Narcs with Insomnia Issues???

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#1 Feb 16 - 8AM
ABC0311
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Narcs with Insomnia Issues???

Mine had a constant struggle with insomnia. It was a big part of our relationship. It exhausted me, irritated me, and drove me crazy. It started when we were engaged, the week before he started his first job. If we were on a vacation and he was tired it was because of the insomnia. He couldn’t be on his “A-game” when he couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t himself when he couldn’t sleep. If we had some type of social event to go to, he would talk about how he wasn’t going to be able to be “the life of the party” he hadn’t slept. This went on for about 5 years. Eventually, he moved in another room because he could sleep better that way.

He used to tell me information that he found on websites on how hard it was for family members to understand his situation with insomnia and how they should just be patient because it wasn’t his fault. He refused to take something like Ambien, etc., because he read online stories about how addictive it was.

He always blamed his insomnia on his “big secret”. He believed that it was the root of his problem. (He claimed that his father was a different race and that he wasn’t living his life “honestly” since he didn’t tell people this and was keeping it “quiet”. Maybe he was…. but he didn’t look like it, he never met his father/knew his name, and this was told by his crazy druggie/alcoholic biological mother).
I used to encourage him to see a counselor to talk about his problems…. Maybe that would help him sleep. He saw one (but only one time) and didn’t like him because the counselor didn’t understand his need to make a big deal out of his “race.” (He wanted a big, dramatic announcement. I always thought the whole “announcement” thing was ridiculous and threatened to leave if he did something so embarrassing).

My patience ran out when I had a baby and BARELY SLEPT while still managing to make it to work (he was working out of town during the week at this time.) Sometimes he would leave work because he couldn’t sleep. I think the baby was my big wake-up because I had always been willing to listen to his insomnia issues. I was at the end of my rope. He decided that announcing it to people he worked with would help (yes, telling his “secret” to a group of people at the same time) … he was still having sleeping problems last time he & I talked about it even though he has been sharing his “secret.” Of course, by then his sleeping problems were blamed on the marital problems.

Sometimes I still feel guilty because I couldn’t deal with it all but I’m caring less and less. Even writing all of this out, I feel somewhat selfish. Maybe I am, but I guess it’s all what you can and can’t deal with and it’s just more than I can handle.

Apr 5 - 4PM
shortway2
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Just an FYI..Because mine had

Just an FYI..Because mine had sever insomnia issues even on ambien etc..Insomnia and sleep disorders are a major symptom of bipolar disorder.I am convinced mine has it and maybe some of your N's as well,just undiagnosed...
Apr 5 - 11AM
justicejones
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Mine had insomnia issues and

Mine had insomnia issues and I found out it was from Meth...Yuck! He wouldn't admit it and blamed me. Before it was the meth, I think he hated responsibility so much and felt resentful to me for "tying him down" that he would toss and turn. Funny thing is, he pursued me! He always did, even if I would separate from him. I was always the reason behind everything he did or didn't do, unless of course, I had left. Then he would hoover and cry, beg and confess. Jerk! Glad he is gone!!!
Apr 3 - 3AM
jaycee
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moving back to the ow has cured his insomnia

my hN told our daughter that he no longer has insomnia, now that he is back living with the ow and doesnt have to live a double life anymore. can their insomnia be cured because they now feel comfortable since their lies are out in the open? could it have been the whole living the double life that caused it, hes had insomnia for years, but he has been living a double life for years, do you think he is completely cured or does a narc always have issues with sleeping, or maybe he has realized he is where he wants to be and he can now sleep soundly knowing he got me to flip out, got his excuse to go back, and he doesnt have to lie to her or me anymore, can they be cured with living their life just the way it suits them?

Jaycee

Apr 2 - 3AM
ABC0311
ABC0311's picture

Looking at this old post

From weeks ago, and I realized how much further I have come. I mentioned that I feel guilty that I couldn't handle his problems. Guilt was a major thing holding me down in the beginning, now I feel none. I honestly don't care about his problems or feel guilty for not being able to handle them/fix them. The only thing I feel is relief that I don't have to listen to his insomnia problems anymore!!
Apr 2 - 12AM
lisalisa47
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OMG i just thought of something else

Mine would stand up and totally fall asleep where he was standing...and at times, he would life one leg and so i started calling him Flamingo Boy. One time he fell asleep in the hall against our linen cupboards and it reminded me of Blair Witch Project - the part where the guy stands in the corner, prepared to die. so i started calling him Dead Guy in the Blair Witch movie - or just dead blair guy for short. Point was, he would try to function as a vampire - no matter what his state of mind was, or whether or not he happened to be driving at the time. Thank God i'm still alive....LOL

LML

Apr 2 - 12AM (Reply to #43)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LisaL47

Mine would stand up and totally fall asleep where he was standing...and at times, he would life one leg and so i started calling him Flamingo Boy. WTF! was he half horse?!!!
Apr 2 - 12AM (Reply to #44)
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

M115

I am pretty sure we were with the same Loser. Mine's name rhymes with FRAUD LOL (which he is....)

LML

Apr 1 - 5PM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

so creepy, mine has had insomnia for years

its so creepy, my hN has had insomnia for years now, for as long as i can remember. it has gotten much worse in the past few years, as he has been completely living a double life. i don't think it is guilt, as monsters don't have guilt, i think it is their minds are tortured and they can't remember what lie they told to which person and it eats at them day and night. mine tosses and turns all night, gets up, walks around, etc....when he does sleep in small increments, he snores sooooooooo loud i think the neighbors hear him.....its creepy all our men have sleep issues, its so scary.........someone please, tell me are they aliens, sent here to destroy the female race, i don't know, but they are not human.

Jaycee

Apr 2 - 8AM (Reply to #41)
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

Jaycee...HI!

Nah, I think it's because the guilt has NO WHERE ELSE TO GO....that's why it permeates their bodies and doesn't permit them the peace to sleep.

LML

Apr 1 - 5AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I think

they ALL do to some extent, mine could only sleep 3or 4 hours a a stretch, never a full night sleep for over 10 years, maybe longer. convinced it is all the guilt stored in their brain as to how horribly they treat others, mine told me once he carries a huge amount of guilt with him DUH?
Apr 1 - 8PM (Reply to #36)
Finally Faced It
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Guilt

My guy mentioned guilt all the time too...he feels guilty about XYZ, then tries to say it's because of something in MY life. Then he says he doesnt want to feel guilty about XYZ. Makes no sense. They may not process feelings in the same way...but they know. They know something is not right with them. I'm sad for him. I'm sad for me. I'm so done! FFI
Apr 2 - 7AM (Reply to #39)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

finally faced it

I think you are right, they know something is seriously wrong with them, once the exnarc said to me years ago,' you need to find someone else and I need to live by myself', a very telling comment I think and once he said to me' I am crazy aren't I', this was after a pint of ice cream fell on my head after I opend up his overstuffed freezer, he lived by himself but had enough food for 30 people, not kidding, was a hoarder to some extent or maybe pack rat.Sad and pathetic/
Apr 1 - 10PM (Reply to #37)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Yes

they do know. Mine knew and still knows. He admitted how much he had hurt women and didn't want to do it anymore. I think he also knew that I was being hurt by him and that is one of the reasons he left, even in that slow and very painful way he discarded me, but he knew he would destroy me. I was with him as a child, a young teenager and I don't think he wanted me to be destroyed by him. He does have some feelings which makes it very difficult to hate him. And hating him doesn't get me anywhere. I hate what he does, what he says, but him...it does me no good.
Apr 1 - 10PM (Reply to #38)
Finally Faced It
Finally Faced It's picture

not my fault.

...and they say "I don't want to hurt you" meaning "I don't particularly want to hurt you, but I WILL hurt you. So, there's your warning and you can leave now. If you stay, I will hurt you. But I warned you, so it's not my fault..." See how that works? I'm so done!! FFI
Apr 1 - 12AM
lisalisa47
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MIne had not only insomnia but horrible stomach pains...

both of which i am pretty sure were the outlets for whatever guilt he allowed himself to actually feel for his actions towards others...

LML

Mar 31 - 9AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Yes! Mine had horrible

Yes! Mine had horrible insomnia!!
Mar 30 - 10PM
Susan32
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Rockabye Baby

The ex-Psych professor would sleep in the library my junior year. But he slept in the library A LOT despite the fact (a)he had an office and (b)he didn't live that far from campus. Maybe a 5 minute drive. He'd complain about his inability to sleep, yet he refused to drink coffee. Being with him (in a way), I ended up with sleep difficulties/insomnia. We weren't even living together or sharing the same bed(?) He'd talk about his inability to dream, which I think is why he lived vicariously thru movies&TV. There's a book about an Italian family with a deadly form of insomnia (ironically, because it's related to prions, it's related to mad cow disease-the ex-P was obsessed with meat-eating people dying from mad cow disease) They confused their sleeping life with their waking life. They'd be sleepwalking, yet they couldn't sleep as soon as they hit their 40s. From what I've read, psychopaths have problems with REM sleep&dreaming. He found it weird that I would have vivid dreams, and dream AT ALL. He found the concept of dreaming alien.
Mar 30 - 10PM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

YUP!

My ex N had major sleep issues. Was on heavy prescription sleeping pills.and he was a recovering addict! Sleeping pills are a no-no in AA. Anyways, his snoring was so bad, I'd have to wear those silcone earplugs that conform to the shape of your ear. I'd shove those suckers as far as they'd go! Funny story... In fact one time I didn't know my earring fell out when I slept. My ear plug in that same ear fell out too. As I shoved the plug back in, the back of my earring was stuck on the ear plug and I shoved it in my ear.I didn't know this! That happened approx in 2006. Several years later(this last October) my doc noticed something gold by my ear drum! I had to have it removed my a specialist cause it was embedded in my ear! It was the back of my earring! Isn't that GROSS? HA! Its kinda funny too! ANYWAYs! He became very depressed when he didn't get enough sleep. He said his perspective was off when he gets tired. He could cry very easily in this state. Yes...they cry. Only when it has to do with THEM!
Mar 30 - 9PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Mine slept like a baby

My Narc could be a night owl and drink and gamble all night long but if he was at home doing nothing he could fall asleep in minutes. I've asked him several times lately how in the hell does he lay down at night and close his eyes and sleep like a baby! He has no soul is how! No guilt for anything he's done! Bastard!
Mar 30 - 9PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

REALLY IMPORTANT realization sudden fatigue from narc

OMG someone wrote about the sudden cut-off she would get from her nrrc that seemed to stem from his incredible fatigue. I would be on the phone with him and he would ask ME to tell him something at three in the morning and all of a sudden the phone would go dead. Also this could happen anytime he was over exhausted and on a working binge which was always. I used to become furious but now I am seeing that he was really and truly exhausted from his own insomnia. Snoring was incredible.
Mar 30 - 9PM (Reply to #29)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Snoring and the Narc

Yes, they stay up crazy hours doing God knows what, and often arrive at work Monday morning unable to work, so exhasuted from their "time off" and weekend... Rather than living a balanced life, it seems they are engaged in all sorts of secretive activites,,, Snoring was "incredible" with my exN as well!! Not to mention, he was practically passing out come Monday..not the picture perfect guy he tauts himself to be to everyone.
Mar 30 - 9PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Insomnia and Narc/Psychopath personalities

Yes, the Narc/P personalitites are often supercharged, or reved up and cannot sleep, and engage in perverse behaviors that screw up their life, and the lives of others. They tend to be on overdrive sexually, mentally, trying to secure their "supply" and so they use this time, rather than doing it constructively, helpfully, they use it in a self serving manner to split their lives off from humanity, mess up their relationships. I would be sleeping, would wake up with exN sleeping with his head on my stomach trying to get me to wake up and fool around. Not nice, creepy and undesireable.
Mar 30 - 8PM
Hope
Hope's picture

yes...

Yes, for sure my XN had insomnia. He claimed it was from years of being a fireman, having to get up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night, but this is too common a trait here I think not to mean something. He told me he had a hard time sleeping, he tried melatonin years ago claimed it did not work, I encouraged him to try it again, he did and it helped a lot, he took a few a night, but he always woke up early, he warned me he could not sleep past 5/6 in the morning so when I woke up he would be out of bed already. So weird, maybe they are tortured by their sins...evil creatures that they are....
Mar 30 - 7PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

YES total insomnia

Both narcs I was with had massive insomnia. I keep wondering on these boards how many of us have been with the same man. SO curious it's killing me LOL
Mar 30 - 7PM
Finally Faced It
Finally Faced It's picture

YES!! Insomnia. And he would

YES!! Insomnia. And he would go to work at five-frickin'-am...also a work-a-holic. He would text me, which was 7:00 am my time. Actual conversation. Me: Wow! You're at work early. Him: Couldn't sleep.... Me: Is everything ok baby? Him: Oh, yeah. Life is always good. Attitude is a choice...and I choose to be happy each and every day. WTF?? Like a living self-help book. I'm so done! Peace & contentment to all, FFI
Mar 30 - 9PM (Reply to #23)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Yes,,early morning, like what?

Ex N would get up super early, and ask if I wanted to "go to coffee" before work... Um, I need to go to work,..they intend to disrupt your FLOW and screw you up,,,hence, they function better knowing they screw you up...not good influence to be around.
Apr 1 - 12AM (Reply to #24)
M
M's picture

amazed--you hit a good point.

amazed--you hit a good point. That they intend to disrupt your flow. Losers...
Feb 17 - 11PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Sleep without dreams

The ex-Psych professor thought my ability to dream was "strange." The ex-P had sleeping problems, he'd complain about how sleepy he was... and it was like his waking life was a dream state. What we normal people experience in REM his what he experienced when being awake. It would explain his passivity, and why he had ZERO hobbies outside of TV/movies and reading books. He thought it was odd that I could dream, and he was envious of it. The ability to dream is a mark of sanity. When people are deprived of normal sleep/REM/dreaming, it does literally drive people crazy. There was once a documentary about a family in Italy that suffers from a genetic condition that keeps from a normal sleep. They go through life sleepwalking once they hit their 40s. My Narc grandmother and ex-Narc boss were able to make the reality/fiction distinction. The ex-Psych professor couldn't. I remember him saying with all sincerity "'War and Peace' IS real life!!" and claiming that his ability to read all of "War and Peace" was proof of his sanity (that would not fly in court, try telling THAT to Judge Judy)
Feb 18 - 4AM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Yup mine couldnt sleep

Yup mine couldnt sleep either..and use to right poems about sleep on his fb. As if sleep was. A living person. Things like "sleep we fight but this night I forgive you" shit like that. Then when he was hoovering me his hoover tatic.was he always had dreams about me or us gaving sex when we didnt in the begining. Of coarse that was to get me to have sex which worked. After the sex.the dreams stopped lol. For a person who couldnt sleep he had a lot of dreams. But I do beleive in there sleep they have nightmares there soulls are dammed

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 30 - 9PM (Reply to #20)
B
B's picture

Nightmares

My NH told me on multiple occasions he has horrible nightmares every night. I asked him if he ever wondered why and he said no. So weird