The gift he presents

mobile phone internet doesnt cost that much in the uk - if one is reading a blog on a mobile phone, it doesnt make a difference where that blog is located from i.e. the cost of reading a blog in the uk would be exactly the same as reading a blog based in the us.

I had a bloody good cry when I read this. It’s touched something deep in me. Not really sure what though. Thanks for sharing this.

Phew...it is so difficult to understand that so many people have been so hurt... Your post is encouraging - I don't even know you but for our shared pain, but I really do wish you all the best that life has to offer. May those dreams come true. I am also working at my confidence - I never did have much of it. Successful? Talented? My NH didn't even have the balls to carry on in his job. There was always a stink around him. I cringe now when I think of how I used to cover for him or end up having to molly-coddle him. It's bloody embarrassing. Yes, I agree, there are a lot more opportunities in my life now that the relationship has ended. I was flying downhill at speeds that required a helmet.

I’m so glad you have posted a reply, I’ve been looking out for you. It is you that runs marathons, is it not? I too have a running background – not fast, just a jogger – and am now into Olympic and Ultra distance triathlons. I recently successfully completed my first ultra, which I’m proud of. Nice to meet you!

I kept my 4 years of "Chats" as well. Really helpful (and eyeopening) to read to the disappoints that I was voicing to him and then accepting. "sorry, sorry, sorry".."I'll change", "give me one more chance"; "I can't believe I threatened to hit you"; "when I called you a filthy whore it was just a joke"; Not ever again. Peace. J

Love the name. Yes-i have felt the same way. I blame myself as well. I ignored my gut instincts and red flags. And I know God placed them there for me to see. Toward the end of our relationship-it became so unbearable and miserable-i left him and became NC.

Hi narcnarcwhosthere, I took a walk to clear the conflicting thoughts I’m thinking and emotions I’m feeling. The comments posted here have been thought-provoking and I felt chastised (even lambasted) as I read some of them. I am learning something about myself through this board – I am sensitive to criticism and am perhaps not as open as I should be in accepting differing viewpoints . So I have reminded myself that this is an open forum to those recovering from a relationship with a N, and I should be interested in and look forward to reading the differences of opinion, rather than taking it personally! Let me try and explain what I was thinking earlier: I sensed indignation in the replies I received regarding my message about the gift he presents. I knew – and admitted as much – that this would raise the ire of some users (for good reason), but I did not write this to anger or hurt anyone. It was not a case of me saying ’we are lucky to have had the experience of the relationship.’ That’s like someone saying, ’You are lucky to be out of it alive.’ My reply: ’Actually, no, I feel very UNLUCKY to have been in the relationship at all.’ However, I do feel grateful that I am out of it alive. And this is the crux of the matter: it’s all relative. Compared to what you describe, narcnarcwhosthere and Barbara, I will agree that you suffered far greater negative impact in your relationship than I did. But I can irrefutably state that I’ve suffered far worse than a lot of other people. Isn’t this the way of the world – some are rich, some poor, some healthy, some ill, and so on, and all to differing degrees. My thought on the matter is that even though there are many, many millions of people ’worse off’ than me, it doesn’t diminish my pain, it doesn’t make my problems less important. And vice versa: just because millions of people may be ’better off’ than me, it doesn’t diminish the joy and happiness in my life. The relationship with the N was traumatic – I ended up a nervous, jumpy, worried, confused woman lacking in confidence. Holes in my teeth appeared weekly, or so it seemed (and I’ve never had a dental history). I scrabbled to ’sort everything out’, all the while wondering what the hell was going on. When I made the decision to ’cut my losses and move on,’ I cried and cried for weeks, I couldn’t concentrate at all, I was sick with grief and loss and in mourning...all in all, I was a basket case. I never thought I would feel like I do today. And if this is where I’ve got to through the (ending of the) relationship, well, I’m okay with that. The cost was high – yes, he did violate all of me and stole my soul – but I’ve taken it back. As James comments, ’it can’t be rebuilt as it was before,’ but I’m rebuilding it so it’s stronger and more beautiful. I feel excited and passionate about life like never before. At the end of the day, I want to be the best possible me. That’s the gift I’m talking about. I’m not disputing the fact that qualified professionals in the field can be conned...and be conned again, but like foolmeonce I am willing to go on record that I will in future listen to my intuition and heed those red flags, of which there were many. You are quite correct when you state that many victims are not in the position to live life as they choose; apologies for sounding glib if that’s how it came across. In future messages I will never use the term ’we’ when describing anything, I will always write with direct reference to myself and my circumstances. With regards your statement: “i think to learn that the world is full of monsters is not a lesson most people would or should welcome“.... I must disagree with this. Certainly the lesson doesn’t have to be learned through a personal relationship with any one of them, but in retrospect I would have been very glad early on in my life to learn that these types of people existed in the world. No, we are not yet divorced. The final court date is less than a month away. He has signed Consent to Judgment papers and now what remains to be done is the process of me standing before the Judge to receive a decree of divorce. The last contact I had with him was early Nov 09. The ’event’ which led to the final d&d, and me making a decision to divorce as well as learning that he was narcissistic personality disordered occured in early Aug 09. In the initial stages I was devastated that he did not care about the marriage, and that he didn’t try and contact me. Now I value it for the blessing it is. I stand to correction (although I hope I don’t ever have to admit otherwise), but I don’t think he will contact me again. He knows – without a doubt – I know what and who he is. No one before me had 'figured him out', and I don’t think he would risk an injury and initiate contact. However, if he did, I know I am strong enough to fiercely adhere to no contact. My life rests on it. Thank you for engaging me in discussion, it has been good communicating with you. At times I find myself feeling uncomfortable about what I’ve written or the responses I’ve received, but I realise that the issue which is inducing these feelings in me is something I must explore for my ongoing recovery. Have a great day/evening. Cheers, masquerades

keep looking for the positives... and let us know how many Ns you truly spot in the future. It may be comfortable to believe this now... but never stop watching you back... perhaps explore this further in therapy. evil isn't a growth opportunity - it's evil. period. I'd love to call Psycho-Boy and say "I'm done with your PTSD - come get it immediately because I don't want it" ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Yes-my ex-N was a gift alright. And I mean "gift" meaning poison in German.