After he d&d's you....

He is telling you what (he thinks) you want to hear. Plain and simple. To achieve his desired end result. To suck you back in hoover vacuum cleaner style.

exactly the same things... But it was just at the point when he was trying to also negotiate a "friends with benefits" package with me that I threw right back at his face....since we had agreed to get married blah blah.... the angel bit is particularly poignant for me, I was his angel for two years....until I dumped him and walked away....on grounds of extremely relentless bad behaviour and attitude and the final straw being the "I need space".... no way back for me thanks, I don't give second chances, particularly to dickheads and have been NC for 6 months. I know this stuff messes with your head but the ladies are right. All of this is lies and more lies.... Sorry Dx

Listen to these smart women, they are correct. Mine is similar to yours in the highly successful, kindness, never uttered a bad word to me. After 2nd breakup (I always did the breaking up because of suspicions of OW). He always lied and denied everything. Just couldn't trust him, he would never leave me alone and used all the best ammunition to get me back in his control. I thought he cared about me too until I found he had NPD, found this site and realized it was just a control game to keep me in the picture. I know he had OW the last time but told me he loved me and wanted to marry me, but not for 2-5 years. He was basically saying he needed space and he would be back when he needed supply, or come and go when he wanted me there. I have been NC for 6 weeks and blocked him for good. It is soooo hard because I gave up a lot of great things (mostly trips and shopping) but I couldn't sell my soul. Its hard still cause I'm trying to date and most men I have met I just have no spark with or they are only after sex... Good luck, stay on here for support and stay strong NC NC NC!

He's game playing! You broke it off so he is trying to get control back! Stay here with us and learn the mind of a Narc! In time the sadness will be less! You need a life of happiness not a life of mind games and control! It's time to be you. NC is very difficult but this old gal is here to tell you it's the only way to escape the insanity! It is insanity. Welcome, Hunter

My exN did the same twice...Once back in January and once back in Feb...the first time, he flat out told me if I stayed he'd use me, lie cheat, etc...well dumb me I went back after he kicked me out. Then I found out about an OW in Feb and he kicked me out and begged me to come back. On Easter Sunday i found out about yet another OW from back in Feb (loooooonnnngggg story), I confronted him, he hung up on me, told me it was clear it was done, and I left...only broke NC once regarding getting my stuff out when he changed locks and stuff, then eventually said forget it, keep what is there, I've heard from him a few times since my last contact with him on the 9th...I never respond. Nothing he has to say to me is nice, sometimes he just tries to provoke, other times it just random about how he canceled my gym membership...like I care. He used to play the pity card and blame himself...unless he was in one of his rages...sigh He had new supply before I left which is why I'm guessing he hasn't been nice... My therapist figures at some point he'll play the pity/I screwed up card when he can't find someone who did all the things I did for him and his kids. I don't believe it, I know he blames me....same as how his ex wife was so evil blah blah blah...turns out everything was a lie. Has anyone else had a narchole, who played the pity card a few times, then just up and totally detached and acted like you were the one in the wrong and it was all your fault only to run low on supply and come running back?

Agree with staying strong. It's a trick. They don't accept blame, by nature. By the disorder. Actually...the disorder ''dictates'' that they push blame onto others. Most likely, you'll get the blame to those he speaks about you to. But, to you...he will look like he just couldn't keep you happy. Boo hoo. He is such a baaaad guy, and you deserve better. *eye roll* This is so you don't hate him, and the door stays eternally open. See? You'll eventually develop a 6th sense to these types. It can be liberating once you do. Because you see through the nonsense. I'm sorry you're hurting. I would stay NC. I have broken NC a few times, it can be a knee jerk reaction. You may still desire to be validated by him, like we all have with our ex's. But, eventually...when the fog clears, AND IT WILL...you will see, he was not edifying to your life. But, forgive yourself for ignoring the red flags. Forgive yourself for staying longer than you should have. We all have been there. {{{hugs}}} Today's a new day! Carpe diem!

I think the only reason an N would assume blame, is to try and secure your pity, keep you on "good terms" just in case he feels the need to USE you again in the future. They don't genuinely accept blame....whatever they do is for their own interest. They are all about themselves. Don't beat yourself up that you responded! It happens to most, if not all of his here at some point in the recovery....especially in the eary stages, like you are in. Read as much as you can on the disorder and stick to the board for support. You aren't alone:) xoxo

Wow I'm jealous (kidding) you got texts ?! You're doing better than me usually mines disappears for awhile. Sounds like he is telling on himself there . Or he is trying to make the blow less harsh so he can hoover you back easily.

Mine told me AFTER I seriously flipped out one day it was all him. I was a broken toy. broken from years of child abuse then more broken by him. He felt something-- I know it-- what? That I dont know but I know he felt something. He said "Beam, it's me, it's always been me, you're fine, you're great, I'm the f-ed up one, I really think you're amazing but I'm too f-ed up to be good to you" ((sigh)) My heart is so broken. You're not alone. ((hugs))

Dearest Smarter than this, you ARE smarter than this. The only thing worse than the 8 years of what you've already been through with this faker, would be if it were 9 or 10 years. Stop wasting your valuable time and your precious heart on this predator. He is NOT going to suddenly become a better person, he is incapable. This is a personality defect; they don't recover because they were never normal to begin with. He has been this way since he was a young child and he will only get worse as he ages, and not without taking it's toll on you if you choose to stay. The N. blows hot and cold, trying to keep you on the hook, knocking you down with a D&D and then boosting you back up with crumbs of false remorse and affection. Don't keep taking the bait, you will lose yourself in the process. As an E/R nurse, clearly you are a good and compassionate person who is used to functioning in a high-stress environment. Perhaps you have become "conditioned" to existing in that kind of an environment, even in your personal life outside of work. What seems "normal" to you might be unbearable for someone else, and you may have developed a high tolerance for his drama and are therefore excellent NS. Just curious...is your N a doctor or some other type of medical professional?

Sounds like he's trying to reel you back in... Its reverse psychology, he wants you to feel sorry for him and he will try again at a later time to suck you back in. Or he has another supply for now and just wants you to know he needs space and he'll be back at a later date. Regardless, of what he means, I hope you didn't respond. That's exactly what he wants from you is a response, a reaction, something to let him know you're still in the picture and you'll still be there for him (no matter what). No Contact is the best and it gets easier day by day, Please Stay Strong!!!

He has OW, that's most likely what that means. Oh my gosh smarter than this...I am crying reading your post. My ex N recently said to me "my first, my last, my everything" in a text he sent to me. And three weeks later he told me on the phone we were always just friends hooking up and he knew it wouldn't work because I was married. They love the drama of us letting them say these highly, highly romanticized things such as what I wrote above. That is why you cannot speak with him again. They love to be in love with love, and they are bored with everyone and everything from one minute to the next. Their feet never touch the ground, that's how anxious they are as individuals. You cannot take this personally. You ARE an angel but he is most likely with another source of supply and trying to get you off his trail. These sick, disordered men MUST have something new to play with at all times. IT IS NOT YOU. They have a real illness and you must begin to see it as that as soon as you can. G-d bless you a million times over and we are all here for you.