vows

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#1 Mar 10 - 7PM
jen79
jen79's picture

vows

its almost exactly 2 years ago, that I last saw him.

I cannot continue like that, spend another year like the last 2.

I make a vow here, that I will from now on, not snoop in my email trash anymore for emails from him (damn gmail doesnt offer any other blocking method), not unblock him every 48 hours on fb to snoop his new "likes" or if he is in the friendlist again of his ex (he isnt, good girl, goooood girl, proud of her), and that I wont watch on my app on my cell, if they are new messages blocked from him.

And

I wont snoop him on google anymore, or watch stupid fan videos on youtube to ease my pain.

This has to stop. Its easy in the evening, but hard when I wake up, then the first thing I wanna do is watch for blocked messages.

THIS HAS TO STOP. NOW.

This is my vow I make here.
Hugs

Mar 11 - 8AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

You go girl! Yes when you put

You go girl! Yes when you put it down in writing and you read it back that it has been two years since you have laid eyes on him you begin to see how ridiculous it is that we sit around pining for them while they are off living their lives without us.
Mar 11 - 6AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Jen79

GOOD FOR YOU! THAT'S YOUR POWER AND STRENGTH RIGHT THERE! IT WILL HELP YOU SO MUCH IN YOUR RECOVERY TO NOT SNOOP. I'M PROUD OF YOU! HAPPY
Mar 11 - 5AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

JEN79

It has been a little over 2 years for me since he left me and moved out of state, it is terribly hard to recover from these men and for me the hardest part has been because I have not me ONE single man I want to spend more than an hour or less with and not because I am dreaming of EXNarc. /There are so few decent men that I feel comfortable with and can even start a friendship with. I posted a few days ago on here about one of my internet dates, what a creep and ran out screaming from the bookstore, where I met him, never even offered to buy me a coffee, tea.for me if only I could meet a guy i feel something for, the Narc would have been history long ago,my situation is the guys I like do not like me and visa versa, the age old lament of dating,sigh............
Mar 11 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
ewa
ewa's picture

Yeah, but it is so hard to

Yeah, but it is so hard to meet the guy when we have this bastard in our head. I think first we need to work on getting rid of exN from our life, accepting the life the way it is and finally starting to enjoy it. Then it should be easier to attract the right one..otherwise there is a big risk to get in the same kind of the relationship again..I can see one of my friend just doing it..and my heart breaks as i can't help her, she won't listen, so i just pray to God for me to be wrong about her boyfriend.
Mar 11 - 5AM
ewa
ewa's picture

Jen, this is terrible right,

Jen, this is terrible right, i feel exactly the same. I do not want it anymore. How can we make it stop!? Any idea? Mine moved to the other supply and he doesnt care about me anymore. He has even removed me from his skype contacts as his new supply is getting jealous..probably not without the reason.. but i keep blocking and unblocking him on FB, google him etc,.. whats wrong with me!?? I would make the same vow as you!
Mar 11 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
jen79
jen79's picture

Ewa and onwithmylife

Yes we do have to stop this, it is in our hands. We cannot control them, we do have the choice to make a clean cut, so we will be emotional available again for someone else. Me too, I am so not interested in dating, I still cannot imagine to ever really fall in love again, but I had already good days before the hoover, where I felt myself again, and I knew thats what we have to do first, refocus this love and passion on ourselves. When we were with them, we did the most part of it all, they just mirrored us, the love the passion, it all came from us. Thats what we have to take back again. I am not sad anymore about have lost the real him, but sad that the illusion, that was so damn perfect is still within me, and I cannot imagine yet, that someone else will come and will be able to replace that. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world that isnt allowed to get the whole package. Like I have to accomplish first unbelievable things, like becoming like jesus or buddha, detach from my worldy desires, become unbelievable successfull, and and totally happy with my lonelyness. It feels like that, like I dont deserve the love I had in my mind not yet. I guess that comes from the abuse and the brainwash. I only know, that as long as we are still involved with them, we will only see them in every person we will meet. Our mind will not see something else, that might be better for us. I remember how madly in love I was with jerks in the past, and when I get past them, I couldnt even see anymore, what I saw in them. We have to stop it now. Mine will still say in 20 years, that there is nothing between us, that I am just making things up and that he needs more time. I am so done trying, tired and weary of it all. Lets have them own it, the nothing.
Mar 11 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
ewa
ewa's picture

Jen you are not the only one

Jen you are not the only one and you know it. For some reason we have allowed this creatures to enter our life and steal our energy. Because of them we have lost the trust, hope, happiness and we have lost ourselves. I do realize that as long as we will not remove the N from the life we won’t be able to get this all back. I still believe is possible for us to stop this all and recover. We just need to take away the control from them. I have the strange feeling my exN is still controlling me in some way. I feel as I was programmed by him to be under his control. But everything what has been programmed can be reprogrammed. We just need to find out how to reprogram ourselves. Let’s not have them own even the nothing :)
Mar 10 - 7PM
jen79
jen79's picture

ah yes

fuck them! fuck them all. I hope when they die, and stand in front of the light and they have to see their whole life in this so called panorama view all over again, where they are supposed to FEEL everyone's perspective to their action, the effect it had on others. I just say one thing, I know bastard, I wasnt the only one, but even if I was, good luck with this part of your life rewatching and refeeling it from my side. This wont be fun bastard, when you are going to feel what I have felt, good luck boy. I hope you learn from it.