I'm caught in a vortex of doubt...
I'm caught in a vortex of doubt...
This is lengthy... Need to give details for clarity...
Completely conflicted… I am really struggling to identify whether or not the man I’ve been involved with is really and truly a N. I vacillate between identifying signs that he truly is an Narcissist and then there are days, weeks and months I doubt he is disordered.I don’t know what it is going take help me know if he really is a N. I have read everything I can get my hands on the past couple of months. My mind is playing tricks on me. After extensive reading and educating myself about NPD’s, I am more confused today than I was when I began this process of discovery.
I reached a point that I had to back away from the relationship because I felt I wanted
more from him than he was ready to commit to. He finalizes his divorce in January and claims he isn't ready for a 'big' relationship yet. Quite understandable. His wife of 20 years left him for a woman. After feeling our relationship was a roller coaster ride, I decided to back away. During the 37 days of NC, he would reach out once a week to let me know he missed me and to contact him when I was ready. Three weeks ago he asked to see me. We met for lunch and he proceeded to tell me the time apart made him realize he wanted to make a go of the relationship. He claimed he was terrified of being hurt again, felt a lot of fear, but loves and trust me and wanted to commit to our relationship. During our conversation I asked of he had dated anyone during the time apart. He confirmed he had. In fact, he admitted to sleeping with a woman he had two dated with- he said it was creeu, hollow and a mistake but he didn't want lie to me. He apoloized if this news hurt me but I asked and we did not have a commitment at the time. Fast forward three weeks..... We were on the phone four days ago when I told him about the extensive business travel on my calendar and mentioned I had a free weekend coming up--- This is where it gets wacky- Suddenly he blurts out, "I gotta tell you I just don't think I'm ready. I'm crazy about you- I love you, I'm wildly attracted to you but when I think about the intimacy and commitment you represent, I'm paralyzed. I feel there are so many unresolved issues with my x-wife; anger, loss and trust." he said it wasn't fair of him to treat me like a yo-yo... Up, down... He said he needed to get back into therapy to deal with this fear because he recognizes it is very real and very paralizing. So, once again, we find our way to 'apart'. Once again I am bewildered..... How can anyone go from 100 mph to zero and not have issues? Oh ladies, please help---
Give the man some rope.
freeme
Im not a Mod BUT
Hi FreeMe, narc or not, he is
Journey on...
Yes, run like hell
I'm not a mod, but...
Dear No more an echo
a re-set button in our lives
Freeme
Janie- So true...
I don't know what he is..
Hunter- Thank you! I need perspective from a pro-
I hope you are cured from the
Hunter- You're brilliant with your words!
Freeme
Hi Janie-
Free Me
Dear Snowflake-
We all missed the red flags
Not enough to really decipher
Deidre99
I agree w/you...and frankly,
Run Forrest run...Run fast
Laughing histerically Tryingtorecover
What an absolute prat !!!!!
Hi Peeks-
Free Me and to all the beautiful souls
spinning
I'm With Spinning
Hi Spinning-
Spinning :)