thanks quietude-
baseball season is officially over and im going to need yet another time filler. I forgot how lonely the weekend can really be. Im much better than I was yesterday and earlier today...but tonight i just briefly pictured XN out and about having a great time living his new life.
“It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.â€
make plans
go see a movie
make a dinner, make cookies
change your sheets
rearrange your furniture
take a walk
go to a Food Pantry and help out for the day
go to an animal shelter and take a dog for a walk
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Abuse Information Site
Online Coaching & Help
Good suggestions.
Anything to just keep busy.
Cleaning the house from top to bottom also passes time.
Have been doing all the above at weekends.
Met a friend last night to watched a movie, going out with her tonight for a meal.
BUT DEEP INSIDE IT NEVER HELPS.
It gets so BAD sometimes I wonder which is worse - here or there with the heaven and coping with the hell - rather than this continuous inner lonely hell -then I remember why Im here because he nearly killed me mentally/physically and I do feel Im progressing...............although Im still carrying it every day.
.................feel so down and tearful today.
Surprises me as I really have been doing soooo well with positive attitude. Putting good memories at the back and bad memories at the forefront.
Think Ive been triggered back down again with Dr Jekyle memories and a Live Band do at our local where hes banned me from entering.
Have made arrangements for today but im back to not wanting to get out of bed again as too down.
Whats the point? - it never seems to go away. I miss Dr. Jekyle. Ill never meet anyone like him. And in his controlling ways(although I didnt see it as this at the time) he never wanted me to be away from his side unless we were both at work and if I wasnt called in he wanted me with him at work.
Weekends were the best time for us. Always a whirlwind of plans or romantic weekends away, popping into our local to see all our friends, (whom I made for us as a couple, as he didnt seem to have that many when I first met him there.)I miss his smell, his manliness. He would always want me by his side. Wed do everything together. And last night in particular our local had my favourite live band playing where it would have been packed with all the above friends we made and it would have been an absolutly great night of laughter, mingling etc etc. I would have wanted to go so much. When I ended the relationship because of Mr. Hyde, and with the aftermath of threatening etc behaviour from him ,(ending up with police involvement, changing numbers and NC) he has warned me not to go anywhere near the local or Id see what would happen to me and judging from my experiences with Mr. Hyde I would be too scared to but I hurt, and am angry hes still controlling my life. Whilst hes in there laughing with newly `week old` gf with OUR friends having a wail of a time, im out in the cold,boring, loneliness.
It seems so unfair and unjust that he gets it all after his appalling typically N behaviour during the relationship and I end up losing everything with my kind, caring, understanding lets try and fix it again and again behaviour.
His life which was our life just carries on - hes lost nothing.
My life is completely changed and I have to start all over again from absolutely nothing. All my friends have `loved up` partners and dont really want to go out on the dating scene and I know my local would be the best place for me to pop in and say hi and catch up on news if he werent attached to it. How can they say good conquers evil when evil gets what it wants most of the time.
I hear your pain. And we all feel the same way at times. Remember, the connection you felt with your N -- you felt it. It came from you! Not him. He feels zero. Only comfortable, good when he has somebody to extract sensation & emotion from . . . it was all about him & what he could get from you. Superficially, it started out good. But once the real intimacy set in, after time . . . Mr. Hyde appears because N has nothing to give. These men only take. And they make us feel guilty when we want just a little, a tiny little shred of decency. Don't even think of him enjoying himself with another woman, or in the bar. He does not enjoy himself. He surrounds himself with people & places from which he can extract adoration & excitement. When he is alone . . . truly alone, he is an abyss, an emptiness -- he cannot bear to be alone. You can. And when you are alone, reach inside yourself . . . find your self-worth & self-love. Make it all about you! Everything else will follow. So, you go & get that holiday gathering together. Do not think about him & his bigger party, or whatever. He does not matter. Don't let him control you any more. I know it's hard. Please, don't waste anymore time on him. Now, I have to take this good advice & apply it to myself. I think I'm gonna go & wash that man right out of my hair!
Thanks, agnesmurphy17, for your posting.
It was beautifully said and to the point.
As I read it, I felt it, which helped so much. You`re right - it came from ME not him. I think that applies to everything in our relationship as he mirrored MY likes and dislikes, MY lifestyle which was there before he came into it. He will now be mirroring his new gf and she will not be like ME with the same expectations/experiences etc of life so MY new thought is that he wont be doing everything he did with ME because that was ME and mine. Hell be mirroring her to suck her in and probably using some leftover ME to impress that he knows a thing or two!!!
Quoting you: dont even think of him enjoying himself with another woman etc etc. You`re right, he does surround himself with people and places from which he can extract etc etc. So true. You brought it home to me, my memories of how he acts in public. But alone???!!!.........right again, he cannot be alone. Thats what ive got above him as I certainly can alone and be happy with myself. What a good point!
Quoting you: make it all about you, the rest will follow. Such good advice. I will re read your message when I start disintergrating again. And you must read it too when you feel the same.
Thank you.
This was a nice comment you wrote, mr nice guy is gone because and when they turn into mr real guy they run because they have nothing to give anyone.Superficially, it started out good. But once the real intimacy set in, after time . . . Mr. Hyde appears because N has nothing to give.So, you go & get that holiday gathering together and YOUR OWN LIFE TOGETHER because we didnt lose anything they just make us think we did. Ya its hard to follow our own advise it sounds sooooo good when we write it down and so hard to do but once I think we start giving our life a chance we may find it will get better each day in some small way
I really hear you. It's tough....... too many things to cope with, not being able to go to the local is really bad and him having a new gf there, doubly bad. Any change you can have a dinner party at yours one weekend with some of the people that go to the local pub. I'd bet they'd love to catch up with you and it's a really nice way to do it. Keep in touch with these people as they are your friends too. You may find out that not all of them liked him anyway.
I really hear you. It's tough....... too many things to cope with, not being able to go to the local is really bad and him having a new gf there, doubly bad. Any change you can have a dinner party at yours one weekend with some of the people that go to the local pub. I'd bet they'd love to catch up with you and it's a really nice way to do it. Keep in touch with these people as they are your friends too.
Anotherpath/Cynthia -
Thanks both of you.
Managed to survive the weekend. News has it that I didnt miss much at the local with the band (although Im sure my feelings are being spared) except for the fact that the now `2 week old`gf has been ditched (or she has seen red flags and scarped) for another gf he proudly walked in with and who he was `pawing` over all night. Apparently shes just come out of an engagement which was broken off by her partner so I feel extra sorry for her as she must be at a vulnerable stage which he will milk to his advantage.
What a great idea, Anotherpath! Bringing the enjoyment to my house! It could certainly be done. . A pre xmas drinks to catch-up on everyone`s news without discussing him or the breakup. Such a good idea. Ill discuss it with a friend who`s a regular there and whom Im in touch with. See how she thinks I might go about it. Although, as with anything nice I did for myself within the relationship (i.e. like simply having coffee/lunch with a friend during the day) I would probably end up with `pay back` time if he got to hear of it. He lives at the other end of the village and although im comfortable financially, hes rolling in it so if he heard about me having a party with said people invited (which he would be absolutely livid about as he would see it as an attack on his personal ego and he would then see them as being two faced even though they probably only say hello to him when they are in there - they mostly conversed with me) hed probably have an even bigger and better party inviting the same and more, spending lavishly on them and go one further turning them into regular parties to hook them all in as his friends to ostracise me. I know that sounds a bit far fetched but its what hes like. Anything you can do, I can do better and if he thinks your idea is good he takes it and makes it his own.
An example being: Out of the friends in the pub, I made two very good friends . Both lovely, educated. Both with long term, normal boyfriends who allow them their space to see friends etc. As he saw us getting closer and they were inviting me to meet for lunch etc he started raging indoors about how he didnt want me to be over friendly with them as they were whores, slags, tarts, slept with anything that had a d**k and when sticking up for them he raged in my face that I didnt know enough about them to stick up for them. Im a good judge of character and we had things in common i.e. same university of old, liked cafe life, live bands in good pubs/wine bars etc etc and they were so not as he described.(More like he was tarring others with the same brush as he, as prior to me he had been known to go for absolutely anything in a skirt!! Im still uncertain he didnt have a prositute every now and then in the daytime when seeing me however) He also accused me of fancying one of their boyfriends who he said he noticed fancied me and ran him down no end. This was also untrue as I didnt really speak much to the boyfriends and I know they wouldnt have fancied me as they were so loved up with their girlfriends. Such a childish, teenagerish, pointless attitude. For a lot of people, sex isnt the be all and end all, I used to say to him.
He made it so difficult by giving me so much hassle that as I knew I wasnt going to be able to stay with him for much longer, I explained it to them in the hope that they would understand and we could be friends in private. They were lovely and stuck by me. They are still friends now but would be too frightened of the consequences if I went to the pub with them and their boyfriends as they know what hes like. However, what makes us all mad is before I explained why Id stopped being overly friendly with them whilst I was with him, HE was upping HIS friendliness towards them! Waving his arm outstretched on entering to shout hello to them, buying them drinks, being so over friendly, overly fussing, making friends with their boyfriends. What a contradiction?????!!!!! I could see what he was doing, but couldnt believe it. It was another confusion to add to all the other confusions and you do nothing although you know its wrong as youre still hooked into the man that adores you, treats you like a princess blah blah blah. Little does he know, they know everything now and are appalled. They try to avoid him or just nod when he shouts out their names to say hello as if they are his best friends!!!!!! Maybe because I ended the relationship and didnt succumb to his ploys of return this time, he feels like a king with his villagers and I have been ousted???!!!
AND thanks cynthia.
You reminded me again why im here and not with him. I could go back but choose not to because of the very reason you reminded me. You can be as mean as you like - its good to be pulled back into the reality of the dark side. Like so many other of us victims (Im not sure whether you did) I wrote a journal of the awful things when I couldnt think straight but knew what was happening wasnt right and after reading your message I re read it which then puts me back on track and reminds me the HEAVEN always went hand in hand or side by side with the absolute, animalistic, dig down deep underground HELL!
No its not awful you sleep with the tv on. It will help you. The day you dont need it, youll know youve come even further along the road to recovering your original self.. At first I slept with the late night radio on listening to chat shows until I fell asleep.
Funny I have never done that, In the beginning I would write down the horrible things he would say and try to make sense of them, but I didnt really journal anything per say. Sometimes after we talked on the phone I would write down what he said and would study it and think, what the hell, why would he say such a thing.
He would always call and say, well did you f--- anyone this weekend, when was the last time you got laid? How immature, I should have told him the truth oh lets see about 9 months, he had no idea that he has been the only man I have been intimate with for almost three years and that was 4 times a year, it doesnt matter anymore I am a little messed up sexually after being with him, terrified of being loved back with a normal man during sex, that scares me. I
am glad I helped you, you sound better, and I could never scold anyone on this site or be mean that is not my nature I feel so bad so many people are in such pain and I am helpless to take it away. THe ones that arent that far into their recovery and what these bastards did to them makes me sick, such kind, loving women, good mothers, who have this monster in their life causing them hell.
Thats a good idea to listen to chat shows, that would also make you feel not so alone, I put on these stupid scary movies, like killer clowns, ha ha that is the last thing I should be watching, or Dexter or CSI, I like to watch cartoons too, Tom and Jerry crack me up, I love disney movies too takes me back to when I was a kid, but I will never never never watch Cinderella that prince charming thing still haunts me to this day, ha Ya we were never in heaven, we were in hell and never knew it.
Have a good night and rest your mind you are going to make it through this
Cynthia - there really must be a planet they all come from
Weird that they all seem to say the same things - there must be a planet they`ve arrived from. After a lovely weekend together and my coming home for Sunday evening, hed ring me first thing Monday morning and say the same "did you f*** anyone last night as I feel you`ve been soiled"."Im not sure I can trust you" "Im popping round to smell your c*** on my way to work for proof". Mad or what!!!!! You`re expecting a pleasant morning conversation so are thrown by this comment even if he saying it in jest as it made me wonder if he was doing the reverse psychology thing trying to throw me off the track that possibly he had nipped out somewhere for a f***????!!!!! So you start your day questioning????!!!! Then its in your head until you meet up with him later.
Dont you let xN behaviour spoil what you could possibly have in the future. As soon as you know you`re ready, you go ahead and take those risks you used to before meeting him but of course with your head and not your heart until way into the relationship so any signs of red flags you can leave instantly.
Yes thanks for your help I do feel better. As we all know some days are bad, some days are good. I do get more good days as we go along. Yes, bastards for doing what they do to womens` minds. Ive just heard through the grapevine that the 2 week old gf was a drunken tart he took into our village pub and people were laughing at him (behind his back) and now hes got his claws on someone who has just recently split up from her fiance and she has MS (double whammy of vulnerability)- word has it she may be in a wheelchair early next year. He hasnt let her out of his sight since last Friday. What the hell is he up to with her, poor thing? He won`t have any sympathy, unless he acts it out really well but then what would his motive be? He had no sympathy at all with me after a hospital stay (and he had been his usual attentive, loving self previously taking me away somewhere lovely) and as I said in another posting as I was poorly and down, he triggered an argument to literally kick me in the back with his boot. What is she going to go through? Or will this one be different? Is he trying to show people he`s a kind man???? I cant see him pushing a wheelchair around?????? I am genuinely worried about her as looking back I must have been one hell of a strong woman to keep getting back into that ring yet it still wore me down to a nothing. HOw is she going to cope when the honeymoon period is over???
Never! nobody will be treated any better or different, NOBODY and dont forget that, look how nice they started out with us, they all start out nice with their new victims, remember someone other woman was dumped and hurt when he was with you jealous of you and him thinking the same thing that you were special and he would treat you different, well did he? Hell no!!
Im popping round to smell your c*** You have got to be kidding me? What a wacko honey, I hate that word c--t anyway no man will ever ever use that word in my presence again, never it will be bye bye have a nice life.
Same here i WOULD GET BACK from spending a few days with him and I would get this call saying did you get f last night when you got home, now that I think about it I bet they got f after we left and thought that was sooo cool that we didnt know, they are all alike sick and disgusting, mine always telling me to masturbate think of him, yuck sure I will do that while I think of your limp penis.
Glad you feel some better, I know I am getting better because the last few times I spoke to him which was maybe two months ago when we hung up I didnt even think of the sick things he said, I just shook my head and thought God how can they live like they do and say what they do, what a turn off, they must think it turns us on when it makes me want to puke.
Here is something funny to think about just before you close your eyes, imagine him masturbating to a porn flick and just a going at it I think of that and laugh so hard, they look like little old perverted men, mine was 54, the idea of an older man doing that turns him into a dirty old sick pervert, ya men can do that from time to time but how many men do you know that age that are happily married to a beautiful woman and have to jack off to porn flicks all the time?
If they do guess what, they are sex addicts, ick gross how would you like to live with someone that disturbed on a daily basis, I am soo glad I am out and away from that sick world, life will be better for us one day soon, so think of that image before you go to sleep yuck
Tehehehehe................old perverted men masturbating!!!! Yes! In reality that`s who mine was if I could just get rid of memories of the acting paradise man! Mine was nearly 50. Once after a night at mine with sex before sleep and sex during sleep he went home to his in the morning to sort his workers out then rang to ask me where id put the porn movies. Again, was it a wind up for the day or was he truly going to masturbate?? Hadnt I satisfied him enough the night before????Wasnt there more important things to think about for the day?????
Talking about dirty old men. Hes now hooked up with four other old saddos who`ve all just gone through divorces or been thrown out for one thing or another. And theyve been seen desperately swooping round one woman or anther like bees attracted to a honey pot. So sad at his age. The other men are just desperate saddos but decent enough - hes the dangerous one. Makes me think if hes only been able to walk into the pub with a drunken loose woman and desperately ends up with the woman I mentioned, it must mean in the 3 months weve been NC he hasnt been able to pull as he used to. Before I changed my numbers he text or left vmails to say he was going out to pull (after all his other tactics of getting me back failed - suppose he thought I would be jealous and give up but I was totally numb at this stage so was indifferent to anything he may have done!) and the places he went to Im sure he would have found someone, even younger as he has the flash car, good looking, smart clothes and money but to no avail - whats that all about then?? Losing his touch with decent women????!!!! No decent women on the market???? Or are there more women out there who can see the bullshit coming??!!
And yes, limp penis...........like you, I am sure, I am attractive, have a good figure and I still turn a few heads so why was he always limp when I would be sexily clad acting provocatively (at the appropriate time behind the bedroom closed door) and yet he would still be limp so I had to work on it or put a porn on???
There are some nice men out there but there the ones who are still married and if not, they are snapped up quickly never to be let go of. Thats why they are few and far between on the market as it were. Saddos like our xNs will be back out time and time again until they pop off. Water off a ducks back to them as its there way of life.
The mention of reverse psychology got me thinking of something else hed do and that is at least twice a week after work hed frantically go through my mobile to check whod Id rung or text etc and accuse me of not being trustworthy when a lot of our arguments were stemming from me not trusting him and I am certainly a very trustworthy and loyal person. On thinking about it now I think it may have been on the days hed possibly been unfaithful and in his childish mind, instead of just keeping quiet he threws his guilt over to me thinking it was a clever way to cover up but really a stupid idea as it always set me thinking it was what he was doing, if you get what I mean????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It helps me to think that I wouldnt be able to date a 16 year old because he wouldnt have matured enough in all aspects.Hes still a child. I see my xN as a childish, l6 year old in a mans body. Very frustrating indeed!!!
I always thought that too, mine was like a 16 year old in an old perverted mans body. You know what always turned me off when you are driving down the road and this 80 year man is next to you in this flashy sports car, and he looks over at you, I am sorry but they should be driving one of those rascal wheelchairs they advertise on tv, they look old enough to be your grandfather and they think women are just lined up to get a feel, pleeeeeeeze act your age, I mean you can be young at heart I hope I always am but dont walk in a room looking like my grandfather showing me your limp penis and expecting anyone to jump start it. At some point in your life its time to say, ok I am 54 I need Viagra, look at what we go through with menopause, but with our Psychopaths their viagra was PORN and masturbating like some sick idiot. Speaking of Viagra here is a great story,(a year ago) I left him some extra viagra when I left, he calls me up three weeks later and says, what color are those viagra? I am like WHY oh because I put them in with my vitamins and wanted to make sure I didnt accidently take one. WHAT A HOOT, CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW STUPID THEY ARE THAT I WOULD BELIEVE THAT. NICE TRY YOU LITTLE LIAR, who are you getting ready to screw tonight I thought, and it aint the MRS, you wouldnt waste one on her thats for sure. ha ha ha And another thing that he always lied about, he would call and say he masturbated thinking of me, ya right how many men do you know that masturbate thinking of their wives? Even though I wasnt his wife you know what I mean, same thing, can you just see him, "oh boy that Cynthia is sooo damn hot, just cant get enough of her thats why I make excuses not to see her so I will masturbate thinking about her, ha ha ha What a Jackass!!!
Losing their touch with decent women??? Couldnt agree with you more, they are older now so if they want anything young they have to revert to skanks, or pay for the young hookers that dont hurt the eyes. Now there is poetic justice for ya, they are so damaged from all the porn and hookers and masturbating that they cant get it up even if they did pick up some young stuff for normal sex. Need help with that Grandpa? ha ha ha Really and Truly any young, refined and decent educated woman would think he was nothing but a dirty old perverted man that hid behind bushes and jerked off.
like you, I am sure, I am attractive, have a good figure and I still turn a few heads, so why was he always limp?
I call mine MR. ED now, ya wasnt that a turn on for us? I mean if you have a problem then dont be a dumb ass and help yourself get your own script for Viagra for Gods sake. But no they lay there and say, you are going to have to suck it, ok I will give you until the count of 60 thats about one minute then you are on your own. How many licks does it take, the world may never know. Wonder how he would like to suck someones limp thingy? ha ha Knowing mine he probably would he is so sick sexually. I dont mean to be so personal here but how else do you say it. Sounds like you got rid of a rotten piece of crap like mine was, what kind of spells were we under? It must have been a strong potion they used on both of us I think we overdosed, ha ha ha Hey we have to laugh, when the illusion is gone they really are nothing arent they? Hope I made you laugh, sleep well tonight dear, we are free at last
Hahahahahahahahahaha! Yep you made me laugh! Yes their lies are soooo see through, sooooo obvious!!!
I also have a viagra story.............. we`ve already ascertained he was limp a lot of the time unless I worked on him etc regardless of me standing there in full glory which would turn most normal hot blooded males on! Now there was one occasion after I had ended it for about 4 weeks, during which he constantly harrassed me in more ways than one to wear me down to return, when on the day I was swaying to going back he had pre planned to go out with his friends that evening on a lads night out. I told him to go ahead and go as I still wasnt sure and would give him the answer the next day. ( I needed time to think and be sure because by then I was not in full charge of my mind due to his constant harrassment and rages etc). He pressurized me for an answer all afternoon so he could cancel his evening out as he said he preferred to be with me. I stuck to my grounds. Off he went. Then he kept ringing me whilst he was out in the bars saying that all the women were chasing him and could I please come and get him as he didnt want to be out there with them!!! (how childish when I think back) Anyway cutting story short I succumbed at about 9pm and went to collect him. I told him I was not having sex that night if thats what he wanted as I was still not sure about everything. He agreed for me to pick him up, go somewhere quiet to eat and then stay the night to cuddle. He would be happy with anything I wanted as long as we could get back. From the time I picked him up until late afternoon the next day he had a continual extra terrestrially stiff willy! He kept fidgeting with it and he said it was because he hadnt seen me in four weeks thats why!!! ................. No way hosey!!! .............In my befuffled head, I came to my own conclusion! .......... Viagra!!............... Soooo that meant although he was pleading with me to take him back he was still going to try his chances out there that night if I hadnt gone to collect him!!!! tut tut. As I was in confused state already, I questioned my conclusion at the time but now im out of it I can quite clearly see. Disgusting. No morals. All an act to get me back for supply etc etc.
Quoting you: "But no they lay there and say, you are going to have to suck it" ...................if I ever hear that again where a man cant get it up with me standing there looking sexy I will put my clothes back on and leave.
Spells..................we were under the Dr. Jeckyle spell. The Mills n Boon fake. And you`re right, when the illusion is gone, they are absolutely nothing. They are what we have created in our minds. I cant wait for the day when I can see that 100% and forget about all the normal lovely days of fruitless building with him.
Thanks for our chats and have a good nights sleep yourself my dear.
You bet he was on Viagra, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, I think back to our first encounter, this man would not stop for like two days straight, I couldnt walk for two days afterwards either, DEFINATELY VIAGRA when I think back on it, I mean I had to finally tell him please stop let me rest for a few hours, and I thought it was because of the passion he had for me, ha ha ha I mean because he could go like 30 minutes straight and never relieve himself, stop take a 10 minute break go at it again for 30 minutes then finally ejaculate. NOBODY DOES THAT if they do they are 16 or on viagra. To go from that to MR ED, its just too inconsistent. And he was always asking me to get Viagra for him, gee do ya think that was a red flag too? Yours is a hoot, popping viagra then going to a bar to find some putang, impressing them thinking he is such a stallion, well like I always said, if the horse is dead, its best to dismount. nolongerafixer, I would wear the garter belt, with the hose and thong I am a 36C and wear a size 10 and am 5'8 I know that would be enough to get any normal mans blood to boil and yet there I was trying to get this mans thingy excited, you have got to be kidding me? If this doesnt get you excited your a HOMO. I have 30 year old men try to pick me up, I am not a person that thinks I am all that but I know I am a very attractive woman as you describe yourself to be as well, so dont you ever ever ever think for one minute this was our fault, maybe we should have put some leather boots on, and leather bra and carry a whip give em a little pain and dress like a hooker maybe that would have made them come to life ha ha
if I ever hear that again where a man cant get it up with me standing there looking sexy I will put my clothes back on and leave. I hear ya, and isnt it almost degrading and insulting to us in a way to see them there LIMP? If my partner has a natural dysfunctional problem I am more than understanding, but dont call me for weeks and weeks an say how you miss me, and cant wait to touch me and feel me then have me drive two hours to see you and it was all Bullshit, none of what you said to me was true, you are just sick and like to talk trash on the phone like its a sex hot line, dont waste my life and my time if you are a nothing, not only can you not feel love for another human being you cant even have normal sex with another human being and that makes you a real freak and weirdo in my book. Did you ever stop to think about this angle, we could do what they do, how difficult would it be to just have different sexual partners, they are nothing special, BUT WHO WOULD WANT TO HAVE A LIFE LIKE THAT, ? I guess if you are a sex addict that is what they live for, but I cant understand the deformity, I would get NOTHING from that sort of life, it holds absolutely no appeal to me, its so empty, how can that possibly give them any satisfaction?. I dont even like going to bars, all the drunk men drooling and trying to pick you up, its a real turn off. Ok I vented enough for one night, we will meet up again and have a chat on how sexy we are and how deformed they are ha ha
Sooooo funny. Come to think of it, mine was also like that at the beginning. Then over time it became obvious he had a problem as even after id whispered sweet nothings etc etc etc at the start of a supposedly passionate moment and where the normal man would become aroused, he would eventually say "s**k it baby, wake him up". Wake him up!!?? I just didnt see it then!!! I soooo see it now!!!!!
Red flags, red flags, red flags - there were so many of them but Dr. Jekyle was soooo cute, loving, attentive and addictive to be with. Yep me same, 5`7", 36C, although size 12, straight dark blonde hair and on one occasion when dressing for a night of passion with what I thought to be cutesy, sexy undies plus stockings he couldnt get it fully up. Trying to work with a semi limplet, when I was in full flow he tried to explain it away that he wasnt turned on enough - hed prefer me in the nude as sexy underwear was a turn off!!!! What???!!! All his porn movie stars had underwear on???!!! He had never had a problem when watching those! So the outcome was that I didnt get any enjoyment out of this one and felt guilty I wasnt sexy enough! Of course, he enjoyed himself by getting me nude then turning me over and wham bam!!!! I was thinking at the time he was enjoying himself "What am I doing here???? This is not making love! I need to get out! And I was now frustrated! I mentioned my being frustrated to him afterwards and he said that it was good to keep me frustrated as it would mean that I would be thinking about him all day the next day!!
However, on another occasion when he was harrassing me to return after a break up i.e. banging demandingly on my door every hour, shouting aggressively through the letterbox, letting my tyres down so I couldnt go anywhere, grabbing my phone -running off with it and deleting all my friends` numbers, threatening, raging etc etc etc he managed to get in one day got my neck in a vice like grip against the wall and was raging in my face about how he had NEVER lied to me, NEVER been deceiptful, WORSHIPPED the ground I walked on and would DIE for me - pressing against me, I could feel he was as hard as a rock!!!!! DISGUSTING getting turned on by violence and control.
You`re right! It would be so easy going out to pull just for sex. Anyone can do that but it is so shallow and degrading and meaningless.
Hate bars too. Especially after my N experience. However, went to a nice one Friday evening as I found a live band pub of my very own in a place we used to frequent in the summer period!!! Friend and I got a high table near the bar and ordered a light meal and drinks. Fire roaring. Lots of people. Live band playing. On looking round I noticed groups of men on one side - groups of women on the other. Men looking furtively over to the women and to myself and friend. Choosing! Ordinarily I wouldnt have thought anything of it but now I think it is disgusting.
I switched off, enjoying the music, went into deep conversation with friend and by now eating our meal. Cut the story short - one man had edged over to our table with his friend standing casually next to but in front of the table - his back to us and blocking my view to band etc. He kept turning round to catch my eyes and placed his glass on my table. Call me sceptical now if you like, or I have been ruined by xN but it seemed to me that he was making a somewhat neandathol claim to our table and us said women so other men would see but not brave enough to start chatting just yet . There were plenty of other spaces to stand. I suddenly felt he was invading MY space. Blocking MY view. I was feeling quite claustrobic. I know I am not ready to give another man the time of day at the moment. We finished our food and left. How bad is that?? I felt I wanted to get home to my nice lamplit house and cosy bed. How sad is that?
I could feel he was as hard as a rock!!!!! DISGUSTING getting turned on by violence and control.
Not shocked, and thats really sick too, ya that is what turns them on, pain, fear, control, primative emotions like Barbara said, see there is proof right there. I too like the comfort of my home and my gas fireplace and my cat purring on my lap, I am safe there, I dont want anyone in my life close to me now, those men at the table looking over the other womens table just like meat, I would have said excuse me you are blocking my view of the band could you please move over, and take your glass with you too, ha ha in other words f---k of and go away. There is no meat at this table for you tonight.
What am I doing here???? This is not making love! I need to get out! I thought that too all the time with his sick cold humping and sick noises, I thought many times just release yourself already this is nothing but rape, get off me so I can take a shower to wash off your sickness and go home. Your a fake and a lousy screw too, sorry but I have to have some connection to someone I am intimate with, just throw the slab of meat on the bed and have at it, YUCK. When I get in my sexy undies and the whole get up, its work I did for you to make it romantic and fun, next time I will put on my granny underwear an old bra I clean in cause thats all the time you deserve you are nothing but an animal anyway who doesnt even know when you have a beautiful woman standing right in front of you let alone know how to treat one. As long as we can keep this in our minds when we think we are so sad they are out of our lives, just remember they were not worthy of one minute of our time, and we are way out of their league they could never keep a woman happy like us, we are the best and something they never could hold on to. Sorry the bastard gave you a neck hold, thats not a man, thats a sick animal pig, should have kicked him in his hard thingy that would have made mr happy very sad
You`re so funny - we have the same sense of humour. Are you an Aquarian??
Youre right, they are primitive, barbarian, neanderthol, brains down below - not evolved.
That`s what I need - a cat!!! I shall investigate.
Another thought crossed my mind. I dont like the idea that we are seen as gullible. I didnt fall straight into his arms but I suppose my crime would be that I am an honourable, honest, considerate, compassionate, loyal, `meet you half way` in a trusting, loving, secure relationship which I thought I was in. I havent got the time to be thinking `is he? isnt he? WTF??!! day in day out!! You should feel settled yet still free to grow within a loving, secure relationship.
me either I put up a bit of a skeptical fight, I even told him you are full of crap with all the complimentary garbage, Listen to how dumb this sounds, when we went out our first time, he said something like you are the only person I see in this huge crowd, I thought ya right what a line come on I am 52 not 22 but he had me hook line and sinker he kept working me and I became a believer in no time. CATS ARE GREAT, this is my first cat because they never did much for me, I have a dog and cat, and my cat is sooo loving sleeps on my stomach every night and crawls under the blanket by my hip to sleep, I really learned to enjoy cats. When they purr its so calming for me, my dog is a different story he cant get petted enough, more more more never quits I could pet him for hours and he would paw me for more. Check into a cat, they are cool, just get it fixed and declawed. I still show love and affection with my animals so I can still love, ha ha although they dont abuse me sexually. ha ha No I am a scorpio, ewww I know they say once we have been burned we never never never forget how true indeed I dont know what my Psychopath was he was born on another planet so we will call him limpatarius hows that. I had a bad day not the best, why I feel pangs of pain at times I dont know, if he were here right beside me now I would be miserable and he would be limp so. I just felt sad I am sick to death of feeling sad and hurt all the time, sick of it, I am getting sick of myself really always miserable over some loser, I forgot what being happy felt like its something I have the power to make happen Do you find people I guess mostly men boring after being with our so called x? Mine was exciting I will say that and so smart, when you have been with someone who has no emotions and always trying to please someone then you meet other men that are all over you and you want to just say GO AWAY please your uninteresting and stupid acting, it will take some time for me to get used to normal men again, hey normal is GOOD, not into porn is good, not masturbating three times a day is good, getting an errection with a beautiful woman is normal and good, strange how we adjust to their deformity because we thought we loved them so much isnt it?
full of crap with all the complimentay garbage,,,,,,,,
Me the same!! I told him I wasnt interested as I reckoned he was a player and had lots of women all over the place - he admitted he had due to not finding the right person yet. He also said the same thing about not seeing the crowd around us - we were in our own little bubble. He was in love with me, hadnt loved anyone before like he loved me, wanted to marry etc etc in the first two weeks. RED FLAGS I ignored. The fairground ride appeared exciting already and I couldnt jump off. Thank God I was strong enough not to go down the marriage road. And Ive heard over the years that he used to say that to anyone in a skirt. It meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. All lies. I still didnt succumb for a while - he had to work on me. They work hard on mirroring us dont they? We then fall for them as they appear to be soul mates but they`re just replicas of the great side of us. It is a compliment really - us falling in love with us!!!!
Im sorry you had a bad day. I wish I could find a magic potion to take the pain away for you but you know youll be great again tomorrow and hopefully the great feelings will last longer and longer inbetween the bad days. It is weird isnt it that we go along sometimes feeling euphoric that we are free of the emotional turmoil, happy doing what we are doing but then you can wake up one day right back down again. It may be something to do with what our emotions are used to over the years with him - HEAVEN(up in cloud nine) then HELL (down in the gutter). i loved the heaven, doesnt anyone, but it was always hand in hand with hell. I would be up then right down, up again and then right down again. The rollercoaster ride we talk about. Our bodies are so used to it so it is carrying on regardless of thought processes.
And you are right, I was thinking same the other day. It also wouldnt help if he were here with me right now as I would feel drained, questioning, deflated, miserable, suspicious, anxious, angry, resentful, trying to forgive the unforgivable and on top of all those undercurrant feelings I would have the added emotion of having to pretend to be happily `adoring` my man who would expect me to oblige all his stupid, demanding, possessive, childish, whims. Im surprised we havent ended up with split personalities.
Having no romance or someone special in our lives doesnt help at the moment either. The fear of `are we ever going to meet someone again?` `who can match up to Dr. Jekyle`???? We still miss what could have been had they not had a disfunction. Think of that film with Tom Hanks where he was magically made into a man but was still a boy. He fell in love with a woman in his man package and she fell in love with him then she had to say goodbye to him when he walked off as a boy when the magic was reversed. I felt so sad for her as she had lost something that wasnt really there in the first place. Have you seen it?
I understand what you`re saying about no one being like him in the exciting, thrill chasing, never a dull moment way but do you know what? I dont want that in a man again as I know how much I had to pay for it emotionally/physically. I dont want boring but I want to find someone more truly self confident, stable, secure. A proper man. Not a boy dressed in a mans body. I will add the thrill side to the relationship.
I know you dont feel like dating anyone at mo. Thats normal even in a normal breakup. But believe in fate Cynthia. Itll happen when you least expect it. Right place, right time, right man. Itll be funny when any one of us victims on this sight meets someone as well be writing in to check everyones approval that he is cosha!!!!!
I am married!! Ya I know better sit down, and I have been faithful for 23 years in my marriage up until the psychopath entered my life. I hope you dont judge me, but cant blame you if you do. Obviously I didnt just go off into the sunset with the wacko if my marriage was good, but I am married to a very verbally abusive man, NO HE IS NOT A NARC but controlling and abusive. This wacko entered my life and well need I say more thought I died and went to heaven oh but it gets better, you better have a drink before I tell you this, he is my 2nd cousin, but we were both adopted so we are not blood related, whew!! We played together when we were 5 and 8 years old, and NO not that kind of playing we never played "doctor", ha ha he was such an adorable child, his parents were normal, I am trying to remember I think he was adopted when he was like 8 months old and I was like two years old, so anyway as we grew up we lost touch with each other at about around the age of 12, and met up when we were 47 and he was 51, he attended both my parents funerals and when I saw him he took my breath away he was so handsome and it was good to see him after so many years, he asked if he could help me in any way with all the things I had to haul from the nursing home, etc. we went out for a drink and honestly we both knew we had so much in common being adopted and all and being the only child. So I left drove back home which was two hours away, never really gave him a second thought, then my mother dies 4 months later, he is again at the funeral and asked me why I never kept in touch after my dad died, I told him that I took my dads death very hard which I did, and didnt really keep in touch with anyone. There I was, both my parents dead, lousy marriage and he appears in my life like a gift from GOD, my mom always wanted me to date him and I would say, eww mom hes a second cousin she would say yes but you two are not related and he is such a nice boy, ha ha ha oh mother if you only knew... Sometimes when I visit her grave I tell her boy you sure have some real wackos on your side of the family mom, ha ha, so where was I, so things escalated between us after my mom died and it went from there. and you know the rest how they con, put on a mask, present themselves as the man of your dreams. He said he was sorry I was in a bad marriage, and his relationship with his GF wasnt really going anywhere, that we had more in common, hold on a sec, while I puke, that part always makes me nauseated. So how about that a Psychopath in my own family, thank god by no blood relation though. Kind of a unique story in a way but you can see how I fell for something, I never dreamed he was sick, and I never in a million years would believe someone that knew my parents could do this to their daughter, but isnt it strange this didnt happen until after they both died, so you dont think they wait and calculate? THINK AGAIN. I am not saying he waited all his life for this but I do think it was planned and was waiting for my mother to pass. To think at the funeral he expressed his sadness for my loss, held my hand and as I was bending over kissing my father goodbye in the casket he was probably wondering what he could stick up my butt.
"But believe in fate Cynthia. Itll happen when you least expect it. Right place, right time, right man."
It DID happen when I least expected it, but the only problem was WRONG MAN!!!! THAT LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS THE RIGHT MAN. This is a classic example that truly should make others aware of how the pathological mind works, to do this to someone who is broken and sad at a time in their life when they need someone they can trust instead there he was, a Predator at my parents funerals a wolf in sheeps clothing hunting me. So where am I today, well I got rid of him, I am left shamed, never never never did I cheat on my husband as miserable as I was in my marriage I just focused on my children they were the only joy I had, guess it took a skilled psychopath to lead me down that road but he also showed me through his awful abuse how to stop being abused by ANYONE in my life, he sank me to such a low nothing of a human being and made me see in the end I have always been worthy of being treated with love and respect I just never believed in myself enough to demand it.. I always wanted to please others, forget about my needs but make sure everyone else was happy. Love doesnt work that way, giving up your beliefs just to please others isnt love and not respecting yourself enough and allowing others to abuse you is nothing close to love either, when someone says but I will do anything for you because I love you, WRONG, never give away yourself, or your soul or the core of who you truly are in order to please anyone, narc or no narc.. I had to learn that lesson the hard way, but it seems those are the lessons we never have to learn over again because they are painful lessons, life altering lessons that I certainly dont want to make the mistake of doing again. When we say we are forever changed because of this experience it is because I think many of discovered this is what we did along the way, we gave up what was important to us, and ignored our needs to please someone else and I will never do that again with anyone in my life. (of course the brainwashing also made it even more difficult for us to stand our ground) That is my truth, so that is my birthday present to myself, and by the way I blew out all my candles, all TWO of them the 5 and the 2 ha ha so good things are going to come
First of all, let me say a belated `Happy Birthday` to you. I hope you had a great day and feel a lot better.
Secondly, it sounds like you were in an incredibly vulnerable state when psycho came into your life, what with the bereavement of both parents and the unhappiness of your marriage. It couldnt have been at a worse time feeling so low and needing a pillar of strength to lean on yourself, for him to waltz in and offer insincere comfort for his own gains. I can quite see how you`d feel comfortable in his company with an already closeness of you both know the family. I suspect you had a lot of natural trust in him as you had no reason to be suspicious. Worse case scenario, as of course, you`d have a lot in common. His trump card! Lots in common and your vulnerability at the time - very nice concoction for him to work with!! Oh yes, they wait and calculate alright!!
He would definately have been sizing up your butt for possible usage whilst you were grieving over your fathers casket and planning his next move. Vulture-Vampire-Narc.
Actually, you`re right........mine also happened when I least expected it. Thought it was fate doing its thing. In fact, in my first year of red flags waving away there in the wind which I chose to ignore , I often asked myself, why would fate put me with someone with so much against a successful us??!!! I should have been sensible enough to realise it was the devil leading me down his path. Yep wrong man who lead us to believe right man.
A wolf in sheeps clothing predatoring at a funeral. Normal? No. Abnormal? Yes = narc/pscho with all the traits we have now learned about. Perfect place to be. They`re clever, Ill give it to them. Much easier than having to sift out the vulnerable in bars.
God it must have been extremely hard for you with all the f**kwitting going on in your brain to hold on to normal day to day life at home with husband and children. You must have gone through absolute hell. But surely, you dont take any shit from husband now? Hows the marriage now and why have you stayed?
Its so true they have a nac of having you give up body and soul, changing your life, your expectations, morals etc all in the name of love for them. But we now know its not love. Its all about ownership, an object.
Even with all this knowledge and newfound acceptance my xN is still in my head. As mentioned before hes there everyday but very much at the forefront today as if Id never left him as if were still together and I could just get his usual phone call to say hes on his way home from work and cant wait to see me. Thats 3 months NC and hes still here as clear as day and I felt him so close today. That vibey thing. If im not called in tomorrow Im going to see if I can see a professional to find a way to get him out. I was actually thinking on the lines of hypnotism. Im that fed up with thinking about him. Today I nearly cried at work as its coming up to xmas. Ive heard hes booked a big xmas lunch at the village pub (oh the glorious pub again!!! I know I should put it outof my mind and I did the last time but......) for his newly acquired saddo friends, gf and whoever else wants to join. Oh the big popular ???? trying to gain as much popularity in the village. Hes already beaten me to anotherpaths party idea. Dr Jekyle is going to be going xmas shopping with the new gf, putting up the tree with her and possibly flying her off somewhere whilst im still feeling empty and lost. I cant do what he does to go find someone new - hit the bars chatting up opposite sex until I find someone to take his place. I wish I could so I wont be lonely for xmas. I hate Hyde for destroying everything we had. I hate that Ive been questioning again today did I really do the right thing in letting him go. Looking back over the last attempt to make it, he really did seem to try. I know, Im going to read up on the bad bits again to help die him down again.
Going to get into my jammies now and go to sleep. Hopefully when I wake up he wont be the first thing I see. Hope you are still ok.
I hate that Ive been questioning again today did I really do the right thing in letting him go
you most certainly did make the right choice to LET HIM GO, dont let your mind play tricks on you, just because we are at a distance now they dont look so bad BUT DONT YOU EVER FORGET MY FRIEND what they are and what he did to you, as I shall never forget the years he took from my life. Always remember the initial con do you ever really want someone who is even capable of such behavior? Even if he could have managed to live with me would I want to share my life with someone who is capable and DOES these things to other women? They are not right, if I were his wife or live in girlfriend I would be mortified to know he does these things to the lives of others, the cheating in a way doesnt bother me half as much as their sick mental behavior, they all get off on cheap sex, how can we be jealous of who they are having sex with when it doesnt mean anything to them just as having sex with us didnt really mean anything to them either, and we both were witness to that we are both beautiful women and there they were limp COME ON that is a serious problem and very abnormal. So very abusive to their partners who have to suffer also because they damanged themselves with extreme sexual perversion all their lives. I dont want someones left over garbage,
I dont want to be a partner with someone whose deformity makes my life miserable, that is BULLSHIT. I want the whole deal, the whole package because that is what we both give to others and that is what we should get back in return. I always believe we get what we deserve in life for the most part, if I were some tramp that bedded a different man every night of the week, cheated, lied, used and lived a life as they do why do they deserve the best of women? They are not worthy of a dedicated, loyal beautiful woman, they should be with whores, prostitutes and people who have no morals and no principles as they do, they should have partners that wont love them, who cheat, lie, and use them also, because that is who they are. Funny though that is not who they want to come home to every night but yet they seek those thrills on the side, and the worst of them like my psychopath like to destroy the good principled women into becoming who they are, pull them in the gutter with them, like mine tried to do, he tried to convert me into a cheap sex call girl he could pimp out to others and bring home victims for him. Would I want to be the live in girlfriend of someone like that? NO THANK YOU, all the money in the world would not keep me with a man like that, I will not sell my soul to the devil, let alone share his bed with him every night. Seriously we have got to move on to another phase of this recovery, the minute I open my eyes in the morning, THERE HE IS IN MY HEAD, and when I go to bed at night, I think of him, and i have to focus like hell at work to keep him out of my head. You would die if you knew the things I thought about, I picture him living his life, going to work, coming home to his girlfriend, eating dinner, wondering what they talk about and what wonderful vacation he is taking her on next, I MEAN THIS IS CRAZY AND NOT HEALTHY AND ITS KEEPING ME STUCK AND I AM SICK OF IT. Then I think of moments we shared, seeing him naked, seeing him limp, (just kidding) but actually more wondering how is it possible that porn and all the masturbating can leave them so damaged that they cant even get excited with a victoria secret model standing in front of them, well you know what I mean. Have you seen some of the pics of some women on this site, they are beautiful women, Jesikka is an absolute doll and they suffer ed with them as well and lack of sexual interest. A high percentage complain the sex died after marriage, and younger too than our age, I mean what is up with that BULLSHIT. DO you realize most men go out to bars and we would be a dream come true if they landed some of the beautiful women on this site, including ourselves. Its the most mind twisting things I have ever experienced, I have never never never been rejected like this by any male, personally, sexually, or used, abused, like this man treated me, NEVER. If anything I did the rejecting and not wanting to go on a second date. Dont you think too that really is what its about in alot of ways? Our pride is hurt, how dare he reject me, does he not see what he has? When I saw a pic of his GF I was really really shocked she wasnt THAT attractive, she was cute enough, she wasnt unattractive but not a head turner by no means. Many of the other women have said that too the OW was not what they thought she would look like. I imagine she is a sweet, caring person, hey but SO ARE WE, we are everything they were that is why the Narc picked us out too. I dont know what to do about my marriage its sooo sad, I am not attracted to my husband anymore, maybe I never really was. My Psychopath was much much better looking than my husband but I dont base it on that so much if my husband wasnt a controlling abuser he might appear more attractive to me, but I wonder why the psychopath still appears handsome to me? Probably because as much as he is deformed he still has a nice appearance and nice features. My husband has hair all over his back, like an ape, I know he cant help it well I guess he could get hair removal treatments but its a big turn off, I mean its like two inches long all over, YUCKY, it always bothered me even when I first met him I didnt like it he said it drove the women wild in his younger days, you have got to be kidding, ya if you are another monkey they would like it, ha ha and he is bald, typical, hair should be on his head not his back, and really thats ok too there are alot of good looking men that shave their heads, but he doesnt take any time to physically keep himself up to par, he would rather watch football with a beer in his hand and the remote in the other. Such an exciting partner let me tell ya, BORING!!!!! We both work and I have always had to make the dinners, while he sits with a fork in his hand waiting to be served, and clean up afterwards too, that is also bull crap, what makes him so special that I have been given the role of just a servant to his needs? THen he wants sex? ya right, no thanks ya sure I will work 8-10 hr days, come home make dinner, clean up, pick up the house then pull my panties down to further service you, its plain selfish. ALl my friends that are happy in their marriages report that their husbands always help with dinner, or at least help clean up, and even help clean the house, I have never seen a vacume in my husbands hands, ever and I have never seen him wash a floor ever even when I was sick, oh I could go on. Dont feel alone, I am married and I am very very lonely as well, I have no marriage partner I am just someone he married to play the role of his servant, and satisfy his thingy when it gets happy, so primitive and so selfish. Do you have children? I have two, they are both in college, 23 and 21 years old, they are great but have their own lives but I am close to both my daughter and my son, but I dont drag their lives down with my marriage problems its not fair to them. You bet it was living HELL hiding what the psychpath did to me from my family, my husband said one time to me, what has happened to you, you lost 30 pounds, I went from a size 12 to a 6 from not being able to hardly eat for three months, you dont even look like the same person I married, and he said did someone do this to you? I about died when he said that, I told him it was because I lost my parents so close together and I feel lost, in a way that was true I WAS VERY LOST. My husband and I tried having sex and I started crying, sobbing just couldnt do it, I was damaged sexually from the psychopath, I knew when he was having sex it was nothing more than just rape and I thought it was passionate love I can overcome that but it will require a very loving, tender, patient partner. I dont think I will ever be able to put the thigh highs and garter belts on again brings back too many bad memories. well like I said, somehow someway we have to get them out of our heads so we can truly move on, I think that is the last part of the recovery but the hardest.
I miss Dr. Jekyle. Ill never meet anyone like him.
having a sleepless nigh hon? I just woke up with a stomach ache
and you dont want to ever meet another jekyle and hyde if you do RUN, the jekyle was not who he really is, and that is who you are missing, that great fun guy who has a sick dark side. He would always want you by his side huh? Well he doesnt now, I am not being mean but just giving you a dose of reality. I hope I NEVER meet anyone who is too good to be true. I sleep with the tv on at night so I dont get lonely isnt that awful? Mine smelled sooo good too but that will fade in time, they hyde came and he had a foul smell, remember the bad and know you dont deserve someone who has a personality disorder as sad as it is its not a healthy partner to have, they are just no good, we mourn over that nice side for soo long I let the bad side take over and I remember the awful pain It caused me, it will lessen but slowly.
Yes. The weekend. Always hard.
Last night as I was shopping, Christmas music was playing. I picked out a few gifts and came across an item I knew my exN would love. A cheap little thing but to him it was special and he had lost his.
I actually bought it. I was in a weird head space. I usually would pick up little things like this to give him on christmas, and I was doing it now. I also bought a Thanksgiving card for him.
It's such a habit. As the holidays come I'm sure I'll be doing more behavior like this.
I'm wondering if it is possible to send this one item for christmas and leave it at that. I think it may show that I'm healing. But inside I know it's probably me just craving the contact.
Hi 4joys4,
You've added to your name i noticed?
If you have a problem with a need for xmas shopping i will send you a list and my address and will be very grateful for receiving whatever you want to send me lol............
whatever the pressie is give it to someone who will appreciate that you did that for them and not betray you.
Hi Ellen! Yes, I had to resubscribe to the site because it was seeing me as spam. The one thing I miss is seeing all the months and weeks tally up. Now I have to start over..lol.
I wont send it, not to worry. I'm coming out of my funk. I think it would be wise for me to have a little notebook with every rotten thing written down in it for times like this.
I felt stronger when I was in anger mode.
Don't do it girl. "Just this one little thing" turns into a big emotional upheaval for you. If he replies, that'll cause and issue - do you reply back? If so, are you prepaired for the BS that follows? If he replies and you don't, will you worry that he's hurt because of it?? If he doesn't reply, will you wonder if he got it?? Will you call to see if he did? If you think he got it but doesn't reply, will that hurt you?
As with anything else, anything related to an N won't get you a normal, healthy reaction...like if you were to send a 'normal' ex a card for the holidays and not give it a second thought. There would be emotional investment, for you only in doing this. If you did do this, you'd have to be willing to deal with the consequences. If you must buy gifts as a 'ritual' to help in your recovery, then do so. Give them to someone else who deserves them.
Just my 2 cents!
thanks quietude- baseball
weekend plans
Good advice - anything to occupy.
Feeling Lonely
thank you agnesmurphy17
Hi agnes
Mr. Hyde appears because N has nothing to give.
nolongerafixer
Ending the dance
nolongerafixer
Ending the dance
Anotherpath/Cynthia
I wrote a journal of the awful things
Cynthia - there really must be a planet they all come from
Or will this one be different?
ick gross
OURS SOUND VERY ALIKE
sounding alike.............
Viagra!!..........
MR ED
glad you are OUT
A cat is what I need........
I didnt fall straight into his arms
full of crap with all the complimentay garbage,,,,,,,,
oh boy time for truth
Vulture-vampire-narc
to find a way to get him out.
I miss Dr. Jekyle. Ill never meet anyone like him.
Yes. The weekend. Always
Hi 4joys4
Ellen
4joys