I'm caught in a vortex of doubt...

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#1 Jul 23 - 9PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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I'm caught in a vortex of doubt...

This is lengthy... Need to give details for clarity...
Completely conflicted… I am really struggling to identify whether or not the man I’ve been involved with is really and truly a N. I vacillate between identifying signs that he truly is an Narcissist and then there are days, weeks and months I doubt he is disordered.I don’t know what it is going take help me know if he really is a N. I have read everything I can get my hands on the past couple of months. My mind is playing tricks on me. After extensive reading and educating myself about NPD’s, I am more confused today than I was when I began this process of discovery.
I reached a point that I had to back away from the relationship because I felt I wanted
more from him than he was ready to commit to. He finalizes his divorce in January and claims he isn't ready for a 'big' relationship yet. Quite understandable. His wife of 20 years left him for a woman. After feeling our relationship was a roller coaster ride, I decided to back away. During the 37 days of NC, he would reach out once a week to let me know he missed me and to contact him when I was ready. Three weeks ago he asked to see me. We met for lunch and he proceeded to tell me the time apart made him realize he wanted to make a go of the relationship. He claimed he was terrified of being hurt again, felt a lot of fear, but loves and trust me and wanted to commit to our relationship. During our conversation I asked of he had dated anyone during the time apart. He confirmed he had. In fact, he admitted to sleeping with a woman he had two dated with- he said it was creeu, hollow and a mistake but he didn't want lie to me. He apoloized if this news hurt me but I asked and we did not have a commitment at the time. Fast forward three weeks..... We were on the phone four days ago when I told him about the extensive business travel on my calendar and mentioned I had a free weekend coming up--- This is where it gets wacky- Suddenly he blurts out, "I gotta tell you I just don't think I'm ready. I'm crazy about you- I love you, I'm wildly attracted to you but when I think about the intimacy and commitment you represent, I'm paralyzed. I feel there are so many unresolved issues with my x-wife; anger, loss and trust." he said it wasn't fair of him to treat me like a yo-yo... Up, down... He said he needed to get back into therapy to deal with this fear because he recognizes it is very real and very paralizing. So, once again, we find our way to 'apart'. Once again I am bewildered..... How can anyone go from 100 mph to zero and not have issues? Oh ladies, please help---
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Jul 24 - 4PM
TruthbeginsToday
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Give the man some rope.

Jul 24 - 8AM
onwithmylife
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freeme

Jul 24 - 4AM
Snowflake
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Im not a Mod BUT

Jul 24 - 1AM
Journey
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Hi FreeMe, narc or not, he is

Journey on...

Jul 23 - 11PM
Rising Dawn
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Yes, run like hell

Jul 23 - 10PM
no more an echo
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I'm not a mod, but...

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #24)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Dear No more an echo

Jul 23 - 11PM (Reply to #25)
no more an echo
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a re-set button in our lives

Jul 23 - 9PM
Janie53
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Freeme

Jul 23 - 11PM (Reply to #22)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Janie- So true...

Jul 23 - 9PM
Hunter
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I don't know what he is..

Jul 23 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Hunter- Thank you! I need perspective from a pro-

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
Hunter
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I hope you are cured from the

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #15)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Hunter- You're brilliant with your words!

Jul 24 - 8AM (Reply to #19)
Janie53
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Freeme

Jul 24 - 10AM (Reply to #20)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Hi Janie-

Jul 24 - 8AM (Reply to #16)
Snowflake
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Free Me

Jul 24 - 10AM (Reply to #17)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Dear Snowflake-

Jul 24 - 10AM (Reply to #18)
Janie53
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We all missed the red flags

Jul 23 - 9PM
Deidre99
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Not enough to really decipher

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Deidre99

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Deidre99
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I agree w/you...and frankly,

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
tryingtorecover
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Run Forrest run...Run fast

Jul 23 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Laughing histerically Tryingtorecover

Jul 24 - 4AM (Reply to #6)
Peeks
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What an absolute prat !!!!!

Jul 24 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Hi Peeks-

Jul 24 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
spinning
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Free Me and to all the beautiful souls

spinning

Jul 24 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
GracefullyFree
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I'm With Spinning

Jul 24 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
FreeMe (not verified)
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Hi Spinning-

Jul 24 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Snowflake
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Spinning :)