Cursed

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 9 - 7PM

seancunningham

Cursed

So, for the past 2 weeks I've been feeling happy and thought I was over it all. Just found out that N is happily partnered with someone I was interested in. Why is this bothering me??

I guess I feel left behind. Seems like everyone I know has got someone. All of my friends are coupled. It never bothered me before. I know N will eventually get bored and will cheat on this person. But somehow I'm not getting satisfaction from that fact. I think he was cheating with him on me. It bothers me that he's a a-hole and is getting what he wants. Here I am a somewhat good person, I do what's right, I live the golden rule...but I get the depression....he gets the happiness.

Was I just being used until this other person became available? I'm just feeling totally defeated. I wish I could cry...but I haven't done that since childhood.

No, I'm not going to do anything desperate....it's not my style. I'll ride out this bad period. But where's the justice? I feel as if I'm paying for past sins because nothing is going right at the moment. My life was going great before I met N. I feel as if N cursed me with horrible luck. I hate to sound dramatic...but WTF???

Thanks for listening,

Sean

#2 Apr 12 - 3PM

seancunningham

Relief

I just want to say AGAIN, you guys are fantastic!!! I consider you all friends. We share a common bond. It's so great. This site has really been a lifeline for me. When I couldn't figure anything out the posts gave me strength. Well, an update! Found out N is NOT seeing one of our friends as I was told. Turns out it's a complete stranger. I'm relieved. At least N isn't playing around our calling circle. It's like a giant weight is off my shoulders. I find this a huge reason to move on. Not sure why I'm happy about it....but I am. It's given me the peace I needed. Now, I don't even feel left behind. Maybe it's because N isn't with someone I was interested in. That was killing me. Saw N driving on the road today, going in the opposite direction. No heart pounding, no excitement, no nothing. I turned up the radio and sang along! In a way it was validation that I'm over it. No, I won't forget what N did. N is still an N. I feel badly for new person, but it isn't my problem any longer. Maybe N has smartened up....maybe he's genuinely happy and it will last. Naw, I doubt it.

#3 Apr 10 - 3PM

seancunningham

Thanks All !!

Just want to say thanks to you all. I'm in a better frame of mind today. I needed the words of encouragement. It's been a hard 3 days. I don't think this new person is going to take it for long. He's a smart egg. The pretty package of gifts, food, flowers and candy, will make way to lies, disappointment, cruel treatment and heartbreak. The screenplay is just unfolding. N is on his best behavior at the moment, setting the trap. He's probably being overly attentive (again). Making new guy feel like he's never felt before. Then will make him feel like a giant intrusion. Does the script ever change? Yes, it seems I was the safety net...until Mr. Perfect came back and N could weasel his way into his heart. Makes me sick that he was meeting him while he was seeing me. Probably told him he was single. He'll do the same to him when he tires of him. He told me he was addicted to sex during our exit interview. The spinning plate example is perfect. What a way to live.

#4 Apr 10 - 9AM

Rene Guynes

new "newest girlfriend

My counselor told me I should stop reading this stuff, but it as though I need constant validation. It hurts so much he has the big 2,000 square foot house, Harley, boat, money to travel. Oh and he just got a new red corvette convertible I have to see him driving around in. I wasn't even out of the house when he was with someone else and match.com. He is not with her now, he has a new girlfriend (victom)I saw picture with him at a 'family reunion' Oh they all look so happy. And there is pictures with the new girlfriend and his mother. He once told me he hated his mother. We were engaged and I told him I didn't want to be to get married. Well of course, that hurt is ego and he was already looking. Never I love you, want can we do to make it work. It was me. He starting talking to me like he did his mother which was horrible. His last email he said he had finally found out what true love was about. I keep telling myself he hasn't know love in 45 years and he found it in 3 weeks. I also talked to his x-wife. Oh that got him. Atleast she confirmed how horrible he was to her. Im rambling. Here I sit on my first week of vacation writing about this. I just want my 'happy go lucky" self back.

#5 Apr 10 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

woundedsoul36

It's all a facade, a front,

It's all a facade, a front, an illusion, a mirage for the world to see. They are liars, some more subtle than others by lying by omission he isn't happy. he'll never be happy..he can't feel that he is just trying to quiet that self hating, vicious, destructive inner true self voice that is constantly screaming inside.. he is just an empty shell

#6 Apr 10 - 8AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

where is the JUSTICE??!!

how is it that these predators destroy lives and stroll away humming a tune with ZERO consequences???..... how is it that they manage to use US to pay for THEIR sins?.... what a PIECE OF SHIT!!...no doubt Sean that you were just being used as 'emergency rations'... and how damn INSULTING is that?...and yet..we're supposed to just 'get over it'..... we've been raped and pillaged and plundered in the worst way...and everyone just shrugs it off.... and we're made into the villains for holding grudges against these poor souls..... they are worse than bad luck....they're like CANCER.... and yeah Sean...you need to cry and rage and scream....because that's the human thing to do....

#7 Apr 10 - 5AM

Healingnow

If you don't cry

Hi, If you don't cry you may as well give up on your life now. You will never ever heal if you don't grieve properly. How can you expect your body to hold all that pain and still function. Physical ill health will only come from that not healing in any form. I haven't stopped wailing for years. I've been doing it a lot lately. Why should your body be different from mine with the exception of the male/female gender parts i assume we all have the same hearts and other organs. The greiving process doesn't only apply to one gender!

#8 Apr 10 - 9PM (Reply to #6)

ForeverLearning

I Agree - Sean, You Should Give Crying A Try

Sounds weird, I know, I know! Hear me out. You may have to fake it a few times (crying) - just go through the motions, make the sounds and facial expressions. Into a towel to muffle the sound, if you have to. While alone in your bathroom or bedroom. That's how I cry when I get feeling like it, so the kids don't hear. Here's why I say you should practic crying and even 'fake' cry a little bit, since its been SO LONG since you cried (since being a kid, and I believe you are now in your 50's) - because I believe Healing Now is right - you could benefit from having several good crying episodes, to get some emotion out. And the reason I say, do some 'pretend/fake' crying - I read an article about people who had a hard time laughing. They were encouraged to practice laughing, even if it was FAKE - by themselves, and later they did it in groups! - it was to develop their ability to laugh. My family never laughed much, I can see this being applicable/helpful to people coming from families like the one I grew up in. I have had to really develop my ability to laugh. My parents had not mastered, simple laughter. It was all work, work, work when I grew up. So I figure, maybe practice trying to cry a few times. It is a healthy emotion, you need to embrace it. Just don't freak out, if once you do actually cry, you cry ALOT. I assume it could be like a dam breaking for you.... if you havent cried in so long. Yes you can actually cry most of the day for several days over severe trauma, I have done it. It's exhausting and your eyes will swell up. But, in the long term and big picture, it will help you heal. Just my 2 cents. All the best to you Sean!

#9 Apr 9 - 10PM

ForeverLearning

Healing Is Never Smooth Sailing, Nothing Is

Healing is not smooth sailing, nothing in life is. You are going to have your emotional ups and downs, ESPECIALLY when you discover/receive new information such as what you just learned about him dating someone you know. That poor soul who is with him now..... nothing but grief headed their way. You know, it's easy to become aggravated thinking about how everyone else is happy and 'living it up' in seeming coupled bliss whilst one is alone. But truly, we don't know all the ins and outs of how others are feeling in their 'relationships', nothing is ever perfect. It's best not to spectulate and/or become envious of others. The truth is usually far from the 'outside image' the casual observer sees. So it's best to just keep yourself busy, keep discovering yourself and your interests, get out, make new friends, join a cooking class or some other activity group, do something that forces you to learn something new, what ever - just get your mind off others. You will be much happier if you focus on something other than, other people's 'perceived' happiness in their relationships. Just continue to try to develop your own happiness levels. It can be done, especially in America and other free countries with so much to offer and such a wide variety of activities, hobby groups, etc etc! The sky's the limit, age and finances need not be a factor in getting busy with all the opportunites at our fingers to get out and meet new people and gain satisfaction from something as simple as volunteering and helping others. Kills several birds with one stone, keeping busy, distracting oneself from unhappiness, and meeting new friends / making connections/ contacts with others who may eventually introduce you to someone special you may be interested in getting to know better, should they be worthy of your time! All the best to you.

#10 Apr 9 - 9PM

seancunningham

Accepting

Wait a minute. I knew what I was getting into. He was a liar, a conniver, and extremely selfish. I knew. He made sure I knew. He admitted that he played around on the ex. Deep down I knew it was going to be short-term. I wouldn't be able to entertain him for long. Accepting these facts makes it a bit easier. I knew what I was getting into. He showed his cards from the start. Maybe I just had high expectations. He was just so damned charming. The clues he threw were obvious. I just needed to put them all together. He didn't lie about being a liar. He said he could tell anyone anything. Instead of sadness...perhaps relief. Is this sadness of my own making? Yeah, I think it is.

#11 Apr 9 - 11PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

Sean

I sincerely doubt you knew the depth of the EVIL you were getting involved with... sometimes they tell us that and we think "well, ok - he's being honest." There's no way for us to REALLY KNOW. At all! ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals

#12 Apr 9 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

loveofmylife

Sean

As hard as it is, just remember that you were "hypmotized" (ok, I just had a martini and for the life of me I can't spell this word!" You know it was a bad relationship - so leave it behind. That is my problem too - I see him with new women and I feel left out - I want to be the one laughing with him and going on weekend outings with him, and I get so discouraged and upset and lonely. But I have to keep reminding myself and you do too. This was not the right relationship. And it is better to be available and looking for the right relationship than to be stuck in the past, in a relationship that didn't work and wasn't right with a N and therefore an abusive person. So be thankful that you are available and you are clean to look for the right one. Don't waste your time on the bad one. And just start preparing yourself for the right one to come along (advise I need to take to heart myself)

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