Did anyone elses n's do this?

would actually "listen" for a bit. When he was sick of hearing about my life, he'd say "It's always about you, constantly, always about you!" UGH!

When I was mourning my grandfather (my freshman year), the ex-Psych prof would mock me IN CLASS, and engage in suicide ideation, telling me "if you're so unhappy, why don't you kill yourself?" Since he thought I was going to get a huge inheritance, he suddenly started proposing marriage. I'd be upset in class, and in class, he'd say in a condescending way that I was "going to a therapist to learn how to manage my feelings." He thought my grief was incredibly funny. Yet he claimed I was humorless&victimizing HIM!!! I got the pity party invite, despite the fact he demonized me for grieving my grandfather. During my final D&D my senior year, he'd reduce me to tears. Publicly. He wouldn't comfort me. He'd either stand there cold&emotionless, or he'd have a huge grin of pleasure. Mind you, the ex-P was my TEACHER, not a boyfriend or husband. He'd also rage at me if I were smiling&happy--so if your Narc LIKED seeing you happy, you got off lucky! He'd snap at me to "take him seriously", claim that my laughter was of the Devil. It was OK for him to smile when he was reducing me to tears&publicly humiliating me, but if *I* was smiling when doling out intentional narcissistic injury, he'd command me to STOP SMILING---well, I wouldn't obey him. In the end, I was as apt to obey him as a willful toddler.

But feigned doing the right thing - sometimes - and other times grossly neglected me like a crazy person. Only one time did I totally break down and cry to him that I could not take his behavior any longer. I have posted this before because it is so weird. He held me in his lap like i was a child (he is a big guy and a father) and wiped my tears away (the right thing to do to fake comfort) but he was totally disconnected, said very little except that he would try to do better. He made no improvements. He did not cry when his sister, who he was very close to, died and never spoke of her again. he threw me out in the cold with the flu once (I am very slim and was very ill) and he only begrudgingly brought me fluids once when I was home alone sick and too dehydrated to drive to the store - he was just freaking weird after 10-12 years. He only said sorry once when he cursed me for sharing my personal problems once - he said everyone has problems and since I had a job I should never complain... He abandoned me with no explanation after 10 years - moved for a job and partied off... He never had any understanding of his own weird silent treatments - he was just lost... But he had an extremely sweet side too - I think his mom doted on him, over bonded and ruined his ability to grow as a person - then he was rich and high profile after the age of 21 - he is 55 now and I am the only real GF he ever had - lots of affairs, no attachment - including me - he seemed to miss me in June, a year after the abandonment but is silent again. Unrelated, i saw a pic of him on the internet July 1, 2010 in new city, judging a contest. Well, he was still living here June 25, 2010 when he dropped me to the airport not telling me he was about to move across the country! he emailed July 3 that he had left for a job interview when really he already lived there - i think he planned the move to be when i was gone on vacation to avoid sharing the news with me - that is nuts - he does not care that he devastated me and kind of reminded me of a ghost when I saw him. he acted like he was still my BF - all very weird - he went back to be a celebrity...but it is off his feats as youth - he never developed any adult skills but schmoozes well - I am still freaked out a year later that there are humans so unfeeling - it is just FREAKY!!!

When his life was going good. I think it made him feel wanted, needed. But oh boy, when things went bad with his business and he started bs with OW.... Then he was a huge bastard! I would talk about how I would nit want to be in the triangle and I was removing myself because ( insert all my intelligent reasons here ) and he would profess "'I have feelings too"' " nobody cares about my feelings" Really? You lying cheating scum has feelings? And during the horrible off/ on time and drama he would never want me to bring up OW or the situation bc it was "rehashing" I was supposed to forgive and forget like nothing happened and no reparations had ever been made.. Oh, and I was also supposed to trust and adore him again too!!! The OW and I got in a habit ( this is awful and embarrassing) of calling each other when we caught him w the other.... He kept saying he was breaking up with each of us but was lying... So I would see his car at her house after he had been with me fir a few weeks and going to counseling... Then I would text or call and let her know. He probably loved it a little ... 2 women fighting hard for him... But the kicker is he would say that I was the "hurtful one and that I was ( get ready....) Spreading the pain" Hahahaha !! Sick jerk!!!

My N actually started yelling at me when I started crying during a fight. It seemed to infuriate him when I showed any emotion. The last fight we ever had, I was coming home from a terrible day at work and called him in the car and said I was just going to my home and sleep it off b/c I was in such a bad mood. He acted all sweet and told me to come to his place, and we'd open a bottle of wine. He promptly picked a huge fight. Definitely loved to kick me when I was down. It was constant. It was okay for him to mope around and be depressed, but the second I needed support, he saw the weakness and went in for the kill. It's exhausting to have to be "happy" all the time and supportive when he needed it. I hated never being able to be myself....constantly walking on eggshells. The are all the same....so glad I found this forum. It's nice to see I am not the only one.

This could all be xnh. They're all SUCH clones. Xnh would home in and attack me, ESPECIALLY when he knew I was hurting. My crying and pain just made him more aggressive and angry. One time, I was sick in bed (I have serious health problems), and xnh went into a rage and told me that he wished I would just go die and get it over with. He was angry that I was sick(again), and I didn't want to go camping with him over the weekend. Narcs LOVE to kick a person when they're already down. Somehow they seem to think that tearing someone else down helps to build themselves up (only in their own minds). In reality, they're just cruel, self-centered assholes. Huge hugs.

whenever I was upset about something, called her on her callous hurtful behavior or tried to discuss anything about our relationship I was called IMMATURE

I've posted this before a while ago, but I was amazed to find that The Ice Queen of Narcnia's attitude was that other people's problems were not his concern. Moreover, he considered this to be an enlightened attitude to have, that made him stronger and better than mundane, normal people. I find it fascinating, looking back, that from my point of view he is missing an important part of his mind/soul/personality and yet he thinks this is something to be proud of.

My N used to tell me that I drop all my problems on him all the time... Yes, it was because they were MY problems and not his... God forbid, his problems were always HUGE and I must have all the answers... Damn Jacknuts anyway!

Whenever I was upset about anything my ex was emotionally unavailable. Unless of course I was talking about my husband, and then he was all ears and wanted to know the details. I was upset that I didnt get into a Masters program and was in the middle of a chat with him about it. He logged out!!! I guess it was his way of telling me he doesnt give a f###!!!

Once the Narc threw me off the couch and I landed hard on my back on the hardwood floor. It knocked the breath right out of me, I was stunned (for a number of obvious reasons) and then started to cry. He just sat there on the couch. He said "you ok?" with a cold 'I don't really care about the answer" attitude as I lay there in pain crying. He then told me that it was my own fault and that he hopes I learned my lesson. Yeah, I got your lessons schmuck. I got all of them now you sick f*ck. NC...day number 4 for me!

gosh that sounds so familiar.... I was called a 16 year old. and once he made fun of my tears...i started to cry instead of fight back.. he has told me that he cannot cry anymore.... he cried when this one girl left him to go back with her bf... but never since then.

reading all the comments it it like WOW, when i was staying at my narcs place, after my house sold and I did not know where to move to, he said I could stay with him for a while, it should have been forever, but anyway I was crying in a bedroom, feeling so uncertain and alone about my future and he comes in and tells me all the things i should be grateful for, roof over my head, food on the table,he ddi not even put his arm around me or hug me or say hang in there, things will get better for you, nothing, no emotion, it was horrible. I later asked a therapist and he said he can not stand to get in touch with that side of him he has disowned, the empathy locked within him plus all the other kinder emotions, like joy, happiness, etc.he doesn't have the emotional capability, it is shriveled up, dead inside of him,make sense to anyone?

My dad is dying from Stage 4 Brain Cancer, and the N has decided he now needs the single life and to "have fun", dumping me when he knows my dad has weeks to live. He arrived home at 6 am from partying today. I see how much he cares a few hours ago we were breaking up. After 5 years together... it doesn't seem like he cares much about my suffering, does it?