I am so embarassed to post this :=(

deidre, is it possible to take just one week away from him to think things through and to get your head on straight? are you afraid he will punish you later? are you afraid of what he thinks of you if you do that and ask for that? if you answer yes to these questions - all the more reason to take time for yourself to gather your support and your strength to leave this dangerous and controlling man. you sound very all over the place (and i am NOT saying this in a judgmental way - just an observation) - between your emotions and his pulling you this way and that, it just seems like it's very hard to make any healthy and rational decisions and progress.

Ok. Nobody jump all over me but deidre your feelings that you outlined are screaming codependency issues. Only a therapist can diagnose that but you certainly have many classic symptoms. Please seek some counseling. Your time would be better spent doing that trying to fix you as opposed to trying to fix someone who is not fixable. Codependents have the urge to fix others in an attempt to avoid themselves and their own feelings od inadequacy

Like some of the other ladies said, you are being brainwashed and that's not your fault. You have a very good friend who is being honest with you and you are SOOOO fortunate to have someone who will listen and tell you the truth. Yes, it will get worse. Maybe not in the first few weeks, but much more quickly and worse than the last time. That's just how it goes. You have literally, put your life in his hands. Be prepared to get pregnant or take precautions so it can't happen. It is not fair to a child that they enter the world under these circumstances and you will be tied to him forever. Be prepared to feel good for a couple weeks, maybe a month, and then feel worse than you have ever felt up to this point. He will D&D again. That's what happens. You are knowingly walking back into the war zone and you need to figure out why. Please take Michelle up on her offer. Please let her and everyone else here be there for you. Please read the recent posts of those that have chosen to go back because that is where you will be after the next go-round. It's one thing to unwittingly end up in this situation. It's another to know the danger you are dealing with and choose that as the best option. You owe it to yourself to figure out why you are making that choice. That being said, I hope you keep yourself safe. I hope you keep talking here. I wish the best for you. This is very scary. You know that, if not cognitively, then instinctively. You said it yourself.

Ifyou will accept the offer, please post a note on the msg board tomorrow in the format I've suggested for the Newbies... I'm giving him 'another' chance. Ugh. Deep deep down...I know this is not right. If you know it's not right why are you doing it? More than that...what about it to you is not right? He said...Noooo...we're gonna see what exactly happened, Dee. And what exactly happened is he will convince you of how you are to blame for all the problems...you will be accountable for ALL of it - do you see how this mirror dynamic is working - you think you are going to make him "accountable" and he is going to make you accountable. He will use projection and blame to do this and you are vulnerable and will end up harmed...MENTALLY harmed. You are still on the fence strong enough to fight it...this might be his final blow, and you might not be able to bounce back as well as you can right now. I said...why did you want me back, if now I'm on the phone with you--and you're gonna rehash everything? I said...for your own good, whether you're with me or not...you need to start taking responsibility for your actions. He can't Deiedre...you are creating this illusion for yourself....the facts are he cannot be held accountable. You can think that with enough love and understanding you might be able to break through, you won't...60 million victims of psychopaths...scroll through this forum, go all the way back...how many victims here alone...? He was silent. We were silent. He said...Dee, in all my marriages, no one has said that to me. Women have always called me an asshole, cursed me out, and left. (Hmmm....lol) Translation: I will appeal to her nurturing side, and make her feel special and unique...above all the rest I've already dogged and left depleted on the side of the road like roadkill...I've got to get control back...this will suck her in...she'll feel special, it will cater to her ego and make her feel "superior" to all the others...it works like a charm... He is upset that I broke up with him. He cried. Not weeping. He is a very tough type, and not a crier. But, he said...I don't want to lose you, Dee. I don't. I'm afraid I'm going to, now. Translation: Turn on crocodile tears, every woman falls for a man who tears up...makes 'em think we're sensitive...makes them go weak at the knees...I can't lose her...I don't have my backup supply yet...Damn! I knew I should have planned better! Humph! I hate this crap, why do I have to lower myself to this crap...she's really going to have to pay for this one...look at the lengths I have to go to put on this act...this witch is high maintenance, but that's okay, I'll play out this round, we'll see who's who... We talked about wiping the slate clean. No more talk of the past. We will see. He said...he needs someone to stand by him. He said...''Dee...tell me you won't leave me again--promise me.'' I promised. He said...''say the whole sentence.'' (I promise to never leave you) Say the whole sentence? WTH...now you're a child Diedre...a child...you have kids? not sure...when you talk to a child, sometimes you say something then you ask them to repeat what you said to make sure they understand...right there Diedre...say it...repeat it...WHO THE HELL IS HE??? And Diedre, why are you letting him take you over? You will be left an empty shell, there is nothing else to see. Do you find that odd? Endearing? What? I find it sick, I find it abusive, I find it mind effing...and the cycle of degrading is already in FULL SPIN! As I sit here typing this, I'm not feeling fearful or anything. You have been brainwashed Diedre...please read this and open your eyes and see how this man is operating word for word TEXTBOOK!!! I actually proved to myself (and to him) that I'm not afraid to leave. You are afraid to leave or you would have left...what you just said was cognitive dissonance speaking.... I care for him... You are "attached" to him...attached to the illusion that has been created. This is not love, he is not healthy he is disordered with a disorder that even the professionals do not believe they can cure...how are you qualified to deal with this? I do believe he was hurting. Because he was able to pull it off to get you to believe that...they are master manipulators. Crocodiles cry too right before they devour their prey...he's not the only one who knows how to master tears...mine did too...so do most actors in hollywood - it isn't out of the realm of possibility. AND they are just so pathetic when they're soooo "vulnerable"...just like crocodiles.... But, my concern. What I read about psychopaths. I can't deny that he fits most of the characteristics. What I read last night is swirling over and over in my head. AND if you've seen the shining...I'm feeling the need to shout REDRUM!!! STRANGER DANGER!!! FIRE!!! something to snap you out of this...you need to really really OWN what you read Diedre! I talked with my friend who knows him...I could hear in her voice that she thinks I made a mistake. I hope you all haven't lost respect for me. Do you think things will be worse? My friend thinks things will be FAR worse now...because now. I will feel bad to leave him again...he will play on that, and will want to make me 'pay' for leaving him. Even if it was just 24 hours. Do you think she's right? I think your friend is on the money I think your friend is giving you good advice...I think you should listen to your friend. I think you should let your friend throw your phone into the river... I truly should have stayed NC. I don't know why I felt bad about staying NC when he kept texting and 'chasing' me as he put it. But, my friend said. He chased you, because he misses controlling you. That is a good friend to have Diedre...a very good friend to have....listen to your friend. Thanks for listening. I am going to continue to post here. It helps me. I know it doesn't seem it, but it has. Please continue to use the board, I'd like to work with you some tomorrow, I'll be on in the afternoon...Post a message in the following format: MICHELE115/from Dedre40... Hugs!

haven't lost an ounce of respect, and i don't think anybody here has because we understand. so first, please stop worrying about what we think. second, your story worries me. a lot. as in, i see no other alternative. this man doesn't give you options. he tells you what to do. he is in the process of brainwashing you. he is slowly setting things in motion and setting things up his way, and before you know it you will find yourself in deep waters trying to stay afloat. all of the signs are there. want an example? he is making you promise that you won't leave him. now that you have said yes, he will use it against you in the future and you will feel guilty. look d, it's fine that you promised. what's done is done. but there is nothing wrong with going back on that promise because it wasn't a promise you were comfortable with or a decision you made yourself. you realllllyyyy should see a therapist and stick very closely to your other support (this board, friends, family, everybody else) and listen to your gut. trust your instincts and DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS MAN. he sounds really disturbed and you should like the perfect person for him to target because you are giving him chance after chance and he is getting that. he is seeing that he can push you around and control you. and this is a really really terrible situation to be in. please see a therapist or step away asap, so that you can reflect and see things for what they really are. we are here for you.

Seriously, that you are questioning in a comment further down why we think he might be dangerous to you... To start, he essentially said he will do whatever he wants to you because he can. If that means rape and getting you pregnant that is what he WILL do. After everything you've told us about your gut feelings, how accusatory he is, how he makes you feel less than, how you must explain yourself, how you are on the defensive, how he puts you down, the way he curses at you, blames you for ruining the relationship and hangs up when provoked by NOTHING other than your honest communication AND by your OWN list below of red flags you can relate to him AND that after only two months he is making you promise to never leave him? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE YOU DO NOT SEE THE DANGER? It has only been 2 months! This is supposed to by the honeymoon phase, which tells me that this is only the tip of the iceberg with this controlling freak (sorry). Listen to your friend, listen to us, read more about psychopaths and RUN! I too am worried for your very life if you don't.

OH MY GOD, i just thought of something, mine said that to me the very first night we were together, I dont ever want to lose you again, god they are all out of the same sick mold

...I have one other concern and that is that you sound real out of control right now, and I say that because you are sending messages om this board that indicate that this man is quite dangerous but you don't seem to be able to locate the imminent danger you may be in. Do you feel like you are extremely depressed? Your messages indicate that you are behaving in a very self-destructive manner and that's the reason I'm asking. What kinds of feelings come up for you when you imagine initiating NC?

You will cry a river. I know. You need to. But can you do it in someone's presence? Are you alone right now? can you go to a friend or relative that you trust?

Haven't lost respect for you at all, but I will say you are deep deep deep in brainwashing/crazyland with this shitheat. First of all, he says "in ALL of my marriages.....".....uhm how many marriages has he had again? That's pretty telling. And you aren't the one that is gonna change him. Nobody will. I'm going to be blunt. From everything you have written of him and his patterns of communication...I would say his words are not "odd" or "endearing" but rather TYPICAL of a PD and SICKENING. Nothing lovely about him. Again, I haven't lost respect for you, you are clearly a very kind hearted woman. I want to be honest though, you sound very brainwashed, trauma bonded and from an outsiders perspective, it's hard to watch! I really feel for you and pass no judgement. Honestly. When you reach that breaking point when you KNOW you have had enough, we are here. And in the meantime, we are still here. Are u in therapy?? I ask everyone that because I think in these situations, you really do need a professional, to sit down with you face to face and listen to you. Please see a therapist?

Deidre PLEASE DONT instead of spending time trying to work this out with him. Use the time to find out why you are attracted to these type of men. I am so worried. This man is dangerous. I know it.

''Dee...tell me you won't leave me again--promise me.'' I promised. He said...''say the whole sentence.'' (I promise to never leave you) Telling you what to say, mmmm I dont like that, that is control, mine did that too, Tell me you love me, I would say, love you and he would SAY NO, SAY THE WHOLE THING, SAY I LOVE YOU FRED - Deidre40 THIS IS NOT GOOD, of course we have not lost respect for you, but we are here to be HONEST with you. This is an ACT honey, if he is a psychopath he feels NOTHING, NOTHING, this is one of their greatest weapons and they are MASTERS at it. Disengage from this man, he is dangerous and you may be thinking I am without heart but I KNOW, he sounds just like mine, this guy is good, REAL GOOD, NO CONTACT, and RUN LIKE HELL - x0x0x0x0