Hard time getting to NC

You are so good ! Even the most expensive and experienced counsellor couldn't be as good as you girls ! I had a wobble today where I felt like texting him and goading him into hoovering to give me a temporary fix. You have saved my bacon !! Temptation gone !! Yes they will have you back to punish you for every mistake you have ever made in the relationship !! That's what they do. They want to conquer and destroy. I must not forget and weaken. I'm stuck to the board

You have to move past feeling guilty!! They are masters of manipulation.. Feeling guilty is right where he wants you to be!! NC for you! Hunter

It is so hard because these are not normal relationships. They throw us off balance, make us feel like we are to blame, then give us crumbs of the guy we first met to make us think it is possible to have that relationship again that we had in the beginning. It is important to note: that guy at the beginning was a lie...the guy you left, the guy who is showing his ugly side now...that is who he truly is. I know it's tough...you sound very caring. He is not. He doesn't care an ounce about you. Chalk it up to you having seen more of who he truly is and have decided that is NOT the man for you. You deserve better. You have severed ties in order to move forward and find someone who is more appropriate for you. HUGS.

Bumblebee, this time you stung yourself. You texted him. Most of us do this kind of stuff until we get sick and tired of being stuck and lost. When you said you needed to see action on his part that made sense. You are using logic, and with normal people telling them what bothers you and that you must see a change will get through to them, or they will tell you that what you are asking is unacceptable to them. This kind of dialogue works with rational, normal people. Your mistake will always be assigning rational thinking and behaviors to a narc. They aren't rational by our definition. By the definition of a person with NPD their behvior makes sense. But the disordered nature of their personality makes it impossible for them to give us what we need and deserve. That is why we need to understand what they have, that they have it, and that it won't go away through magical thinking, hope, or any actions they may take. Getting away is the only way for you to find peace and happiness. It won't come to you with a disordered person. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You don't have to explain anything to him. Ever. That is freedom. Stop wasting your time living in the past that never existed in the first place. You loved an illusion, a mirror. The mask has fallen, and it will only get more frustrating, hurtful, abusive, and toxic. That is why nc is the suggested course of action for us. Contact won't fix anything. NC will fix it all. No response when they call is part of nc as well. Spend the time you wasted with him working on you...you can get better, he can't! ds

Your narc has succeeded...........period. You are at a serious cross roads now, and must make your choice. Choosing to go NC completely or take his call on Wednesday (oh, and by the way. my money is on, you won't hear from him on Wednesday) the silent treatment will begin. If you reach out to him at that point, you are a sitting duck. You will nose dive into a darkness I don't believe you are prepared for. This is where he will PAY YOU BACK/PUNISH YOU for all the wrong you did in the relationship. From where I am sitting, he sealed the deal for you, you have no choice now but to go NC if you want to be a survivor. NC is ONLY as difficult as we ourselves make it. Be strong, realize what you are up against. If not, he will attempt to destroy you and more than likely will succeed there as well. It's all in your hands..........the ball is in your court right now, BUT this is the last time the ball will ever be in your court. Make this the first day of the rest of your life! Seriously............

is part of the addictive personality". I don`t know where I read that, but it rang very true for me. I have done this too - which is effectively breaking NC to goad him into hoovering. When we get hooked into the "pully-pushy, hot/cold" aspect of the narc disorder, we can go on cycling like that even after he`s gone. It`s a form of conditioning. The hook is that we have two opposing impulses at the same time: one is to have him back as he was at the beginning, and the other is never to see him again. The truth is that the way he was at the beginning is not something we can ever get back, because it was an illusion created for the sole purpose of luring us in during the idealization phase. He can`t even recreate it for someone else. On the other hand, the pain he can - and will - cause us if we break NC is very, very real. Sure he manipulated the conversation. They always do, that`s why it`s better to go NC and stick to it. You don`t need to feel guilty, except about breaking your commitment to your own healing, maybe - and even then, it was only a little stumble, not a fall. Pick yourself up, dust off your butt and my advice would be definitely, don`t answer his call on Wednesday, don`t ever answer his calls again, block him everywhere. I guarantee you, every contact you have with him is going to make you feel worse. You said yourself you were stronger after 6 weeks NC - that says it all, doesn`t it? Hugs Tigerlily

I don't know your story but it is a game to them and thats all it is. Don't play his game, don't feel guilty, does he feel guilty for treating you badly? NO I'm sure he doesn't at all. I felt so much gratitude for mine for all he did for me that I felt bad ignoring him, until I got the strength and pride in myself to know I deserve better. You deserve better, ignore him, they never go away anyway, he will be back. Its up to you to stay strong, post on here, read our stories, but don't give in to him. Has he shown you he changed? Actions speak louder than words, just remember that. Narc's words mean nothing, its only their way of sucking us in for more supply. Thats all we are to them is supply, do you want to be one of many supply to someone or be respected and treated like a human being? I know I don't want to be his supply anymore. Get off the rollercoaster, you will start thinking clearly once you do.