help please!!

8 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 2 - 3PM

hryan77

help please!!

Got word today that it's only a matter of time now for the exN's mom. She was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer and isn't doing well. The exN contacted me two weeks ago to tell me...I work with a friend of the family and he told me today that she isn't well at all.
I feel that his mom was his primary source of supply...just my opinion anyway. She helps him with everything, bails him out of every problem, enables him to no end....helps with his three kids, etc.
I did send her a card and gift...but I really don't know if she got it as she was in a rehab facility.
I know that the narc used it as a reason to contact me...as he contacts or hoovers every 8-9 weeks and has done so since I got all of my stuff out in may (i left in april).

Has anyone ever dealt with their exN or current N after the death of a parent, one of which is their main source of supply?
I've read they get worse...I know he will inherit a lot of money...his mom told me once she needed to change her will and leave someone else in charge of the money because her son, my exN will just blow through it.
My thought is when she does pass he'll use it as another reason to contact me. He could have cared less when his dad died, he really had no relationship with him and ironically hated him...but shocking from what I was told about his dad he sounds like he was an N.
I lost my father in 1994 and was extremely close to him...my exN knows this. I just wonder if he'll try to use the death of his mother and how we can now relate to having a "close" parent die as the ultimate way of hoovering, contacting me, trying to use me for supply again. From what I can tell from his past relationships...even when he was married...I ran a close second to his mother in terms of giving supply...even being told no one did for him what I did (yes it could have been bs)...but for all intents and purposes I did everything...I was like a partner and mother rolled into one.

Sorry I'm rambling...I just can't really explain what I'm trying to get at.

#2 Dec 3 - 12AM

lisab

Death of the main enabler

I am dealing with the exact thing but he blames me for his pain " how can you do this with all going through". I was crushed but I didn't leave he tells me he has nothing for me no love he is going to date to finalize it blah blah blah . You can't care about him he doesn't care for your hurtful times does he? Ask the co worker if he visits his mom calls her does he mention her illness and suffering or is it his suffering the sickness brought on to him. I noticed thst my x n talks a good talk his mom is the world to him if you hear him tell you but once I stepped back and my head began to clear he hasn't see. Her one time in 6 weeks the exact week she got diagnosed. Not a phone call or answering hers until his truck was repoe. Hurting and lost and confused its only been a few days since I mentally said no more but I see a lot more reality from here and to not allow him to use you as his new crutch or enabler look at how he is if you need support or if you are I'll look close is he using his mom to manipulate others, to keep attention on him? If so is that what you want ion your future? If not then change your number visit his mom without his input and I'm sure you know his schedule so go when he can't and say your goodbyes and love it's her who is suffering not him he could try to replace her with you but it won't be a different relationship or ending if you truely look deep everyone he keeps around is enabling and encouraging his behavior his mom probably finances it as well good luck and shut the phone off you probably are not the first italy gf he is calling to receive attention on this .

#3 Dec 2 - 5PM

Sparrow

Used is right, that's all you

Used is right, that's all you would be, a substitute Mother. My best friend is living through that he'll right now. Trust me, it isn't pretty. I wouldn't trade places with her for all the tea in China. She can have him, and his whiney, spoiled ways. He drove her into of $100,000 in debt, and continues to do so. It's always "I want, I want" "gimme, gimme" I say "forget about it". I raised my kids, my job is done there. I always tell her when she gives in to him, which is often, "so, you powdered his butt and put a diaper on him again" Substitute Mother..............no thank you.

#4 Dec 2 - 3PM

Used

hryan77

Hunters right, and you are letting him get in touch with you by not blocking him......and unless you want to become HIS SUBSTITUTE MOTHER WHICH YOU WILL, YOU SHOULD CUT ALL CONTACT NOW..

#5 Dec 2 - 3PM

Hunter

Reality Check

If you don't answer and block him how will he get worse.. Guess what? he's using his mothers illness as an excuse to make contact and so are you .. Hunter

#6 Dec 2 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

hryan77

can't block

with my phone carrier...and considering I inconvenienced myself having to move however many times because of him I'm not changing my number. He's never called so he really has no idea if his texts come through. Emails I can block at home but not work.... I haven't said a word to him since mid-may. I learned from the first N I dated that responding to any communication just feeds them. Was just asking for insight...

#7 Dec 2 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

Blessed

"...having to move however

"...having to move however many times because of him..." Your words. Keep him OUT of your life!! If you use AT&T, you can block through Parental Controls for $5 a month. Good luck and stay strong.

#8 Dec 2 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

hryan77

moving

I meant...I moved in, he kicked me out, asked me to come back, kicked me out, moved back in, then it ended and I left... I'm in a contract with fabulous t-mobile...so can't switch until that is up...I think I have a few months left

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