During the D&D, I was in the computer lab. My ex-P had been nearby, and I ignored him. On his way out (he took the long way out),he slammed in each empty chair angrily. Very passive aggressive. The poor student in charge of the computer lab gave a "what's wrong with him?" look.
So, instead of COMMUNICATING,apologizing or being honest, he slammed in chairs. Preschooler behavior from a 36 year old.
While he was in therapy for being "in a dark place" after Narcissistic Injury because I tried my first attempt to leave him, he told me of a conversation he had with his own sister about him being a good father. (he has left two families and rarely sees them) This was the conversation.
N "I was talking to sister and asked her if I was a bad father because I had left my kids?"
Sister "Oh no N, don't ever think that, you are a wonderful father. It doesn't matter who you are with (significant other) when you are around your kids, everyone can see that your other doesn't matter, you only care about your kids."
??????? Firstly I asked him why he needed to share this.????
Then I asked him "Do you people ever think about what you say?"
His response was to parrot that back at me.
I started to laugh and I said
"No no think about it, you two could rewrite the book on fatherhood. All the experts are wrong. The book need only be one page long. Actually you could narrow it down to one sentence. How to be a good father... treat your significant other like she is a worthless piece of trash while your kids are around" more laughter "It would be a freakin bestseller"
His response was that I could not possibly understand because I was "asleep" and not spiritualy awakened like they were. He then said that he now knew that the mothers were responsible for their material well being and he was responsible for their spiritual well being. I had to walk away from the conversation at this point because my laughter was starting to border on hysteria.
Certainly have to wonder, but it still makes me laugh when I think of it.
I find it interesting that almost all of us have said something about the N's road rage. Next time I am in a car with a guy that I dont know that well I will take note of how they act. It seems to be a common trait.
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Road rage is definitely a red flag but the back seat driving was only significant in my first relationship. He screamed at me from the moment we got in the car to the moment we arrived. I still have discomfort having a male passenger. The next two, I probably let them do most of the driving, though if I ever took over (on long trips) they invariably went to sleep.
After an argument I had this last one pull the handbrake on in heavy traffic after chucking a major tantrum. (I was driving) The argument was about a headbutt I had gotten from him the previous night and we were supposed to be on holiday. My left eye was a doozy, I think it glowed in the dark. Anyway I have no idea to this day why the car didn't roll and how we never caused a major collision. After this and the headbutt I drove him to the centre of town and threw him out of the car. We were 500 miles from home and he asked me how he would get home. I told him he could crawl for all I cared. I never went back for him.
We dated for a little over a year and not once in that year was I allowed to drive. If we went anywhere together he was the one to drive, even if it was my car or not. He used to tell me it is because he does not like not having control over the situation. I should have also seen that as a reg flag!
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Yes, I agree. They definitely all have road rage. I now pay very close attention to how a man behaves when driving. I think it is a huge red flag if they have road rage! Also, they're always loud because they want people to notice them. It gets embarassing after awhile, you know? You just want to go out and have a pleasant evening, but he's talking at the top of his lungs and being obnoxious so people will look at him. It's so annoying.
Road rage will definately be a red flag and always being loud and know-it-allish. You're right it is embarassing!
and also, I always noticed he treated service staff with a "you're less than me" attitude. always bugged me...next time I see any of that i'm running far awayand not looking back!
I once heard somewhere that when you are on the first date with someone at a resturant you need to see how they treat the waitress. I learned that if they treat her like crap they will do the same to you in a few weeks.
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
there were so many things that agitated/embarrassed me. First, he is very loud. No matter where he is .. he has a booming voice if he is speaking regualr .. but he seems to take it up a notch especially when on the phone .. even in public. His road rage is OVER THE TOP .. I hated riding with him because he cuts in and out and gives everyone the eye or yells at them .. but let someone cut him off JUST LIKE HE DOES EVERYONE and he will flip and say .. What and Ahole!!! he is a football finatic .. I like it too don't get me wrong , but DANG ... he felt the need to tatoo his teams logo on his arm ... yuck And he just loves to show it to people. I hated it but tried to suck it up. Now, if I see a guy with a sport team on his body I run the other way
My ex-P ALWAYS wore a beret (but wasn't French. At all) He liked pronouncing terms like "croissant" and "pain au chocolat" with an affected French accent.
My ex-P was the humorless sort. He thought humor was a form of weakness,a "defense mechanism" as he called it. In one of his papers, he thought he was funny--and it was a REALLY lame pun. He couldn't crack a joke.
My ex-P (he really was on the psychopathic end of the scale) wanted to be either admired or despised... and what REALLY scared him was being mocked. He was paranoid about people mocking him behind his back... and yet his students made him the object of gay and masturbation jokes. Of all the professors, he was the MOST ridiculed one because of his robotic ways. My ex-P thought humor was proof people "didn't take life seriously." Yet his idol, Wittgenstein, was known to be humorous.
My ex-P is quite a contrast with my ex-N boss. My former N boss was flamboyant, openly gay, had a boyfriend... and he had a SENSE OF HUMOR. He could crack jokes. He liked comedy. Sounds like Narcs are vaguely human compared to Psychs. My narcissistic boss could tell FUNNY jokes;makes him look sane.
OMG my exN did the croissant and pain au chocolat thing. In fact he told people he spoke French........ I don't think so Mr Delusional, you've just gone off into la la land again.
What's weird is that my ex-P ordered the "pain au chocolat" at the college coffee shop because... I had ordered one. Later he claimed that chocolate and coffee didn't agree with him, digestion-wise.
My ex-P would claim that he'd go on European vacations during summer break--see a friend who was performing in a Shakespeare play, go to the Lake District, go to the Greek Islands--when most everyone else put it this way "he spent his summer at home reading books." He claimed he had been a carpenter in the Sierra Nevada, read Wittgenstein's original works in Germany (little problem here--Wittgenstein was part of the VIENNA Circle,grew up in Austria)--and those stories are probably lies.
Yeah, making up stories to impress women is pathetic. Tell the truth and I'll be fine with it. In fact, I prefer it.
mine could not pronounce "nuclear" and would continue to pronounce it "nucular" and sounded like an idiot. for some reason he always would choose to say it in conversation too! when his family got together they would always repeat the same stupid stories. i honestly think now that none of them ever had any real experiences or remembered anything. so different from my family where we would talk about current events, what we were up to now!
One time mine got really pissed off b/c the kids were playing on xbox 24/7. So he went on one of his rants. lecturing the kids on how they should not play. The last comment he said to them was, "you so realized there is no x in Box right?" OMG. LMAO. I still crack up at that. Idiot.
Mine would go into a restaurant, and when the waitress came around he would "complain" that his salad was cold.
Thought he was sooooo funny! What a dork!
He would also tell everyone, and I mean everyone, that he was a musician. If he was at Home Depot talking to the salesperson about tile, he would mention that he's a musician. Like that mattered in a flooring purchase. Every waitress at every restaurant we went to knew he was a musician. What does that have to do with dinner? Who knows.
And yes, road rage. He thought everyone should be out of his way and that they shouldn't be parked in his (the closest) parking spot. It was like if he turned onto a street, traffic should part like the Red Sea to let him pass (and of course stare in awe as he went by.)
I think that's why he finally left for good for someone else. I had started calling him out on this crap and he even caught me rolling my eyes sometimes. He knew I was starting to see through the crap and I was no longer impressed. I really think if I do ever hear from him again it will be a very very long time.
-Mine had a weird obession with washing whatever we were driving. We were ALWAYS late places because he would have to wash the truck, street bike, my car, whatever before we left.
-He took longer than me to get ready!
-If someone was tailgating him he would slam on the breaks and drive 2 mph! Then if they passed him he would speed up and pass them. Then he would motion them off the road just to scream at them and drive off. So embarassing! He once did this on Christmas to a minivan with a family in it. There was a child that looked about 5 and a baby in the car.
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
can't tell you how many times that happened. waiting while he washed the car. and he would wait until right when we had to leave to start doing it. also, how many times the kids and i were literally waiting in the car while he was doing things. so irritating! i'll never have to do that again!!
Exactly the same narc behaviour as my ExN then. He also punched through a blokes windscreen. That was a hairy moment. The man go out and was even bigger and taller than my ex, who's pretty big. Unfortunately I stood between them and got £50 out quickly and gave it to the other bloke so it would all go away. Looking back I wished I'd let the bigger bloke punch the N's lights out so he would know what it's like to get punched in the face. The N did look scare though, I remember that bit.
There are many times that I wish I would have let my Xn get hit! I remember we were dancing at a bar one time and all I remember is my XN up in someones face within a split second. I had no idea what had just happened but I got in the middle of it. I ended up getting pushed around and then I ended up hitting the other guy and getting kicked out. My Xn thought it was so funny that I was the one that ended up fighting the guy. Boy I sure did feel special! NOT!
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
When i met mine he kept banging on about his paper he was writing , a socialist alternative to Marx theory ... when i finaly got to see this "academic paper " he produced a folder with stickers on it kind of like the ones you had at school and would write "i love so and so on it " .. still i held out hope that it was the master piece he said it was ....untill i read the title "The Partisan Onion " and next to the title he had drawn a picture of an onion ...i read it and it was the ramberlings of a seriously stoned teenager.He asked me to critic it ... god im dipolmatic when i want to be lol
Oh yes and after d&d number one we got back together and he had put blue fake satin sheets on the bed ... i asked him to change them as i feared that any friction may cause a flame .. His little face dropped when he thought he that he wouldnt have his night of passion with his new sheets ... yuck ..
OMG, I cannot stop laughing, what a hoot. My x looked so hurt when I wasn't happy about the 70.00 engagement ring he bought me on clearance after he told everyone in my house he had a 2,500.00 ring on layaway. When I tried to return it the sales woman said, oh sorry you cannot return a ring purchased on clearance and then I said to her: you actually sold this ring as an engagement ring to my bf with a straight face. She said, well no, I did not know he was giving it as an engagement ring.
Gratuitous violence against chairs!!!
Seeing the humour in it.
Nevergoback
I find it interesting that
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Road rage and back seat driving.
Nevergoback
no back seat driving for me!
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Rainbow
yes!
Stayingstrong
I once heard somewhere that
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
so many things
The European sophistication act
thats funny because i'd
almostlydia
Having a sense of humor--a PLUS in any man!
OMG my exN did the croissant
Ending the dance
It was weird
Ha!
more
spelling "tomorrow"
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
HaHa Betty!
One time mine got really
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Restaurants
He would also tell everyone,
-Mine had a weird obession
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
mine was the same
Exactly the same narc
Ending the dance
There are many times that I
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Yep
so strange. road rage was
When i met mine he kept
LOL