going to a therapist is PROOF of your SANITY, not insanity and a good one who knows personality disorders check out both men and women and see who would work for you. I preferred a man therapist because it was a relationships issue but whomever you decide just make sure they are familiar with NPD and other disorders of the mind.Getting an outsiders professional help makes a huge difference, rather than going it alone............
There's nothing "wrong" with you. You know right from wrong, but are suffering from manipulation at the hand's of an abuser. If you go, you are choosing to jump back into that life on his whim and at his mercy. You know better than that. It's easy to see that by what you've written.
If you give him the courtesy of calling and canceling, you know he will find a way to make you come. Take this opportunity to walk away. Don't call and cancel. Just don't go. Text him the last minute, "I can't," if you absolutely have to, but leave the rest of it alone. You know he'll blow up your phone, just don't respond. It's your chance to take control of the situation for yourself. Do what you know is healthy.
I have been a the same situation, powerless to the "fix" of what he had that I craved. It went on for years, the going back and forth, and that's no way to live. Everything else suffered and I am still trying to move beyond that and put things back together.
As long as you are in communication with him, he's going to keep trying and it DOES NOT have anything to do with you. I know that's hard to hear and comprehend. But he would do it to whomever he thought would listen and be empathetic. Today is your turn to ignore him, to take control of your own life and do what you KNOW is best for you. Then stop reading the texts and answering the phone. I know it's harder than anything...
hugs,
really
Thanks Really. I know you are right and I think your suggestion about not calling to cancel or even text to cancel is the best idea!!! Part of my tug of war was I didn't want to hear him pitch a fit and then turn on all the charm when I told him I changed my mind and didn't want to. I would have given in again because I hate hearing the FIT he throws when he doesn't get his way! HATE IT! It's worse than any 2 year old toddler fit! He knows what to say and how to manipulate me to get his way. If I don't stop this now I'm going to be on this roller coaster forever! I read on the message boards about women who lived this hell for 15, 20, 25 years and I always think "I would have never lived through it that long"! I can't imagine this hell for 20 or 30 years! It's been 3 for me and I feel completely out of control and crazy. AND the SHAME is too much to live with. I am so ashamed of myself. My friends and family would be so hurt and ANGRY with me if they knew I even considered it much less said YES!
I'm not going. I can not do it to myself. I can't live in this kind of hell anymore. I just want him to go torture someobdy else! Just GO AWAY! Leave me ALONE! Why can't I be stronger? Why does a soul sucking leach have this much control over me?
Thank you thank you thank you..........I knew I just needed someone to talk to and hear the truth! I'm not calling or texting to cancel. If he blows my phone up I'll be scared to answer because he will be so angry and that rage that I'm so afraid of will come out!
Hugs and many thanks to you!
Hi Sara Smile,
All I can say is that you will get through this by keeping NC.
You don't wanna go on for years tormented anymore right?
This is your chance to empower yourself!
Do you think you will be happy after you meet up with him?
Or do you think you'll feel sadder and more confused then you are now?
By not showing up and Not even letting him know you can't
will send a strong msg. to him...but even more to save yourself from the pain you were sayin you would feel by 4 o'clock!!!!
I had a problem of feeling that when I did this for My own good, I was also soo concerned that I was hurting His feelings by not following through (like meeting up) then what was right to protect My own feelings!!!
Imagine that.
The simplest thing you can do is, just pretend you didn't make plans to meet him and go do something eles and try to forget the plan :)
or
you will go and you will have a very difficult time trying to forget the pain of meeting :(
You will feel so much better, more than you believe by
4 o'clock or
even 5 years from now.....cause these kinds of meeting up will become a habit and adddiction. wow
Hugs to you
You can do it!!
Belinda
sara, you know what you have to do. re-read your own post. why do you want to have ANYTHING to do with someone who makes you feel sick?? that is not healthy or normal in any way. going NC has given me back my self-esteem. do you really want to lose yours again? trust me you will feel worse than ever if you go. you will be playing right into his hands. if you go, then HE gets the power back. if you don't, YOU have the power. which way do you want it?? SELF-DISCIPLINE IS SELF-ESTEEM. remember those words always.
I did go back and re-read it. One word sums it up - PATHETIC! I just needed to step back and look at it over and over and listen to everybody on this site. That is the one thing I can't figure out.....WHY do I want anything to do with someone who makes me feel sick, cheap, used and thousands of other horrible words!
I'm not going and I'm not going to answer any more stupid emails or text messages and especially not anymore phone calls!
Thanks for the help! I'm so happy to have all of you here for support!
Sara
There's nothing "wrong" with
Really
You can do it !!!
DO NOT GO!!!
sadderbutwiser