vows

Yes we do have to stop this, it is in our hands. We cannot control them, we do have the choice to make a clean cut, so we will be emotional available again for someone else. Me too, I am so not interested in dating, I still cannot imagine to ever really fall in love again, but I had already good days before the hoover, where I felt myself again, and I knew thats what we have to do first, refocus this love and passion on ourselves. When we were with them, we did the most part of it all, they just mirrored us, the love the passion, it all came from us. Thats what we have to take back again. I am not sad anymore about have lost the real him, but sad that the illusion, that was so damn perfect is still within me, and I cannot imagine yet, that someone else will come and will be able to replace that. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world that isnt allowed to get the whole package. Like I have to accomplish first unbelievable things, like becoming like jesus or buddha, detach from my worldy desires, become unbelievable successfull, and and totally happy with my lonelyness. It feels like that, like I dont deserve the love I had in my mind not yet. I guess that comes from the abuse and the brainwash. I only know, that as long as we are still involved with them, we will only see them in every person we will meet. Our mind will not see something else, that might be better for us. I remember how madly in love I was with jerks in the past, and when I get past them, I couldnt even see anymore, what I saw in them. We have to stop it now. Mine will still say in 20 years, that there is nothing between us, that I am just making things up and that he needs more time. I am so done trying, tired and weary of it all. Lets have them own it, the nothing.