, I feel like I have lost so much, so much time has passed and I am no longer very young. I feel I am missing out on being loved and wanted and though I want to be optimistic, at the moment everything looks so down. I felt so good when I was with my ex-N. In fact, I do not even know if I should call him a N. Who am I to judge who he is. I know he treated me badly but I cannot give him names. I am feeling so lost today. I hope the Lord can help me.
Feb 6 - 5PM (Reply to #21)
kamin
kamin's picture

This Weekend is bad

I have always had a self-esteem problem. I am a little on the heavier side though I have shed quite a few lbs. in the last year. I am petite.. So I always get these thoughts that this man left me for someone who I know is tall and a lot younger. And that is why I feel he will be very normal and human with her. He just wanted a way out of our relationship. He used me like some sort of an object and then disposed me off. I feel so sick in my stomach and my head. I just visited a friend's place and met a young newly married couple who were so much in love. It felt good to see a normal in-love couple. At the same time, I feel like I have lost so much, so much time has passed and I am no longer very young. I feel I am missing out on being loved and wanted and though I want to be optimistic, at the moment everything looks so down. I felt so good when I was with my ex-N. In fact, I do not even know if I should call him a N. Who am I to judge who he is. I know he treated me badly but I cannot give him names. I am feeling so lost today. I hope the Lord can help me.
Feb 6 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
kamin
kamin's picture

This Weekend is bad

I have always had a self-esteem problem. I am a little on the heavier side though I have shed quite a few lbs. in the last year. I am petite.. So I always get these thoughts that this man left me for someone who I know is tall and a lot younger. And that is why I feel he will be very normal and human with her. He just wanted a way out of our relationship. He used me like some sort of an object and then disposed me off. I feel so sick in my stomach and my head. I just visited a friend's place and met a young newly married couple who were so much in love. It felt good to see a normal in-love couple. At the same time, I feel like I have lost so much, so much time has passed and I am no longer very young. I feel I am missing out on being loved and wanted and though I want to be optimistic, at the moment everything looks so down. I felt so good when I was with my ex-N. In fact, I do not even know if I should call him a N. Who am I to judge who he is. I know he treated me badly but I cannot give him names. I am feeling so lost today. I hope the Lord can help me.
Jan 30 - 11AM (Reply to #17)
kamin
kamin's picture

Still thinking..

Thanks Barbara. I have been going thru therapy and feel much better than I used to. However, these thoughts do come into my head unconsciously and I feel that this should not ended the way it did.. I feel we could have had a nice loving relatoship.. wish he were normal. And the cheating and deceit is what is hardest to swallow when all I was, was so loving and caring and supportive of his mental issues. His pretending to be all lovey-dovey, romantic is very hard to digest. And then to have accepted someone else (he was on a couple of dating sites.. I still see his profile there but I think he may not be active) and marrying her is emotionally very heart-breaking. I can bet you she met his requirement of physical characteristics that he was looking for and is very young. He has always had this thing for younger chicks. Even the last night, I had a dream about his sister calling me for something. The dream was short but cannot recall her telling me anything in my dream. The truth will eventually set his new wife free. I have been keeping myself busy at work.. I have been attending dance classes and have made new friends but the hurt and the pain though has gone down substantially, still lingers.
Jan 9 - 4PM (Reply to #14)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

The Key To Trust

I think I can offer you a little advice about trust. Trust takes time. Bottom line. And, time reveals all. My Narc told me I would just have to bite the bullet, "Take that leap, jump off and just TRUST ME!!!" When your brain is mush, you don't know if that is how it should be in life..... it's all confusing in the midst of "looooove"...... you don't know if you should just "jump in and trust, take a chance".... or not. It's confusing isn't it? Well now. after holding my hand over the flame on the stove like a dumb ass off and on with different men during my lifetime, and becoming a burn victim over and over, I can now SAFELY say with great confidence...... To hell with that CRAP!!! Trust takes TIME!!! And if they try to rush or push you into trusting them, they can F**K OFF!! Trust is something that is EARNED. Good guys understand that. So anyways, don't sweat the trust thing, here's what you have to do..... just, proceed with EDUCATED caution! Having read the stuff around here, you are now educated. Don't get intimate too fast (like, wait for months before sex. Yes, MONTHS). Make sure your head and your gut has a good grip on who this guy is before you let the guard down on your heart. Good luck and I know one day, you will find a special guy that will treat you with honesty, respect, and loving kindness. God bless and be easy on yourself, you have been through alot. p.s. I bet the jerk's marriage won't last over a year. Then there will be yet another confused and sad lady wondering what hit her, but she'll also sadly have to deal with the divorce aspect of it too.
Dec 22 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NPD or mental illness

he uses his illness as an excuse to do whatever he pleases to do a lot of Narcs & Sociopaths do this. I have worked with BiPolar, Clinical Depression, etc. NONE OF THEM TREATED ME LIKE A PATHOLOGICAL DID - NONE OF THEM WERE JERKS EITHER!!! Mentally ill people are not as MALICIOUS as a Narc or Sociopath. http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/is-npd-mental-illness.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/mental-illness-is-no-get-out-of-jail.html http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/09/characterlogical-disorders-he-is-what.html Don't even tell yourself this... its a lie. NO CONTACT ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 23 - 1AM (Reply to #12)
kamin
kamin's picture

NPD, Mental Disorder and Jerk

Thanks Barbara for the wonderful insight.. http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/mental-illness-is-no-get-out-of-jail.html... That tells me that a mentally ill person knows exactly what he is doing as he is not technically not insane. So the very core of this individual was nasty.. A totally flawed character. And its not the medications that caused him to behave weird.
Dec 22 - 7PM
kamin
kamin's picture

Last night..

Last night I had a dream (or rather nightmare) where I had the N in my dreams. I saw him getting married, the entire cermony. I felt very bad when I woke up this morning.
Dec 20 - 5PM
kamin
kamin's picture

I am still grieving and he has moved on so easily

Yes, I dont think I did anything wrong. If at all I have learnt something from this, it is not trust someone so blindly.. instead let them earn your trust. During the few times we met, he would get all touchy-feely, put his hands out as if to call me and ask me to sit next to him if I were sitting across on another sofa and I reciprocated too. I did feel for him, missed him when he was not around. If he didnt have any feelings for me, why on earth did he get initimate. Its ridiculous and makes me angry to think that someone would use you for some sort of self-gratification. He got angry when I told him that I needed to watch out for myself. However, he went right ahead and was out there on the internet fishing. Talk about a N's self-centeredness. The healing has been happening for the last few months but I dont see myself forgiving this low-life ever. I wonder how he can even live with himself. Absolutely no conscience whatsoever. I am wondering if he would behave in a similar fashion with this new girl who is his fiancee. She apparently is fairly young and beautiful, else, he would not have made a commitment so soon. I am wondering if he can change and be a wonderful man to this girl and what their life is like. They are supposedly getting married early next year. Can he love her. He never loved me instead played mind games with me.
Dec 21 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
moving on
moving on's picture

He's a Jerk

Hi Kamin, I read your story and am sorry that you had to go through this. Unfortunately when you are nice, trusting, and accommodating and try to please the guy, they almost lose respect for you. They are almost hoping to be treated bad, as this is what will keep them around (Typical N). Acting nicely, or yourself as you seem to be a normal nice girl, does not work for these type of people. Don't worry about what their life is like or how they are doing. This will only make you feel worse about yourself when you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Just socialize, spend time with family and friends that truly care about you and what's important to you, and keep yourself at a distance until you truly figure out how a guy is and if there are any red flags. I went through something similar with a guy (posted on the board as moving on's story) and he didn't care about me. I saw red flags but ignored them because of our supposed connection. I haven't talked to him for about a month. I've blocked him of all communication and so far he hasn't tried to contact me either which really helps when you are trying to move on. Forget this guy. It is 99.9% probably a blessing in disguise. He would have never treated you like the queen you are...you know you're a queen right?! :) Good luck.
Dec 21 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
kamin
kamin's picture

It is hard to get by sometimes

Thanks for your kind words. I am repeatedly logging in and looking at other comments on this website. It gives me some sort of validation that whatever happened was for good. I have my good minutes (instead of good days) and my bad minutes. I feel real good one minute and in a couple of hours, I am all down and miserable. I cannot phathom that he had the gal to scream during one of his rages that "I have not promised you anything !!" when yet another day, he was like "This is a relationship. It is ok for us to have expectations of each other" (This was because he was asking me to repeatedly lose weight). Whenever convenient, he would change tunes. And I am feeling miserable that I did not answer right back and stand up for myself. There was a time when he was feeling very low and called me and asked me to come over to his place and put my hands on his head.. That was during one of his low moments. It now seems like he thought about me at his convenience and then when he found this new gal on the internet, conveniently disposed me off. I even saw his profile that he had put up on the internet saying he is a honest and caring guy. What a sham ! He has not only wounded my heart but also stabbed my soul and made a thousand pieces of it.
Dec 21 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

kamin

start reading the other stories under SHARE YOUR STORY yours is common you aren't alone ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 20 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

If he didnt have any

If he didnt have any feelings for me, why on earth did he get initimate they'll screw ANYTHING ANYTIME they can NOT LOVE... CAN NOT they are NOT HUMAN start reading through ALL the MY BLOG POSTS and go back all the way on the Message Board - click around... this is a PATHOLOGICAL PERSON with no emotions or soul. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 20 - 1PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

You did nothing wrong

The guy sounds nuts. Selfish. Immature. He used you. It does not sound like a long relationship in actually being with one another. A few meetings in person. Mostly, an internet, telecommunications relationship. However, one must never underestimate the attachment formed via the internet. But, this powerful medium allows people to hide & project images not their own. You were seduced by a jerk. You were perhaps too trusting. Weren't we all? I know I was. Somebody tried to warn you. But, that's the way it is . . . people only hear that which they wish to hear. Now you know. You have had an experience which is not in the majority (hopefully). But now you know that there are bad men out there & you will be more careful in the future. Now just try to forget this whack job & move on. Block him completely! No contact. No e-mails, text, skype, chats, phone. He's on the other coast, so it should be easy to have no contact.