Blindsided by the Narc

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#1 Feb 23 - 1PM
sara-smile
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Blindsided by the Narc

My phone just rang at work and I picked up and said my usual work greeting and on the other end I hear, “let’s go to the house and have sex after work”! He got this out of his mouth before I had time to even realize it was him much less hang up on him. It wasn’t like.....Hey....what’s up? He just blurted out... let’s go to the house after work and have sex!!!!

You don’t even have to tell me my next move should have been to hang up the freaking phone but my mouth takes over when I get enraged and I couldn’t stop myself!! It’s insulting! I also know defending myself to a Narc is pointless but it is so hard to NOT defend myself!!!! I didn’t scream and yell like a lunatic and I just laughed at him and said it must be a sad lonely life to be led around by your d**k 24 hours a day!!! I told him I was worth a whole lot more than just a piece of ass and he went on to tell me how much he loved me and thought about me all the time. He started listing all the stuff that he had been thinking about and I said, tell me what common denominator does that list have? He said sex! Then I told him to grow up and leave me alone! His answer was, “well I thought I’d give it a shot”!

I think my blood pressure is 300/200 because I’m so MAD! I know I should have hung up but even if I would have hung up I’d still be MAD because he would have still gotten out the “invitation”!!!! Somebody PLEASE tell me I can call or email him and cuss him like the dog he is! I don’t think I can ignore it. I know I should and I know cussing him only makes me look pathetic but I am a person with freaking feelings! I’m losing control of the rage. I’m going to walk over to where he works and beat the hell out of him with a chair or whatever I can pick up on the way! I just want him to hurt and since he has no heart, no soul and no feelings then maybe physical pain is my best shot!!!!!!!!!

I have had it. I guess I’m going to have to embarrass myself and go to my bosses and let them put a stop to it. Do you know how hard that is when you’ve worked somewhere and built up a reputation of a being a great worker and then to have all of that ruined and second guessed when you start “whining” because some idiot won’t leave you alone? I work with mostly MEN! Do you think they are going to be compassionate about what’s going on? HELL NO! They are going to roll their eyes and think I’m a scorned female! We all know that is exactly what they will think. All of this hard work will be for NOTHING! Something else he gets to take away from me!!!!!!!!!

Feb 23 - 9PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Sara

Same thing happened to me a few days ago. He sent an email basically just wanting to have a sexual relationship with me. It's infuriating I know! I felt degraded and I felt like he pushed my self worth down a notch again. We are ladies and deserve to be respected. Were nor call girls or prostitutes that they feel they can bang when they feel like it. It's just wrong. If your narc is affecting your work then think it over and talk with human resources. I hope your night was better. Happy
Feb 23 - 9PM (Reply to #11)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Happy

That's exactly it! No matter how much I build myself up from the hell he put me through it only takes a phone call and it knocks me down a few notches again. I hate that! I don't want my self worth tied to him!! Also, how arrogant is it that they think it takes a phone call or an email? I guess that is partly my fault because I gave him a few weeks ago so he's still testing the waters waiting on me to get weak again. It just makes me sick! I'm still laughing about the video! HAAAAAAAA! Sara
Feb 23 - 8PM
newpage
newpage's picture

Holy

...crap!! How did I miss this today?? Well, actually, I know how I missed it, because I told my supervisor about my situation- TODAY! I don't know what happened. I just snapped and said to myself, I need to let her know what I am dealing with because I can't control it. She was so kind and sympathetic. She said she knows I'm a good person, and she is sorry that this happened. She let me know I can do whatever I need to do to get better- take a break, leave of absence, move desks, departments, etc. It really was such a relief! It really feels good, knowing I have her in my corner, when she can see my weirdo ex out wooing my replacement a few desks over from me...It's my word over his now! I cannot believe this guy Sara. It is sick!!! WTF. Seriously. What all the other ladies said about HR, go for it. You do not deserve to be treated like this, and it is harassment at this point. Ugh, after the phone call about his father too! I hope the rest of your day went easier... Hugs, NP
Feb 23 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

newpage

I'm glad your supervisor was good to you today about all the crap you have to deal with. Mine probably would be too but it's just so hard for people to understand who haven't lived this life day in and out. It sounds CRAZY!! That is my fear. I'm so scared they will think I'm some crazy scorned female. I'll talk to HR tomorrow but I dread it so bad. I wish I could just make him stop myself but that is impossible. The rest of the day was better after I calmed down. I've got to learn to quit getting so strung out every time he pushes a button! Or better yet figure out how to quit letting him push those buttons! :)
Feb 23 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
newpage
newpage's picture

Sara

If you go in taking the high road (unlike the N and his low low road) you'll be okay. Just don't let your emotions get the better of you, because he knows how to incite them and how to get your blood boiling. When you go speak to HR as the strong professional woman you are, you will have the upper hand. Keep your cool, and it will be alright.
Feb 23 - 5PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Blindsided by the Narc

Hey ladies! Thanks so much for the encouragement and calming posts. I'm better now and not nearly as angry. I'm not gonna beat him to death with anything because he's not worth sitting in jail for the rest of my life over! I'm going to talk to HR tomorrow when I'm calm and see what we can come up with. I just hate to drag my personal business into work. It's embarrassing. I've just got to learn to not let him get to me. It's so hard when it is so awful! He's knows what buttons to push and he pushed it good today. I've got to get over the need I have to defend myself to him. It's like talking to a tree! I'm better. Still madder than hell but better. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. Thanks again! Sara
Feb 23 - 3PM
DitchHisAss
DitchHisAss's picture

HR Department

Do you have an HR department at work? You should be able to go discreetly to them without alerting the entire office of the situation. They should be able to pull him in and let him know that you have requested that he not contact you particularly if you guys have no working relationship. Whatever you do please do not assault him or curse him out. They have a way of pushing you until you snap and those around are looking at you like you are a lunatic. I do know the feeling though. Next time he calls HANG UP ON HIS ASS IMMEDIATELY!

Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!

Feb 23 - 2PM
exhausted
exhausted's picture

You are feeling rage right

You are feeling rage right now but look at how you handled the situation. You had a smartass comeback which I'm sure pissed him off. I know you want to call him or email him but this is not a good idea for 2 reasons. One is that it will show him he can evoke emotion out of you and that's all he really wants. The other thing is he could use it against you if you do decide to go to HR. Going to HR is not a bad idea. I wish I could just do it and end this and get him fired. But then I would have to deal with everyone else in the office and I would probably lose my job too because we did have an affair. Please just try to keep ignoring him. It seems like the more you do that the more you are bothered by him. Just try to keep in your mind that you are giving him a taste of his own medicine. Just use your head before you do anything crazy. But if you do decide to do something nutty please let me know first and and i will too just for the hell of it so we can share a jail cell.
Feb 23 - 1PM
Journey
Journey's picture

Harassment

Harassment is harassment. Do what you have to because it has to stop. I agree with Idealk (again - lol!) Wait until you are calm to approach your boss or HR dept and they will not only see you are not 'whining', but will also see how your work is being disrupted by this immature behavior and harassment HE is instigating. Good luck!

Journey on...

Feb 24 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Journey is absolutely

Journey is absolutely correct. Harassment is harassment. "Let’s go to the house and have sex after work." is not only harassment, it is sexual harassment. Most employers take this VERY seriously. You should contact your HR department and report this as soon as possible. In addition, keep a written log of ANYTHING he does to you or any contact he attempts to make with you. It provides a paper trail of proof to give to HR. Hang up on him without a word, if calls again. You do not have to tolerate your xnh's bad behavior merely because he's an idiot narc-tard with a dick. Hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Feb 23 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sara

Ok, Calm down, you got your one good "Bite" in. I personally thinkyou should alert HR. You will be surprised most men will understand they havesisters, daughters, wives! Don't say one more word to him! Idealk