blocked, called cops on N

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#1 Jan 30 - 4PM
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

blocked, called cops on N

I don't know if any of you remember me, I was extremely destroyed by my narc encounter: brief recap: 48 years old, left career, sold home, to move to be with who was so obviously my perfect mate!

7 weeks later, kicked out, financially cut off(he makes excellent money, and we had agreed I would not work). I have no family, and only "email friends" - who could only do so much. I was destroyed like never before, and I have toughed out a lot of things. I've been in this destroyed state for a full year now. Made a few friends here, but it doesn't replace having a family to go for real help.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you all that I got that job interview, the one it took 3 weeks for me to fill out the application (I have been really depressed an non-functional this year...)! It will take me far from N (who, of course, has never left me alone... even when I've tried so hard to go NC (around 100 NC failures and counting)), and is a wonderful job in my former career.

I've unfortunately been having trouble functioning normally (as I have all year), and progressing on this interview - I should be all ready by now, and have barely achieved anything (I have to give 3 lectures for interview!!)

As the clock ticks closer to my interview date, I realized that I had to step up the NC, or I was going to lose my one real chance to escape my year-long hell...

So, I deleted my email account, sent new account to future hopeful employers. I called the phone company, and paid the extra bucks to get them to block his number, and then when he (of course) immediately comes to my home (he is usually "too busy" if I actually need him to come...), although I did briefly let him in, still thinking perhaps he would say something "nice" - rather than upset me, which has been interfering so much with my studying. He of course merely said things that made me cry and be angry... I picked up the phone after 20 minutes of this (he was just standing inside the door) and I called 911. Once he heard I was really on the phone (I had already placed an order that he not be allowed to trespass, and would be arrested) with the police, he skidaddled fast.

So, he was not arrested. But, I'd never called before.
I don't think he'll risk coming again. But I spoke with the police when they came over, and next time, I will just let him ring and ring the doorbell, and I will sneak a call to 911 and hope to god this guy gets hauled off to jail...

This was all yesterday, and it was the strongest actions I had ever taken to really end it between us, forcing him to leave me alone. It was just, I knew I would blow the interview, if I didn't. I still may blow the interview, as I only have a little over two weeks to prepare, and have barely gotten anything done, I'm just not the same person I used to be, but especially his daily aggravations, would ruin the studying preparations completely.

I am writing you all today, instead of him!!

P.S. I also went on anti-depresants starting about a month ago - they have really helped me (except on days my N would call and be mean, then I would turn into helpless, sobbing jello on the floor for the next day...).

I think in my case, I've struggled with life-long depression and an abusive childhood and overall difficult life. My N destroyed me so completely, I feel like some on the board didn't get how bad off I was, and how unable to help myself.

Prozac and xanax helped me a lot. I am not recommending this for everyone, but maybe if you also have a history of depression, and are freakishly non-functional and destroyed by your N, this may be a thought. I NEVER thought I would take antidepresents (can't spell, sorry), yet I eventually became so suicidal, that it was them or my killing self - so I gave them a try.

If you are still reading. I am hoping there will be some energy and good wishes out there for me to pull off this interview I have coming up, it's a full two days long, and I have to give lectures!!!

Thanks all,
iwanttoheal

Jan 31 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Stop

This is a public forum.. The Narcs identiy must be kept confidential.. If you would like to share more narc info do it in a PM.. Hunter Lisa could be personally sued..
Jan 31 - 3AM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

LOL...I'm sorry...he's a

LOL...I'm sorry...he's a cartoon! He can't be real. LOL! He starts EVERYTHING with HIS name. His website is hokie and cheap. He's really set himself up as the self proclaimed expert on EVERYTHING! Girl...rejoice...you are going to be just fine! The reason you feel so devastated after he calls is because he DRAINS you. He's a vampire(he has to feed his hair!) Don't be his victim or his supply any longer!!
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #18)
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

love this

he is a self-proclaimed king, and so many people write him to agree! Women hit on him on facebook! I LOVE HEARING YOU MAKE FUN OF HIM! Thank you so, much. It helps lift my spirits.
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #19)
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

Only a Narcissist would

Only a Narcissist would aspire to grow up and have his own cult. He's a cult leader. You've escaped before he served the Kool-Aid!! RUN!
Jan 31 - 7AM (Reply to #16)
janemarie
janemarie's picture

Hahaha...a cartoon.... He is

Hahaha...a cartoon.... He is a freak show!!! Best of luck on your interview.... Do you want to get revenge on your Narc?? Rise above him and take control of your life....it's the only way to leave him in the dust....he wont know what hit him!!! xoxo
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #17)
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

Absolutely. BLOW THE DOORS

Absolutely. BLOW THE DOORS OFF HIM!! In terms of success in your field.
Jan 30 - 9PM
Run4it
Run4it's picture

Oh my.....

buckle down dear lady. Study. Ace those lectures and get the hell out of dodge! You can do this.
Jan 30 - 6PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Who cares how semi-famous he

Who cares how semi-famous he is, he is a narc, and a dangerous one at that. You need to stand firm in your conviction to stay NC from here on out. Here's a thought that may help. My N was ALMOST a career runner, raced all over the world, semi-pro? Who knows, but what I have come to realize is he is a legend, only in his own mind. Can I google his name and see his racing stats? Yes, but then again, I can see hundreds others too. My point is, he is SEMI famous, which means he didn't have it to go all the way as others did. Don't be deluded by his successes, he is nobody without supply, remember that. You must get your head in the game here and work towards this goal. This one thing, if you succeed, spells FREEDOM for you. It's time to bring on your A game and shake this loser once and for all. Can you see? This is your second chance. Not everyone gets a second chance. Imagine how wonderful your life will be if you get this job and never have to be harmed by him again. I am so sorry that you do not ave family to lean on, or friends where you are living right now. But you do have the support of your friends here at the forum. We want what is best for you and we share in your hopes and dreams. Your disordered, almost famous, abusive, psychopath doesn't, he only wants what's best for him. Stay close to the forum and reach out when needed, but most importantly, study away and prepare for your interview! We are all routing for you!
Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

thank you

I needed to hear from other's with semi-famous N's as well. Mine's got a radio program. I love the book by Thomas Sheridan on pyschopaths, because on the surface it seems like they have it all, and you have nothing (which certainly is true on the surface now...); but he, like you just said, says that the truth is that their lives are going down, down, down. While if you can break free, yours will go up, up, up... Would love to hear more if others can relate to having a famous, or semi-famous N. Mine's name is Jeff . Thank you personally for your encouragement, it means so much to me to know I'm being routed for.
Jan 30 - 5PM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I am so sorry

Wow! what a s--t head. How powerless he must feel now that he can't kick you around anymore. Your story is very much like mine. He used all the charm on me, invoking my sympathy,so misunderstood and mistreated in his 2 marriages and his 7 year engagement. He moved into my house a year into dating and bought a beach home that we were going to make our retirement nest. We are both retired young. He went to the place 2 weeks b 4 xmas, when my son was going to remodel my house. I began to notice him calling me less and not saying much when he did. He would ignore my texts and stopped saying he missed me. I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He replied sorta. He had begun dating online. He is very handsome and I'm sure it didn't take him long to hook up with that charm on overdrive. My mom & I were to leave in 2 weeks to spend the winter there. Then he sends me an email saying he's sorry but he thinks he didn't love me and besides I cooked, woke up and went to bed at times he didn't like. He was so cold. He said he is so sorry & cares so much about me. Let's be friends! I have had NC for 8 days now. I take ativan every morning due to the shakes and rapid heartbeat. I am getting much better tho. I have so much more time to do the things I gave up to spend more time with him. I pray that you don't overanalise(sp)this and beat yourself up. You may want to get a dog if you can. Carry pepper spray and air horn or whistle with you. I own a gun which I hope I will never need to use but it makes me feel safer. Hugs n attagirls to your courage and refusal to crawl in a hole.
Jan 30 - 5PM
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

P.S. from iwanttoheal

My N is a semi-famous guy. He has a lot of money, is verbally brilliant, and has many many adoring fans. I don't know if this is part of why I feel my N situation is 'worse'. He just has so much power in general. I feel like if he had just been a nobody with a normal job, I could have left him easier. His intelligence it seems makes him far more skilled at hurting and manipulating me. I told my counselor he had agreed (this was weeks ago) to leave me alone - go nc - until after my interview. She warned me that he probably does not really want you to succeed at the interview, because then he would lose his prey. She was absolutley right. He started emailing me, "are you okay? Let me know you are okay?" after just a day and a half. After clear agreement that there would literally be no contact, I even said, if I needed him, or there was an emergnecy I would call HIM! So, got sucked back in for weeks. I hope I haven't waited too long to really bring in the big guns and really go NC. Wish I had time to recover a few days, before working on preparations, cause going NC in itself is so emotional! Anyway, sorry for the long posts. Thanks. P.P.S. The N married me, that's why I believed he was committed to us being together for the rest of our lives - and thus why I left everything to move cross-country to live with him. I didn't want to leave that out! He quickie divorced within 4 months - threatening to destroy me financially if I did not immediately sign the divorce papers his lawyers wrote up. He had so much money, I was unemployed and needed every bit of my savings... Again, thanks to anyone who is actually reading all this!! I had no idea what a meaningless piece of paper a marriage license is, I had no idea he could just back out of it like that. I called free legal advice places, since I was left unemployed, I felt I should get some financial help for several months atleast - they all said, since the marriage was so short, I had no rights!
Jan 31 - 3AM (Reply to #9)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Got to ask...

Is that his real hair?
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

Yes!

And in that picture it is all nice and combed and styled. I get to see a big rat's nest most days... But we fell "in lurve" primarily over the phone. And if you listen to a xx he has a really nice voice and seems kind and intelligent. He's also xx years old now, and if you look at his picture on facebook, it was taken when he was xx and then photoshopped on top of that - aside from the hair, he looks pretty handsome. But he is not handsome anymore in real life. But he gets hit on a lot by women on facebook and through email... very annoying. When I first saw him at the airport, I was a bit disappointed, but we had talked so much, and he was one of those N's that makes you certain you've found your soulmate, I let that part be not too important. After moving in with him, I discovered he was actually a mean grumpy extremely untalkative guy. Until 7pm at night, he which something would switch over in his brain (that's how he describes it) and he is suddenly very charming and brilliant and interviews 3 guests in a row for 3 hours total. Then it's over, he shuts down. I've never actually got to experience myself the nice guy he seemed to be! I kept thinking, I want to be married to that nice guy? What happened. He was very mean in the beginning, in addition to completely ignoring me. I read and re-read all our emails up to our living together, where he swore how loving and safe and nurtured and appreciated I would be with him.... There was NO CLUE as t the complete turnaround in this man once I moved out. The books I've read about NPD and psychopaths, many women say the same: the romance of their life, then the marry or move in, and it totally changes... Thanks for your comment!
Jan 30 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
Hope
Hope's picture

Best of luck

Also wanted to wish you the very best of luck, you can do it, please let us all know how it turns out!!!!
Jan 30 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
Hope
Hope's picture

Gloria Allred

You should have called Gloria!!!
Jan 30 - 4PM
Fearless
Fearless's picture

praying for you

I am going to say a prayer for you and I wish you well in your interview. Hoping you get the job! If I can offer any advice from reading what you said... PLEASE RE-READ the section on NO CONTACT posted on this site. Seems like some of his attempts to contact you might be avoided...and also appears everytime you break contact (eg; briefly let him = breaking no contact) he hurts you with something he says. He can't hurt you if you don't let him. YOU HAVE THIS POWER...USE IT! You did very well with the changing email, blocking phone...all good things. Not judging at all...just want you to be well.

FeFe

Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

thanks

Thank you, fearless female. I will re-read the NO CONTACT section, I have certainly learned first hand that as EVERYBODY says on this board: contact = pain. It is odd how even a fume of hope will suck me back in - sorry I am so weak. I appreciate your prayers... Thanks so much for writing!
Jan 30 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Fearless
Fearless's picture

You're not weak

You are not weak...it just happens. Here is a hug ((( ))) for you and good luck with your next (and more successful) attempt at NC. I feel you will be amazed at the number of us on this site who have broken the NC plan we started out with. I feel like you have already made a step forward today by simply acknowledging and confirming Contact = Pain. You are going to be just fine! I know it. -fefe

FeFe

Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You are not weak

You are recovering from major surgery. You just had your heart ripped out. It has been 8 days since he dropped the bomb. Every night I write a reply to his "so sorry" e mail. I don't send him these letter. Every letter becomes shorter & less angry. It has helped me heal so much. Have faith. You are already stronger
Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

you are strong!

Thank you so much for your gentle words. I must commend you, however, for that takes ENORMOUS strength to write those letters and NOT send them! You are going to do GREAT! Best wishes, iwanttoheal