Having difficult time

I left my relationship with my narc on Thanksgiving eve.
I found out about his other woman the Wednesday before and was on the receiving end of the most shocking and devastating lack of regard for human life I have ever experienced. He treated me as if I was nothing. The seven years we had been together was all a lie. I wasn't aware that a person could be so cold. He literally was like a light switch. One day he loves me with all his heart and will never leave me the next day he's a complete stranger acting as if I was simply garbage he was throwing away.

That night was the most traumatic night of my life and I experienced the worse pain anyone could ever imagine. I wanted to die...not commit suicide...but just be dead because I honestly felt it would be the only way to rid myself of the intensity of the pain I was enduring. I am doing better but still have a wave of pain come over me every now and then. My mind tells me to move on, he's not going to change, he's a sick person and not capable of truly loving anyone. Of course seven years of me loving him doesn't go away overnight even knowing he's a fraud. I just wish there was a way to totally wipe out my memory of him and the time I invested in this relationship.

It is still shocking to me how someone can be so cruel.