Another AHA Moment!

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#1 Jun 25 - 11AM
PumpKyn80
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Another AHA Moment!

So I was thinking about when my ExN contacted me saying how he was sorry, loves me, misses me and wants me back. I told him no and proceeded to tell him how I would not take him back because of how he treated me, he pushed me too far, and that I have no feelings for him anymore.

The main thing I was thinking about was his response which was simply "oh okay I understand this provides closure and can we be friends?" it was like there was no emotion to what I said. Wouldn't a normal response to someone who won't take you back be disappointment or sorrow, or even remorse of what they have done to a person you claim you love and/or miss so much. A normal person would not jump on the bandwagon of being friends that quickly...which shows they feel nothing!

Looking back on the "apology" it was so scripted. From the mind of the N I guess its something like this: you won't take me back as a partner which is fine with me because I never really loved you anyway. However, if I can get to be friends with you I can still use and abuse you.

So he says "oh you can call or text me anytime you want" putting the ball my court so I thought. He then tried to call me a week later while I was at work, (I didn't answer) I was very weary of his intentions...especially because he initially put the ball in my court. Him calling me twice while I was at work shows they don't care that you are working, because its all about their needs. He did that when we were together, and I would tell him Im working, will call you on my lunch break and it took him awhile to understand that.

This all happened before I researched what an N was. So I am sharing this as a realization that the ExN just wanted me back to use me whether it was in form of being his "romantic partner" or "friend" they don't care what "relationship" they can abuse or use you in, as long as they can use and abuse you period.

I know Ns are not normal at all, but I just thought about this situation and it was another piece of this confusing puzzle. Its amazing what you realize and what comes to the surface when you think about all your interactions with the N.

Jun 26 - 11AM
thisisnotfun
thisisnotfun's picture

Match.com

When I caught mine on Match, he said "Well, I'm just looking, not sleeping with them." I asked what he would do if he caught me on Match? His reply..............."Never thought about it, but I wouldn't like it, that would be cheating." WTF They all double standards.....
Jun 25 - 11AM
Janet
Janet's picture

Yes, If a person is in love

Yes, If a person is in love with another, and feels remorse for their actions, when met with rejection they would not casually say, "ok, then friends"? You are so right, just looking for any connection for supply. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jun 25 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Not NORMAL reactions

I was devastated when I found out my ex-P already had a girlfriend. My ex-P showed no remorse. When I told him that if he had said he ALREADY had a girlfriend, he would've spared me a lot of pain, his response was "You put me in an awkward position." He thought my desire for honesty was an invasion of his "private life." He still acted romantically towards me, though I told him that thanks to knowing he already had a fiancee, I was no longer interested. But then again, he denied we were "just friends" in the first place, and I had considered him a friend. His "I was never your friend" was devastating and traumatic enough. My reply was he certainly didn't act like one. My ex-P acted as if we could still be boyfriend/girlfriend,even though she was LIVING WITH HIM. I found that sick. When I said,"I'm giving you distance because you have a girlfriend",he said "it shouldn't matter to you that I already have a girlfriend." I thought he had rejected me because he had a girlfriend HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT. The fact he didn't tell me about her was just another example of lies,manipulation,abuse. A NORMAL person would've at least said "I knew you were in love with me, I didn't tell you I had a girlfriend because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry."
Jun 26 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Susan

"When I told him that if he had said he ALREADY had a girlfriend, he would've spared me a lot of pain, his response was "You put me in an awkward position." He thought my desire for honesty was an invasion of his "private life." OMG! The way they turn things around on us is unbelievable, isn't it? This is absurd! What an ass.
Jun 26 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Utter absurdity

Let's just say that the revelation that he had a girlfriend (and his own absurd reaction to it) led my friends to say,"He's a coward" and "he's a jerk." When I told my ex-P how he could've saved his own face through honesty and come out looking like a rose... he was still out to blame me. I tried telling him that prospective students wouldn't want to be in his classes if they saw his bullying... that didn't register. When I told him that my friends considered him a jerk, he seemed to get off on it. Then he commanded me to hate him... and I told him I wanted him and his fiancee to be happy. I told him I was glad he had found companionship, even if it wasn't with me. That REALLY ticked him off. I went NC on him... gave him no phone number or home address. I was in a teacher education program, and since he had been one of my references BEFORE the NC, I'm pretty sure he was the reason why I got kicked out of it due to being a "danger to children." What NORMAL guy tries to ruin a girl professionally due to romantic rejection???? Since I was the one D&D'd, I could've acted that way. what the H*LL was up with that??? And he was my former professor... LOTS OF NERVE...
Jun 25 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

PumpKyn

Yes, I agree, as long as you provide some source of supply for him, he wants you in his life. He doesn't deserve you even as a friend!