Facebook :(

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#1 Feb 17 - 2AM
nadine31
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Facebook :(

Please help, I am periodically checking his FB page, which is open to the public. It's killing me. How do you stop yourself? It's always in the back of my mind that I can see what he's doing, and with which women.

If I block him, does that mean I can't go onto his page? Even then I could unblock him, though, right?

This is hell.

Feb 18 - 1PM
tootsgee
tootsgee's picture

i was doing it too.....

I was doing this too..but ive realised that all it does is hurt me ..as its such a fake impression of someone's life. we are also in a social group in the same city and ive stopped checking his profile on that too..... Ive hidden all mutual friends and asked people not to talk to me about him. I could still look but instead I go and do something for me instead...... six weeks out of this relationship so its still early days. Good luck.
Feb 17 - 6PM
nadine31
nadine31's picture

Thanks guys, I needed all

Thanks guys, I needed all that. I'm not sure what I expect o find; it's almost like it's a relief when I've done it, because at least the temptation to do it isn't there anymore, if that makes any sense. "If his name is still in your friends list then yes, you can block him." -- does that mean that if we are no longer FB friends, I can't block him? (I deleted him long ago.)
Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #26)
janemarie
janemarie's picture

you can block anyone either

you can block anyone either by using their name or email address..ive blocked his entire family and the ow...i was never friemds with all of them but i was able to block them
Feb 17 - 3PM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

I blocked him and everyone

I blocked him and everyone related to him in any way!!!! Yes you can unblock it of course, BUT during the time it takes you to go through the steps to unblock it, you will hopefully smack yourself upside the head and stop yourself.... This is what worked for me!! I have no idea and have no desire to know what is going on with him on FB or the OW.... I have been there and done that in the beginning and found that it hurts like freakin hell!!!! Why do that to yourself?!?!?! Contact=Pain...like Hunter always says....listen and believe it!
Feb 17 - 3PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

FB is evil. I have said this

FB is evil. I have said this a lot on here. You just have to make a committment to not check it. Maybe just tell yourself to not check it TODAY. And then when today passes...tell yourself...TOMORROW. Pretty soon...a few days will go by, and you will feel lighter. Freer. I don't use FB. I did at one point, but for these very reasons, to me? It's unnecessary drama, and nonsense. And a playground for assholes like your and my ex N's. NO THANKS! I did however belong to a website with him, where he created ALL SORTS OF DRAMA over me, and about me. Eventually, because he is a colossal asshole...he was banned. I very very rarely look at that site anymore. So...eventually, you move on. You will eventually move on...but only if you go NC now. Part of going NC is no looking at FB. Not just direct contact with narcs. But, indirect contact too, keeps us from healing. So...be mindful. If you want to heal and move on...make an effort to stop looking at his FB. (most likely, his page is riddled with lies anyways to make his life look like a paradise lol) You know better. ;) And so will the next chick who gets duped and then dumped by him.
Feb 17 - 8AM
Redhead
Redhead's picture

Oh hell...I still look

Oh hell...I still look sometimes. But for the most part, I don't care.
Feb 17 - 8AM
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

well i blocked. but would

well i blocked. but would still find out about things through mutual friends. i found the blocking helped bc that way he couldnt find out what i was doing to see that his friends "liked" my pics etc. I bought a course of "FB Jujitsu" and I followed t advice and it just helped. Now my roommate did pull up his profile and i couldnt resist and did confirm t ow but you know what? nothing in reality was as bad as what i was *thinking* and based on what I saw/discovered I think I jumped three miles ahead in t recovery process. Now I have absolutely NO DESIRE to pull his profile up or would be tempted to look every again, i'm just THAT OVER IT. Just take it hour by hour. Maybe you will get a closure moment like I did. I hope you do. Sending you tons of positive energy for your social networking day!
Feb 17 - 3PM (Reply to #21)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I hate to say this, but you

I hate to say this, but you probably should block mutual ''friends,'' and I say that term loosely. My take? What kind of person befriends a narc? Hmmm...water seeks its own level. Or the kind of person who is afraid of the narc and is a kiss ass. Those are the two types. For NARCS DO NOT HAVE TRUE FRIENDS, FOR THEY KNOW NOT HOW TO BE A TRUE FRIEND. I had to rid my life of any and all mutual ''friends'' who liked stirring the pot between us...liked keeping the drama going...acting as reporters back and forth. Gosh, this seems like a lifetime ago, but it was just last summer for me. Trust me. Get rid of anyone tied to this jerk. And you will heal quicker... Just my two cents.
Feb 17 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Self control is imperative.

Self control is imperative. You need to find a way to gain some. Looking at facebook pictures will bring you nothing but misery. We can sometimes be addicted to our own sadness. I think you may be at this point and you continue to feed it by viewing these pictures. Right now, you should focus on healing. Not on what he is doing or with whom. They are irrelevant. He is never going to be a part of your life again, at least not in a healthy manner. Please come to those terms and begin your journey. Nothing good will ever come from torturing youreslf. Find the strength to take a step forward and eventually get over this hurdle.
Feb 19 - 8AM (Reply to #19)
Fearless
Fearless's picture

NO MORE FACEBOOK

...thanks Sparrow. Just another of the many cords I need to cut from "crackhead". blocked him and ow the night of D&D and they have me blocked. but did this stop me...NO. created fake email in order to create fake facebook so i could view what was going on with them. Well, guess you get burned if you stick you hand in fire! her profile picture shows the two of them holding hands, they both "like" bridal jewelry pages (guess they are engaged). Anyway...very painful to see. Only one good thing...I have seen them together on "my terms" in the comfort of my own home. I guess it's a matter of control...feel so out of control with whats happened to me, I'm just trying to TAKE control of my life and deal with things on a more assertive level. make sense? They didn't get the satisfaction of seeing my face when my heart dropped, it want be such a shock to my system when and if I see them together in public, (I hope). At any rate, you are correct...need to delete fake facebook, fake email and switch the focus of that precious time and energy to something more "positive healing". -fefe

FeFe

Feb 17 - 8AM
oceangirl
oceangirl's picture

You just have to stop

You just have to stop yourself. Period. You have to get to the point where you don't care what he does. I used to check phone records; I even subpeoned them because he used to be on my account when we had it joint. I shouldn't have paid attention to what he was doing so much with the OW, I should have been calling Child Protective Services instead. I wasted time worrying about what he was doing with her. It isn't like they will stop cheating, so it really doesn't matter. The new OW is only one more in a line of "NEXT". There is a famous quote from Coco Chanel (yes, of Chanel): "I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all". Good Luck! You can do it.
Feb 17 - 8AM (Reply to #17)
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

i just updated my status as

i just updated my status as this quote thank you!
Feb 17 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

First of all.. Most of them

First of all.. Most of them have an open page.. FB is a predators playground .. What do you do to stop looking? Well.. you stop looking... Stopping your bad behavior is up to you.. I like cheeseburgers but I can't eat them.. I'll get too fat.. it's my choice to eat salad with fat free dressing instead... Hunter
Feb 17 - 8AM (Reply to #15)
Redhead
Redhead's picture

I want a cheeseburger;) But

I want a cheeseburger;) But hell, I'll pass on another narc!!
Feb 17 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
HelpMeHeal
HelpMeHeal's picture

I was just going to say that....

They intentially keep their pages public. They list mobile numbers and email addresses so they can be reached. They intentionally want us to view their nonsense. They want us to see their OW. They want us to see each others comments. They want us to get mad and question them. They want to make status updates so everyone and their mother can give them the thumbs up. Like Hunter said, it's their playground and they are the bullies! If you must peek (I'm guilty too), trust that it's all a game they play to get attention - good or bad. Log off and do something for you.
Feb 17 - 8AM (Reply to #12)
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

wow

so right the xN changed his prof to public after i defriended lol.... how do all of these guys manage to find t same playbook
Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Mine too! lol

Mine too! lol
Feb 17 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
HelpMeHeal
HelpMeHeal's picture

Yup

Morons!
Feb 17 - 4AM
Emptyheart
Emptyheart's picture

Block Block!

Nadine, I too was doing this regularly. He deleted me from his fb after telling me his wife was suspicious and she had done it, I think it was one of his D +D's. He left it open to the public and then while still chasing me relentlessly, told me his wife wouldnt let him on the PC at all. He lied of course! I saw something which proved he had lied to me yet again! I now don't even want to look, check, anything, if I do, I see his picture and see a different man altogether. I can't block him because he deleted me, so I know I can look anytime if I choose to. It's true, you can create a false persona on there I do now because I know HE looks at mine! Every day I write something in about my lovely day, even if I feel dreadful! You can!! If his name is still in your friends list then yes, you can block him. It will mean he can't look you up, and you can't look him up, but hey, it will give you some power back yes?? I know its one of those things where your finger hovers over the delete button, but one thing at a time really helps in the end! I was in a postion where I would sit up at night just to wait for a late night text, sometimes it came, sometimes it didn't, he knew I looked forward to them, the cruel bastard stopped sending them on odd nights, then he would leave it for two nights, then three. Then he would say, I'll text you at ten thirty, have me sat there waiting like a lovesick puppy. But I still waited up for them not knowing if they would come!! It was a massive milestone for me when I was exhausted one night through lack of sleep, I actually went to bed and switched myself off. That text came just after I had fallen asleep,,,,,I obviously didn't answer. When I read it in the morning,I felt elated with myself!!! He then bombarded me with texts all the next day, asking me to talk, asking when he could see me. That one action gave me back a little power, and it felt damn good. It was that which made me realise it was up to me, I was giving myself most of this pain, and only I could stop it!! Block his page from your FB, tell yourself, I don't want to look at your face, you are a cruel Bastard!! Then hit that button!! You will feel much better for it xxxxxx
Feb 17 - 3AM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

Have never been on FB, no one

Have never been on FB, no one I know has a FB account even those in their teens/20s - you can live and thrive without it. Life is short, and there are many more interesting things to be doing in the real world. If you remove yourself from FB you will not feel unsettled by the xN or what course of action to take regarding this.
Feb 17 - 3AM (Reply to #6)
nadine31
nadine31's picture

That's true, but I have to

That's true, but I have to use social media as part of my work unfortunately.
Feb 17 - 3AM (Reply to #8)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

OK I see

If you really cant not go on FB then it is going to have to be will power, no other option that I can think of..when you go to type in is name ask what you are hoping to achieve. Why stick a pin in yourself? Think in the present, get up, leave your computer/phone go grab a coffee and think for fifteen minutes. Tell yourself if you really want to in fifteen minutes you can. Smoking..for each cig it takes 5 minutes for urge to pass so worth a try x
Feb 17 - 3AM (Reply to #7)
midnight7
midnight7's picture

Really? I work freelance and

Really? I work freelance and require a large number of contacts for business to thrive and have never found a use for FB - always found it truly insidious. Networking face to face, by phone is always preferable and gives a professional, personal approach, and Twitter has always worked better for up-to-date, bite size news, and work opportunities.
Feb 17 - 3AM
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Ultimately

It comes down to self control I guess? I know Ns email so I can always email him if I choose to, I am choosing not to. Contact = pain and you are hurting yourself by keeping looking. It stops full cold turkey. Ask yourself what are you hoping to see? I have thousands of minger photos of myself..the nice ones go on FB the mingers lounge around on my PC..what I am saying is I dont always look nice but I create a false image on FB. I dont post things like not had a wash yet, stood in my tea stained jammies ironing..lol. What I am trying to say is you dont get a true picture on FB and are more likely to hurt yourself further as you will see 'the best side of him' and that will make you miss 'the fantasy'. Why not give FB a miss altogether, dont even log in..or disable your page..that way you cant look/you have to do further conscious steps to be able to look. I am not in a good place right now but I am relying on only cold turkey working..its more painful at first but I believe its the only option for long term recovery x
Feb 18 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

snowflake

spot on!! thanks for your comments...nail on the head.
Feb 17 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

am so glad ur posting again

What I am trying to say is you dont get a true picture on FB and are more likely to hurt yourself further as you will see 'the best side of him' and that will make you miss 'the fantasy" Y E S
Feb 17 - 3AM (Reply to #2)
nadine31
nadine31's picture

Snowflake, you're obviously a

Snowflake, you're obviously a very clever lady. They are some really good points, thank you x