I'm back- ugh

Oh happy Im so sorry. Dont know if Hunter told you but the Narcs gf contacted me. I wanted to throw up. She was a complete bitch and of course she spewed lies that he had told her. I havent spoken to this man in 10 months and I am still feeling horribly addicted. I snoop all the time. My therapist has talked to me about this and has called it cold hard addiction and that I have to break it like any other addiction. I think to myself, I havent even seen this freak in more than a year yet I still find myself completely obsessed with him and his disorder. I think now its time for me to become obsessed with me and my disorder. At times I dont even know who I am anymore.

Listen I am OVER 2 and 1/2 years out and only now starting to feel like ME, it is way too soon in my opinion to date, but each to their own, and your exhusband, while trying to be helpful, as men try to once in a while, doesn't get the whole picture. It has taken me a tremendous amount of time to overcome this, I am one of the oldest members on this board!!! not necessarily years but maybe that too. As Hunter, your good friend, would say, are you doing therapy? it might be the edge you need and find a good one.. lots of hugs to you.......i am finishing up another brief stint with a great therapist who knows about NPD and tried to help a few of his clients with no real success.

Hi happy, at 8 months I was still bouncing off the walls. This healing time is for you to find yourself and do just that.... heal. Which is what I have done and am grateful for it as I have a better life now then ever and am still growing. I am coming up for 21 months break up and 20 months NC (he contacted me twice after break even though he had new supply) and am now truly happy. I read on this site still to keep me aware of what is out there in the dating world/real world or in case I get triggered by either one of the two PDmen I have had in my life or come across these sort of people. Had a major spring clean of friends and people who weren't treating me nicely since learning about PD and getting my boundaries back in place. ExPD man #2 starting dating his new supply the day we split up and moved in with her four weeks into their relationship and got her pregnant a few months down the line....all very whirlwind. Heartbroken at first but know the truth and it sets you free and am truly thankful he meet her now. There was no future for us as there was a big age gap but he was very cruel for no reason when we split. You do not need to be loved, not by someone like this, not at the cost of yourself, and where is it written that you HAVE to date. I have been out on a couple of dates but I am truly not looking such is the new found peace of mind, confidence and self esteem I have, therefore I am single and loving it. Baby steps, don't let anyone rush you, this is a form of bereavement and healing takes time.

oh happy im glad you wrote here . If we where looking at the 7 stages of grief it sounds like you are in acceptance , acceptace kind of sounds an easy stage but it hurts like hell especialy if you are forced to go there by some news like you . the good news is that you are in the end game now and you have to push on through , the obssive thought probably wont last that long , if youre anything like me you will have a couple of down days , maybe a week and then you will bounce back . Im so proud of you getting out of this relationship , i really hated youre narc he was just so arrogent !xx

Happy, people recover at different speeds. I am at 15 months and I havent dated. I took time to totally purge the narc and work on me. 8 months and I was still a wreck. It took a good year to feel as close to normal as possible after train wreck. You will get there at your own time. Don't give up, it will be well worth your effort.

having a set back. I had one this week too. A huge one that had me almost "spinning" again and I'm at 10 months NC. As for the dating thing, yes, I know what you are talking about. When I had a chance to meet someone new and knew he was going to call me, I actually felt like calling the disordered one and telling him about it so he'd know! After the new guy called (and turned out to be AWESOME, I still see him), I actually went into the ladies room at work and CRIED because I felt like I was BETRAYING the disordered one!!!! How sick is that???? After the first date with new guy I also cried and felt like damaged goods. I thought new guy would never call me again or like me because he's so nice, hot, fun, funny and NORMAL...but guess what, he did call and he does like me. So all in all, Hap, I'm glad I tried it even though I knew it was "too soon" after the disordered one (I was at 6 months NC when the opportunity to meet came up). Also, though, at my age I felt like I couldn't pass up too many opportunities (I'm 53) and in this case I am so glad I didn't pass it up. It has changed much for me. I no longer view myself as connected in any way to the disordered one. I hope this helps, some, Hap. It is crazy and is a crazy feeling to go through. I will say that opening myself up to "normal" encounters has been very helpful and has reminded me that the chaos and confusion isn't necessary and I don't miss it. Things don't have to be complicated or hard with "normal" guys who know who they are. And the more I know who I am, the easier things seem to get. A big hug to you, my sweet dear Hap! You've gone through a lot of hard work and have done so well. It's a process and I just know you'll be so happy one day. Love, (fighting to never again be) spinning. NOT FOR ANY MAN, NOT FOR ANYONE!

You know what I think? He's ugly, a psycho! She's Stupid and must has slept through her psych rotation in Medical school! You're hot he's not! Enough Said Hunter

Missed you soooo..... much. They say that it can take up to two years to get over a loss of this nature. Don't forget that you were engaged to this man and had hopes of a life together. This was a serious relationship for you and you are not the type of person who takes that commitment lighty. Dating when you are not into it is torture. I tried that in the past and it was like I was looking at the guys like they were aliens. I was completely devoid of any feelings towards them and their words were like vacant hollow expressions. I could not wait until the dates were over. You'll know when you are ready and you just are not ready yet. Hope to see you soon. God bless, Goldie

I think healing does come in cycles, and I have hit a down cycle the past couple days too. Mine I think was bc I was dating. The guy wasn't good for me, exhibiting N like traits, and now I feel set back in my healing. I think of my exN more, what happened, and I have an urge to speak with him. Dating I don't think is the answer for you, but getting busy as hell would be helpful, social outtings, hobbies, etc. You should also refuse anymore info on what he's up to. Right after my split from my exN, I did have this strange connection where I felt still under his control, like I had to be faithful to him, etc., bc he called me a cheater and a whore. It felt wrong to even look at another man, and we lived in different states. He was so judgmental and outspoken, and it was like I still felt his control, so maybe that is like how you still feel like his possession. I hope you feel better. I hate that we have to go through this. I am beginning to think I will never truly be over it. I will never be the same:( Hugs!

I hate that you are still having a hard time. You've been doing so good. I think healing must come in cycles because I have really good weeks and then really bad weeks. I don't think you should worry about dating right now. There is no point in it because you are not over the Narc yet. You will know when you are ready. I think your ex-husband is just worried about you and wants you to be happy. Dating is not going to make you heal any faster or make you feel any better. It will probably make things worse. I tried once and I was miserable. That date made me want to go home, pack my bags, and run straight to the narc! So forget about dating and just worry about yourself. Hang in there and be strong! Remember he is a psycho and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!! He's got dead eyes and he's scary. SCARY! Hugs!! Sara

THERE IS NO POINT IN DATING IF THATS NOT WHAT YOU WANT...AND YOU DONT AT THIS TIME...YOU ARE GOING THRU TOO MUCH TO EVEN THINK OF DATING WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THINGS LIKE THIS? UNTIL YOU ARE FULL OVER HIM..YOU WILL FEEL THE PAIN...DO YOU REALY NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS LIFE.?..SO THE DOCTOR CAME....THATS HIS PROBLEM NOT YOURS ANYMORE...MAYBE ITS BEST TO TELL HER YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE ABOUT HIM....TO BE SICK AS YOU WERE, MEANS YOU CANT DEAL WITH HIM EVEN BEIGN MENTIONED...SO ITS BEST HE IS NOT.....