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I_am_free's Story

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#1 Jan 1 - 6AM
I_am_free
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I_am_free's Story

Who knew an adult could be this sly and shrewd

I am 27 years old...had worked myself up slowly over the years and was divorced and have a 4 year old daughter. I met this NARC at a holy gathering which I attended with my family every Thurs (I am moslem).

Initially there was something I did not like about him..always felt he was boastful but he definately managed to convince me otherwise. Spose I should have trusted that initial gut feeling but then again my prev marriage was loveless and I was craving someone just to hold me and be nice to me and he did it perfectly. We started out as friends and within a week of speaking he told me he was inlove with me (he left his 2nd wife of 7 years) and we were meant to be. He told me everything I so badly wanted to hear. That first day we spoke he told me he had bad news and the dr had told him he had brain cancer. Since I am quite gullable I fell sorry for him and wanted to take care of him. From brain cancer is went to leukemia then colon cancer yet no hospital had his records for chemo or any trace of him having cancer. Yet he managed to get R130,000-00 out of me which he would say was for his debt or his chemo bill etc. You are probably wondering why I was so stupid but by this time I was head over heels cos to me this man was perfect...its true what they say "too good to be true". He made his ex wives sound horrible and claimed his family had disowned him. He also said he was 31 but his ID said 37..which he claimed was due to some home affairs 'error'. My parents and friends all warned me but to me this man was perfect and I just wanted happiness. I got married quietly without my parents knowing and we lived together for few mnths when I found out he was still busy with his 2nd ex wife. I left and he managed to swirl me back again with sweet words and promises. By this time I lost everything, financially I was broken. I was dependant on him and scared to leave cos I feared my parents would not take me back since I had hurt them so much. We met in June 2010 and it is now Dec 2011..when I went back we lived in a room in his brothers house and I was isolated from every1 I was close to. He would cry and I would feel bad...realised now he was an excellent actor. I mean who can pull off being in severe cancer pain? Magically the cancer dissapeared once the funds in my acc had dried up (he had a secondary card to my acc too).

He kept pushing to have a child with me and I now realise it was a way to keep me with him...since even his 2nd ex wife has a protection order against him so she does not even want him anymore...since I am of no financial benefit to him...suppose he hangs onto me so I can shower him with the love and affection till he finds sum1 else to supply this. I left him 2 weeks ago without saying anything...I have no money, no home and luckily my parents are standing by me. I can now salvage whatever relationship/friendship I had destroyed thanks to him. He says he wont divorce me and lies to this day. Since day 1 it was lie on top of lie..he made me believe I was crazy and is now going around telling every1 im crazy and spreading alot of lies about me...but then again he did the same thing to his 2 prev wives so why am I any different?

Its hard everyday. Mentally I know I made the right decision to leave cos he was so close to destroying me...but emotionally I struggle. I try to take each day as it comes and hope that soon I can get over this. It took him 1 1/2 years to mess up my life and leave me with nothing. His family is aware he has a lying problem and I suppose I cant explain to them that he is a NARC. He is now emotionally blackmailing me and I am so tired of his threats to kill himself which I know he will never do. He plays on every1's feelings...and I still cant believe I meant nothing to him. That charming man I met dissapeared and was replaced with this emotional, depressed and miserable man who constantly needed me to hold his hand. All his lies are now coming out and its shocking at times...and hurts alot. Its even more hurtful that he will simply find the 4th wife and do the same to her.

This is only a summary of the last 1 1/2 years and I hope I can get over this and move forward. Im glad I foudn this forum..understanding exactly what type of person I was dealing with makes it a little bit easier

Jan 4 - 8AM
I_am_free
I_am_free's picture

Thank You for the support

Sparrow said it perfectly...I do believe I will get back on my feet again and I know I will be ok. I might not be ok now and I will cry, scream and hate BUT I will be ok in the end. I learnt so much about the Narc personality and educating myself gives me power!!! Power to make choices!! Thank You!
Jan 3 - 3PM
Sparrow
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It took him 1 1/2 years to

It took him 1 1/2 years to mess up your life and it will take approx the same amount of time or a little longer to get it back completely. But it beats being with him even longer. Now, you have your whole life ahead of you and you can once again, live your dreams. Educate yourself on the disorder and arm yourself for the future, so this never happens again! Good luck to you!
Jan 2 - 5PM
Hunter
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Welcome.. Knowledge is

Welcome.. Knowledge is power.. Hunter
Jan 1 - 11AM
I_am_free
I_am_free's picture

Thank You Hardtobelieve. Your

Thank You Hardtobelieve. Your words are kind.I also dont know what was a lie or not. In my situation, after I left him 2 wks ago...I spk to the brother/his wife and daughter where we lived so they could understand why I cannot carry on being married to sum1 like this. In the end all the lies he told me I told them. Since they know of his history with his prev 2 wives...what I said simply confirmed what they said. All this time he made his family believe it was the wives who were the problem...clearly NOT! The biggest problem the Narc has is speaking ill of every1 and he was caught out in his own lies recently..however the idiot still wants me to believe that if I had not told his family about the lies, they would still have been on good terms with him...but he does not realise his family regularly tells me what he says and we are able to sum up he is lying etc. He even wanted me to go tell his family I was angry so i made up all the stuff when all I spk about was the truth. He blames me now for creating a rift between the family when he should actually sit and realise his lies have finally caught up with him. Yes the religious thing threw me off completely...so when my parents and friends warned me I would throw back that he is religious and good so how can he be bad? but....I now learnt HE IS DAMN GOOD AT ACTING. I am dreading the 10th Jan when we have our divorce meeting (many more meetings still to come) when he will deny every lie he spoke..I have not seen him since I left 2 wks ago and I worry that he will either pitch up with a new girl or say nasty things to me because I recently learnt how low he will go to make my life miserable. I clearly told him...no religious person would make up a serious illness to get money out of sum1...thats a thief!
Jan 1 - 11AM
HardToBelieve
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I understand.

I totally understand what you're going through. I have come to terms with the insults and hurtful things my ex-narc has done to me but I'm still in denial over the lies. I still don't know what was a lie and what wasn't. Because I'm not in touch with any of his family members anymore so I can't ask what is true or not. But I reckon alot of what came out of his mouth was infact a lie. To what extent I don't know and that's something I try not to think about too much. Im happy your family stands by your side now and is back on supporting you. Don't feel shameful over what happened. He manipulated and lied to you. It's us who are normal to believe what a person is telling us. It's only normal, because we are human. I understand now after reading and educating myself of how narcissist think is that everytime they assume someone else is lying is because they are lying. They assume everyone thinks like they do. Im really disturbed by the fact that your ex-narc is religious. So was my ex-narc. He went on about how he wanted us to go to church together and pray to god how thankful we are to have found each other. He had the bible with him anywhere he went and it's really disturbing how someone who lies so much would claim to be holy. They give us other religious/faithful/truthful people a bad name!