Just want to fuck him one last time I swear

I read your post, I wanted to answer to this one, cause I struggled so long with this, and I sold my soul for the hope of one more night with him, so addicted I was. I realized one thing, the sex was really great, the first encounter, but you know after that, it was all BS, and I always felt used like a prostitute. And now with a little bit distance, I see now, the craving for them, despite the fact how awfull they treated us, is a coping mechanism. Let me repeat this, its a coping mechanism. You dissociate away, you space out into the fantasy with him, that is always better than the reality how it really was, cause like this you avoid to feel the abyss they left you with. Force yourself to stay with the truth, stay with it, cause here it comes, when you dissociate away into the sexual fantasy, it pains right, the pain doesnt come from NOT having him now, it comes from you being gone, you being in space so to speak, you leave the poor part of your soul alone that suffers, instead of caring for it, listening to it, to its wisdom, you just say bye bye I am gone, and then you feel the pain, like you have left your child, cause thats what you reall did. So when you think of him, think of the truth, and stay with the pain. This won't go away foroever, but you will start to get tired of it, and you will want to think of other things, that are more positve. Big big hugs, listen to my words, cause I suffered 2 years over this, and I had alot of time to figure that out. Love and blessings!

pg, you are just feeling what everyone feels when they are desperately in need of the narc, I did, everyday until last month, you know that, and guess what, now i feel i gave him his last mercy f**k.......yeah, i gave him that, not the other way around, and you know what, thats the last time i will ever feel degraded and cheap....because once you give in, you will feel worse than ever, you know, i let it go on for a year as he bounced back and forth between me and ow, but now, i found strength, and no matter what happens with my new friend, i will never ever sleep with the monster again, ever.......there is life after the narc, trust me, i know, im living proof.....please dont give in, you are way too good for him and you know it.........xoxo jaycee

I thought I would never see him again. He told me he would have nothing to do with me ever again. Not even physically. It has been 8 1/2 months since I had seen him. Not a day has gone by where he hasn't crossed my mind. I dreamed of that "one last time". This Saturday, out of the blue, he bluntly asked me for sex. He said it had been a while for him, and that he "has needs". I was so taken aback, I thought I was so strong. Flush. I met up with him. It was empty. The sex. He was doing all the right things, but it was cold, like a machine. He held me after, even though I know it was just to amuse me. He made sure I snuck out, his little secret. It sets you back. I haven't checked his blog in so long, but I did today. He was going off on how he will never be a booty call to a girl, and he has too much respect for himself. And telling all these girls he isn't having sex. I feel like my respect for myself went down. I don't think its worth the "one last time". I just feel a few steps back, and really hurt by how he protrays himself to them.. and then to me.

One more time!!! Sam Vaknin's "Abusing the Gullible Narcissist" is my OTHER Bible. And every word is true. "I must have my fun"-One of the girls in the Salem witchcraft trials (that's what I'd tell him)

As long as they sell dildos and vibrators, or you can get a good cream, satisfaction is quite possible.

and i just want to fuck him OVER one last time

You just sound like you are addicted to him. ONe last high and I'll be o.k. I've been there many times and it never plays out that way; just makes you want me. Like just one line of coke for my Narc. He's your drug hon, and the way you can gage this is: Does it only feel good in the beginning? Is it something that is bad for you; yet you keep going back looking for a different result? Does it leave you feeling dirty and unclean inside? Do you feel high when you get it? Is one time too much and 100 times never enough? Will it ultimately take you down? Will you sell a part of your soul to get somemore? Does this affect any major part of your life? Work, family, friends, your values, health? Will you do just about anything to get it? Will you lie to secure it? Does it alter your true self in a major way? Patience, this is about detoxing from him. Cleaning your mind, body, and soul of his evil destructive influence over you. God bless, Goldie

Happy1 is correct. This is your addiction talking. You just want to be loved. However, there are people on this planet that will love you for being just you, and will treat you a whole lot better than any narc. Stay NC, heal from the narc, and be good to yourself. Besides, he's a narc. You really don't know where that dirty, damned thing has been, or what he's been doing with it. Ewwww!!! To quote Robot from Lost In Space, "Danger!! Danger, Will Robinson!!" lol. Big hugs to you.

30 seconds of bliss and a whole month of crap to recover from it..... Are you sure that it is what you want? Dx

it's your addiction talking.... you don't want that gross piece of crap near you. Trust me!

Please don't go back...for any reason, especially to be used. Even though--you might be doing the using. lol :P It is part of the NC process. It's like withdrawals. I didn't feel this way, though. We were not together enough for me to feel bonded in that way. I imagine if we had been, maybe I'd feel this way you do. Many women...look for love through sex. Look for validation through sex. In general. Not necessarily with narcs, of course. So...what you're seeking, is something beyond just a love making session. It's what drove us all to break NC...and to remain with these types to begin with--a void we desperately wish to fill. I'm here to say. I am at peace now...and getting better everyday, because of staying NC. Yes, I lurk on that website. Yes, I have logged in...but I'm truly done with him, and don't care. You have to find a way to get to that point...then, these cravings will cease. HUGS AND PRAYERS GOING OUT TO YOU!!

why don't I feel this way. I don't really miss his sex hell i've had better lol. I miss the nice guy thats who I miss. His sex is familiar thats all I've been with the same man for 8 years but he wasn't all that lol.....

I see nothing wrong with being horny, where I see the problem is how you can feel it towards him... AND a few moments ago we had the slasher in a pink stone on a ring... What's up PG...c'mon...you are not lusting FOR HIM... NOPE you're not...you can't be...that is a self destructive thought right there...especially with what you've shared...so and you don't have to answer here it's private between you and you unless you want to share but I'm being bold because YOU DO know better...so what's happening in the mind BESIDES lust because even at the horniest of all hornies, I can't imagine sleeping with the narc that led me through these doors...I think I'd pick up Harry the Homeless guy down the tracks first especially after seeing the specimin he's been with...I don't know if the CDC can identify what she must have...seriously, two folks from the rooms...that leaves a wide window open for alot of living and a lot of viruses, Hep C, and other stuff I don't need and won't risk and condoms tear, break...nope, nope, nope, and he desperately clung to that beast when he had not only a beautiful woman here but a good, smart and loving one, and my expectations that could not have been lower than the curb were "too much?" NAH...nah, and what is so devastating and shocking is that my mind was just this clear before he entered my life and I can't figure out how the hell he got me, but he did and it's because he's good at what he does, he is a manipulator, a con man, out for self...as someone with an illness would at least try to protect their loved one...but it is a lesson learned and I will have to deal with my stupidity in that aspect because look at us now...and in REALITY had he had AIDS he damn sure WAS NOT WORTH DYING OVER...no penis ever is... AND it's the same with you PG, he did not love you and you know that, and we are not teens anymore, that period is OVER and we are here now beat up and battered, so what to that gives a tickle? HUH? It's not him you crave it's something else and something he can't give you...YOU'D do better with Harry the Homeless guy than this Narc... Snap out of it, or take a cold shower...or both...this is not about the Narc... AND I want to say, I am not putting addicts down, just these two in particular because from the looks of HER I'm not so sure if there is "recovery" going on which leads to a lot of crazy behavior, risky behavior and I can't candy coat a DEADLY virus floating around that some addicts expose themselves to just for their get high and it is sad and it is tragic, but what is more tragic is that one might deceive another and possibly kill them...commit an act of homocide by LYING and betrayal, and sex with whatever has a hole...that is my problem, and they are it looks to me, feeding off of each other right now and it does not sadden me, it does not disgust me...it's just really far beneath my element from the looks of how they're living. I am in desperate poverty, but I think they've met the perfect match and it can stay in their version of Heaven..just want to clarify because I don't wish to offend but these are MY feelings and a direct connection to how I was abused...by a "program" and by "members" who also called me bi-polar...his "sponsors" no less...his "peers in recovery" all of them personality disordered I think. AND I hold this opinion more of the men's groups as the women seem to know about the 13th steps and are constantly having to ward them off! HUGS!

I cannot tell you how often I went back for the sex trying to block out all else. The more you get in touch with your feelings the less it works. Last year I had him back and the 1st time the sex was mind-blowing. After that it was so-so, because I'd realised before it had mostly been MY passion that had made it great. I also kept thinking of the health risk because of all his women. So, PG, you know as well as all of us it won't just be one last time. I needed that final pain to grow indifferent towards him. Do you need it? Is it worth it? Only you can decide.