It's all about outside image for these men. Narcissists have disconnected from their true self so much that they feel dead inside unless they are getting attention or validation from an external source.
One of the easiest ways of getting this kind of attention is to drive a fancy car or wear designer labels. Therefore, they are obsessed with their image and will spend tons of money on whatever they think they need in order to continue to get attention.
How can someone put out an image that they are 'independantly wealthy' and act like they are the expert in budgeting and saving money, but once you fall in love with them you find out they are in such bad debt they are close to bankruptcy?
How can you trick someone like that and get away with it?
I keep wondering the same thing. I think in my case I had somehow managed to live my life without encountering this kind of evil destruction up front and personal. Sure, we all had to deal with outside people who were possibly trying to cheat us, etc., but my core family was pretty honest and 'normal' about money. I thought my narc was sophisticated and financially astute because that's how he presented himself. I was a fool.
I know a narc who has totally stolen the trust fund of other family members (the parents foolishly made him executor)and hasn't worked an honest day in his life but for all outward appearances pretends to be a playboy. It is all part of the pathology.
Yep he would tell me that no one ever taught him how to be good with money, that his mom kicked him out so he never learned, that he didnt have as good of parents as me, blah blah blah.
When he finally had me go over his finances I noticed he was spending $400-$500 in late fews, over draft charges, or paying over the phone charges a month!
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
this is so funny because i think the main reason (aside from my pitiful vulnerability) that my exN latched onto me was because he wanted class and thought i could give it to him. It was a huge thing for him and referred to people all the time as to having no class or 'class wannabes' etc. It's ironic because in the big fights he would also call me a 'low class b*tch'. I finally gave up trying to tell him you don't buy class in a jar. He could never grasp the part about it being a product of having integrity and dignity.
He was too tight and too ghetto to ever spend the money on the real stuff so he always shopped for cheap knock offs and pawn shop buys. He bought a 30 yr old big 4 bdrm house despite there only being one of him and it still has the same disgusting carpet, floors, appliances and peeling wallpaper through out. But he has 3 (used) lexus' and a classic supra, a huge (used) motorcycle, a hundred watches (pawn shop or cheap knock offs) a ton of gaudy (pawn shop) diamond rings, a hundred leather jackets, multiple huge TV's and stereo systems with the wires hanging down all the old worn out painted walls. The list goes on and on. And, gotta love this, couple of years ago, he bought he and his 20 yr old son matching sportscoats for his annual xmas party and made his son wear it. It reminded me of the guy with the puppet. oh, yea, he had a ridiculous habit of pulling out his 20 different credit cards when we were out at dinner as if it was some badge of success while i sat there thinking what a goldmine for potential identity theft.
Now I think about how good I made him look and how stupid he made me look.
"the power couple!" thats what mine used to call us. i know that he was with me because i made him look good. he would tell his friends that no one was better than us together and that we could accomplish or buy anything. he meant that i could. he would also call me his partner in crime. yuck
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Image, Image, Image
so confusing
I keep wondering the same
pity
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
this is funny
almostlydia
"the power couple!" thats
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
his friends always called me