I am so pissed!!!!

They are angry, paranoid, and depressed deep down to their core. They will never love or find true happiness. They are lost, just bouncing around from person to person, but never finding real meaning to anything. They really are alone and pathetic creatures. His life is meaningless. Even when you are having a bad day, you are still leaps and bounds farther ahead than he is or will ever be.

I truly believe they are monsters, aliens, emotional cripples, who cannot feel anything good. I think they do FEEL anger and fear... otherwise empty shells. How terrible would it be to have to live that way? Life and people are a game to them... contantly manipulating, plotting and scheming. How can you live with your mind so cluttered with evil deeds?? She is also very envious and jealous of what good people have and what they are, look like.. To live with jealousy and envy is awful. Bad things happen to my N, usually to property, that she feels. Any bad things that might happen in relationships just don't bother her.

"I do not want him back, but his erasure of me and now saying he owes me nothing pushed me right over the edge." I hear you on this word "erasure." I call it "deleted." I was completely deleted. I was swept off my feet & married within six months. We bought a house together. Within 6 weeks of the marriage, the abuse started. He married me to buy a house above his financial means at the time . . . it was truly a temporary issue premised on his immigration status which had nothing to do with me. He married me because I made it clear that I would never buy property with a man that I was not married to. He accepted that. But, 4 weeks later he saw a house that he wanted & asked me to marry him. I fell for the line that it was me he loved & that he imagined us being happy together in the house. The house a catalyst to achieve in the present that which he imagined in the future. Fantasy is very important to these guys. My ex-N is well-employed and financially sound. Mine just turned 50 & immigrated to the States in 1/05. What I can tell is that he preys on age appropriate women who are also well-employed. We supplement his income and lifestyle (cooking, secretarial, and laundry skills). He likes to travel, but not alone, so the woman comes along & pays her own way. He is obsessed about home improvement & an additional income allows for grander improvements. My ex-N cannot be alone. Sex. Mine does not like "the chase" -- he lacks the ability of quick seduction in a bar & it takes too much time & money. My ex-N wants the convenience of a woman living with him for his sexual needs. Seems like your N is also exploiting women financially as well. Anyhow, the "erasure" or "deletion" capability of my ex-N is staggering & really frightening. I learned that my N had actually used me to replace the woman who preceded me. He & I became an "instant couple" in 3/06. Apparently, he had just ended a 3 year relationship the day before he started dating me. Me, I lasted 2 1/2 years in the marriage. I left on 5/2/09. His first date with the woman who replaced me occurred on 5/1/09. They were an "instant" couple. She left him in he middle of March 2010. He replaced her immediately as well. There is yet a new woman living with him as of 6/1/10--took him 6 weeks to get a new woman to move in. Exact details of the latest victim are unknown by anybody who knows me or the victim who followed me. But, it's the same pattern, instant relationship & very quick living together. He's "serial" in his activities. I think this "erasure" or "deletion" factor is very scary & creepy. It means any woman will do. The woman is an object. One or the other, just so long as she fits his bill somehow. It is infuriating because one is so demeaned & humiliated that the so-called relationship meant zero to the dude. We are only objects and when no longer useful, simply discarded as if we never existed. My Heavens! You or I would miss a favorite worn-out pair of shoes more than the thought these guys give to us after they are finished extracting from us! Of course this is infuriating & humiliating & demeaning. Rage. We feel enraged & impotent to do anything about it because N just does not care. And, I think this is evidence of an extremely dangerous psychopathology. Especially when the pattern becomes "serial" as with my ex-N. I am angry. But, also, I am so grateful. What I have learned aout him since my voluntary departure is horrifying. I really had a narrow escape. I could still be there "working on the marriage." I was very good supply. He did not want me to leave. But, when he lost control over me. I was deleted. And, he tried to destroy me financially. I lost a lot of money. But, I got away. The woman who followed me, she too lost a lot of money & possessions to this man. Like you, she seems to still be wrangling with him over recovery of some of her money & all her worldly possessions which he will not release to her. I do not think his colleagues, or acquaintances, or his parents, could believe what he does to women. You see, mine is most likely only dangerous to the women who are his intimate partners living with him. He's a serial bully, abuser, & exploiter -- one female victim at a time. But to his colleagues & acquaintances, he's a polite man. Very reserved. So, he just does his job & socializes and nobody knows that he is truly wearing the "mask of sanity." For us who have seen the mask removed, it is infuriating that they get away with all their crap & we are the fall guys. But, maybe you'll get your N in your legal process. I think the woman who followed me may also just get my ex-N. I hope so for both your sakes. And all of our's. We are all supporting you in this.

My ex N is 43 years old,had to leave his home and 3 children due to something that happenned with his then 15 year old daughter...he works as an utility worker on Housing,also does maintenance,he is very intelligent,has many skills as is a Craftsman Carpenter and also went to art school,but like i mentined is working on Housing,underpaid and strangely enough when he applies for a job opening at housing he never gets it ! I know now yhis is because he do not relate well with co workers or supervisors...he thinks he does but people there also have red flags about him...So he thinks he has a great oportunity pretty soon,but will never happen...and when he get a chance to get a better life like i really wanted for him i saw his potential and i thought i could be supportive he just dumped me also as an human being...he belive his delusions...but the reality is that he is broke,leaves in a very small one bedroom,no tv no furniture,only a bed and a chair...and a PC...very clean and neat,and his kitchen is also very clean ...he works the whole week.watches Porn,gaming,listen to music and i am sure is on the net chatting i am pretty sure....he don't go out,only for groceries,and maybe a ride at night with music on....Thats his life....I think he maybe have casual sex,but he said is nothing for him,porn is easier and they don't talk back...i think he gets supply from the net ore/and female co workers...I think he is paying the piper already...his life stinks,only he supresse his thoughts with those distractions..he lives in a pixel world,i feel sorry for him....

I believe what comes around goes around, although of course, we can never be sure. At a minimum, I can tell you he's not happy. He APPEARS happy, but he is miserable deep down. The best revenge is living well. Sorry you're having a tough day. I know how much it sucks. Please know we're here for you and you're not alone. xoxo

Hitandrun - I know and can totally relate. Been there am there. Consider this: What you are doing - taking actions that are life giving: Being responsible with the legal stuff to move on and take care of yourself Seeking wise counsel here and with attorneys Seeing a therapist to process this experience and others impacting you Taking meds to heal your brain and soothe your nerves Spending time learning about phsycopathy to avoid narcs in the future And your narc - taking actions that lead to death: Putting a buz on so he won't have to really relate to people Letting a sham TV show fix his mess for him Paranoid all the while his mask will slip and everyone will see him - and they WILL, it's inevitable Living a lie - how is HE explaining the end of your relationship??? It will be apparent to the educated that he himself is one BIG RED FLAG Taking actions that can only result in failure - with his irresponsibility towards you financially Remember all those links about what they experience without their precious supply? How agitated they get? Feeling fear or anger as a full range of emotion? While partying this weekend, he may squeal with glee, but really he is a scared boy hoping no one will ever truly know him because he knows what he really is - a broken individual. So broken, he can't bare to look at himself, only his reflection. Is that life giving? You are on track - go beat the shit out of your pillow and have a good cry. Tears are healing as many have written. Once they flow, power comes back, solutions appear, and you feel powerful because you can feel powerful. Something he can't feel!!

I dont know if they ever pay the piper. Mine has no responsibility whatsoever. He does whatever he wants whenever he wants. No one has ever made him grow up. Everyone in his life has gotten him out of every sticky situation. All the does is drink away. He owed 16k in debt (hes only 21!) and his sister took care of it for him. He really does think that the world revolves around him. The only time I remember him not getting his way is when I took the boat away from him and boy did I hear it! I was threatened with my life, my families lives, that he would burn the boat down, that he would find it and steal it, etc. One day he finally said "dont ever bring the boat up again or I can never look at you". Ridiculous!

Mine is probably having a BBQ this weekend at his great house, with the big pool for his white trash friends (sorry - I don't judge but he PICKED these people so they would worship him and his stuff!). I am glad to be heading to the beach and staying at a friend's beach house this weekend to keep me occupied. AND I start the new job Tuesday. I know he'd flip if he knew I was at the beach. I cringe at the thought of getting a call from him while there. The verbal abuse would be epic!

Oh, yes, I get that. Mine is the judge with millions of dollars who will be on his boat all weekend with his politician friends and his orphan child while my daughters and I cook hot dogs in the back yard, dodging rats from the construction site across the alley. His six bedroom house stands empty every day and night while they are out socializing, while I have cans of food fall on my head when I make dinner from my one kitchen cabinet and four square feet of counter space. No insurance, but I have to have shoulder surgery from his physical abuse last month. When I ask him for help he says, "God, baby, the drama." I would pay a babysitter seventy dollars for the pleasure of taking HIM out to dinner for four hours, while he has his servant living next door who takes off of work to watch his child so he can go golfing--and he doesn't even pay her. I have a masters degree, have written seven books, own my own tour company and am from a stable, middle class background. My ex husband turned out to be a bipolar alcoholic, though I had no idea when we married. We lost our house, his job, our retirement money, our whole future. I didn't feel vindictive or self-pitiful then, but I do now.

Oh, yes, I get that. Mine is the judge with millions of dollars who will be on his boat all weekend with his politician friends and his orphan child while my daughters and I cook hot dogs in the back yard, dodging rats from the construction site across the alley. His six bedroom house stands empty every day and night while they are out socializing, while I have cans of food fall on my head when I make dinner from my one kitchen cabinet and four square feet of counter space. No insurance, but I have to have shoulder surgery from his physical abuse last month. When I ask him for help he says, "God, baby, the drama." I would pay a babysitter seventy dollars for the pleasure of taking HIM out to dinner for four hours, while he has his servant living next door who takes off of work to watch his child so he can go golfing--and he doesn't even pay her. I have a masters degree, have written seven books, own my own tour company and am from a stable, middle class background. My ex husband turned out to be a bipolar alcoholic, though I had no idea when we married. We lost our house, his job, our retirement money, our whole future. I didn't feel vindictive or self-pitiful then, but I do now.

I have identical thoughts, because my ex is in the same position, minus the booze and cigarettes. He just wants to play video games, hang out with his friends, and role-play. He's really kind of a dud, actually. And he doesn't know what a real challenge is. But I'm getting more responsible with my own life, and taking on more challenges, and really focusing on myself, and I'm starting to find that I either have pity or apathy for him. He'll never know what it feels like to get a black belt in a martial art, or run a half-marathon, or know how to ride a motorcycle, or overcome fear and low self-esteem, or pay off a lot of debt and be completely autonomous. These are all things I'll have done by the end of my life, just for starters. I'm an amazing person. He's a dud. I have no jealousy for his life. Ignorance is bliss. He may be happy. I no longer care. I'm too busy making sure I'm happy.

Boy, can I relate... and it feels like crap. My ExN left our relationship assuming no responsbility over the 10K we had spent on our wedding and then to add insult to injury he spent a ton of money perfecting his bachelor pad... and on top of it all, he got a great promotion at work... I was like ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I could barely pick up the pieces of my shattered life. I feel your pain... and it sucks. How can someone put you through so much pain and then seem to be doing so well? BUT, believe me this is all propaganda... Narcissists are miserable creaturs and feel no emotions and that alone makes you so much better off. The fact that he is rubbing this all in your face just further demonstrates what an a-hole he is. Karma will bite him in the ass one day. He can't carry on like this forever. Just keep your side of the street clean and keep working on yourself.

I do believe that although Ns have moments where they think they are happy, overall, I don't think they ARE truly EVER happy for any long period of time. Your ability to be happy without him will be your revenge.

Yes HitandRun i too have moments in my day that i just want to scream and retaliate for all of the damage he caused and walked away apparently unscathed. It is such an unfair advantage being mixed up with an emotionless creature. They do live life with a 13y/o mentality. They are unaccountable and free in their minds to wreak havoc with no regard. If we could only be so lucky huh? It is sick. At the end of the day though i would still rather be the human self that i am than wander this earth a lost soul. This pain i am experiencing lets me know i am human and i am alive. It will get better. hang on

I have those same feelings and I have been angry for the last few days .. I do not know yet if they ever pay the piper but I do believe in Karma so I have to believe they will get theirs. Myabe they are getting it now, because internally, they will never be happy .. they may act it sometimes because they have "moments" but you know they have to be tormented. I suppose the angry is natural because we feel like we have been robbed of something or everything .. and they move right on and keep on getting up! Having a good old time. My N is out there all over town partying .. sproting his corevette, whic we all know is just a shiny object that will get him noticed .. and extension of his d**@k .. they make me sick!!!! I think NC is the ONLY way I can get to him .. so make sure you stay NC .. make him wonder what yo up to because you know they feel desparate when they can't reel you in!! And for now, lets believe that THEY WILL GET THEIRS .. and by then, we will have healed, moved on and will not even care anymore!