Jealousy

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#1 Oct 24 - 1PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jealousy

I have to be honest with myself and call it what it really is. Since I saw that magazine cover of his 'baby's mama' and now current girlfriend again (since I am gone) i have been nothing but jealous.

She is happy... looks amazing AND I am here all depressed, sad, and looking like a shell of my former self.

Why do i feel so jealous........ I don't like having that emotion... I feel like i should be able to take the high road and just let it go. They both deserve each other.

Thing is... it shows me that there is no Karma. These people just move forward living exciting lives. So many people this week are looking at her and thinking they wish they were her.

In a way I do too!

I'm in pain, but I KNOW they are happy!!!!! She doesn't ever seem to get hurt by his behavior... I know this for a fact. She fights with him and they both seem to enjoy it. She's a tough girl.... I'm a marshmello in comparison. In many ways I wish I was like her.

I wish I had a life. Instead I sit here on a saturday, alone... with no desire to do anything writing on a message board and watching t.v. I don't even have the energy to improve my quality of life. I'm so frigging upset with myself.... jealous of her... angry at him....

Jess

Nov 1 - 12PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You won't feel like that

You won't feel like that forever.When he fights with her and they play a game he will then turn the game's heat-up and its no longer a game for her but really scary. She starts to compensate for the fear with different things maybe with food or alcahol and her weight goes up, she starts to look older, and the relationship unravels. I don't think what you are feeling is bad it just is. You feel you are the loser and she is some princess that makes you feel more lonely, sadder, more isolated. I think you can get out of this. Look up jealousy on the internet and see what it is about. I think someone told me it is about being insecure. You are having a strong emotional re-action to being abused which means you are not a loser but a real fighter. you just don't have any way to fight with him. You can't live your life through their fantasy. You know she is just who she is and he is a monster. Their magazine life will all blow up eventually. Now what about you and your life. What do you want? Where do you want to live,what kind of job do you want, what new experience do you want to have, is there a class you want to take, a church you want to join? Get a book on the law of attraction and start attracting the life that is yours. You are the winner. When he finishes with her she will be a wreck. He would be very jealous of her being on that cover so he is sabotaging her with great force. You have the future she only has him and disaster waiting. My ex destroyed his next wife and left her fired from her job, without friends, respect or a future. Emotional vampires are vampires with everyone. Thank your lucky stars you got away. Now plan a plan and work your plan. Start writting your future down, think about you, become ego centered for your future. Be a volunteer a few hours a month and get positive feelings again don't just live in the negative mess he put you in. You have to get your groove back and the hell with them. Go for it girl!
Nov 1 - 1PM (Reply to #61)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Carolyn.. you really think

he is jealous of her for being on the cover of that magazine? You don't think he would feel proud... like it makes him look good for having her as a girlfriend that the world admires and thinks is hot?
Nov 1 - 2PM (Reply to #62)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jessika

Pathological Envy is a BIG part of this disorder. You are thinking he is normal - he's NOT. Narcs have to have ALL THE ATTENTION... ALL OF IT!! http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/11/pathological-envy-vs-thanksgiving.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 31 - 3PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

how about this guy?

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/affair_is_foul_for_espn_star_bLw9UoSAQJwJLU4ZDXvvDO he's in sex addiction treatment --- for the SECOND TIME! yet another way for a Narc to avoid responsibility ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 31 - 4PM (Reply to #59)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

That guy is dispicable!!

As I was reading that letter that is within that link ("mistress to wife letter"- I started thinking that that would have been my life if i married my narc. He too is a powerful, attractive, and successful man and can get women so easily. This is what his 'ex'/ current girlfriend is going through?!?! Ewwww well... she can HAVE it. Yuck!! So much pain there... to the mistress, the wife, the four boys; embrassment to the Mets. He created a mess - just for being a narc. They're so destructive!! Jessika
Oct 30 - 10AM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Something else I always want to remember

My mother and father lived in a very modest home, when they died it sold for 130,000, they built the home and it was nice. My mom and dad were wealthy, at one time they had over 1.4 million, and I think back at the modest life they had, but they were HAPPY and SO IN LOVE. My father always said a house is just to keep you warm and dry, he would sit on the front porch with a cheap old rocking chair and watch the sunset every night they didnt have fancy outdoor furniture, they had NONE, they drove a cutlass and when he retired bought a sable, he wore old plaid ratty pants I would tell him he looked like an orphan, ha ha and yet he was a millionaire. He loved his job as a chemist, invested well, gave to charities, and the homeless, he was absolutely the finest man I have ever known, treated my mother like a GEM and the best father anyone could have had, both my parents are gone but many times I think of them and when I do they guide me back to what our priorities in our lives should be, their example and love is always with me, they demonstrated to me all my life what true love and happiness is all about. Its not about someone flashing their money and what they own and have to impress others, when you have peace, and love and contentment in your life there is no need for any of the rest. When we die we can only take with us what we gave to others thats really our only legacy,nobody cares where you worked or what you had or what THINGS you left behind, the only things that matters is WHO WE WERE when we were living. Who are they in their life? Take away everything they own and have, and who are they? ya Thats what I thought you would say. Just something to help us see what we truly have
Oct 31 - 4PM (Reply to #56)
Monica
Monica's picture

Cynthia...that was an amazing eye opener for me

My xN was all about appearances...money, possessions, cars, a big house, etc., etc. He would pull money out of his pocket just to flash his hundreds. Bragged about owning several cars and businesses and properties. Claimed he knew everyone, went everywhere, did everything. Always wanted more, better, flashier, status, power, control. But take away all of that (and most of it wasn't even real, much of it was lies and smoke and mirrors) and you have an egotistical, pathological lying, lazy, arrogant, uneducated, cowardly, manipulative a-hole who always put himself first. He was nothing without all his alleged "stuff." And he made up so much of the "stuff." Thanks for that excellent, thought-provoking post.
Oct 31 - 8PM (Reply to #57)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Monica

I found it, something I wanted to share with everyone and how ironic these very words were said at my fathers funeral before the freak entered my life and now I read them alot in my healing. My father was the inventor of sweet-tarts, honestly and truly, no lie, I have all his awards and plaques he was a chemical engineer so at his funeral this was said: "As I thought about Johns life story a large part of it had to do with candy making. In a way he was the Candy Man. He wanted others to enjoy good candy adding this special dimension to countless lives. One of the songs I liked from the movie was "The Candy Man", A verse of it seems rather appropriate today. Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream, the candyman can cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good. "John would not want us to not sorrow or miss him. He would know that this is a natural and important thing, to grieve for the ones we loved. But I believe he would want to take our sorrow today and make something good from it, to "take tomorrow, dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream". This would be characteristic of Johns life, through the power of love make things better, to take even the bitter things of life and make the world taste good. Could we all learn to incorporate this aspect into our own tale for the future?" Little did I know I would have to apply that lesson to my future, to take all the bitter things in life that are thrown at us and still try to make the world taste good through the power of love no doubt? I also find it strange there my Predator sat in the congregation of my fathers funeral as the minister read these very lines, and as I stood up and gave my eulogy honoring my father, tears and all knowing I suffered such a loss did not stop him from doing what he did to me, he saw me as wounded prey and nothing else. He took a daughter of a highly respected and great man in the community and tried to destroy her, sat there pretending to pay his respects to my father and thinking quite the opposite for his daughter. That is what I call a highly disturbed individual, it cant get anymore disturbed than that.
Oct 30 - 11AM (Reply to #54)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Wow.....

that was so beautiful. That is EXACTLY what I want. I wan't my soul to be fulfilled. That would make me happy. :-) Jessika
Oct 30 - 11AM (Reply to #55)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I wan't my soul to be fulfilled. That would make me happy

and it does too, I saw it in my dad, an inner peace that he exuded on to others. I HAVE never experienced that kind of peace even before the psychopath, if I had had that contentment in my heart he would have NEVER managed to get near me, so I guess I need to search for that on my own because no other human being in the world can give me that. When I DO FIND IT I will know all I went through with this experience was worth it.
Oct 30 - 11AM (Reply to #45)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Cynthia

Hi, That was so well put. You have been very lucky to have had a happy childhood and have such lovely thoughts of your kind parents. It just shows that none of us know what can happen in adulthood and it's not just down to upbringing. Well it's not when we share the world with predators like narcs. It shows how important it is to have parents to show us the way and to protect us. With a bit of guidance from my parents i may have been able to at least get away from the nasty ones and onto a better road. If i could wake up and think in the way you have just described i bet i would appreciate life a bit more than i do right now. I hope my children say the same stuff about me when they are grown.
Oct 30 - 11AM (Reply to #46)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The narcs and predators

make the world such a dangerous place... we are always protecting against them. They are lucky. They have no one to fear. No one who will hurt them.
Oct 30 - 11AM (Reply to #47)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

They are lucky. They have no one to fear. No one who will hurt t

oh but what a price they pay for that, a far greater price than we do for loving
Oct 30 - 12PM (Reply to #48)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

What price do they pay?

I am asking that question honestly (not in an arrogant or sarcastic way). It seems it is the people they have contact with are the ones who pay. They on the other hand are playing a game of control, power, manipulation, and immorality. Without a developed emotional system... you know, being emotionally retarded and all (no empathy) they don't 'pay' or get hurt or have anyone to fear. He doesn't have a clue nor does he care that his ex (me) is still hurting 5 months after our relationship has ended. It is ME paying... with my emotions and financially with poor work performance and therapy bills. Jess
Oct 30 - 7PM (Reply to #49)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I know what you are saying

WE HAD TO PAY for their deformity and I know its not fair. Ya I lost a job because of my work performance, nice huh cant imagine why I couldnt concentrate, it was a lousy department anyway and I found something a bit better but I still didnt want to lose my fricking job. In the book WWLP they took a percentage toll and almost 70% of the women had career problems and inability to focus on their jobs, so Jessika these deformed people have a HUGE impact on society, and cause nothing but TOTAL destruction Its worse than death, divorce, because of all the pathology that comes with it. Its dangerous to play with other peoples lives they way they did ours, VERY VERY dangerous and one day they will do this to the wrong person and quite possibly get a bullet in the head by a loved one of a victim or a victim that went over the edge. They violate people in every sense of the word, but we are strong and we can overcome, ya I am depressed too, my hair is a mess, I dont like to shower, I find it a pain in the ass to get fixed up, I mean what for? FOR WHO? I used to care about so many things and took so much pride in the way I looked, I hope that comes back soon.
Oct 30 - 10PM (Reply to #50)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yeah...

They may run across the wrong one and pull the D and D and get just what you said. I have to wonder if that is what happened to that quarterback on the 4th of July-- Steve McNair He cheated on his wife (female #1) with a very young woman (female #2). Introduced that woman to an exciting life with trips, a car, and attention... then I guess he wanted out of the relationoship and started to pull away... this OW found out he had a NEW girl (female #3) he was playing around with. So it sounds like he came over there (to female #2's apartment) and probably figured he could still play around with the one he was discarding and she shot him and herself. I can't help but wonder if he was a narc with all that cheating and the fact that female #2 felt he was pulling away with a new girl and not treating her special anymore. Who knows!
Oct 31 - 5PM (Reply to #53)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

you BET

Just like about a year ago did you hear about the COP, who they think killed both of his x wives and then he was married to another girl 20 years younger and she turned up missing, I mean when you hear of these love triangles and someone gets killed, you can pretty much bet someone is deformed and has hurt someone SO BAD that this happens. I thank God I got out alive I mean I could have been dealing with someone who killed for god sake, when someone doesnt have a conscience, it is very very dangerous most dont kill but when you hear the word Psychopath that is what everyone always thinks of and its because they arent educated I know mine killed me and left me on the side of the road breathing, he killed everything inside me, ours killed too they just left us with a pulse. My friend always tells me that, BE GLAD HE DIDNT KILL YOU CYNTHIA, I say, oh but he did kill me.
Oct 31 - 11AM (Reply to #51)
better off
better off's picture

NO kidding. I posted that

NO kidding. I posted that story when it happened. While the media shook their heads and said what a mystery, I thought...hmmm...sounds typical. All I know is...I believe in Hell. And they are going there.
Oct 31 - 3PM (Reply to #52)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Oh really...

I must have missed your post on that. During July I was in SO much severe pain. I would pray nightly (in tears) that my N would call, text ... just anything. NOW.... (insert eye rolling smiley here)- I feel that he had better not think he has any access to meA! He had better NEVER think of contacting me again.. that piece of Sh**! Amazing that the media still portrayed it as poor McNair. I was like, HUH????? The guy treats women like CRAP... sounds like Karma, rather than a victim. Jess
Oct 30 - 10AM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hey hon

I wish I had a life. Instead I sit here on a saturday, alone... with no desire to do anything writing on a message board and watching t.v. I thats what I DO, and that is DEPRESSION sweetie. You can get yourself out of it, I LOVE to rearrange rooms and deep clean and decorate, for me that is helpful. I watch tv alot because when I watch tv my mind is off of him and into the story so I use it as an escape but too much of anything is not good as you know. We need to keep really busy, but we also need our rest because recovering from this is very emotionally draining. Jessika do you think their lives are really any different? They do the same things we do, eat, sleep, work, well she probably works at just keeping herself looking like a barbie doll but I mean I have always heard doing for others helps those that are sad and lonely, I havent tried it yet because I just sit around and feel too sorry for myself, ha ha. Trust me the 4,000 foot baby room wont make anyone happy, all of what anyone has does not make them happy inside,it never did and never will. Mine had a house that looked like a palace and he STILL has a sick hunger, sex addiction, and is a predator. We are on the outside looking in thinking wow they have it all, BUT THEY DONT, we are sad, lonely, depressed, hurt, trying to get our lives in order while they SEEM to be basking in happiness, THEY ARENT, life doesnt work that way just open all the magazines and read about the rich and famous they have horrible heartaches in their lives, read about the gorgeous beautiful women who have been dumped by men they loved sooo much. I just call them pretty people, they have the same problems in life as we do, they put their pants on just like we do, they have a heart like we do and want love like we do and all the money in the world cant buy them love and if it does, ITS NOT REAL. Beauty wont keep a man, she can be the most beautiful woman in the world, makes no difference. So put both your feet on the floor and get off that couch turn off that TV and start living we both are depriving ourselves of all the good things in life that could be waiting for us staying stuck over a man that is rotten to the core, you can overcome and so can I, I hope I gave you a little lift, no excuse me while I go cry and clean a room, ha ha ha
Oct 30 - 12PM (Reply to #39)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL

"now excuse me while I go cry and clean a room"I liked that.My therapist told me the other day, "Jessika.. you know you are depressed right?!" I was like, Uhhhh YEP!That is why she suggested I go away for a few days... engage in intense therapy and then come back for my typical weekly therapy with her. So I am looking into that now.Cross my fingers that it will work.This depression is kicking my butt. Embarrassed to say... but my house looks a mess.... I wear my hair in a bun all the time now (I used to be the more glamour girl type before and during my relationship with him... like my narc friend- I had also done some swimsuit calendars.) So I look at myself in the mirror now and i KNOW i have to stop looking like this 'librarian' with so self confidence.But the depression is so intense, I don't have the energy most days to do anything. There have been some great days that I feel like my old self, however i can count those on one hand since my D and D in May. :-(
Oct 30 - 1PM (Reply to #40)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jessika

have you considered Sandra Brown, MA's Institute In-Patient Program? http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/counseling-ctr/inpatient-hospital-program ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 30 - 7PM (Reply to #42)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

considering it

I am going to rob a bank and do that, ha ha seriously I think it would be my final cure to go away to a intense session such as that not only to recover from what I went through but to have a better life does anyone know the aprox cost? Ballpark?
Oct 30 - 9PM (Reply to #43)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think

they take ins... you have to check if they take your plan I suppose. They're in Florida.
Oct 30 - 2PM (Reply to #41)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yeah

I'm looking into that one.
Oct 30 - 4AM
Katherine2081
Katherine2081's picture

Dont be jelous you must

Dont be jelous you must remember everything is not as it appears in any N relationship I was strong like her fought back convinced myself i was happy give it time she will become like all of us battered by it some of us just take longer than others. Please dont waste your life while he is clearly getting on with his. They make us see them as our world and we have to see to their every whim so it does leave a gap when they go. Go and try and fill that gap you will see its not as hard as you think do it initially out of revenge against him eventually that feeling will be replaced by you just having a life. keep saying you can do it and like me you will gradually reclaim your life xx
Oct 30 - 8AM (Reply to #35)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank you so much Katherine

It's very very hard to do that. I have been doing nothing but laying on the couch after work everyday. But I know what you are saying is right. I have to try... make a new life for myself.
Nov 1 - 5AM (Reply to #37)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

jessika

I have been doing nothing but laying on the couch after work everyday. SAME HERE, my mind and body just shut down after work, do you think THEY are doing that? NO WAY. They are living, while we feel like we are dying. THAT IS BS. We have so much to give to others and yet we crawled into a hole and died. Its because we are hurting so much. Something to think about they go on living and we dont.
Oct 30 - 8AM (Reply to #36)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

things to do during the aftermath

it took me a few months because I was so Ill but here's what I did after Psycho-Boy: 1. kept up therapy appts and called her when I needed 2. got a hair cut and color 3. new sheets and curtains for my bedroom. 4. cleaned living room and re-arranged furniture (3&4 really helped with the reminders) 5. went to new grocery stores - just for a change of pace 6. went through my clothes and gave away or threw out anything that was too much of a reminder 7. journaled a lot anyone else ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 24 - 5PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Jessika, Remeber This

Jessika, remember the times, multiple times you felt this was not a good guy, because he was so arrogant? And you weren't attracted to him?