Did anyone elses n's do this?

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Aug 20 - 4AM
Gerri
Gerri's picture

Yes

Mine said tyo me stop crying like a baby! When he's been the knob. It's them who are the children! When I had a water infection (very painful) He proceeded to tell me how he'd had kidney stones when he was skiing and how he passed them and took no treatment - bull shit. Obviously to take the attention off the pain I was in, belittle/undervalue the pain I was in and to show how hard he was as he didn't take anything. Did he f**k have kidney stones in the first place.
Aug 20 - 4AM
Journey
Journey's picture

Yes

The worst times I experienced with my ex were exactly those types of situations. They didn't happen often, but he could never comfort me when I got upset if it had anything to do with him. He would get more withholding, mean, cold and would blame me for feeling hurt. Mine would also say that I should be more secure, confident or whatever for a woman 'my age'. Not so much accusing me of acting like a child, but definitely discounting my feelings and diminishing my confidence.

Journey on...

Aug 20 - 3AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Your post will help me

Your post will help me maintain nc today because you reminded me how he ignored my desperate please and tears when I could see our marriage collapsing and him with drawing and so so cold and he would just tell me to pull myself together and get a grip, that I was out of control and imagining things and that the only unhappy one was me. He denied my feelings and my reality for YEARS and I believed him. Thanks for reminding me We are worth so much more Traci x
Aug 20 - 12AM
blindfaith
blindfaith's picture

yes

Mine always said he cared,but his behavior contradicted it. When we were new and I'de be crying,he used to put his arm around me and be sweet,but by the time we had been together about a year--he egnored my tears. I was there for him whenever he went through something,but the few times i needed him there for me, he shamelessly refused.One of those times was after my dad died. I snapped at him one night over the phone saying "I really couldve used your company today." That was a day when he had nothing to do,and had said we would get together.It was a few days after my dad passed away,and i was in a dark,lonely place that day. So he snapped back,then calmed down (so i thought) and said he was coming over that night. When he got here, instead of being comforting and supportive,he got some digs in.Made a remark suggesting that i shouldnt be grieving cause he thought i wasnt close to my dad. Then when i was talking about something in my ulagy,he said "Ive seen your ulagy already,but i would be interested to see your sister's." (trying to make me feel unimportant.) I remember the look on his face that night when we were sitting in the coffee shop and i was trying to connect with him. He looked so bored and disgusted.... He was never really there for me at any times....even when he was sitting next to me. A few days before my dad passed away,when my family was all gathered around his bed, my boyfriend stood far away from me. Then when we left the hospital and started walking to my house he says "I dont mean to make this sound like its about me but..." then proceeded to tell me how HE felt about my dad dying, and how being in a nursing home environment affected HIM.....they are not capable of feeling our pain i dont think. If he needed me, I could never shut him out.I took care of him in many ways,many times. But if i needed him to be there, then i got a speech on co-dependency.
Aug 20 - 12AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

The "switching the light

The "switching the light off"comment, was probably the only truthful thing he ever said to you unfortunately. Man, talk about cold as ice! Ouch! Although he would NEVER say he was sorry nor admit he was wrong. He would get sooooo angry at me, not speak to me and then later profess that he has NEVER EVER been mad at me, ever. I would sit there and say "what?"........that's honestly all I could say the first couple times........too funny. Stay NC, your doing great! Of course your feeling a little down tonight. NC can be challenging, not some times, most or all of the time. Whenever I felt down, I think back to the first "red flag" moment...........I get so damn frustrated with myself and it helped me to not "want him" at that moment. LOL It worked for me! Stay strong my friend. Its a long road but one very much worth traveling!
Aug 19 - 11PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Oh my....

that seems so common! Mine loved my displays of emotion. He got off on it. He'd feign that he understood or was supportive, but was off about himself a minute or two later. he could have cared less. When he felt I was onto his lack of support though, he'd suck up by buying me something. LOL! Anyway, during the times I was most emotionally upset, he enjoyed it the most. some psychos are really sadistic that way. Mine surely was.
Aug 19 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Mine would buy me something too or give me money

Even if it was something small. WTF? Lol
Aug 19 - 10PM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Sounds exactly like my N

To a T, even the part about the light switch. He used to say that he would imagine a big light switch that he could turn off or on to control his thoughts and emotions. He made me cry a couple of times and then feigned compassion for a second or two before ordering me and ridiculing me. He used to say "Women are a dime a dozen." He would say he runs women off and never looks back. My tears gave him reason to devalue me, mock me, try to teach me a lesson. It was like he saw it as his duty to toughen me up. The thing is, I only cried in front of him a couple times, and it was in the end, when he was very mean and cold. I'm not even the cry baby type, so go figure. I think it's about control. Mine saw himself as a teacher/master, and that he knew more than most, including me. They are just arrogant a**holes. They have to put us down to feel good about themselves. (((Hugs)))
Aug 19 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
O2bfree
O2bfree's picture

Oh my gosh caligirl, you just

Oh my gosh caligirl, you just described my n to a T also! My n also told me women were a dime a dozen. He always told me he was trying to toughen me up if I cried or felt sad. He was very mean and cold if I ever needed comfort. They are a**holes. Hugs.
Aug 19 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

O2bfree

Maybe it is the same guy! Lol. Wouldn't that be weird? Ok, was your's in TX or NM? You never know. Thanks for the hug. :)
Aug 19 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
O2bfree
O2bfree's picture

Not in either of those

Not in either of those states, but you sure had me thinking the same thing! Here are some more of his famous things....he would tell me a hole is just a hole, he would ogle over all the women when we were out, he always said he 'loved em all', he loved giving the silent treatment...I could go on and on. What a jerk he was. Hugs!
Aug 19 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Yikes, O2bfree

Mine loved the silent treatment too and hanging up the phone. Jerk! He used to brag about his big d!ck and how much control he had on it. He wanted me to say it was so big. He was so insecure!
Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Hope
Hope's picture

Light Switch...

My x would tell me to just switch my feelings off like a light switch, if I had a bad day at work, etc. he would say just switch it off...
Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Hereforme
Hereforme's picture

My dad said ....

..."snap out of it!" I think a typical narc response since it is not suppose to be about you, ever! Even if you are a little girl... Yeah...right they can switch it off because the true feelings are never ON! They can't relate at all. They are not like us. Human fully functioning that is...
Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Hope

Problem is their light is never on. Hunter
Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
Hereforme
Hereforme's picture

Hunter...

so right...!