Distraught

19 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 27 - 4AM
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Distraught

Having gone good few days with NC just had a phone call at work. .. other people there so did not make a fuss. ... He rang to tell me had got a new job and was high as a kite. I just said well done, and he said moving on with his life. .. very happy blah blah. ... would be the start of something wonderful. .. blah blah. .. then good luck with your life ! I have supported him emotionally through some dark days when he was not working and very down. Why did he have to tell me that? I feel sick and have to go back into office. Did not make fool of myself but I feel so confused. I know I am better off without him but can't believe he was laughing at me :o(

Aug 28 - 8AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

I agree

I agree with all the posts on here. He only did it knowing it would upset you. They can't have a wonderful life because it's all lies and in their heads and they only feel good bringing someone else down. They're fricking assholes! I know that call hurt you and I'm very sorry for that. The pain can be unbearable.But try to look at it this way..he had to call and tell you those things & who knows if they're even true but try to picture him as a little boy running to tell someone a make believe story just to get attention. As a grown man that picture to me is pathetic and laughable! How immature! I remember one nite telling my xN how messed up I had let my life become and it's why I needed to move away. To get away from that lifestyle. Told him I was like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall when he goes away from his family and gets involved w/drugs, sex etc. Now this came from deep in my soul because I was in a very bad place and you know what the N did? He looked me straight in the face told me I was frickn crazy and laughed his ass off. Prick!
Aug 27 - 9AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

This is why we go NC and

This is why we go NC and this is why it is forever. They created havoc in our minds with simple words, gestures, actions and expressions. Once you are aware that they are a Narcissist, you senses are on high alert. This creates a physical and emotional response with in us. Fight or Flight Response. This keeps us in a constant confused state and severely hinders our progress. Complete NC is the only way I will post more on this subject. Please stay close...xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 27 - 7AM
CarolKittyGale (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Chin up alibi 10

Two weeks after we split my exN went out of his way to let me know he was happy and he had met someone else also adding that he was going to treated her better then he had ever treat me.(they moved in together after four weeks) Two weeks after that he went out of his way to let me know he didn't think he had ever loved me and I just laughed to which he added 'oh I have really missed your laugh, we have been through so much together' (no you put me through so much and I let you) which is not only cruel and unnecessary but if you were so happy why would you bother to phone someone you never loved to tell them this if you were 'sooooo happy', let's be honest you'd be just getting on with it. He went out of his way to flaunt her in-front of mutual friends and really had a point to prove, lying to them telling them he was working and earning mega bucks. Later I found out the guy he said he was working for had made it clear to people I know that he would never give him work again because he is very unreliable. I believe it's all about envy and supply. They want you to feel envious of them. ExN txt me when we split 7 months ago 'it eats you up doesn't it that I am happy and moving on without you'. After I'd had treated him like family he threw it all back in my face and that's what I got for my lot...nice. You done really well to be polite but not engaging but try your very hardest to keep NC even if he calls and catches you unaware. Just sound very bright and breezy and say I can't talk now I'm in the middle of something and put the phone down. NC is hard at first but distance give you clarity and it has worked so well for me.
Aug 28 - 9AM
Used
Used's picture

alibi10

dont believe it, just think about it for a moment, why would he ring you, you have been nc, well this is why, he doesnt know what to say next, to get you to interact with him, exn, used to do this, after weeksormonths of not seeing him, he would track me down to tell me.1 someone had asked him to join him in a buisness venture. he never works. 2 he had met a "lovely woman, own home car,and she wanted him to move in immediatly ,rent free, and he felt i should know as we were once such good freinds. 3 a serious illness. i could go on. i relized it is only to get you back to them if you think anything or anyone is getting their attention, that will make you want to go back,as they want us when we are happy with something or someone in our life, they try to ruin.it oh ,he never went into buisness, the woman didnt exsist , and nor did the serious illness. all cobblers, and so is your one talking cobblers.
Aug 27 - 6AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

First of all, do not believe

First of all, do not believe one single word because he is a liar. Second yes he was laughing at you. Do not allow him to do it. Third, next time shut down the phone as soon as you recognize the voice or he will start to harass you at work on regular basis. No contact. Go back to work and work well. You are valuable both at work and outside. Don't let him treat you like shit.
Aug 27 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

So humiliated

Thanks. .. am trying but my eyes keep filling up and can't look at anyone. This pain is awful. ... actually I know is nothing compared to what others on here have gone through, but the stupid bit of my brain is thinking that so many times he said if he was in regular work etc we would have made a go of it, that his life was in limbo. ... would that have been the case ? I think deep down I know the answer, but is like I don't believe myself. He has won. ...which he likes to do
Aug 27 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Alibi

He called to let you know he has this great job (which may or may not be true) because he knew that this is your Achilles Heel. He always told you before your life together couldn't take off because he didn't have a job, blah blah blah, so he knows this is how to inflict the most hurt. This is the one thing that will get to you. I know it's tough but don't pay attention to this. He's full of crap and is using the one thing that will get the biggest reaction out of you. He wants you to think that he's going off and having this great life now (and implying that he will now have a great relationship) and it will be without you. If his excuse for HIS failure at the relationship had been that he needed a second nose, he would have called to tell you he grew a second nose. It's all a game, so don't play.
Aug 27 - 8AM (Reply to #14)
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Thanks

Thanks all. ... sorry for being snivelly but I am suffering acute anxiety and this has tipped me over the edge! Yes. .. hit the nail on the head, he knew that would push my buttons because of saying if I had met him before he ws made redundant it would all be different. .. if only all of me realised that he had already started behaving badly, might feel better. How on earth have I ended up thinking my own life is worthless without him in it? !
Aug 27 - 7AM (Reply to #13)
CarolKittyGale (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Totally agree MsVulcan500

I totally agree with you MsVulcan....they love to instigate a reaction.
Aug 27 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
Used
Used's picture

alibi10

he has not won you have. every time they get in touch ,for what ever pathetic or trivial resean they have lost. not you and he is not laughing at you ,he has nothing to laugh about, exn, used to tell me, after he did something like thiswith me how much he would regret, what he called the weekness that made him lower himself to do this crap.xxx
Aug 27 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
savvylady
savvylady's picture

RE: alibi10

AHHHHHHHH now I know why he called me yesterday..Just confirms my original post from this morning..I still feel good! I think I'm going to go to the beach today :)!
Aug 27 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

savvylady

good for you have a great day,u were suppose to say to him, i was crying for you, so glad you didnt. as clint eastwood WOULDNT say. you didnt make his day.lol
Aug 27 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
Janet
Janet's picture

Agreeing with all of the

Agreeing with all of the above posts. 8 months ago N told me he was "moving on", moved in with new girl posted about how filled with joy he was on twitter... It ate me up inside. I felt like I was the poison and source of negativity. Pretty close to the great point where I just don't care what he is doing. I DO know in the last 8 months he has been arrested for a DUI and has continued to do some major drugs (all while being a great dad ..please read sarcasm). He might be playing happy now - in a while you really wont care. He will continue to repeat this cycle and hurt people but YOU will have learned and really moved on to a much better place. Peace. J

Peace. J

Aug 27 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Terrible urge

..... to call or text and ask him why he did that. Must not give in so writing it here
Aug 28 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
tica
tica's picture

feel your pain

Alibi, it really helped me to read your post..after 11 weeks of NC, the XN called me and I saw his name on the phone and walked away from it..of course 5 minutes later I was checking to see if he left a voicemail, which he did not ..but EVEN that set my stomach topsy turvy...it is so important to IGNORE these N's...all night I wondered what he was up to...I am once again obsessing over him..it sucks!! And i am still so sick that I ws kind of pleased that he called...I really have problems..but I am sticking to NC and glad I am..I just thought I was getting better, but it still is so hard..so please do whatever it takes, but do NOT give him any attention, these types are sick predators and damaging to us...don't say ANYTHING to them..his birthday is next week, so I bet he is contacting all his supplies..really it's so obvious when I think clearly, but that is when he is out of my mind! I keep hoping that day will come when he isn't in my thoughts..fortunately I don't see him because we are in different countries..but always just a phone call away to suck me back in..not today!!!! one day at a time...
Aug 27 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

alibi10

he did it to get you in the state you are in now. should you text him, it will be all of his christmas come at once. to write here is so much better. he done it for no reason except attention. and he has been on your mind since. job done. so just dont let him know that.xxx
Aug 27 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Resisted. ..... but. ..

Have just got home to empty house. .have empty heart but head full of that laugh. ... just want this pain to go awa
Aug 27 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
Used
Used's picture

alibi_10

it will love ,it will. he has been waiting hours and hours for your responce. no responce. totally deafening to him. his day was well and truly f..ked. good girl.love used and he wont be laughing now, he wasent anyway, its all show, my n could bellow with laughter and stop in an instant, and i would look at his eyes. no change at all.