Erectile Dysfunction

37 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 8 - 1PM

MyNaturalState

Erectile Dysfunction

Saw this in another thread, but im curious...have any of you experienced this with your narcs?

I dont have a lot of sexual experience so I never knew if this was common or normal to some degree. He was 39. Didnt seem able to get erections like other guys. He usually had stimulate himself. In fact, that always seemed to be step one. He did get hard when I would stimulate him in some way, but other guys I was with got hard quickly by just laying close or on top of me. He would be on top of me talking about how excited he was, but he wasnt hard.

I dont know...I just never saw a guy grab himself so quickly, so often to get an erection. It seemed more like a necessity than a desire if you know what I mean. I always wondered if it stemmed from trust issues.

Hope I havent broken any forum rules on this one. :-(

#2 Mar 9 - 12PM

Scoop

I just want to gently point

I just want to gently point out that there is no subject we cant talk about on the board . Sexual abuse from the narc is a very real part of our healing . please dont feel you cant express because it is "against the rules " the rules should be .. "if it effected you then its ok to share" . My narc sexualy abused me and i carryed around shame with me because i couldnt find a place to speak untill i found this board . We can keep our language respectful as we are grown ups :) this is a place of love and healing xx

#3 Mar 9 - 12PM (Reply to #36)

MyNaturalState

Thanks, Scoop. I appreciate

Thanks, Scoop. I appreciate it.

#4 Mar 9 - 11AM

prettypeeved

Don't recall anything like

Don't recall anything like that. He was well-hung too (sorry to be so crude), but it was anything but pretty. As with everything else though, it was all about him. Must have driven him crazy that I refused to cross that line and actually have sex with him.

#5 Mar 9 - 1PM (Reply to #34)

Susan32

When the ex is a man...

It was an openly gay professor who had had a brief encounter with the ex-Psych professor (and proudly flaunted his puppies, as well as his cute younger Asian boyfriend on-campus), who warned me against him. The gay prof was warning me to NOT get anymore involved with the ex-P... because I think he had. I found myself in a tug of war between two male exes. The gay prof (who was very talented, it a lawyer now, he defends LGBT people as well as the deaf now, he taught briefly at Gallaudet) would tell me "Don't listen to the ex-P. Think for yourself. He's using you." The ex-P would shoot back "Mr. J---- is a man scorned." It was like one of those custody battles where the exes use the kids as pawns. "Must have driven him crazy that I refused to cross that line&actually have sex with him"-SAME HERE. I think between the out ex (the ex-P was a closet case, a virulent homophobe who ogled men rather than women in my presence), and the fact I wouldn't have sex with him... it drove the ex-P crazy. So he overate&drank. During the final D&D, the ex-P was getting intoxicated around students... he had an off-campus class centered on drinking. I once joked to a friend that I wasn't THAT drunk or desperate to jump into bed with the ex-P. The ex-P expected sympathy sex my junior year, because he really let himself go... he had those ever-rotting teeth,a beer belly... that's no way to pick up chicks. Or guys, for that matter. He thought he was like Leo Tolstoy, who let his teeth rot away&neglected his hygiene&coerced his much younger wife into sex(!!!)

#6 Mar 9 - 9AM

emmalily

Baffled by ED

I was baffled by my ex-NH's frequent struggles with ED. He also had no drive and told me it was my fault we rarely had sex because I didn't initiate and was just "being a typical wife". He also demanded that I not look at his face or into his eyes during and had to cover his face with a pillow most times to reach climax. Zero intimacy....just an act. Definitely preferred BJ's or HJ's over anything and I never saw him take care of himself. I have never had an experience with any other man that came close to the detachment and strangeness of this. I was and continue to be baffled, yet I married him.

#7 Mar 9 - 6AM

IncognitoBurrito

WOW!

Is it really THAT common? ...glad I never got that far! Though, judging from the number of children he has, it probably wasn't an issue. Then again, it only takes one little, sperm.

#8 Mar 9 - 4AM

momoya

Oh yea

The ExN fed so much off of the initial fantasy I really think he loved that intense high from new supply. Whatever lies he needed to tell he told, he made himself up to be this great guy that just couldn't find or keep the right girl.I think in his own mind he felt powerful because of his job title, but other than this title he had no substance or strength. He had normal erections at the very beginning of our visit together, and we had normal sex but his peen is very small -very- and I felt as soon as I saw it he was already pulling away. After all this was the real him, what man doesn't want to have a big penis? this was him in all his "glory" and it was not impressive. It was just too obvious that it bothered him and he couldn't perform sex in any position but one and it was just so obvious to me that this made him very insecure. He would not discuss it with me at all as far as trying a new position, because that meant risking failure in front of me. The sex was nice at the start but soon became dysfunctional. As soon as my rose colored glasses came off and I began to question this master of illusion he was unable to perfom at all. His erections are tied into how he feels about himself and how strongly the woman feels for him. He was never able to satisfy me, and he absolutely hated that fact and would not allow me to fake it. He became suspicious of me and the sex turned blah. I heard that he withheld sex and communication from his wife all the time as punishment for asking questions. He said that she cheated on him just like his 1st wife didn, hmmm.

momoya

#9 Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #22)

MyNaturalState

Hm. My Narc was also incredibly small...

And I mean incredibly small. Could it be we finally found the reason for their insanity?!? ;-)

#10 Mar 9 - 1PM (Reply to #29)

neverlookback

small thingy

Mines peenie was so small that when I said put it in he would say IT IS IN, ha ha ha I just had to make a joke I am sorry, I am bad

#11 Mar 9 - 1PM (Reply to #30)

MyNaturalState

Lol...nah, you're not bad!

Lol...nah, you're not bad! Thats just your coping skills at work.

#12 Mar 9 - 11AM (Reply to #27)

Scoop

Mynaturalstate

Mine had coronic premature ejaculation , it never got any better , we are taling no more that 3 seconds at a time . I have oftern though a lot of his hatred towards women was a projection of his own sexual inadequacy . We never spoke about it , it was the elephant in the room which became ridiclous in the end , i got to the point of just turning down sex because i couldnt stand his humilation anymore , it was just easyer not to do it .. I dont know why i wanted to save him from humilation and perfured to live a lie , but having said that i dont think i would be so kind now ! xx

#13 Mar 9 - 11AM (Reply to #28)

MyNaturalState

Yeaaaaaaah, I've been guilty

Yeaaaaaaah, I've been guilty of that too. It's amazing how often we not only threw our needs out the window to focus on theirs, but we also tried so hard to spare them in so many ways. Don't worry though...I unleashed almost everything in my arsenal to cause him the highest level of humiliation and to destroy his precious ego. Soooooooo, I dunno! I feel pretty good. Don't know about him though.

#14 Mar 9 - 7AM (Reply to #25)

IncognitoBurrito

Natural

Someone should take a... poll. *looks at pinky*

#15 Mar 9 - 7AM (Reply to #26)

MyNaturalState

OMG, don't insult my pinky!

OMG, don't insult my pinky! lol No, seriously though...he almost seemed unaware that he was so small. Like...where the heck did all that cockiness come from anyway? No pun untended. I felt sorry for him to tell you the truth. Before I realized he was a narc, I saw him as this super confident guy. Then he dropped his pants. Maybe thats why he always liked to stimulate himself. Maybe he was just tryin to hide it from me. ;-)

#16 Mar 9 - 7AM (Reply to #23)

spinning

Natural...

you're a natural at making me laugh!!! First big chuckle of the day and also TRUE!!! Thank you! This whole thread is validating and I love seeing the humor added! sincerely (smiling and) spinning

spinning

#17 Mar 9 - 7AM (Reply to #24)

MyNaturalState

Yay! Very cool. Glad I

Yay! Very cool. Glad I could help you smile today.

#18 Mar 9 - 4AM

gettinbetter

The ED thing completely

The ED thing completely creeped me out not to mention that it made me feel completely unattractive.

#19 Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #20)

MyNaturalState

Me too. :-( Although, once

Me too. :-( Although, once he told me it was not my fault. It was because he was laying on his back. O....k.....

#20 Mar 9 - 2AM

triath

E.D.

My ex was almost completely impotent from day 1...so naturally I married him! Well it was a longer story than that, but I thought it would get better and although it did, a little, it was never anything close to 'normal' sex. He loved masturation and also wanted me to do it with him, as in, the two of us masterbating ourselves in bed...which was just weird to me. I didn't realize he was narcissistic because he had a very super-high powered job and got a lot of worship, so I thought he was just wonderful in a high achieving way, plus, he had a lot of excellent qualities...or I'm still under his spell. But the Masturbation and impotence...I'm so fascinated that it's this common. Yet. He loved prostitutes and claimed they 'performed' for him and he never touched them. Sigh.

#21 Mar 9 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

neverlookback

same here

UGh I mean if I wanted to do that I might as well be alone and just have a sex life with myself. On the otherhand he also had sex over the phone with me, gee that was really exciting and fun for me (NOT) I was to talk dirty and he would go at it, I mean it did NOTHING for me then sure enough when he was done he would say ok I have to hang up now, in other words, he had to roll over in bed and go to sleep, what a PIG.

#22 Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #17)

MyNaturalState

Hey, not for nothing...

But were his initials R.C.? I'm quite serious. Mine also wanted to do the mutual masturbation ALL the time AND he held a very high profile job that garnished him ENORMOUS admiration. (Sickening)

#23 Mar 9 - 12AM

Scoop

Ed is so common in

Ed is so common in personality disorders its wrapped up in the madonna whore complex , huge issues with their mothers and objectification of women and i hate to say it too much masterbation to porn . Last year there was load of women here who started to realise that the reason thier narc had ED was because their penis was worn out through masterbation several times a day (they dont call narcissism "self love" for nothing lol). xx

#24 Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #15)

CougarBabe7

Self-love

Scoop, "They don't call narcissism self-love for nothing." LOL! Anytime I want a good laugh, all I have to do is come to this board to get one. :) Love & light! ♥

#25 Mar 9 - 6AM (Reply to #13)

MyNaturalState

Mine absolutely had mother

Mine absolutely had mother issues. He seems to have a lot of anger towards her.

#26 Mar 9 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

michele115 (not verified)

That instead...

They take out on us and every other woman who is unfortunate enough to cross their path...

#27 Mar 8 - 11PM

indenial

Glad this subject has come

Glad this subject has come up. Mine was the opposite. Instant erection whenever we touch but on several occasions and more so recently the sex just goes on and on with him seeming to find it difficult to climax. I started to wonder whether he was having sex with someone else and this was the problem but seeing as he confesses to masturbating daily or more I thought maybe that could be it but then found viagra hidden in his cupboard and then was when my suspicions that he was cheating started to arise. I didn't suspect really up until then. Then I started to become aware that he was having more contacct with his ex wife than hed led me to believe despite his demands that I have no contact with my ex. He has denied everything and I've threatened to speak to his ex wife to confirm my suspicions that he has in fact lied to us both. That is what is eating at me. Not knowing. If I knew for sure that he has done that behind my back then it will make nc earier. I put up with a lot but infidelity I just couldn't forgive or live with. I think I'd get over him quicker if I knew for sure. That would give me total clarity. Any advice anyone ?

#28 Mar 9 - 2AM (Reply to #9)

agnesmurphy17

indenial

If you want to contact the ex-wife, then why not? He would be furioius if he found out. Would she tell him if she's still in contact & sleeping with him? Will her loyalties be to him, or you? I know I was contacted by the woman who follwed me. And that was so informative. I had no idea the layer-upon-layer of deceit the man operated on. I knew he was a liar. But I had no idea the full extent. Then I contacted his first ex-wife (me=2nd). Five years after she left him, after a 20+ year marriage, she was thrilled to hear from me. I learned even more what a liar, liar, liar the man is. And so many other tidbits about him which were withheld. And the truth of what happened in their family. Learning the down-and-dirty can really free one. But, there is the attendant despair & disillusionment. The realization of exactly the enormous extent to which one has been duped & used. In my case, the whole point of me was 1. to extract cash; 2. extract sex; 3. to extract household & secretarial services; &, 4. to have a punching bag for his emotional, psychological, verbal & physical abuse which he so enjoys committing for sport. And, when it's over. He never looks back. I was replaced within 32 hours of leaving the house.

#29 Mar 9 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

michele115 (not verified)

Indenial

I'm afraid and no disrespect AgnesMurphy but I'm going to have to counter Agnes' advice. AND yes, I was guilty of contacting the EX wife...Agnes and I both speak from experience but the challenge here is that we can't predict what YOUR outcome would be. Just as Agnes noted...if he found out, he'd be pissed...just how pissed...will it incite his rage and are you ready for it? Can you protect yourself? If we really believe they're sick and lack empathy than what really does provide a barrier of protection for you? I mean we can't be on both sides of the coin. Now, when I contacted the ex wife, I had no idea how sick these guys were...yes, I wanted answers too, I had no damn clue at all. I was lucky to not have experienced his rage...BUT did the ex wife feel loyalty towards me? NOPE...and do I think they were sleeping together...NOPE... BUT the problem is... you don't know what the outcome would be...and essentially if this is something you decided to put into your past...do the details matter? After your conversation, you WILL have more questions...don't kid yourself... SO when does it end?

#30 Mar 9 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

michele115 (not verified)

WAIT!!!

I remembered now...yes, they were having a visitiation battle and I did voice my suspicions about some things...I do remember him saying: If this conversation in any way hurts my case, I will fuck you up...yes, I remember that now... I was half crazy myself so it didn't scare me...but looking back...yea they do come back with a vengance... I did a few more things...I think the only thing that saved me was that on SOME level...and others that are friends that are professionals in the psych field have commented that he's scared of me on some level which I don't even want to begin to find out how or what...but that is the ONLY thing I think has saved me and I've learned how to go about my merry way and just be determined to heal and pick at the scab as little as possible.

#31 Mar 8 - 7PM

CougarBabe7

ED

Well then, this is a very interesting topic. My exNarc had a bit of ED, but I always assumed it was due to his age (he's 57). Now I'm starting to think maybe it DOES have to do with the fact that he's a Narc; and I think that it's very possible he does masturbate too much and/or has too much sex in general. I got to "play" with his head tonight. I texted him to make arrangements for us to meet to switch CDs that accidentally got mixed up when we were dating a few months ago. And when I did, he asked me if I wanted to meet him for a drink & I said yes. We had a few drinks at a local pub and caught up with what's been going on with each others lives, etc. We switched CD's - I made sure that was the very first thing that happened. Then, of course, we ended up kissing a little & hugging, etc. When it came time to leave, he thought he was actually going to get me to go home with him. HA! Bye, bye Narc boy. I'm going home, ALONE! :)

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