Asking for some prayers

Aaawww........it's so wonderful you have him at home! My ex psycho hubby of twenty years, had an uncle dying at home of cancer. His aunt (uncle's wife) was sooooo very tired. Respite care was given in the last year so she could have a break once in awhile, but she remained the whole time, other than that respite care by his bedside. Is this your Mom too? Anyway, as the time drew near, the last three weeks, she was tired, and no one in the family would provice respite care anymore (fear) because they knew the time was near. I was so surprised how many people fear death, watching it, contemplating it and such....anyway, so i stayed for those three weeks. I understood how the body breaks down as death nears and watching the patients closely for pain or discomfort. Really that's all that can be done...the last night he was alive, I couldn't sleep I knew he would be gone the next day. I don't' know how I knew, other than that he was at deaths door, but I just knew...he slept in a hospital bed in the living room. His wife slept on the couch that night. She was so frightened and so grieving knowing it was coming soon. I stayed awake the entire night, giving light bed baths (the sweating was amazing during the last hours), and just seeing to his comfort, while his wife slept in the same room,....soundly.. She was so very tired...is this what is going on with your Mom? While taking care of him during the night, and seeing her asleep on the couch close by, I had a thought about it that never left me. THey spent nearly thirty years together. They genuinely loved one another. This is what love looks like..and such a good example. It was OPPOSITE of what it looks like with a psychopath...I let her sleep until about nine that morning because her husband was faltering in breathing and we called hospice. He was uncomfortable. I knew it was close and I was honest with her about that. She cried a lot, but that was such a good thing for her! I felt such sadness...but God is good because i managed to hold it together...just in the knowing. It is SUCH a spiritual experience! It is about love and conscience..and kindness and giving...in some ways, death is like a labor, preparing for birth. it is SO painful through the process of labor, but the outcome is a new life...and so will be your father too, I'm believing that for him. Just like I believed it for my ex P's uncle too. The hospice Nurse came and we talked for a bit about his condition, what happened during the night. The nurse gave him a dose of morphine for the pain....encouraged Aunt to get something to eat in the kitchen....I looked over into the living room and he breathed his last breath. she didn't even notice his passing, it was that peaceful. The hospice nurse hadn't even driven off yet.....I told her gently that he was gone and that's when the wailing and grieving hit her very hard....I know this will sound so odd, but I could feel his spirit ascending. I won't go into anymore of that....but... I wanted to share this with you, because death is scary as those living haven't experienced it yet, much like a new first time mom who contemplates what her labor will be like...but it can also be one of the most beautiful spiritual experiences you can ever have, no matter what your faith is. I continue to pray for your father and that his passing will fill you up, bring you peace through pain, and that your mother will also feel the same. God Bless you through this time Ruby. You are VERY strong. Multiple losses are devastating, but I hope that the loss of your father, now inevitable, brings you a sense of peace with his passing and no longer suffering..whereas a pathological will never give you that peace with his "passing". I hope your memories of your father, stabilize you and give you comfort through loss, that they sustain you, more than your ex, who can do none of those things or offer those things to you. Hang on. Just hang on.....

For the entire year before my relative passed away xN refused to attend any family functions where this person would be present. But she never said why while they were alive. After my family member was gone she said she just couldn't "deal" or "get close". Once they had passed away she just started showing up at my relatives house suddenly trying to be sympathetic and interacting with all our grieving family members like she had been around all along. Unreal.

Ruby - well said - they do become a part of your life, disordered and all. Regardless - my prayers will be for you tonight. To give you strength, patience, resolve and a peaceful heart in all that you are dealing with. Blessings....

don't call him please....he knows your dad is terminally ill..he hasent been in touch with you...you will feel a trillion times worse if you contact him....hold off please. one day when i was out with narc i sprained my ankle...i couldnt walk and got a cab home....I DIDNT SEE OR HERE FROM HIM FOR WEEKS....HE ALSO HAD HIS PHONE OFF....BUT IN MY ABCSENCE HE TRIED TO GET INFO FROM A FRIEND OF MINE SAYING HE WAS CONCERNED....TURNS OUT HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS BETTER[I WAS NO GOOD TO HIM ILL]HE ALSO ASKED HER NOT TO TELL ME...SHE TOLD ME ..LOL...THAT WAS ANOTHER DEFINING MOMENT FOR ME...I THOUGHT ONE DAY HE WILL NEED ME IN A BIG WAY AND I WILL SAY NO...HE DID AND I SAID NO...