"Just remember, if you are feeling neglected, pushed aside, and "second rate" to others in his life....you are."
This is exactly how I felt. I remember when I first felt mine pulling away and his interaction with me on FB started slowly dwindling down to nothing, while at the same time he was interacting more with his other women "friends." I said to him, "I expect to at least be treated with the same consideration you give your friends. You ignore my comments but respond to theirs?" He went from being ALL OVER my page and "Liking" everything to nothing at all - zilch, zero. This was of course the beginning of the D&D that started and continued building until the final act.
Wow, exactly, same here too. I think we dated the same person, lol. Had women in many states I believe, esp CA and we are in MA. He traveled for work and most nights when he was away I wouldn't hear from him very much (3 hr time diff.). Its hard but comforting to remember when all this was taking place and I had no idea what was going on...that he was a narcissist even. I was living in his house temporarily. He picked a fight and disappeared for the day (2 days in a row)but came back by 4pm. I found a gift and a card in his car and briefcase but he said the gift was for his granddaughter. He once told me that he keeps in contact with all his ex-GFs so that when I'm with my kids and he is all alone (poor baby) he can call or text them to chat. I thought this was strange but never thought he was physically cheating until I caught him after I moved out and had to go back and get some of my stuff. He said she slept in the other BR cause she was drunk. He apologized, groveled, sent me cards and after 6 wks I took him back. Mistake cause he never changed, same behavior but insisted he never cheated..ever...another lie. Now 3rd time NC and this time for good now that I know he has this disorder, wish I knew 2 years ago....
My exN was married when we got together. I was very hesitant about it all at first, but he really pushed pursuing me. He was married for 12 years, and had a 4 year old child at the time. He came to my city for a business trip (we were friends, and hadn't seen each other in a while) and things happened from there. He had NO PROBLEM cheating on his wife with me (we didn't sleep together though for months, just kissing at first). She had no clue, and I felt so bad, but still, I continued it. At first, it was an emotional connection. we talked constantly, on the phone, text, email, etc. all day when he was at work, so she didn't know. he even set up a new email just so he could talk to me. Eventually, his wife figured it out, and he D&D'd her in a heartbeat. He had his new supply with me, and had zero empathy for ex Wife. In fact, he was just mad and annoyed that she dared show any emotion and feeling towards him. He just wanted her to "get over it."
We dated long distance for 10 months before I moved in with him. I have no idea if he cheated on me during that time, but he lived with his best friend and roommate after he left his wife, and his friend says exN never did any cheating on me during that time. However, the same friend told me, when he and I were having big discussions about the break up, that "once a cheater always a cheater." Probably warning me that you never know what he could've done to me in the future. I know the best friend has his own moral/respect issues with the Narc.
I know exN was working on his new supply while I was still living in his apartment waiting to move out. I confronted him on that, but it didn't really matter at that point. His favorite saying to tell people is "You don't have to stay together just because you're married (or dating)."
Clearly, that's his real view of committment. I know if we didn't break up when we did, I would've ended up like his exwife, D&D'd, with 10+ years wasted on him.
Wow!
Kev, that post just made me
Cheating and Narcs
My exN was married when we