The cheating narcs.....

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#1 Apr 28 - 12PM

Veronrose

The cheating narcs.....

I am curious to ask of the women on here that were/are married to a narc....did they ALL cheat? Is there anyone on here whose N did NOT cheat but displayed their narc-ness in the other perverse ways?
I guess I should also ask if there's anyone on here whose narc didn't cheat, whether they were married to him or not.
I am not married, but am really wondering about this.
Anyone?

~Veronrose

#2 Apr 29 - 6PM

findingmeagain

Heck yeah he cheated ! I

Heck yeah he cheated ! I found out he was trying to cheat with plenty of women. When i messaged his dumb married gf recently to warn her about his hoeing around. She just went and told him what i messaged to him and guess what he did ? ....Thats right he deleted his page to make sure his money source was happy . Wow I know I was kinda crazy for wanting him but this broad whoa ! DUMB as a doorknob

#3 Apr 29 - 5AM

Used

veronrose

to my knowledge my exnh never cheated on me.he was in every way a narc but never cheated,BUT when i told him it was over, he asked to remain freinds we had a lot of history, kids and grand children ,i said yes, he used to take me shopping, still had a key to my home,we went on holday together it was like we were still married but without sex or living together[i didnt relize this at the time tho]this went on for 13 years until i relized one day i didnt want to be freinds any more i changed my locks, deleted his number and told our kids i didnt want to be freinds with him any more[if i didnt want to be married to him why was i beign friends with him] that was 18mnths ago i dumped him, 12 mnths ago i was told he had been living with a woman for 11 years, all the time we were in contact HE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP. i was gobsmacked,so tho i dont believe he cheated in the marriage, it gave me food for thought lol, oh and i couldnt give A FLYING FUCK that he is in a relationship. after all i did'nt want him, if someone wants my SLOPPY SECONDS THEY ARE WELCOME TO THEMXX

#4 Apr 28 - 6PM

Arwen

Ha!

Would you like to know how sick my xN was? a couple of months ago, he invited (or allowed her to come) a "friend" from Pennsylvania (he has ALOT of female "friends" - don't they all?) who is in STAGE FOUR CANCER to stay with him at his home. He told me she slept on the couch! I said to him "why didn't she sleep in your bed and you sleep on the couch" to which he replied grouchily "I don't know". This is a married woman in stage four cancer with children. Can someone tell me why she was in his home? SICKOS

#5 Apr 28 - 6PM (Reply to #27)

Arwen

and I am married by the way

and I am married by the way so I am no way judging HER - I am only wondering what HE could have said to have made such an ill woman drive two hours to see him.

#6 Apr 28 - 6PM (Reply to #28)

Veronrose

OMG!!!! Stage 4 cancer

OMG!!!! Stage 4 cancer victim and she drives two hours to sleep on his couch!?!?!? WTF!!!! Are you sure this story is correct? What the hell could he have said to her?? And she has a husband and children!?!? What on earth could he have said to make this dying woman feel possessed to spend her last days with HIM!!!! OMG, just OMG!!!!! Patiencegoal, I'm just speechless.

#7 Apr 28 - 7PM (Reply to #29)

Arwen

Veronrose can you believe

Veronrose can you believe it?? What the hell could he have said to have imposed himself upon this woman? It's SO sick I shake to think about it.

#8 Apr 28 - 7PM (Reply to #30)

Veronrose

No, NOOOO, I CAN'T believe

No, NOOOO, I CAN'T believe it!! That is just so unbelievable. I'm sorry, but I think there is something wrong with HER too that she would leave her family under that circumstance. The fact that she had such a dire need to be with HIM instead of her family is very, very sad. That is the ULTIMATE brainwashing. I can't even fathom leaving my kids during my last days....for ANYONE!!! PG, that's a very sad story.

#9 Apr 28 - 11PM (Reply to #32)

Arwen

Veronrose...it is a crazy

Veronrose...it is a crazy story, and I was not there, and maybe she did not have sex with him, but he is a criminal so maybe he needed money. Or maybe she is another cerebral source of supply to him. Who the hell knows? The point that flipped me out the most was that he could even admit that he put a woman with cancer on his couch!!! and yes it is so sad that she drove out there. There had to have been a former relationship with those two. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!

#10 Apr 28 - 8PM (Reply to #31)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

This struck a chord with me

This reminded me of a point early in my relationship with the Narc, back in the beginning during the Honeymoon phase. As part of my evaluating whether I wanted to pursue a future with him or end it and work on my marriage, I asked myself this: If I knew I had one day left to live, who would I want to spend it with? The Narc or my husband? And my answer was, my Narc. How sad is that? But it was the truth. Now I didn't know he was a Narc at the time, he was still Prince Charming, I am not sick and I don't have children. But that was the barometer with which I measured which direction I wanted to go in my life.

#11 Apr 28 - 6PM

HopeAgain

I could never understand why

I could never understand why we would break up so freakin much! He would d&d me at the drop of a hat. But it's true...they are on the prowl for new supply. He would blame me for "pushing him away" as an excuse to break up and disappear for days & then swear that he wasn't with anyone else.

#12 Apr 28 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

ifinallygotit

Hopeagain

Yes.This is how is was for me too. We were not married but I was his longterm GF. He would silent treatment for almost no reason for a month. Say it was not for another woman, that he was just weird. Then he would be ok for a year or two.If they were cheating during silent treatment, I wonder why they stopped and came back to us? Maybe new GF's dumped them? I always believed him that he was not cheating because he was so weird emotionally. But now I can see he was a player struggling to be in a committed relationship with me - it was so hard for him... I wish I got out years ago before my 50's...

#13 Apr 28 - 5PM

mystwoman

Yes, xnh cheated. When he

Yes, xnh cheated. When he D&D'd me, he was cheating with a former girlfriend who had cheated on HIM years before. He, also cheated on his first ex-wife with this same former girlfriend during their marriage. When xnh cheated on me with the former girlfriend, they were BOTH married. She's cheating on her current husband to diddle xnh. I'd say xnh and this former girlfriend are probably a "matched set" when it comes to cheating. In addition to the former girlfriend, xnh was cheating emotionally (and probably physically as well) with his first ex-wife. She's NEVER left his life in the entire 16 years that I was with him. They're "friends". rofl. I, also, suspect there were at least two other women that xnh was probably emotionally (or more) cheating on me with. One was a "cute little thing" that used to work with us, and the other was the wife of a mutual friend. Xnh and I broke up, at one point during our relationship, because the mutual friend had to leave town, and one night while I was staying at my sister's house, xnh spent the night with this guy's wife to "protect her". Apparently she was scared to be alone, and her husband wasn't there. Awwww. Poor baby. Not. I probably don't know about all of the times xnh cheated on me, and actually at this point, I don't really WANT to know either. It would just cause me to hate him more than I already do (if that's actually possible). lol.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#14 Apr 28 - 6PM (Reply to #23)

Veronrose

Oh boy....I think I need to

Oh boy....I think I need to start a new thread called "Whose Narc DIDN'T cheat"...but there'd probably be NO RESPONSE.

#15 Apr 28 - 4PM

victimnomore

Serial Cheater!

The stbxhn/p was a serial cheater. He cheated emotionally and physically but I never wanted to face the truth. He remained friends with every ex-girlfriend that he had. Now that i now about narcissism I know that they are his supply. We have a 25 year marriage (currently going through divorce) and I believe he cheated the whole 25 years. I have always felt insignificant in this marriage. Everyone else was important to him, if they called he went a running . LOL! He was very secretive and always had women on the side. WOW! not a good way to live! Glad it's over

victimnomore

#16 Apr 29 - 8PM (Reply to #21)

Redhead1

Same here VNM

#17 Apr 28 - 2PM

strongerthanever

Emotional affairs were the

Emotional affairs were the norm. Secrets. Keeping other women as secrets or not telling others he was actually engaged or living with me. Denying I existed is cheating IMO. 3 days after our 1st breakup, the married woman he kept secret from me and who he confided to and she did the same crying about her boring marriage, they made out. And he tried to convince me when he came crawling back months later that he didn't cheat. He would get online with eHarmony and talk to other women, breakup with me, go out on dates, i would beg, he'll stop talking to them, we were together again. Then out of the blue again, he would breakup. So, he many not have been actively talking or seeing those women while in my bed, living in my home, but the day after he broke up, he was back online. To me, when your heart is not there, thinking about those other possibilities, it is emotional affair. Longing for another who you are not with, is cheating. Isn't this one of the Ten Commandments? Starting up "friendships" with other women while using me for a soft place to land, is cheating to me. And if this became an arguement, then downgrade it to being deceitful and not honest. All in the same boat to me.

#18 Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #18)

kevsmart

Amen Stronger than Ever

Since we were a gay couple, my ex felt the normal relationship values did not apply to us. A year after we moved in together, he wanted an open relaionship (knowing that is not in my values.) Of course, before we moved in together, he was all about monogamy and even getting married at some point (something he completely denies...) Anyway, he had many "close" guys friends that I became jealous of. He would never allow me to hang out with them because it would "change the dynamic." My ex had an emotional affair with a fellow musician. he went to Chicago to visit him for a weekend after I expressed my concern about it. He assured me they were only friends...of course I later found an e-mail in which my partner expressed his "love" for the singer...and not just as a fan... When I broke up with him, he BEGGED me to come back to him saying he was only trying to get the singer to write a song about him...(Not only was I a victim, but the singer as well.) Like an ass in love, I gave him a second chance. MONTHS later, I saw a comment on Friendster from the singer congratulating my ex on his "new" relationship with me...we had been together almost a year...even after the break-up, he continued a friendship with the singer and NEVER even told him about me! You are right...it's all the same. And someone who truly loves us would NEVER compromise those values.

#19 Apr 28 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

strongerthanever

Yep. Doesn't matter if you

Yep. Doesn't matter if you are gay or not. Relationships are based upon mutual respect. Period! I didn't meet 1 friend during the 1st yr!!! WTF?! Because one, he had none; two, they were women he was flirting with; three, they were ex's and wanted to keep the door open. Now, one of the married friends I caught them sexually emailing each other, I met her 2 yrs later once he had to announce our engagement. After the final D&D, I emailed her and told her how when I read the email, I got up and gagged in the toilet. Kind of like Elizabeth Edwards when she found out about her husband affairs (she threw up). I also told her that when I first started to date the N, when I asked to meet her, he told me, "dont think that'll be a good idea. she still has feelings for me." Um...she just got married?! But, I kept pushing and he kept making sure we didn't meet. But now, this cheater is now friends with his wife. That is a blow since I tried to be friends (keep your enemies close) with this lady and she even stabbed me in the back, even AFTER I caught her flirting with my man. I guess she wanted to prove her alliance to the N by doing this. I told her that I was going to surprice the N and the kids with a trip to a lodge. Well, she announced the next week to the N, "I have an idea! Why don't we all go to blahblahblah." Oh you bitch! He came home and told me and I told him that I mentioned it as a secret to see what she would do. And obviously, she is willing to stab me. Whether this married cheater demanded to meet the soon-to-be-wife or he decided to have them meet because after the breakup and her getting my email, he told me their relationship has changed and he blamed me...I don't know how it went down. But, knowing it took me 2 yrs to meet a "friend" and it took this woman less than 6 months, is hurtful. Maybe he decided to make "changes" and be honest and open as if saying, "see, i am not hiding my friends. there is nothing going on. we are not sexually attracted to one another and crossing the boundaries." It's all a lie, fake, and a joke. 20+ yrs of lying and cheating isn't going to change over night.

#20 Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

Veronrose

Strongerthanever, you are so

Strongerthanever, you are so right with everything you just wrote. Yours, like Terri's, seemed to break-up when feeling the need to go on the prowl for supply. I guess in their minds this was not cheating....because you were broken up. Yeah, they don't waste a minute do they? Sickening.

#21 Apr 28 - 2PM

jaycee

married to a pathological cheater for twenty five years

as a college graduate, i dont believe i can count as high as the number of affairs and one night stands my hN has had.........lol......seriously i dont think there was more than two months at a time, where he didnt screw someone or have an affair, most were sexual, and a couple were full blown emotional, left me, long term affairs, as the one he is having right now, he lives with this ow right now, prances all over town with her and continues to tell me he loves me and wants me everyday,,,,,,,,,those of you whose husbands didnt cheat, find yourself a little luckier than those who did on a constant basis, that humiliation is a tough cookie to swallow and each time it gets worse........good luck to you be well

Jaycee

#22 Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

dudette

and that's the guy

that you want back so much?

#23 Apr 28 - 7PM (Reply to #15)

rew72

Dudette

I want to save this post and read it every time I have a weak moment in NC - so funny and so true. So that's the guy you want back so badly??? Exactly. None of us would endorse our friends in a relationship such as the ones we have escaped/are escaping from, and yet, we struggle to separate from these Ns that have taken us from ourselves. My ex N cheated on his exwife while she was pregnant with their second child. He left that affair to begin another affair, then left his marriage because of that second affair. He left the second affair to date me. I remember asking him how he could get over the past relationships so quickly and his answer, which is classic: "I mourned while I was in the relationship." Whatever. So clearly, NO, this is not a guy I should want, and I will make sure to ask myself that exact question each time I think its getting hard. So much easier to leave than it is to stay.

#24 Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Lisa87

thats the guy you want back Jaycee?

Jaycee, hopefully your inner strength will carry you onward and NC....you don't deserve someone like that, none of us do. I recall reading your other posts that you are having difficulty moving on and letting go because of the OW, if he cheated on her with you he will cheat on her again. He is not happy but only for the moment and you need to let the chips fall where they may. There's an old saying "if you set something free and it comes back, it was yours, if it doesn't it never was" Also, I believe things happen for a reason, if something is meant to be it will be... hope that can give you some strength

#25 Apr 28 - 9PM (Reply to #12)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Except when it's a Narc!

"There's an old saying "if you set something free and it comes back, it was yours, if it doesn't it never was." - ROFL! I have to inject some humor here and point out that this is exactly what Narcs do! We set them free and they keep coming back, over and over and over! And we mistakenly believe it's because they love us so much and can't live without us. That's what we think in the beginning anyway, until we realize they're just hoovering for more supply and another D & D. But they will never be ours and never were.

#26 Apr 29 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

Lisa87

Oops LOL - set it free and if it comes back........my bad

Oops, had a brain freeze when I replied, thinking about a "normal" relationship that we never had with our N's, don't know what I was thinking, lol, yes I've set mine free and he always keeps coming back (not anymore now). Damn sickos, it sucks that they are all the same and sometimes I feel like I dated the same man as a few of you have described. Just wish I knew about all the women but then I probably dont. Mine never bragged about other woman, even after we broke up 2x but he told me he wanted to be sexually "free" and that he would never ask me to do the things he was doing (but he did used to ask me all the time prior). Ugh, sexual deviant.

#27 Apr 28 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

Veronrose

Smitten!!! I've always

Smitten!!! I've always subsribed to that saying, but you're right!!! Ha!!! That's an old saying that is meant for a normal person....not these crazy loons..... :)))))

#28 Apr 28 - 12PM

terri

I may be kidding myself

I may be kidding myself but I don't think my exN ever cheated and had an actual "affair" with anyone during the years we were together. After being NC for several months however, I strongly consider the possibility that there could have been one-night stands from time to time. I was in a 9-year relationship with the narc (last 2 years engaged) and the pattern that developed over those years was that when things were going too good - and we weren't fighting about something - he would then pick a fight that would inevitably escalate into a break-up. Then he ALWAYS went on to pursue other women. Some of them were old girlfriends that he would re-establish contact with and some were new women that he would begin pursuing. His tactic was to NOT come on too strongly in the beginning and try to establish a friendship with them. Of course, during this time, he would stay in touch with me and tell me that he wanted "things to work out" but would always try to get me to do what he wanted - BE what he wanted - while at the same time setting up new supply. It was only this last NC that I found out through snooping through his FB and email that he ALWAYS stayed in touch with these other women and they knew nothing about me. This was easy because we were all in different states. He really had his method all work out - tested and perfected over the years. This is a hallmark of ALL narcs! It is impossible for them to be devoted and faithful to only one partner.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#29 Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

dudette

some are better thank others at hiding it

but I can assure you that having revisited many old situations when the N was not with me but with his kids, friends, work home etc....he actually was not with any of the above and I am sure of it now.... Mobile technology is a funny thing....it enables the worst of deceptions...

#30 Apr 28 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

Veronrose

Terri wrote: "This is a

Terri wrote: "This is a hallmark of ALL narcs! It is impossible for them to be devoted and faithful to only one partner". This is EXACTLY why I asked that question. I wondered if there was ANYONE on here that was not cheated on physically, or like Kev said, emotionally. Thanks for your reply Terri. It sounds like yours purposely picked fights so you would break up and he could go on the prowl. It sure does sound like he had his method tested and perfected! Ugh! xo V

#31 Apr 28 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

kevsmart

Cheating and Narcs

I think it's important to understand that there are MANY forms of cheating in a relationship. Even if a Narc is NOT physically cheating on you, there can be a strong element of emotional infidelity. I was a victim of this for years...my narc treated everyone he came into contact with as his best friend...except me. I felt like he had a completely secret life (which it turns out he did.) When I would question him on this, I was insecure and jealous (wouldn't anyone have been?) Just remember, if you are feeling neglected, pushed aside, and "second rate" to others in his life....you are.

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