I too often seen this experience as more or less a gift but not from them. The last thing any pathological person wants to do is give and I mean give anything..
No, but somehow good does come from bad. Light harkens after darkness. These are all gifts in one way or other. Are they not?
Once a person awakes from lies manipulation and used as nothing more then a object. Once a person is empty and left with nothing more to give and not only to others but also to self. What is left is a empty shell that need to be filled up once again. Needs to heal and rediscover that which has been lost. We gave so much time money and self that we lost that person (self) in an dysfunctional dance which ended in total destruction and flames of passion. Much like the mystical bird the Phoenix is reborn from ashes and raises renew. We too must make better and heal ourselves from these ashes spend up with a passion heated only with denials lies and unstable expectations that was slowly feed to us by a person or persons who care nothing for us the truth or anything that didn’t profit them in one way or other.
The work ahead of us is hard and very painful...
A gift?
I believe so..
For now we must face ourselves and see what is really there and what was never there.
But when I thought about the rebuilding process, I also knew it could never be rebuild like it was before. Change is undeniable and very often very difficult at any age.
The gift I believe is in this “rebirthâ€..
The gift is the courage to “rebuildâ€..
The gift is to accept truth in ourselves.
The gift too trust ourselves once again and then hopefully to trust other once again..
Yes, I too see this as a gift and a gift of plenty..
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Yes James you have put it beautifully. I can see where the others are because it was not very long ago I was still raging at life and the world for being so damned unfair. See the point is we do get to go on and find the true beauty in life and ourselves. We can come back. As for the Narc while we all want to punish him he is already living his own hell. Would any of you wish to be a walking dead person where they feel NOTHING and ACT everything?? I think not. Your pain is reminding you of what it is to be human. And certainly I do not wish to belittle anybodies feelings. I too have spent time in the grip of a white hot rage where I thought i might spontaneously combust. I never knew I could even get that angry and yes at that point when someone told me I had to look for the "gift" in it I wanted to tear them limb from limb. Its all part of the process.
like I said before... where do I return all the gifts the pathologicals in my life gave me?
I didn't ask for them
I didn't want them
I do NOT deserve them
this is no gift.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
I agree with you James and masquerades. Pushing forward and rebuilding however hard and not resigning to being a victim for the rest of my life has to be the way to go. Finding more courage from the experience of an N, seeing more how I would like my life to go rather than how it was with the N, even though I share children and still have to put up with his crap. For me it was so crushing that a rebuild had to come out of it, and that's the part I'm enjoying about my life.
I agree with James and the original poster. It's very difficult to see it as a gift in the traditional sense, but for me (and I was just telling this to my therapist a while back)...I think it had to happen in order for me to wake up and see the pathologicals in my life (and makes changes for the better in my life). I had to see this to "clean house" of all the crazies that ignored my needs, didn't see me as a person (rather an object) and pursue relationships among friends and maybe even love down the road in a more healthy sense. I had to experience this to realize I'm an ACON and how my upbringing with an N parent and depressed/denial mother taught me to live among Ns as if it was "normal".
But having said that, I so understand how it's hard to see it as a gift...given we were victimized and abused BECAUSE of the best things about us (our empathy, kindness, understanding, etc.). Pathologicals are sick and I wouldn't wish one on those I dislike.
But for me, it's opened my eyes to the existence of these creatures in the world and my own vulnerabilities and training that led me into their world.
I really agree with both sides, but can relate to the original post being I was brought up in a Narc household. I wasnt sure thru all this if my mom was one, but after reflecting I believe she is. Omg, my childhood was ripped out from me before I could gain a personality. Very abusive, I havent spoke to my mother in three weeks, but being said that I've been at peace with it. How sick is this after I lost my house she moved in with my Ex's mother..Not the N's mom my son's father's mother and thinks its normal...Is she serious and she is so delusional as his mother has taken me for custody of my son and won in court. (Long story) My mother thinks nothin is wrong, but that I should of handled things better, however, my ex mother and law is a dangerous Narc. So yeh I relate to the above post being that now I see the crazy delusions for what they are and can remove myself because of being in a relationship with the N gave me maybe the gift of desperation to research and change the cycle so my own children and I can be free of this evil IDK, The N turned my life upside down in a matter of months has you can see. But I never realized until I started to understand Narcissism that I am and was a victim off Narcissism for a very long time. I am starting to become free and some days are harder then others and some days I'm just okay. But yeh Narcissism has ruined my life and I really need to get the guts up to seek counseling. And yes I lost my son because of my relationship with my EX N he destroyed my life like no one else ever has before and I found out why I was attracted to such a person being I was raised by a Narc I thought most of his behaviors were normal or acceptable and they are no where near normal. Its time to change the cycle of Narcissism in my life. Its going to be a hard long journey.....
They never change. He will build you up and then suck you dry!!!!!!
Being an Acon, especially when you come to understand what happened to you, is nothing short of horrifying and gut-wrenching. But the hard long journey to sort through it can help you find a better life. I've never experienced anything this difficult but I feel it's absolutely essential to going forward...for me at least. Find the guts. Take the journey. You can do it.
...what you're saying.
Personally, I would have rather never had a narc mom or a narc fiance, and the 'gift' of knowing what it's like to grow up in a loving home.
If this is a 'gift', even in an abstract sense, it's the crappiest one ever.
It's well documented here by us that narc's are typically crappy gift givers. So, yeah...they gave us a whopper of a crappy gift. I'm not typically a "turn lemons into lemonade" kinda gal, but I really do think (hopefully) there will be lessons I've learned from all this that will help me in the long run: ie, set firm boundaries with people, run when the red flags start to mount, trust my gut implicitly, listen to actions over words, etc. While I would love to go back in time and never have met my Ns (and suffered ptsd, adrenal fatigue, depression), but I'm taking away from this the things I need to go on stronger and smarter.
I agree, and well said...I tend to be an eternal optimist, but my exN has very much pushed my boundaries on that 'quality'. I don't like it, but it is what it is.
The lessons for me seem to be more along the lines of ~ watch out!!! ~ there are a lot of scary people out there whose only goal in life is to ruin yours...so protect yourself from predators. Got it!
And you're right, everything N give us is sheer crap!
ah, yes, the "watch out!" lesson, for sure. the truly scary thing, I think, is that they don't show up at your door the first date scary. It takes time for their masks to slip. And for me, I need to understand that when that happens it's "run" and don't look back. First priority is protection. And not to let myself get into a position of being hypnotized by them in the initial luring stage (will take lots of remaining aware of what's going on of course to not let that happen), but with the knowledge we've learned here I think we're much better equipped to sniff out those pathologicals before we get in too deep. At least I hope so.
The Gift
Very well said James
Nevergoback
return
I agree with you James and
Ending the dance
Well said, James
ACON
They never change. He will build you up and then suck you dry!!!!!!
It's a very difficult journey
I can see too...
Well...
ghostbuster
Quietude